Harry Potter Abridged! HBP Chapter 24
Jun. 14th, 2015 04:38 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslock[The next day in class, Harry tells Ron and Hermione everything]
Harry: So, anyway, now I know what I need to do and Dumbledore says he’ll let me come and help destroy Horcruxes.
Ron: Wow! Finally you’re making progress! [Pause] Anyway, I’m no longer dating Lavender.
Hermione: Oh, and Ginny and Dean split up.
Harry: Hooray! Ginny and Dean split up! Now Ginny will come crawling into my arms and we’ll get married!
Hermione: But aren’t you worried about how this will affect their performance in quidditch?
Harry: Oh yeah….
[It helps that Katie is now back at school]
Harry: Incidentally, do you have any memory of who gave you the necklace?
Katie: No. The last thing I remember was going into the bathroom.
Harry: Very strange.
[Katie goes to class…]
Hermione: Oh! I wonder if that’s why Draco has been Polyjuicing his friends into girls!
Harry: Speaking of which, I think I’ll finish up that luck potion and try the Room of Requirement again.
Hermione: No, don’t go wasting it! It’s plot potion for a reason!
Ron: Can we make more?
Harry: We could, it is in the Prince’s book. But it’ll require a blood sacrifice. [Looks shiftily at Ron]
Ron: Aagh! Never mind!
[Now that Katie is back, Dean and McLaggen are relieved of quidditch duty and things return to normal]
Harry: Ginny, I notice you’re taking the breakup with Dean unusually well.
Ginny: Oh, well, I’ve pretty much obliterated the last traces of my feelings by now. Don’t mind me.
Harry: Wouldn’t it be good if we could be alone without your brother looking over his shoulder at us?
Ginny: Patience, patience. Our time will come.
[A few days before the next quidditch match, Harry is studying the Marauder’s Map and sees Draco inside a bathroom]
Harry: Aha! Now I shall corner him and force the truth out of him once and for all!
[So he goes into the bathroom to find Draco crying and being comforted by Moaning Myrtle]
Harry: Draco! What are you doing?!
Draco: [Sobbing] N-nobody asked you!
Harry: Well…I’ve got you cornered now! So are you going to talk or will I have to make you?!
Draco: Don’t mess with me! [Draws wand] How would you like me to use Crucio on you, huh?!
Harry: [Draws wand] Sectumsempra!
[An invisible knife appears to slash Draco across the face and chest, causing him to bleed profusely]
Harry: Did I do that?!
Moaning Myrtle: Oh, no! This wasn’t supposed to happen! I must, ah, do something! Yes! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP! HARRY POTTER’S JUST KILLED SOMEONE! NO THIS ISN’T A JOKE!
[Sure enough, Snape arrives momentarily]
Snape: What the hell is going on here?!
Draco: Snape! Help me, I’m dying!
Snape: You’re not dying, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. [to Harry] Don’t move until I get back.
[Snape escorts Draco out of the bathroom]
Moaning Myrtle: Wow, Harry! That was amazing! I had no idea you’d ever become a murderer!
Harry: I’m not a murderer! You heard Snape, Draco isn’t going to die!
Moaning Myrtle: That doesn’t change the fact that you attacked him with a spell that could kill him. You’re a would-be murderer!
Harry: That’s not true!
Moaning Myrtle: Did almost killing a student make you feel tough and manly?
Harry: Shut up!
[Just then, Snape returns, and Moaning Myrtle disappears]
Snape: Harry, what is wrong with you?! How on earth could you attack a fellow student with such a dark spell?!
Harry: Well…I just found the spell in a book somewhere. It’s not like I knew what it would do.
Snape: You call that an excuse?! Do you have any idea how many people have died because they just tried out a spell to see what it would do?!
Harry: I don’t care about anyone’s death unless it causes me personal hardship.
Snape: That’s not the issue!
Harry: Anyway, I’m not telling you where I got the book from.
Snape: Oh, yes you will. I’m staring into your soul right as we speak.
Harry: That’s creepy! Stop!
Snape: You almost killed someone! Don’t lecture me on what’s creepy! [Pause] So you’ve been getting it from one of your books. Bring that book to me! Do it now!
Harry: Alright, alright…. [Leaves for Gryffindor Tower] I can’t possibly let Snape have the book! I can’t let him know that I’ve been cheating in Potions! I’ll lose Slutborn’s good favor and have to work for my grades for the rest of the year! I can’t have that!
[He approaches Ron]
Ron: Harry, you’re covered in blood! What the hell is going on here?!
Harry: Give me your Potions book, now!
Ron: You’re not going to kill me, are you?
Harry: Never mind that now—just give it to me!
Ron: If you insist! [Hands it over, whimpering]
Harry: Great! Now I just need to find a place to hide the Prince’s copy….
[He eventually runs it up to the Room of Requirement, which is now a large storage room full of junk]
Harry: That’s strange. There’s a Vanishing Cabinet in here. I wonder what that could possibly mean.
[Having disposed of his book, he returns to Snape]
Harry: Alright, I’ve brought you my books. But I think you’ll find there’s nothing amiss with them!
Snape: [Rifling through Harry’s books] There’s something amiss about this Potions book.
Harry: It’s my book! I mean it!
Snape: Oh, really?
Harry: Yeah!
Snape: But it has Ronald Weasley’s name in it.
Harry: It does?
Snape: Yes, it does.
Harry: Oops!
Snape: You dirty liar! I can’t believe you! First you attack and wound a student, then you lie about your book?! You will be serving detention with me every Saturday for the rest of the school year! Don’t you dare think of missing even one!
Harry: But…but…I’ve got quidditch this Saturday!
Snape: Tough! [Leaves Harry alone]
Harry: Stupid Slytherins, making my life so difficult! Making me do things I regret! Why can’t they all just jump out a window?!
[Later, Harry tells Ron and Hermione what happened]
Hermione: And this is why you never should have trusted the Half-Blood Prince.
Harry: But…but…he only copied the spell into the book! That…that doesn’t necessarily mean he ever used it!
Hermione: [sarcastic] Right. Of course not.
[McGonagall has no sympathy for Harry either]
McGonagall: As much as I hate to admit it, Snape is right. In fact, he’s doing you a big favor by not simply having you expelled.
[Harry assigns Ginny the role of seeker for the game, as he will not be able to play, and puts Dean back on as a chaser]
Harry: Oh, I so hope he and Ginny don’t make up!
Hermione: You’re not going to go get that book again, are you?
Harry: Oh, but I am. Snape can’t prove that I was cheating; therefore I am well within my rights to keep right on doing it.
Hermione: Oh, honestly!
Ginny: I for one think Snape is being much too strict. That Draco might have put an Unforgivable Curse on you if you hadn’t been able to defend yourself.
Harry: [Adoringly] You…you really think so?!
Ginny: Of course I do—my dearest darlingest future husband!
Harry: Aah, that’s what I like to hear.
[Harry goes to detention with Snape…]
Snape: Ah, there you are. Alright, here’s what you need to do. On these tables are files of previous punishments that have been visited on students for wrongdoing. You are to go through them, sort them into alphabetical order, and recopy any that look unreadable or in bad shape.
[Harry gets to work. Many times he comes across his own father’s name.]
Harry: How could you be so cruel?!
[Harry works from 10 to a little after 1, at which point Snape dismisses him]
Snape: Remember to come back on schedule next Saturday.
Harry: I couldn’t forget if I wanted to.
[He goes back to the dormitory to find everyone celebrating]
Ron: Harry, Harry! We won!
Harry: Hooray!
[Ginny approaches, and Harry kisses her]
Harry: Ha! Suck on that, Dean Thomas! Romilda Vane! This girl is mine and I am hers! [Sticks up two fingers at Dean and Romilda Vane]
Ginny: So…shall we go discuss the match together?
Harry: Oh, yes, let’s.
[They go outside to walk around the grounds]
Harry: So, anyway, now I know what I need to do and Dumbledore says he’ll let me come and help destroy Horcruxes.
Ron: Wow! Finally you’re making progress! [Pause] Anyway, I’m no longer dating Lavender.
Hermione: Oh, and Ginny and Dean split up.
Harry: Hooray! Ginny and Dean split up! Now Ginny will come crawling into my arms and we’ll get married!
Hermione: But aren’t you worried about how this will affect their performance in quidditch?
Harry: Oh yeah….
[It helps that Katie is now back at school]
Harry: Incidentally, do you have any memory of who gave you the necklace?
Katie: No. The last thing I remember was going into the bathroom.
Harry: Very strange.
[Katie goes to class…]
Hermione: Oh! I wonder if that’s why Draco has been Polyjuicing his friends into girls!
Harry: Speaking of which, I think I’ll finish up that luck potion and try the Room of Requirement again.
Hermione: No, don’t go wasting it! It’s plot potion for a reason!
Ron: Can we make more?
Harry: We could, it is in the Prince’s book. But it’ll require a blood sacrifice. [Looks shiftily at Ron]
Ron: Aagh! Never mind!
[Now that Katie is back, Dean and McLaggen are relieved of quidditch duty and things return to normal]
Harry: Ginny, I notice you’re taking the breakup with Dean unusually well.
Ginny: Oh, well, I’ve pretty much obliterated the last traces of my feelings by now. Don’t mind me.
Harry: Wouldn’t it be good if we could be alone without your brother looking over his shoulder at us?
Ginny: Patience, patience. Our time will come.
[A few days before the next quidditch match, Harry is studying the Marauder’s Map and sees Draco inside a bathroom]
Harry: Aha! Now I shall corner him and force the truth out of him once and for all!
[So he goes into the bathroom to find Draco crying and being comforted by Moaning Myrtle]
Harry: Draco! What are you doing?!
Draco: [Sobbing] N-nobody asked you!
Harry: Well…I’ve got you cornered now! So are you going to talk or will I have to make you?!
Draco: Don’t mess with me! [Draws wand] How would you like me to use Crucio on you, huh?!
Harry: [Draws wand] Sectumsempra!
[An invisible knife appears to slash Draco across the face and chest, causing him to bleed profusely]
Harry: Did I do that?!
Moaning Myrtle: Oh, no! This wasn’t supposed to happen! I must, ah, do something! Yes! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP! HARRY POTTER’S JUST KILLED SOMEONE! NO THIS ISN’T A JOKE!
[Sure enough, Snape arrives momentarily]
Snape: What the hell is going on here?!
Draco: Snape! Help me, I’m dying!
Snape: You’re not dying, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. [to Harry] Don’t move until I get back.
[Snape escorts Draco out of the bathroom]
Moaning Myrtle: Wow, Harry! That was amazing! I had no idea you’d ever become a murderer!
Harry: I’m not a murderer! You heard Snape, Draco isn’t going to die!
Moaning Myrtle: That doesn’t change the fact that you attacked him with a spell that could kill him. You’re a would-be murderer!
Harry: That’s not true!
Moaning Myrtle: Did almost killing a student make you feel tough and manly?
Harry: Shut up!
[Just then, Snape returns, and Moaning Myrtle disappears]
Snape: Harry, what is wrong with you?! How on earth could you attack a fellow student with such a dark spell?!
Harry: Well…I just found the spell in a book somewhere. It’s not like I knew what it would do.
Snape: You call that an excuse?! Do you have any idea how many people have died because they just tried out a spell to see what it would do?!
Harry: I don’t care about anyone’s death unless it causes me personal hardship.
Snape: That’s not the issue!
Harry: Anyway, I’m not telling you where I got the book from.
Snape: Oh, yes you will. I’m staring into your soul right as we speak.
Harry: That’s creepy! Stop!
Snape: You almost killed someone! Don’t lecture me on what’s creepy! [Pause] So you’ve been getting it from one of your books. Bring that book to me! Do it now!
Harry: Alright, alright…. [Leaves for Gryffindor Tower] I can’t possibly let Snape have the book! I can’t let him know that I’ve been cheating in Potions! I’ll lose Slutborn’s good favor and have to work for my grades for the rest of the year! I can’t have that!
[He approaches Ron]
Ron: Harry, you’re covered in blood! What the hell is going on here?!
Harry: Give me your Potions book, now!
Ron: You’re not going to kill me, are you?
Harry: Never mind that now—just give it to me!
Ron: If you insist! [Hands it over, whimpering]
Harry: Great! Now I just need to find a place to hide the Prince’s copy….
[He eventually runs it up to the Room of Requirement, which is now a large storage room full of junk]
Harry: That’s strange. There’s a Vanishing Cabinet in here. I wonder what that could possibly mean.
[Having disposed of his book, he returns to Snape]
Harry: Alright, I’ve brought you my books. But I think you’ll find there’s nothing amiss with them!
Snape: [Rifling through Harry’s books] There’s something amiss about this Potions book.
Harry: It’s my book! I mean it!
Snape: Oh, really?
Harry: Yeah!
Snape: But it has Ronald Weasley’s name in it.
Harry: It does?
Snape: Yes, it does.
Harry: Oops!
Snape: You dirty liar! I can’t believe you! First you attack and wound a student, then you lie about your book?! You will be serving detention with me every Saturday for the rest of the school year! Don’t you dare think of missing even one!
Harry: But…but…I’ve got quidditch this Saturday!
Snape: Tough! [Leaves Harry alone]
Harry: Stupid Slytherins, making my life so difficult! Making me do things I regret! Why can’t they all just jump out a window?!
[Later, Harry tells Ron and Hermione what happened]
Hermione: And this is why you never should have trusted the Half-Blood Prince.
Harry: But…but…he only copied the spell into the book! That…that doesn’t necessarily mean he ever used it!
Hermione: [sarcastic] Right. Of course not.
[McGonagall has no sympathy for Harry either]
McGonagall: As much as I hate to admit it, Snape is right. In fact, he’s doing you a big favor by not simply having you expelled.
[Harry assigns Ginny the role of seeker for the game, as he will not be able to play, and puts Dean back on as a chaser]
Harry: Oh, I so hope he and Ginny don’t make up!
Hermione: You’re not going to go get that book again, are you?
Harry: Oh, but I am. Snape can’t prove that I was cheating; therefore I am well within my rights to keep right on doing it.
Hermione: Oh, honestly!
Ginny: I for one think Snape is being much too strict. That Draco might have put an Unforgivable Curse on you if you hadn’t been able to defend yourself.
Harry: [Adoringly] You…you really think so?!
Ginny: Of course I do—my dearest darlingest future husband!
Harry: Aah, that’s what I like to hear.
[Harry goes to detention with Snape…]
Snape: Ah, there you are. Alright, here’s what you need to do. On these tables are files of previous punishments that have been visited on students for wrongdoing. You are to go through them, sort them into alphabetical order, and recopy any that look unreadable or in bad shape.
[Harry gets to work. Many times he comes across his own father’s name.]
Harry: How could you be so cruel?!
[Harry works from 10 to a little after 1, at which point Snape dismisses him]
Snape: Remember to come back on schedule next Saturday.
Harry: I couldn’t forget if I wanted to.
[He goes back to the dormitory to find everyone celebrating]
Ron: Harry, Harry! We won!
Harry: Hooray!
[Ginny approaches, and Harry kisses her]
Harry: Ha! Suck on that, Dean Thomas! Romilda Vane! This girl is mine and I am hers! [Sticks up two fingers at Dean and Romilda Vane]
Ginny: So…shall we go discuss the match together?
Harry: Oh, yes, let’s.
[They go outside to walk around the grounds]
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no subject
Date: 2015-06-14 09:33 pm (UTC)Yes, why didn't anyone make more? And if it was incredibly difficult to make, why would Slughorn, who was shown to be selfish and greedy, give it away to a mere student for nothing in return, just for completing a fairly ordinary assignment?
The plot-holes never end.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-14 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-15 01:29 am (UTC)Ron: Which means that the entire soap opera subplot was pointless.
/I can’t possibly let Snape have the book! I can’t let him know that I’ve been cheating in Potions!/
Yeah, remember when Hermione in the PS/SS movie said, “We could be killed! Or worse, expelled,” and Ron said that she needed to straighten out her priorities and we were supposed to laugh and agree with him? Harry has nearly killed Draco, and *this* is his biggest concern right now?
/In fact, he’s doing you a big favor by not simply having you expelled./
And yet when some sporkers compare Harry with bad YA protagonists, they’ll often say something along the lines of, “Harry faces consequences for his actions and X doesn’t.” Well, he sure doesn’t in this chapter! He almost killed a student. In any other circumstance, he would have been surely suspended, if not expelled. And yet all that happens to him is that he gets detention. *Detention.* And he *still* complains about it!
/Ginny: I for one think Snape is being much too strict./
And what’s more, his supposed True Love doesn’t care. His friends don’t distance themselves from him. Ron stopped talking to Harry over the Goblet of Fire, but when Harry almost kills another student and seems more upset about being punished than about whether the student has survived? Oh, that’s okay.
/Harry: Ha! Suck on that, Dean Thomas! Romilda Vane! This girl is mine and I am hers!/
Uh…did everyone forget about what just happened with Draco? You know, the fight…Draco almost dying…blood everywhere on the floor…nothing? Harry almost killed a classmate and *this* is what the chapter ends on?
If nobody, not even the narrative, is going to care about the Sectumsempra scene, then what is the point? This whole chapter just seems out of order. And, of course, it doesn't help that this chapter is coming right after the one where Dumbledore told Harry that he was better than Voldemort because he could love.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-21 05:33 am (UTC)Noble Gryf's like Harry and Siruis can almost kill some one and show no regrets.
Only bad people have regrets, like Snape, Draco and Percy. (Notice that 19 years later, Harry is still avoiding Percy)