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deathtocapslock* Brace yourselves, people, this is another Quidditch chapter.
* Ron becomes very excited at the thought of Hermione handing out gold. Seriously, that boy has no dignity or self-control whatsoever.
* The fact that it would look too suspicious if people from different Houses started talking to each other speaks for itself, really.
* That Galleon idea is quite clever, I must admit.
* Hermione “decided to engrave the dates on bits of metal rather than on our members’ skin.” No, she’s saving the engraving for anybody who dares to betray the Army.
* Again, Ron has to complain about not having any money. Yes Weasley, you’re poor, we get it. Now shut up and stop whingeing, it’ll only lose you sympathy.
* Professor McGonagall is letting Harry and Ron off homework to help them prepare for Quidditch. It’s that good ol’-fashioned Gryffindor chivalry at work there.
* Minerva’s become accustomed to seeing the Quidditch Cup in her study. Really of course they should put it in the Firebolt factory. That broom does more to secure victory than any of the players do, after all.
* Snape turns a blind eye to the Slytherins’ misdemeanours. Which is totally different to every authority figure in the first four books turning a blind eye to Harry’s escapades, honest!
* Harry’s worried about Ron’s performance as Keeper. Because that position somehow matters now that JKR needs to throw in some Quidditch-related angst to keep Harry unhappy.
* The temperature’s so low that people have to wear their gloves in the corridors. Just to recap, this is a society which has spells for making jets of wine or flocks of canaries fly out of your wand, but nobody’s invented a warming charm or workable central heating system. Perhaps they’re all just too pissed.
* Luna’s supporting Gryffindor, because how else would we know she’s one of the goodies? It’s totally inconceivable that anybody could both be good and support their own Quidditch team over Gryffindor’s.
* If Ron’s so highly-strung that those Slytherin badges can have such an effect on him, maybe he’s unsuited for a sports team.
* Now Ron needs somebody to help him dress himself. Feel emasculated yet, Weasley?
* Harry and Ron know a lot about Crabbe and Goyle, apparently. Let’s see, they know that they’re big, not very bright, friends with Malfoy and… erm… well, I’m starting to struggle now.
* The Slytherins’ singing is “muffled by cheers and whistles”, because the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs are all supporting Gryffindor. This sort of thing made sense back in PS, when we could believe that people would be glad to see anyone beat Slytherin, but it just seems silly now. If anything, people ought to be resenting Gryffindor for the same reasons that they originally resented Slytherin.
* The Slytherin team are all huge, as usual. Because if there’s one thing that helps you manoeuvre quickly on narrow sticks of wood, it’s huge body mass.
* “I’ve been saying it for years but she still won’t go out with me” – bitter, much?
* Lee’s obviously disappointed when Gryffindor fail to score. Not that he’s biased, or anything.
* Judging by Ron’s reaction to the Slytherin taunts earlier, Weasley is our King is making him quite flustered. Judging by his reaction to the news that Ginny’s going out with Michael Corner, though, a simple “Oi, Weasley, your sister’s a right good shag!” would be even better.
* Gryffindor are losing until Harry’s Firebolt catches the Snitch and renders everything that went beforehand totally irrelevant.
* Remember, kids, hitting somebody with a Bludger because they’ve beat your team = thuggish. Flying into somebody on your broomstick because their match commentary wasn’t pro-Gryffindor enough = hilarious and cool.
* Malfoy’s “Hey Potter, your mum’s so smelly!” routine is enough to make Harry lose control completely, and wish only to “cause Malfoy as much pain as possible”. Fred and George, who are legally adults now, act similarly. Erm, right.
* Funny, in most books I’ve read the three attackers beating up the single small boy would be considered the bad guys.
* Harry wanted to “punch every inch of Malfoy he could reach”. Yeah, that’s right, Harry was just itching to get at the sole of Malfoy’s foot.
* Malfoy is “whimpering and moaning”, the coward. He should take his assaults like a man and not show any pain.
* Fred’s “sporting a swollen lip”. I assume that this is where Harry accidentally punched him, because we all know that JKR wouldn’t ever let Malfoy actually hurt a Gryffindor.
* It’s interesting that McGonagall’s first comment is “Two on one! Explain yourselves!” IOW, she doesn’t mind the actual assault, just the disparity in numbers. If they’d only taken turns to hit Malfoy, that would be OK.
* Note how the enlightened, tolerant McGonagall uses “Muggle” as a term of deprecation.
* Just when Harry was in danger of having to reflect on his disgraceful behaviour, along comes Umbridge to give him a ridiculously over-the-top punishment to make him into the victim again. Phew! Good job he avoided that nasty self-reflection!
* Also, even if Umbridge had power over all punishments for Hogwarts students, that power would no longer be relevant once Harry graduated. So she can’t ban him from playing “ever again”, just for the rest of his school career.
* “No Seeker and no Beaters… what are we going to do?” Get some spares, you idiot, like any real sports team would do.
* Harry doesn’t feel like Gryffindor have won. Funny enough, I doubt Malfoy feels like Slytherin have won. Odd, that.
* Crabbe “just got lines”. I presume these are normal lines, rather than Umbridge!Lines, as this is clearly meant to be a ridiculously light punishment, and being forced to cut your own hand open isn’t most people’s definition of “ridiculously light”.
* Hagrid being back might cheer up the Trio, but it makes the poor readers’ hearts all sink.
* Ron becomes very excited at the thought of Hermione handing out gold. Seriously, that boy has no dignity or self-control whatsoever.
* The fact that it would look too suspicious if people from different Houses started talking to each other speaks for itself, really.
* That Galleon idea is quite clever, I must admit.
* Hermione “decided to engrave the dates on bits of metal rather than on our members’ skin.” No, she’s saving the engraving for anybody who dares to betray the Army.
* Again, Ron has to complain about not having any money. Yes Weasley, you’re poor, we get it. Now shut up and stop whingeing, it’ll only lose you sympathy.
* Professor McGonagall is letting Harry and Ron off homework to help them prepare for Quidditch. It’s that good ol’-fashioned Gryffindor chivalry at work there.
* Minerva’s become accustomed to seeing the Quidditch Cup in her study. Really of course they should put it in the Firebolt factory. That broom does more to secure victory than any of the players do, after all.
* Snape turns a blind eye to the Slytherins’ misdemeanours. Which is totally different to every authority figure in the first four books turning a blind eye to Harry’s escapades, honest!
* Harry’s worried about Ron’s performance as Keeper. Because that position somehow matters now that JKR needs to throw in some Quidditch-related angst to keep Harry unhappy.
* The temperature’s so low that people have to wear their gloves in the corridors. Just to recap, this is a society which has spells for making jets of wine or flocks of canaries fly out of your wand, but nobody’s invented a warming charm or workable central heating system. Perhaps they’re all just too pissed.
* Luna’s supporting Gryffindor, because how else would we know she’s one of the goodies? It’s totally inconceivable that anybody could both be good and support their own Quidditch team over Gryffindor’s.
* If Ron’s so highly-strung that those Slytherin badges can have such an effect on him, maybe he’s unsuited for a sports team.
* Now Ron needs somebody to help him dress himself. Feel emasculated yet, Weasley?
* Harry and Ron know a lot about Crabbe and Goyle, apparently. Let’s see, they know that they’re big, not very bright, friends with Malfoy and… erm… well, I’m starting to struggle now.
* The Slytherins’ singing is “muffled by cheers and whistles”, because the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs are all supporting Gryffindor. This sort of thing made sense back in PS, when we could believe that people would be glad to see anyone beat Slytherin, but it just seems silly now. If anything, people ought to be resenting Gryffindor for the same reasons that they originally resented Slytherin.
* The Slytherin team are all huge, as usual. Because if there’s one thing that helps you manoeuvre quickly on narrow sticks of wood, it’s huge body mass.
* “I’ve been saying it for years but she still won’t go out with me” – bitter, much?
* Lee’s obviously disappointed when Gryffindor fail to score. Not that he’s biased, or anything.
* Judging by Ron’s reaction to the Slytherin taunts earlier, Weasley is our King is making him quite flustered. Judging by his reaction to the news that Ginny’s going out with Michael Corner, though, a simple “Oi, Weasley, your sister’s a right good shag!” would be even better.
* Gryffindor are losing until Harry’s Firebolt catches the Snitch and renders everything that went beforehand totally irrelevant.
* Remember, kids, hitting somebody with a Bludger because they’ve beat your team = thuggish. Flying into somebody on your broomstick because their match commentary wasn’t pro-Gryffindor enough = hilarious and cool.
* Malfoy’s “Hey Potter, your mum’s so smelly!” routine is enough to make Harry lose control completely, and wish only to “cause Malfoy as much pain as possible”. Fred and George, who are legally adults now, act similarly. Erm, right.
* Funny, in most books I’ve read the three attackers beating up the single small boy would be considered the bad guys.
* Harry wanted to “punch every inch of Malfoy he could reach”. Yeah, that’s right, Harry was just itching to get at the sole of Malfoy’s foot.
* Malfoy is “whimpering and moaning”, the coward. He should take his assaults like a man and not show any pain.
* Fred’s “sporting a swollen lip”. I assume that this is where Harry accidentally punched him, because we all know that JKR wouldn’t ever let Malfoy actually hurt a Gryffindor.
* It’s interesting that McGonagall’s first comment is “Two on one! Explain yourselves!” IOW, she doesn’t mind the actual assault, just the disparity in numbers. If they’d only taken turns to hit Malfoy, that would be OK.
* Note how the enlightened, tolerant McGonagall uses “Muggle” as a term of deprecation.
* Just when Harry was in danger of having to reflect on his disgraceful behaviour, along comes Umbridge to give him a ridiculously over-the-top punishment to make him into the victim again. Phew! Good job he avoided that nasty self-reflection!
* Also, even if Umbridge had power over all punishments for Hogwarts students, that power would no longer be relevant once Harry graduated. So she can’t ban him from playing “ever again”, just for the rest of his school career.
* “No Seeker and no Beaters… what are we going to do?” Get some spares, you idiot, like any real sports team would do.
* Harry doesn’t feel like Gryffindor have won. Funny enough, I doubt Malfoy feels like Slytherin have won. Odd, that.
* Crabbe “just got lines”. I presume these are normal lines, rather than Umbridge!Lines, as this is clearly meant to be a ridiculously light punishment, and being forced to cut your own hand open isn’t most people’s definition of “ridiculously light”.
* Hagrid being back might cheer up the Trio, but it makes the poor readers’ hearts all sink.
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