deathtocapslock | OOTP Chapter Two: "A Peck of Owls"

* Well done, Dumbledore, setting a Squib and an unscrupulous petty thief to guard the Chosen One. There’s absolutely no way those security arrangements could prove inadequate.

* Mrs. Figg seems to have a close association with cats, just like Filch. Is that an inherent power of Squibs? And if so, is that the source of the association between witches and cats (Squibs and almost-Squibs being the magical folk most likely to fall into Muggle hands)?

* So DD knew that the Dursleys were abusing Harry, and yet did nothing to stop it. And we’re supposed to think of him as the “epitome of goodness”, are we?

* So Mundungus Fletcher’s gone off to buy cauldrons when he should’ve been looking after Harry. Am I the only one to get flashbacks of Hagrid at this point?

* Also, I wonder why Dumbledore keeps hiring incompetent subordinates. Does being around useless people make him feel better about himself, or something?

* Look how the Dursleys’ concern about their son is played for laughs. If they weren’t so pathetic, they’d obviously realise that having your soul almost sucked out is part of growing up. It makes a man out of you, just like bullying does.

* Harry’s threatening to attack Uncle Vernon. Yes, I know that Vernon doesn’t treat him very well and Harry’s not thinking straight, but still, you’d have thought that a boy with the Power of Love ™ would refrain from threatening defenceless Muggles.

* Silly Dursleys, not believing poor Woobie!Harry like that. Obviously when your only son arrives on your doorstep in a state of considerable distress, and claims to have been attacked by a wizard with the means, motive and opportunity to attack him, the correct response is to ignore everything he says and listen to the slightly disturbed attacker. Obviously.

* “What could spoilt, pampered, bullying Dudley possibly have been forced to hear?” This could have provided an opportunity for some interesting character development, but unfortunately, it doesn’t go anywhere.

* Actually, it’s struck me that that comment could apply to most concepts and events in the last three books.

* BTW, does anyone know what Dudley did actually hear? Did JK Rowling mention it in one of her interviews?

* Harry’s really not doing his case any good here. By losing his temper like that, he’s making himself look like exactly the sort of person who would magically attack someone he didn’t like.

* In hindsight, “that awful boy” sounds like a very good description of James Potter. Note, though, that again disliking Harry’s parents is being used as an indicator of moral inferiority.

* Tcha, silly Dursleys, being terrified that Harry might attack them. Never mind that he’s acting rather aggressively, that they’d be practically defenceless if he did attack them, and that their last encounter with a wizard didn’t exactly end well.

* I like how “I deliberately provoked Dudley into losing his temper by humiliating him in front of his friends” becomes “Dudley thought he’d be smart with me”.

* Why is it that Rowling!Muggles never seem to be able to pronounce any magical words? “Dementors” isn’t that hard to say, and I don’t see why Uncle Vernon has to say “Dementoids” instead. It’s sad that JKR feels the need to artificially stunt all her Muggles’ intelligence like this in order to make the wizards look better.

* “Of course they didn’t get his soul, you’d know if they had.” Really, Harry? Really? The Dursleys are Muggles, and therefore are not expected to be familiar with Dementors. How are they supposed to know the symptoms of soul-removal?

* I don’t think Vernon’s “struggling to bring the conversation back to a plane which he understood” so much as trying to find some good in the situation, which, IMHO, is a perfectly natural and understandable reaction.

* God, but Harry’s being so unsympathetic here.

* Now that I think of it, isn’t Harry being a little silly in staying at the Dursleys’? Couldn’t they keep No. 4 Privet Drive as his official residence, but have him live with a wizarding family – say, the Weasleys – who’d be able to deal with magical threats like Dementors?

* It’s not really that strange that the Dursleys don’t flinch when they hear the name Voldemort. For a start, they don’t know who he is; secondly, that whole “don’t say the name!” thing was ridiculous. You don’t hear Muggles flinching when someone says “Hitler”, for example, and I doubt Voldemort was any worse.

* It’s a bit hypocritical of Harry to bitch about Vernon not showing sympathy about the murder of his parents whom he can’t remember, when he himself has been so unsympathetic about Vernon’s only son almost being killed just now.

* Petunia’s eyes are “so unlike her sister’s”. Just to remind us that Lily was awesome, whilst Petunia isn’t. Although personally, I’d much rather be friends with Petunia and Lily. Yes, she might be a bit nosy and snobbish, but at least she wouldn’t laugh when I’m publicly humiliated by the school bully.

* TBH, if I were in Uncle Vernon’s position, I’d probably want Harry to go, too.

* “The Kitchen, Number Four, Privet Drive.” So wait, how does DD know Petunia’s there? Either he’s an omniscient plot god or he’s just a normal human being like the rest of us. Either one could work, IMHO, but to try and portray him as both, as JK Rowling does, just seems contradictory.

* I wonder what Dumbledore did to make Petunia so scared of him?