Harry Potter Abridged! HBP Chapter 19
Jun. 9th, 2015 04:04 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock[Later, Ron is in the hospital wing. Fred and George come to visit]
Fred: Now how will we give him our present?
George: It is a shame that you can’t come to Hogsmeade anymore.
Fred: Did we tell you we were thinking of buying Zonko’s? Use it or lose it, and all that.
Harry: Well, anyway, it looks like Ron will be alright. He’ll just be in the hospital wing for about a week. Good thing there was a bezoar in the room, really!
Fred: By the way, do our mother and father know about this?
Ginny: Yeah, they’ve been through here already.
Fred: Well, anyway, just how did the poison get into the mead, anyway? Did Slutborn add it?
Harry: But why would Slutborn want to poison Ron? That would be low even for a Slytherin.
Fred: Could it be that he was trying to poison you instead?
Ginny: Oh! Is Slutborn a Death Eater sent to kill Harry?
Fred: Well, you never know with these slimy Slytherins.
George: There’s also a possibility that he was put under the Imperius curse.
Ginny: Well…it’s possible that someone else put the poison in the bottle, and the poison was meant for Slutborn.
Fred: But who would want to poison Slutborn?
Harry: You never know. Maybe the Death Eaters think he’s too valuable to Dumbledore?
Ginny: Oh! I just thought of something! Could whoever it was be targeting Dumbledore? Harry, you said Slutborn had intended to give Dumbledore the mead as a gift!
Hermione: But why would someone trust a gluttonous slob like Slughorn to give a perfectly-good bottle of mead away?
[Just then, Hagrid enters!]
Hagrid: Ron, Ron! I’m so sorry this happened to you! Why anyone would want to hurt you I have no idea!
Harry: We’ve just been discussing that.
Hagrid: Say, do you think someone has it in for the Gryffindor quidditch team?
George: That’s a possibility, but why would anyone want to do that?
Fred: Well, I could see Oliver Wood doing something like that.
George: That’s a fair point.
Hermione: I don’t know about that, but I do think it’s suspicious that neither attack seems to have reached its intended target.
[Mr. and Mrs. Weasley enter]
Mrs. Weasley: Wow, Harry—you’ve saved Ron’s life!
Mr. Weasley: I’m so glad we have you as a friend to the family—you’ve saved us so many times!
Madame Pomfrey: Excuse me, but there’s only supposed to be six visitors in here at a time.
Harry: That’s alright—Hermione and I can leave.
Hagrid: I’ll go with you.
[They walk off down the hallway]
Hagrid: This is really bad. If more people get attacked, the school might be shut down.
Hermione: Oh, no! That would be terrible!
Hagrid: Dumbledore seems quite nervous about it, actually. Why, I saw him arguing with Snape just the other day!
Harry: Snape?! What about?!
Hagrid: Well…I just overheard them arguing. Snape said he didn’t want to do a thing anymore. I couldn’t tell what thing he was talking about.
Harry: You couldn’t tell?! But this is so suspicious!
Hagrid: Now, now—it could mean anything.
Harry: I know it means Snape’s up to no good!
Hagrid: You don’t know that!
Harry: Yes I do!
Hagrid: Oh, honestly!
[But just then Filch appears]
Filch: Hey, you! You’re not supposed to be out this late!
Hagrid: But they’re with me. I’m a teacher. You have no right to criticize my judgments, you dirty squib! Now begone!
Filch: Dammit! You’ll eat your words when I become a respected villain on Game of Thrones!
[Harry and Hermione leave Hagrid and return to their rooms]
McLaggen: Hello, Harry! Listen, I heard something terrible happened to Ron. He’s not going to be fit for this week’s match, is he?
Harry: No, I suppose he won’t.
McLaggen: Great! That means I get to be the keeper instead!
Harry: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
McLaggen: Hooray!
[Lavender approaches Harry about Ron for most of next week]
Lavender: So, anyway, why won’t Ron let me in to see him? Seriously! He’s always asleep when I arrive and he never invites me in! And I’m his girlfriend!
Harry: Not my problem. Maybe he’s finally realized that you’re just an insignificant side character and Hermione is the only one for him.
[Before the quidditch match, Harry goes to visit Ron]
Ron: So how is McLaggen holding up?
Harry: Ugh, I hate that asshole! He’s a smug jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone else on the team! Oh, by the way, Lavender won’t leave me alone.
Ron: She isn’t? I can’t imagine why.
Harry: It’s because you never see her!
Ron: Oh, alright. Well, I suppose I can make some time for her.
Harry: If you want to break up with her, just say so. Don’t prolong my agony!
[On the way out to the quidditch pitch Harry runs into Draco!]
Harry: Draco, Draco! Where are you going?!
Draco: That’s none of your damn business, you freak! [Stalks off]
[Harry goes to the quidditch pitch and goes out with his team]
Luna: Hello, Hogwarts! Today I, Luna Lovegood, will be your commentator! [Pause] Well, anyway, it looks like Zacharias Smith is uncomfortable today. I wonder if the incident from the last game had anything to do with it. Oh, well. Ginny’s playing a good match as usual. Did I mention she’s really good and kind and stuff? Please don’t kill me, Ginny! Oh, and there’s a goal scored by Hufflepuff!
McLaggen: That was totally not my fault! Ginny distracted me by dropping her ball!
Harry: What are you talking about?! You are the one who needs to keep your eye on the goal posts!
Luna: Huh. It looks like Harry’s arguing with his keeper. If he keeps this up he’ll never catch the Snitch.
Harry: Oh, no! She’s right! I must look for the Snitch!
Luna: By the way, Zacharias Smith appears to be having trouble keeping the quaffle in his possession. I can’t imagine why. Maybe he’s coming down with a rare disease….
[After a time, McLaggen starts harassing one of the beaters]
Harry: McLaggen! You leave that poor, innocent beater alone!
McLaggen: [ignoring Harry] Give me that club!
Beater: But why? You're not even trained as a beater.
McLaggen: Shut up! I'm such an asshole that my own glory is more important than this game I profess to love so much!
[Unfortunately, just then a bludger comes toward them, and McLaggen swings it just in time for it to hit Harry!]
[Harry wakes up in the hospital wing]
Ron: Harry! What happened?!
Harry: McLaggen is an annoying dumbass who deserves to die!
Madame Pomfrey: Harry, don’t get so excited! You’ll aggravate your injury!
Ron: Well, needless to say we lost the game. But on a more positive note, Luna is the best quidditch commentator this school has ever seen!
Harry: By the way, did I tell you that I saw Draco on the way out to the match?
Ron: Draco?!
Harry: Yes! I totally would have followed him if I could have gotten out of the stupid match.
Ron: But there was no way you could have—you’re the captain!
Harry: Yeah, like I don’t know that. Oh, if only there was some way I could keep tabs on Draco. But how?
[Later that night, Harry has a brainwave]
Harry: Of course! Dobby and Kreacher!
[Just then, the two house-elves appear]
Dobby: You called?
Kreacher: What do you want this time?! Can’t you just let me work in the kitchens in peace?
Dobby: That’s not a very nice thing to say to him!
Kreacher: I don’t like you!
Dobby: I’ll get you for being mean to Harry! [Attacks Kreacher]
Kreacher: Honestly, you’re so pathetic. Real house-elves fight with magic.
Harry: Never mind that now! Listen to me!
Dobby: Yes?
Kreacher: Yes?
Harry: I’d like the two of you to spy on Draco. Follow him around and see what he’s up to. And Kreacher?
Kreacher: Yes?
Harry: You are not to contact or aid Draco. All I want you to do is follow him, and report to me regularly. Only me, mind—no one else. And both of you, don’t get caught.
Dobby: Will do!
Kreacher: If you say so….
[The house-elves disappear]
Fred: Now how will we give him our present?
George: It is a shame that you can’t come to Hogsmeade anymore.
Fred: Did we tell you we were thinking of buying Zonko’s? Use it or lose it, and all that.
Harry: Well, anyway, it looks like Ron will be alright. He’ll just be in the hospital wing for about a week. Good thing there was a bezoar in the room, really!
Fred: By the way, do our mother and father know about this?
Ginny: Yeah, they’ve been through here already.
Fred: Well, anyway, just how did the poison get into the mead, anyway? Did Slutborn add it?
Harry: But why would Slutborn want to poison Ron? That would be low even for a Slytherin.
Fred: Could it be that he was trying to poison you instead?
Ginny: Oh! Is Slutborn a Death Eater sent to kill Harry?
Fred: Well, you never know with these slimy Slytherins.
George: There’s also a possibility that he was put under the Imperius curse.
Ginny: Well…it’s possible that someone else put the poison in the bottle, and the poison was meant for Slutborn.
Fred: But who would want to poison Slutborn?
Harry: You never know. Maybe the Death Eaters think he’s too valuable to Dumbledore?
Ginny: Oh! I just thought of something! Could whoever it was be targeting Dumbledore? Harry, you said Slutborn had intended to give Dumbledore the mead as a gift!
Hermione: But why would someone trust a gluttonous slob like Slughorn to give a perfectly-good bottle of mead away?
[Just then, Hagrid enters!]
Hagrid: Ron, Ron! I’m so sorry this happened to you! Why anyone would want to hurt you I have no idea!
Harry: We’ve just been discussing that.
Hagrid: Say, do you think someone has it in for the Gryffindor quidditch team?
George: That’s a possibility, but why would anyone want to do that?
Fred: Well, I could see Oliver Wood doing something like that.
George: That’s a fair point.
Hermione: I don’t know about that, but I do think it’s suspicious that neither attack seems to have reached its intended target.
[Mr. and Mrs. Weasley enter]
Mrs. Weasley: Wow, Harry—you’ve saved Ron’s life!
Mr. Weasley: I’m so glad we have you as a friend to the family—you’ve saved us so many times!
Madame Pomfrey: Excuse me, but there’s only supposed to be six visitors in here at a time.
Harry: That’s alright—Hermione and I can leave.
Hagrid: I’ll go with you.
[They walk off down the hallway]
Hagrid: This is really bad. If more people get attacked, the school might be shut down.
Hermione: Oh, no! That would be terrible!
Hagrid: Dumbledore seems quite nervous about it, actually. Why, I saw him arguing with Snape just the other day!
Harry: Snape?! What about?!
Hagrid: Well…I just overheard them arguing. Snape said he didn’t want to do a thing anymore. I couldn’t tell what thing he was talking about.
Harry: You couldn’t tell?! But this is so suspicious!
Hagrid: Now, now—it could mean anything.
Harry: I know it means Snape’s up to no good!
Hagrid: You don’t know that!
Harry: Yes I do!
Hagrid: Oh, honestly!
[But just then Filch appears]
Filch: Hey, you! You’re not supposed to be out this late!
Hagrid: But they’re with me. I’m a teacher. You have no right to criticize my judgments, you dirty squib! Now begone!
Filch: Dammit! You’ll eat your words when I become a respected villain on Game of Thrones!
[Harry and Hermione leave Hagrid and return to their rooms]
McLaggen: Hello, Harry! Listen, I heard something terrible happened to Ron. He’s not going to be fit for this week’s match, is he?
Harry: No, I suppose he won’t.
McLaggen: Great! That means I get to be the keeper instead!
Harry: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
McLaggen: Hooray!
[Lavender approaches Harry about Ron for most of next week]
Lavender: So, anyway, why won’t Ron let me in to see him? Seriously! He’s always asleep when I arrive and he never invites me in! And I’m his girlfriend!
Harry: Not my problem. Maybe he’s finally realized that you’re just an insignificant side character and Hermione is the only one for him.
[Before the quidditch match, Harry goes to visit Ron]
Ron: So how is McLaggen holding up?
Harry: Ugh, I hate that asshole! He’s a smug jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone else on the team! Oh, by the way, Lavender won’t leave me alone.
Ron: She isn’t? I can’t imagine why.
Harry: It’s because you never see her!
Ron: Oh, alright. Well, I suppose I can make some time for her.
Harry: If you want to break up with her, just say so. Don’t prolong my agony!
[On the way out to the quidditch pitch Harry runs into Draco!]
Harry: Draco, Draco! Where are you going?!
Draco: That’s none of your damn business, you freak! [Stalks off]
[Harry goes to the quidditch pitch and goes out with his team]
Luna: Hello, Hogwarts! Today I, Luna Lovegood, will be your commentator! [Pause] Well, anyway, it looks like Zacharias Smith is uncomfortable today. I wonder if the incident from the last game had anything to do with it. Oh, well. Ginny’s playing a good match as usual. Did I mention she’s really good and kind and stuff? Please don’t kill me, Ginny! Oh, and there’s a goal scored by Hufflepuff!
McLaggen: That was totally not my fault! Ginny distracted me by dropping her ball!
Harry: What are you talking about?! You are the one who needs to keep your eye on the goal posts!
Luna: Huh. It looks like Harry’s arguing with his keeper. If he keeps this up he’ll never catch the Snitch.
Harry: Oh, no! She’s right! I must look for the Snitch!
Luna: By the way, Zacharias Smith appears to be having trouble keeping the quaffle in his possession. I can’t imagine why. Maybe he’s coming down with a rare disease….
[After a time, McLaggen starts harassing one of the beaters]
Harry: McLaggen! You leave that poor, innocent beater alone!
McLaggen: [ignoring Harry] Give me that club!
Beater: But why? You're not even trained as a beater.
McLaggen: Shut up! I'm such an asshole that my own glory is more important than this game I profess to love so much!
[Unfortunately, just then a bludger comes toward them, and McLaggen swings it just in time for it to hit Harry!]
[Harry wakes up in the hospital wing]
Ron: Harry! What happened?!
Harry: McLaggen is an annoying dumbass who deserves to die!
Madame Pomfrey: Harry, don’t get so excited! You’ll aggravate your injury!
Ron: Well, needless to say we lost the game. But on a more positive note, Luna is the best quidditch commentator this school has ever seen!
Harry: By the way, did I tell you that I saw Draco on the way out to the match?
Ron: Draco?!
Harry: Yes! I totally would have followed him if I could have gotten out of the stupid match.
Ron: But there was no way you could have—you’re the captain!
Harry: Yeah, like I don’t know that. Oh, if only there was some way I could keep tabs on Draco. But how?
[Later that night, Harry has a brainwave]
Harry: Of course! Dobby and Kreacher!
[Just then, the two house-elves appear]
Dobby: You called?
Kreacher: What do you want this time?! Can’t you just let me work in the kitchens in peace?
Dobby: That’s not a very nice thing to say to him!
Kreacher: I don’t like you!
Dobby: I’ll get you for being mean to Harry! [Attacks Kreacher]
Kreacher: Honestly, you’re so pathetic. Real house-elves fight with magic.
Harry: Never mind that now! Listen to me!
Dobby: Yes?
Kreacher: Yes?
Harry: I’d like the two of you to spy on Draco. Follow him around and see what he’s up to. And Kreacher?
Kreacher: Yes?
Harry: You are not to contact or aid Draco. All I want you to do is follow him, and report to me regularly. Only me, mind—no one else. And both of you, don’t get caught.
Dobby: Will do!
Kreacher: If you say so….
[The house-elves disappear]
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no subject
Date: 2015-06-10 12:53 am (UTC)Harry: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
It makes no sense for the team not to have back-up players, or a second string. Given they need a certain number of positions covered and it is a high risk for injury sport where are the extra team members?
Shouldn't back up people been chosen who go to the practice, learn the team game plan, but rarely ever get to play?
Harry should have been working with McLaggen all along.
Also in an Interview JKR tells us Auror Harry cleans up the Auror dept., right...
That would be more believable if we saw him learning to stand up to and reign in a teenage know-it-all sports fanatic before he goes on to correct men who could say - listen kid I've been doing this since before you were born, don't tell me what to do.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-10 06:03 pm (UTC)The more I read of your McLaggen, the more I think that he mistook himself for the hero of Harry's books. We're all the heroes of our own movies, after all - McLaggen just acts like he knows it.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-10 07:06 pm (UTC)Types of courage
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From:More Equal
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