Harry Potter Abridged! HBP Chapter 12
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deathtocapslock[The first Hogsmeade trip arrives]
Harry: I’m up so early. I think I’ll read over the Prince’s book to see what mysteries it contains. Ron would kill me if I demonstrated I could be independently literate of course—oh, well, he’s just stupid like that. [Opens book and begins to read] Let’s see…are there any new spells in the books that I could learn? I’ve loved the ones I’ve found so far! Picking on enemies like Crabbe and Mr. Norris has never been so much fun! Let’s see…it says here, there’s a spell called “Levicorpus.” Oh, but it’s nonverbal…. Oh, well, now’s as good a time as any to attempt a nonverbal spell!
[He casts the spell on Ron, who is suddenly hanging upside-down in midair]
Ron: Aaagh! Harry, what are you doing?!
Harry: Oops! Sorry! Here, I’ll let you down…let me just refer to this book again to see if the counterspell is written… [Flips through book] Ah! Here it is! Liberacorpus!
[Ron falls down]
Ron: You asshole….
[But by breakfast, Ron finds the whole incident funny]
Ron: Being suddenly woken up and dangled upside-down is hilarious, am I right, Hermione?
Hermione: Harry, this is from that book, isn’t it?
Harry: Of course it is. Why do you ask?
Hermione: You mean you just decided to try out a random spell to see what it would do?!
Harry: Well, yes….
Hermione: Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! This spell could have done absolutely anything!
Ron: But hanging people upside-down is just harmless fun! My brothers do stuff that’s just as bad, if not worse!
Hermione: Like, how encouraging….
Harry: My father used it too! Say, could the Half-Blood Prince be my father?
Hermione: Yes, but you know who else used it? The Death Eaters! Remember at the Quidditch World Cup two books ago?
Ron: But…but…they’re Death Eaters! It’s different when they do it! …Say, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were just jealous of the Prince for being better at Potions than you!
Hermione: Just because that’s true doesn’t mean I’m not right! You don’t know anything about the Prince that would lead you to believe he was a good person, do you?!
Harry: Well, we know he’s not a Death Eater because he makes a big deal about being half-blood, and that’s as good a sign as any that he’s on our side.
Hermione: Did it ever occur to you that SOME of the Death Eaters might be half-bloods, and just pretending to be pure?
Harry and Ron: ….
[Just then, Ginny arrives]
Ginny: Harry, Harry! You’ve got another summons from Dumbledore! It’s for this Monday!
Harry: I’ll keep that in mind.
[They line up to go to Hogsmeade]
Ron: Why is Mr. Norris checking us for Dark objects now? Surely it’s no big deal if we take Dark objects out of the castle, as long as we don’t bring them in?
Filch: Just for that, I’m going to search you extra-thoroughly. And my name isn’t Mr. Norris!
[Once in Hogsmeade, they notice that Zonko’s has been boarded up]
Harry: WAAAAAAH! The joke shop has been boarded up! This trip is completely ruined! [Bursts into tears]
Ron: Come on, let’s just go into Honeydukes.
[Once in there, they run into Slughorn again]
Slughorn: Hello, Harry! Listen, you’ve been missing an awful lot of my dinners.
Harry: Well…you know…I have quidditch practice…. Yeah! It just happens that way! It’s not like I’m doing it deliberately to blow you off, or anything! Or make sure Ron doesn’t feel left out…!
Ron: Hey! Who said I needed your pity?!
Slughorn: Well, anyway, I’m having another meeting this Monday….
Harry: Oh, I have a meeting with Dumbledore! I can’t go! Sorry!
Slughorn: Hmph! You are doing this on purpose, aren’t you? [Leaves]
Hermione: You know, they’re not actually that bad.
Ron: I still think it’s so unfair that you two get invited and I don’t.
Hermione: That’s what you get for being a normal person in the company of two Mary Sues.
Ron: Grrrr….
[They then decide to go to the Three Broomsticks, and along the way they run into Mundungus, talking with the barman of the Hog’s Head]
Harry: Oh, it’s you again. What are you up to?
Mundungus: Oh, I’m just selling some random stuff.
Ron: What kind of random stuff?
Mundungus: Nothing that concerns you, I’m sure. [Drops a goblet]
Ron: Oh, look. This goblet has the Black family crest on it.
Harry: WHAT?! YOU STOLE THIS FROM SIRIUS’S HOUSE, DIDN’T YOU?!
Mundungus: …Maybe…?
Harry: [Grabs Mundungus] HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY GODFATHER’S THINGS?!
Hermione: Harry…why don’t the two of you sit and talk things out…?
Mundungus: I’m outta here. [Disapparates]
Harry: I’m going to kill that piece of shit….
Tonks: Harry, what are you doing?
Harry: Mundungus stole Sirius’s things! He’s looking to make a profit off them!
Tonks: Why do we even have that guy in the Order? [Scratches head] Oh, well—never mind that now. Come inside where it’s warm.
[They go inside]
Harry: I STILL THINK HE’S A SCUMBAG FOR STEALING SIRIUS’S THINGS!
Hermione: Yes, yes, but don’t capslock in the middle of a pub!
Harry: Sorry.
[They sit down]
Harry: But still. Why does the Order even have that guy in it? What has he ever done other than steal shit and be a nuisance?
Hermione: Well, look on the bright side—at least no one will care if you use him as a punching bag. [Turns to Ron] Ron, do you have anything to add?
Ron: [Staring at Madame Rosmerta] I’m ignoring the two of you.
[They order drinks…]
Harry: Once we’re finished with these let’s go back to school. Hogsmeade’s no fun when the weather’s this bad and the joke shop is closed.
Hermione: Good idea.
Harry: I’ll bet Ginny is having a jolly time at that creepy coffee shop with Dean Thomas! Hmph!
[They follow Katie Bell and her friend out of the pub, when suddenly…]
Katie: HELP! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING TO ME! [Drops the package she’s been carrying and is swept unnaturally into the air]
Harry: Oh, no! I must go get help! [He runs down the street until he bumps into Hagrid] Hagrid, Hagrid! Katie Bell’s in trouble!
Hagrid: Oh, no! I must investigate!
[Harry and Hagrid return to find Katie Bell being held on the ground by Ron, Hermione, and her friend Leanne]
Hagrid: This isn’t good. We have to get her back to Hogwarts. [Takes Katie Bell into his arms and runs off with her]
Ron: Look, look! It’s the package Katie dropped!
[The package has fallen open to reveal a familiar opal necklace]
Harry: I’ve seen that necklace in Borgin and Burkes. It’s supposed to have a powerful curse on it.
Leanne: Katie told me she was supposed to deliver it to someone at Hogwarts.
Hermione: Did she say who’d given it to her?
Leanne: No, she didn’t. I think she may have been under the Imperius curse. [Cries]
Hermione: There, there. We’ll get back to the castle, and then we’ll be able to check on Katie.
[Harry wraps the necklace in his scarf to take back to the castle]
Harry: Aha! I know what happened! Draco must have given the necklace to her! This was the thing he wanted to buy!
Ron: Harry, you’re jumping to conclusions.
Harry: I am not! This was Draco’s necklace and he gave it to her! I’m sure of it!
[Back at the castle, they run into Professor McGonagall]
McGonagall: Did you four see what happened to Katie?
Harry: Yes.
McGonagall: Is that the thing she touched? [Indicates necklace]
Harry: Yes it is.
Filch: You called?
McGonagall: Yes. [Takes necklace from Harry and hands it to Filch] Take this to Snape at once—mind you don’t touch it. I’ll see these four in my office.
[Filch leaves with necklace]
[The students follow McGonagall to her office…]
McGonagall: So what exactly happened?
Leanne: Katie received this package while she was in the girls’ bathroom, and I tried to tell her it was dangerous to deliver a strange package, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I tried to grab the package from her but it broke open and then…well…! [Cries]
McGonagall: That’s alright. Why don’t you go to the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey will take care of you?
[Leanne leaves]
McGonagall: So, what do you three know?
Harry: Professor, is Dumbledore around? I want to speak to him.
McGonagall: Dumbledore is out until Monday, I’m afraid. Anyway, I assure you that there is nothing you can tell him that you cannot also tell me. Did that not occur to you?
Harry: Well…I…that is to say…. Listen, I know who gave Katie the necklace!
McGonagall: And who might that be?
Harry: Draco Malfoy, of course! He’s become a Death Eater!
McGonagall: You realize this is a very serious accusation to be making.
Harry: But it’s true! I saw him talking suspiciously to the owner of Borgin and Burkes before classes began! Therefore I know he was plotting something sinister!
McGonagall: And what exactly did he want?
Harry: He said he wanted something fixed, and something else reserved!
Hermione: But Harry, if Draco wanted the necklace so badly why didn’t he just buy it?
Harry: Well obviously he didn’t want to touch it and end up like Katie--!
McGonagall: Stop that right now you mediocre dunces!
Harry: Sorry….
McGonagall: You can’t prove that Draco is guilty just because he visited the store where the necklace is sold! Scores of people visit that store every year! And furthermore, Draco wasn’t in Hogsmeade today because he was serving detention with me on account of his failing grades in my class! Next time you want to accuse him of something, provide proof! You three are dismissed!
[She shows them out the door, and they leave]
Harry: How dare you two take the teacher’s side! Draco is a Death Eater, I just know he is!
Ron and Hermione: [Groan]
Ron: So…anyway…who do you think the necklace was for?
Hermione: I don’t know, but whoever it was, someone wants them dead.
Harry: Could be Dumbledore. Or maybe Slughorn?
Hermione: Maybe it was you?
Harry: I doubt it—Katie could have given me that necklace any time she wanted, and she didn’t. Although it’d be just like Draco to want me killed without fanfare—
Hermione: Why do you still think Draco did it? He wasn’t even in Hogsmeade!
Harry: Maybe he just sent someone else to do the job for him? Crabbe or Goyle could have done it, or maybe it was one of his new Death Eater friends--?
Ron: Oh, never mind. You’re hopeless.
[They return to the common room]
Ron: You know, whoever wanted that necklace sent to Hogwarts couldn’t have wanted it there that badly. I mean, giving a cursed necklace to a school girl and just telling her to deliver it? Who does that?
Hermione: For once you’re right, Ron.
Ron: Hey!
Harry: Well, Draco was only ever slightly smarter than I am.
Ron and Hermione: [Facepalm]
Harry: I’m up so early. I think I’ll read over the Prince’s book to see what mysteries it contains. Ron would kill me if I demonstrated I could be independently literate of course—oh, well, he’s just stupid like that. [Opens book and begins to read] Let’s see…are there any new spells in the books that I could learn? I’ve loved the ones I’ve found so far! Picking on enemies like Crabbe and Mr. Norris has never been so much fun! Let’s see…it says here, there’s a spell called “Levicorpus.” Oh, but it’s nonverbal…. Oh, well, now’s as good a time as any to attempt a nonverbal spell!
[He casts the spell on Ron, who is suddenly hanging upside-down in midair]
Ron: Aaagh! Harry, what are you doing?!
Harry: Oops! Sorry! Here, I’ll let you down…let me just refer to this book again to see if the counterspell is written… [Flips through book] Ah! Here it is! Liberacorpus!
[Ron falls down]
Ron: You asshole….
[But by breakfast, Ron finds the whole incident funny]
Ron: Being suddenly woken up and dangled upside-down is hilarious, am I right, Hermione?
Hermione: Harry, this is from that book, isn’t it?
Harry: Of course it is. Why do you ask?
Hermione: You mean you just decided to try out a random spell to see what it would do?!
Harry: Well, yes….
Hermione: Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! This spell could have done absolutely anything!
Ron: But hanging people upside-down is just harmless fun! My brothers do stuff that’s just as bad, if not worse!
Hermione: Like, how encouraging….
Harry: My father used it too! Say, could the Half-Blood Prince be my father?
Hermione: Yes, but you know who else used it? The Death Eaters! Remember at the Quidditch World Cup two books ago?
Ron: But…but…they’re Death Eaters! It’s different when they do it! …Say, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were just jealous of the Prince for being better at Potions than you!
Hermione: Just because that’s true doesn’t mean I’m not right! You don’t know anything about the Prince that would lead you to believe he was a good person, do you?!
Harry: Well, we know he’s not a Death Eater because he makes a big deal about being half-blood, and that’s as good a sign as any that he’s on our side.
Hermione: Did it ever occur to you that SOME of the Death Eaters might be half-bloods, and just pretending to be pure?
Harry and Ron: ….
[Just then, Ginny arrives]
Ginny: Harry, Harry! You’ve got another summons from Dumbledore! It’s for this Monday!
Harry: I’ll keep that in mind.
[They line up to go to Hogsmeade]
Ron: Why is Mr. Norris checking us for Dark objects now? Surely it’s no big deal if we take Dark objects out of the castle, as long as we don’t bring them in?
Filch: Just for that, I’m going to search you extra-thoroughly. And my name isn’t Mr. Norris!
[Once in Hogsmeade, they notice that Zonko’s has been boarded up]
Harry: WAAAAAAH! The joke shop has been boarded up! This trip is completely ruined! [Bursts into tears]
Ron: Come on, let’s just go into Honeydukes.
[Once in there, they run into Slughorn again]
Slughorn: Hello, Harry! Listen, you’ve been missing an awful lot of my dinners.
Harry: Well…you know…I have quidditch practice…. Yeah! It just happens that way! It’s not like I’m doing it deliberately to blow you off, or anything! Or make sure Ron doesn’t feel left out…!
Ron: Hey! Who said I needed your pity?!
Slughorn: Well, anyway, I’m having another meeting this Monday….
Harry: Oh, I have a meeting with Dumbledore! I can’t go! Sorry!
Slughorn: Hmph! You are doing this on purpose, aren’t you? [Leaves]
Hermione: You know, they’re not actually that bad.
Ron: I still think it’s so unfair that you two get invited and I don’t.
Hermione: That’s what you get for being a normal person in the company of two Mary Sues.
Ron: Grrrr….
[They then decide to go to the Three Broomsticks, and along the way they run into Mundungus, talking with the barman of the Hog’s Head]
Harry: Oh, it’s you again. What are you up to?
Mundungus: Oh, I’m just selling some random stuff.
Ron: What kind of random stuff?
Mundungus: Nothing that concerns you, I’m sure. [Drops a goblet]
Ron: Oh, look. This goblet has the Black family crest on it.
Harry: WHAT?! YOU STOLE THIS FROM SIRIUS’S HOUSE, DIDN’T YOU?!
Mundungus: …Maybe…?
Harry: [Grabs Mundungus] HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY GODFATHER’S THINGS?!
Hermione: Harry…why don’t the two of you sit and talk things out…?
Mundungus: I’m outta here. [Disapparates]
Harry: I’m going to kill that piece of shit….
Tonks: Harry, what are you doing?
Harry: Mundungus stole Sirius’s things! He’s looking to make a profit off them!
Tonks: Why do we even have that guy in the Order? [Scratches head] Oh, well—never mind that now. Come inside where it’s warm.
[They go inside]
Harry: I STILL THINK HE’S A SCUMBAG FOR STEALING SIRIUS’S THINGS!
Hermione: Yes, yes, but don’t capslock in the middle of a pub!
Harry: Sorry.
[They sit down]
Harry: But still. Why does the Order even have that guy in it? What has he ever done other than steal shit and be a nuisance?
Hermione: Well, look on the bright side—at least no one will care if you use him as a punching bag. [Turns to Ron] Ron, do you have anything to add?
Ron: [Staring at Madame Rosmerta] I’m ignoring the two of you.
[They order drinks…]
Harry: Once we’re finished with these let’s go back to school. Hogsmeade’s no fun when the weather’s this bad and the joke shop is closed.
Hermione: Good idea.
Harry: I’ll bet Ginny is having a jolly time at that creepy coffee shop with Dean Thomas! Hmph!
[They follow Katie Bell and her friend out of the pub, when suddenly…]
Katie: HELP! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING TO ME! [Drops the package she’s been carrying and is swept unnaturally into the air]
Harry: Oh, no! I must go get help! [He runs down the street until he bumps into Hagrid] Hagrid, Hagrid! Katie Bell’s in trouble!
Hagrid: Oh, no! I must investigate!
[Harry and Hagrid return to find Katie Bell being held on the ground by Ron, Hermione, and her friend Leanne]
Hagrid: This isn’t good. We have to get her back to Hogwarts. [Takes Katie Bell into his arms and runs off with her]
Ron: Look, look! It’s the package Katie dropped!
[The package has fallen open to reveal a familiar opal necklace]
Harry: I’ve seen that necklace in Borgin and Burkes. It’s supposed to have a powerful curse on it.
Leanne: Katie told me she was supposed to deliver it to someone at Hogwarts.
Hermione: Did she say who’d given it to her?
Leanne: No, she didn’t. I think she may have been under the Imperius curse. [Cries]
Hermione: There, there. We’ll get back to the castle, and then we’ll be able to check on Katie.
[Harry wraps the necklace in his scarf to take back to the castle]
Harry: Aha! I know what happened! Draco must have given the necklace to her! This was the thing he wanted to buy!
Ron: Harry, you’re jumping to conclusions.
Harry: I am not! This was Draco’s necklace and he gave it to her! I’m sure of it!
[Back at the castle, they run into Professor McGonagall]
McGonagall: Did you four see what happened to Katie?
Harry: Yes.
McGonagall: Is that the thing she touched? [Indicates necklace]
Harry: Yes it is.
Filch: You called?
McGonagall: Yes. [Takes necklace from Harry and hands it to Filch] Take this to Snape at once—mind you don’t touch it. I’ll see these four in my office.
[Filch leaves with necklace]
[The students follow McGonagall to her office…]
McGonagall: So what exactly happened?
Leanne: Katie received this package while she was in the girls’ bathroom, and I tried to tell her it was dangerous to deliver a strange package, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I tried to grab the package from her but it broke open and then…well…! [Cries]
McGonagall: That’s alright. Why don’t you go to the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey will take care of you?
[Leanne leaves]
McGonagall: So, what do you three know?
Harry: Professor, is Dumbledore around? I want to speak to him.
McGonagall: Dumbledore is out until Monday, I’m afraid. Anyway, I assure you that there is nothing you can tell him that you cannot also tell me. Did that not occur to you?
Harry: Well…I…that is to say…. Listen, I know who gave Katie the necklace!
McGonagall: And who might that be?
Harry: Draco Malfoy, of course! He’s become a Death Eater!
McGonagall: You realize this is a very serious accusation to be making.
Harry: But it’s true! I saw him talking suspiciously to the owner of Borgin and Burkes before classes began! Therefore I know he was plotting something sinister!
McGonagall: And what exactly did he want?
Harry: He said he wanted something fixed, and something else reserved!
Hermione: But Harry, if Draco wanted the necklace so badly why didn’t he just buy it?
Harry: Well obviously he didn’t want to touch it and end up like Katie--!
McGonagall: Stop that right now you mediocre dunces!
Harry: Sorry….
McGonagall: You can’t prove that Draco is guilty just because he visited the store where the necklace is sold! Scores of people visit that store every year! And furthermore, Draco wasn’t in Hogsmeade today because he was serving detention with me on account of his failing grades in my class! Next time you want to accuse him of something, provide proof! You three are dismissed!
[She shows them out the door, and they leave]
Harry: How dare you two take the teacher’s side! Draco is a Death Eater, I just know he is!
Ron and Hermione: [Groan]
Ron: So…anyway…who do you think the necklace was for?
Hermione: I don’t know, but whoever it was, someone wants them dead.
Harry: Could be Dumbledore. Or maybe Slughorn?
Hermione: Maybe it was you?
Harry: I doubt it—Katie could have given me that necklace any time she wanted, and she didn’t. Although it’d be just like Draco to want me killed without fanfare—
Hermione: Why do you still think Draco did it? He wasn’t even in Hogsmeade!
Harry: Maybe he just sent someone else to do the job for him? Crabbe or Goyle could have done it, or maybe it was one of his new Death Eater friends--?
Ron: Oh, never mind. You’re hopeless.
[They return to the common room]
Ron: You know, whoever wanted that necklace sent to Hogwarts couldn’t have wanted it there that badly. I mean, giving a cursed necklace to a school girl and just telling her to deliver it? Who does that?
Hermione: For once you’re right, Ron.
Ron: Hey!
Harry: Well, Draco was only ever slightly smarter than I am.
Ron and Hermione: [Facepalm]
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Date: 2015-06-03 12:38 am (UTC)That pretty well sums up the moral code of HP
Mundungus illustrates the problem with using the Fidelus charm as security for the Order's Headquarter. Once someone is told the location they can come and go anytime they want.
aikaterini - You’re a Muggle-born. How the heck do you know things like that and I don’t?
Poor Ron, JK keeps doing that, as a pureblood Ron should know things about the wizarding world Hermione doesn't. It would only make sense. To really know a society it isn't enough just to read books.