Harry Potter Abridged! HBP Chapter 13
Jun. 2nd, 2015 09:40 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sweettalkeress.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslock[Katie goes to St. Mungo’s. Everyone in the school not directly involved thinks she was the one targeted]
Harry: I’ll bet Draco knows the truth! Why don’t we try to force a confession out of him?!
Hermione: For the last time, we’ve got no proof!
Ron: Yeah!
[Dumbledore’s meeting arrives]
Harry: I really hope he’s here. [Knocks on office door]
Dumbledore: Come inside.
Harry: Oh, good! You are here!
Dumbledore: Yes, I am. Now have a seat.
[Harry sits down obediently]
Dumbledore: So, you saw what happened to Katie?
Harry: Yes.
Dumbledore: She’s going to be in the hospital for a long time, unfortunately. She was lucky she only touched the necklace briefly—if she’d put it on she would have died in agony then and there. Fortunately Snape was able to prevent the curse from spreading throughout the school.
Harry: Snape?! You let Snape have the necklace?!
Dumbledore: And why not, after all? Snape is skilled against the Dark Arts.
Harry: Yes, but—never mind. What exactly does the necklace do?
Dumbledore: It vaguely kills people.
Harry: That’s it?
Dumbledore: Something like that. But it’s of no importance. Katie shall make a full recovery, eventually.
Harry: Good, good. By the way, Draco Malfoy is a Death Eater, and he gave Katie the necklace!
Dumbledore: [Snickers] Draco, a Death Eater? No, I don’t think so.
Harry: It’s true! I know it’s true! He’s evil! Evil I say!
Dumbledore: Well, never mind that now. I’ll be investigating anyone I think might know anything, and in the meantime I’ve got more proof for you that Voldemort was a totally deep, complex character whose backstory was tremendously important!
Harry: Oh, joy.
Dumbledore: So, anyway, after being abandoned by Tom Rid Senior, Merope traveled to London where she pawned off the last family heirloom.
Harry: Do we have proof of this?
Dumbledore: As a matter of fact, yes. Right here.
[He calls up the memory of someone named Caractus Burke from the Pensieve]
Memory: So, anyway, I just bought this super-special-awesome one-of-a-kind locket of Slytherin off a girl I met in the street. I gave her ten galleons. Too bad it was worth far more than that! Ahahahahaha!
Harry: You mean…he cheated her for money?
Dumbledore: Something like that.
Harry: But why on earth would a witch sell a prized heirloom when she could have just acquired whatever she needed by magic?
Dumbledore: Well, you see, sometimes when witches are depressed enough they lose their capability to do magic. Remember this. It’s important. Anyway, she would eventually die and leave her son behind. She didn’t love him enough, see. And even if she did, those slimy Slytherins were always too weak to choose life over death. This is my worldview and it’s entirely self-consistent, by the way. It’s also completely different from your mother’s sacrifice, because she was a True Gryffindor!
Harry: Wow, that’s horrible! To abandon a child!
Dumbledore: What?! Are you feeling sorry for Lord Voldemort? The man who killed your parents?!
Harry: No, don’t be silly!
Dumbledore: That’s a good boy. Now, let’s have a look at one of my memories.
[He empties his memory into the Pensieve, and he and Harry enter]
Harry: Wow! Dumbledore, you were so hot back then! I love your suit!
Dumbledore: Thanks for that….
[Eventually, the Dumbledore in the memory comes to an orphanage and requests a meeting with Mrs. Cole]
Mrs. Cole: You called?
Dumbledore: Yes, quite. I’m here about Tom Riddle, a boy you’re taking care of. I’d like to offer him a place at my school.
Mrs. Cole: Your school?
Dumbledore: Yes, my school. He has the qualities we’re looking for.
Mrs. Cole: And what qualities might that be?
Dumbledore: [Takes out wand] Oh, just a little something called—Imperio!
Mrs. Cole: Yes, Master?
Dumbledore: I want you to tell me everything you know about this Tom Riddle. Tell me all about how he came to you and what he’s been up to since.
Mrs. Cole: Well, his mother came to us one winter, see, and she died shortly after he was born—once she’d had sufficient time to name him and make a long, melodramatic speech about how distressing it was that he’d never know what it was like to have a mother and she’d never know what it was like to have a child. Very strange. She’d named him Tom Marvolo, after his father and grandfather, but nobody by either name ever came looking for him. Ever since that day strange things have been happening at this place. There’s a lot of bullying in this orphanage, of course, and Tom has claimed to be the victim but we think he’s been giving as good as he gets—or at least, I don’t think it’s an accident that one of the kids’ rabbits turned up strangled, or that two other kids returned from an outing with him completely traumatized. [Pause] Is there anything else, Master?
Dumbledore: I’d like you to take me to him, so I can have a word.
Mrs. Cole: Yes, Master.
[She leads Dumbledore to a back room, where a young Tom is sitting and reading]
Dumbledore: Hello, Tom Rid!
Tom: Agh?! Who are you?! Why do you look so weird?!
Dumbledore: My name is Dumbledore. I’m here to offer you a place at my school.
Tom: Your…school? You mean…like…a lunatic asylum?
Dumbledore: No, nothing like that. I mean, a school. A school for magic.
Tom: Magic, huh? As I think of it, that would explain why weird things happen around me so much.
Dumbledore: That’s right. You can do magic. Because you’re special.
Tom: I’m…special?
Dumbledore: Yes, you are.
Tom: I’m special! I’m special! Ahahahahahahaha! I knew it all along! [Does a happy dance]
Dumbledore: Yes, quite.
Tom: Say, you can do magic too, right? I wanna see what it looks like when a grown-up does magic! Show me, show me, show me!
Dumbledore: I don’t give magic demonstrations to just anyone, you know.
Tom: Oh, please oh please oh pleeeeeeeease?
Dumbledore: Very well. [Sets Tom’s wardrobe on fire]
Tom: Aaagh! My clothes!
Dumbledore: Calm down—it’s just an illusion. [He waves his wand, and the flames vanish]
Tom: That’s a relief.
Dumbledore: Hey, look at that box. [Points to a box in the wardrobe] I wonder what’s in there?
Tom: Don’t! That’s private!
Dumbledore: I’m ignoring you. [He picks up the box, in which he finds three old toys] Are these your toys?
Tom: Ah…well…you see…. I’m innocent! I didn’t do it! The other kids gave them to me! They were…just…presents! Yeah! That’s all!
Dumbledore: Oh, please—no denial that specific is ever true. You stole these from the other kids, didn’t you?
Tom: …Yes….
Dumbledore: Well, then you’ll just have to give them back, won’t you?
Tom: [Crestfallen] Yes, I suppose I will.
Dumbledore: Don’t worry—once you get to Hogwarts you’ll be able to have your own wand and robes and books and toys and practical joke equipment….
Tom: But how? I haven’t got any money.
Dumbledore: There’s a fund that can help pay for your supplies. Here, I’ve got some of that money here with me right now. [Hands Tom a bag]
Tom: Wow, it’s so shiny!
Dumbledore: Don’t get too attached. It’s money, nothing more. Anyway, you’ll want to buy your supplies in a place called Diagon Alley. I can help you get there—
Tom: Oh, that’s not necessary—I find my way around London all the time. I can shop for myself.
Dumbledore: What?! You have the gall to refuse help from me, the great Albus Dumbledore?! Surely your soul must be a dark hole of evil!
Tom: Aaagh! Now I want to go with you even less!
Dumbledore: Fine, be that way. If you wish to indulge your evil impulses by refusing my help and advice, I should tell you that you can get to Diagon Alley via the Leaky Cauldron. You’ll be able to see it, though the muggles around you won’t. Ask for Tom the Barman, and he’ll tell you where to go.
Tom: Yeah, I think I can keep that straight.
Dumbledore: Wonderful! I’ll see you at Hogwarts, then!
Tom: Yeah! I’ll see you there! Oh, I just can’t wait to learn magic! [Reflects for a moment] Wait…there’s one more thing.
Dumbledore: Yes, Tom Rid?
Tom: That’s not my name, you know. It’s Tom Riddle.
Dumbledore: Whatever.
Tom: Well…I can talk to snakes, see. They tell me I was born to die.
Dumbledore: Oh, that. It’s probably just a sign that you’re destined to become an evil scumbag. If you aren’t one already!
Tom: Hey! That’s not very nice!
Dumbledore: Oh, well—see you at Hogwarts!
[Older Dumbledore then pulls Harry out of the Pensieve]
Dumbledore: So, how was that for shedding light onto the complex, multifaceted psyche of Lord Voldemort?
Harry: Well…it sort of seems as though you were bullying him and his caretaker—
Dumbledore: Oh, please! He was bad even at that young age, couldn’t you tell? He was already strangling rabbits and abusing children! And he refused my help in Diagon Alley! Can you believe the nerve of him?!
Harry: You have a point with that last one, I suppose.
Dumbledore: It all translates to the present day, where he’s an evil dick just for the hell of it and refuses to even consider anyone his friend. Because he’s evil.
Harry: Alright….
Dumbledore: One bit of information I’d like you to pay attention to is his penchant for stealing stuff and squirrelling it away. This will come into play later.
Harry: I’ll keep that in mind. [Looks around the room] Dumbledore, the ring you had. It’s gone.
Dumbledore: Don’t worry your pretty little head about that ring—it’ll reappear when I want it to reappear.
Harry: I’ll bet Draco knows the truth! Why don’t we try to force a confession out of him?!
Hermione: For the last time, we’ve got no proof!
Ron: Yeah!
[Dumbledore’s meeting arrives]
Harry: I really hope he’s here. [Knocks on office door]
Dumbledore: Come inside.
Harry: Oh, good! You are here!
Dumbledore: Yes, I am. Now have a seat.
[Harry sits down obediently]
Dumbledore: So, you saw what happened to Katie?
Harry: Yes.
Dumbledore: She’s going to be in the hospital for a long time, unfortunately. She was lucky she only touched the necklace briefly—if she’d put it on she would have died in agony then and there. Fortunately Snape was able to prevent the curse from spreading throughout the school.
Harry: Snape?! You let Snape have the necklace?!
Dumbledore: And why not, after all? Snape is skilled against the Dark Arts.
Harry: Yes, but—never mind. What exactly does the necklace do?
Dumbledore: It vaguely kills people.
Harry: That’s it?
Dumbledore: Something like that. But it’s of no importance. Katie shall make a full recovery, eventually.
Harry: Good, good. By the way, Draco Malfoy is a Death Eater, and he gave Katie the necklace!
Dumbledore: [Snickers] Draco, a Death Eater? No, I don’t think so.
Harry: It’s true! I know it’s true! He’s evil! Evil I say!
Dumbledore: Well, never mind that now. I’ll be investigating anyone I think might know anything, and in the meantime I’ve got more proof for you that Voldemort was a totally deep, complex character whose backstory was tremendously important!
Harry: Oh, joy.
Dumbledore: So, anyway, after being abandoned by Tom Rid Senior, Merope traveled to London where she pawned off the last family heirloom.
Harry: Do we have proof of this?
Dumbledore: As a matter of fact, yes. Right here.
[He calls up the memory of someone named Caractus Burke from the Pensieve]
Memory: So, anyway, I just bought this super-special-awesome one-of-a-kind locket of Slytherin off a girl I met in the street. I gave her ten galleons. Too bad it was worth far more than that! Ahahahahaha!
Harry: You mean…he cheated her for money?
Dumbledore: Something like that.
Harry: But why on earth would a witch sell a prized heirloom when she could have just acquired whatever she needed by magic?
Dumbledore: Well, you see, sometimes when witches are depressed enough they lose their capability to do magic. Remember this. It’s important. Anyway, she would eventually die and leave her son behind. She didn’t love him enough, see. And even if she did, those slimy Slytherins were always too weak to choose life over death. This is my worldview and it’s entirely self-consistent, by the way. It’s also completely different from your mother’s sacrifice, because she was a True Gryffindor!
Harry: Wow, that’s horrible! To abandon a child!
Dumbledore: What?! Are you feeling sorry for Lord Voldemort? The man who killed your parents?!
Harry: No, don’t be silly!
Dumbledore: That’s a good boy. Now, let’s have a look at one of my memories.
[He empties his memory into the Pensieve, and he and Harry enter]
Harry: Wow! Dumbledore, you were so hot back then! I love your suit!
Dumbledore: Thanks for that….
[Eventually, the Dumbledore in the memory comes to an orphanage and requests a meeting with Mrs. Cole]
Mrs. Cole: You called?
Dumbledore: Yes, quite. I’m here about Tom Riddle, a boy you’re taking care of. I’d like to offer him a place at my school.
Mrs. Cole: Your school?
Dumbledore: Yes, my school. He has the qualities we’re looking for.
Mrs. Cole: And what qualities might that be?
Dumbledore: [Takes out wand] Oh, just a little something called—Imperio!
Mrs. Cole: Yes, Master?
Dumbledore: I want you to tell me everything you know about this Tom Riddle. Tell me all about how he came to you and what he’s been up to since.
Mrs. Cole: Well, his mother came to us one winter, see, and she died shortly after he was born—once she’d had sufficient time to name him and make a long, melodramatic speech about how distressing it was that he’d never know what it was like to have a mother and she’d never know what it was like to have a child. Very strange. She’d named him Tom Marvolo, after his father and grandfather, but nobody by either name ever came looking for him. Ever since that day strange things have been happening at this place. There’s a lot of bullying in this orphanage, of course, and Tom has claimed to be the victim but we think he’s been giving as good as he gets—or at least, I don’t think it’s an accident that one of the kids’ rabbits turned up strangled, or that two other kids returned from an outing with him completely traumatized. [Pause] Is there anything else, Master?
Dumbledore: I’d like you to take me to him, so I can have a word.
Mrs. Cole: Yes, Master.
[She leads Dumbledore to a back room, where a young Tom is sitting and reading]
Dumbledore: Hello, Tom Rid!
Tom: Agh?! Who are you?! Why do you look so weird?!
Dumbledore: My name is Dumbledore. I’m here to offer you a place at my school.
Tom: Your…school? You mean…like…a lunatic asylum?
Dumbledore: No, nothing like that. I mean, a school. A school for magic.
Tom: Magic, huh? As I think of it, that would explain why weird things happen around me so much.
Dumbledore: That’s right. You can do magic. Because you’re special.
Tom: I’m…special?
Dumbledore: Yes, you are.
Tom: I’m special! I’m special! Ahahahahahahaha! I knew it all along! [Does a happy dance]
Dumbledore: Yes, quite.
Tom: Say, you can do magic too, right? I wanna see what it looks like when a grown-up does magic! Show me, show me, show me!
Dumbledore: I don’t give magic demonstrations to just anyone, you know.
Tom: Oh, please oh please oh pleeeeeeeease?
Dumbledore: Very well. [Sets Tom’s wardrobe on fire]
Tom: Aaagh! My clothes!
Dumbledore: Calm down—it’s just an illusion. [He waves his wand, and the flames vanish]
Tom: That’s a relief.
Dumbledore: Hey, look at that box. [Points to a box in the wardrobe] I wonder what’s in there?
Tom: Don’t! That’s private!
Dumbledore: I’m ignoring you. [He picks up the box, in which he finds three old toys] Are these your toys?
Tom: Ah…well…you see…. I’m innocent! I didn’t do it! The other kids gave them to me! They were…just…presents! Yeah! That’s all!
Dumbledore: Oh, please—no denial that specific is ever true. You stole these from the other kids, didn’t you?
Tom: …Yes….
Dumbledore: Well, then you’ll just have to give them back, won’t you?
Tom: [Crestfallen] Yes, I suppose I will.
Dumbledore: Don’t worry—once you get to Hogwarts you’ll be able to have your own wand and robes and books and toys and practical joke equipment….
Tom: But how? I haven’t got any money.
Dumbledore: There’s a fund that can help pay for your supplies. Here, I’ve got some of that money here with me right now. [Hands Tom a bag]
Tom: Wow, it’s so shiny!
Dumbledore: Don’t get too attached. It’s money, nothing more. Anyway, you’ll want to buy your supplies in a place called Diagon Alley. I can help you get there—
Tom: Oh, that’s not necessary—I find my way around London all the time. I can shop for myself.
Dumbledore: What?! You have the gall to refuse help from me, the great Albus Dumbledore?! Surely your soul must be a dark hole of evil!
Tom: Aaagh! Now I want to go with you even less!
Dumbledore: Fine, be that way. If you wish to indulge your evil impulses by refusing my help and advice, I should tell you that you can get to Diagon Alley via the Leaky Cauldron. You’ll be able to see it, though the muggles around you won’t. Ask for Tom the Barman, and he’ll tell you where to go.
Tom: Yeah, I think I can keep that straight.
Dumbledore: Wonderful! I’ll see you at Hogwarts, then!
Tom: Yeah! I’ll see you there! Oh, I just can’t wait to learn magic! [Reflects for a moment] Wait…there’s one more thing.
Dumbledore: Yes, Tom Rid?
Tom: That’s not my name, you know. It’s Tom Riddle.
Dumbledore: Whatever.
Tom: Well…I can talk to snakes, see. They tell me I was born to die.
Dumbledore: Oh, that. It’s probably just a sign that you’re destined to become an evil scumbag. If you aren’t one already!
Tom: Hey! That’s not very nice!
Dumbledore: Oh, well—see you at Hogwarts!
[Older Dumbledore then pulls Harry out of the Pensieve]
Dumbledore: So, how was that for shedding light onto the complex, multifaceted psyche of Lord Voldemort?
Harry: Well…it sort of seems as though you were bullying him and his caretaker—
Dumbledore: Oh, please! He was bad even at that young age, couldn’t you tell? He was already strangling rabbits and abusing children! And he refused my help in Diagon Alley! Can you believe the nerve of him?!
Harry: You have a point with that last one, I suppose.
Dumbledore: It all translates to the present day, where he’s an evil dick just for the hell of it and refuses to even consider anyone his friend. Because he’s evil.
Harry: Alright….
Dumbledore: One bit of information I’d like you to pay attention to is his penchant for stealing stuff and squirrelling it away. This will come into play later.
Harry: I’ll keep that in mind. [Looks around the room] Dumbledore, the ring you had. It’s gone.
Dumbledore: Don’t worry your pretty little head about that ring—it’ll reappear when I want it to reappear.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So much to hate.
Date: 2015-06-03 12:27 am (UTC)Historically the must dangerous time for a woman was child birth and there after. I guess most women weren't brave enough.
Yes, those women who live in poverty who die after child birth would have made it if they were only brave enough!
I need to look at the book (if I can force myself), but I think Mrs. Cole was willing to warn DD as Tom's future school representative with out DD having to use magic on her.
Dumbledore: [Snickers] Draco, a Death Eater? No, I don’t think so. We later learn Dumbledore knew all along Draco has been ordered to kill him. DD is sure he isn't at risk, so what if a student gets hurt. Can you image a principal of a school justifying the fact he knew a student intended to kill him, and that student had severely injured another student; but hey it's ok the principal was never in any danger.
Letting Tom go by himself is completely irresponsible. Especially if DD thinks the kid is trouble.