Harry Potter Abridged! HBP Chapter 27
Jun. 17th, 2015 03:55 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sweettalkeress.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslock[Harry returns them both to Hogsmeade]
Harry: Alright, I’ll just get you back to the school and then I’ll get Madame Pomfrey—
Dumbledore: No, no, that won’t do at all. The one I need to see is Snape.
Harry: But why would you go to Snape?! He’s evil! Eeeeeviiiil!
Dumbledore: No he’s not. He’s the one I need!
[But just then, Madame Rosmerta appears]
Madame Rosmerta: Oh, it’s you two. What happened?
Harry: We’ve just been off on a top-secret mission, but now we really need to be getting back to the school!
Madame Rosmerta: But you can’t go back there! Don’t you know the Dark Mark’s been spotted over it!?
Harry: Oh, no! Now what do we do?!
Dumbledore: We will return to the school as planned.
Harry: What?! Do you want us both to get killed?!
Dumbledore: You’re not going to get killed.
Harry: How can you be so sure of that?!
Dumbledore: Never mind that now—just fetch me Rosmerta’s brooms so we can get back to the school.
[Harry obeys, and they take off. Eventually they disembark on top of the ramparts]
Dumbledore: Now, be a good boy, put your Cloak on, and go get Snape.
Harry: But I want to stay here and protect you!
Dumbledore: Don’t ask—just do as I say!
[Harry puts the Cloak on, but before he can leave…]
Draco: [Bursts through the door and disarms Dumbledore] Aha! I have you now, my pretty!
Dumbledore: [Silently paralyzes Harry] Oh, Draco, it’s you. I thought you might be around.
Draco: Don’t act so casual! I’ve come here to kill you! Bwahahahahahahaahahahaha! [Gulps air] Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Dumbledore: Draco—
Draco: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Dumbledore: Draco!
Draco: What?
Dumbledore: Just how do you intend to kill me anyway? Do you honestly think you’re a killer?
Draco: Well…everyone has to start somewhere, right? I shall kill you and bring your head back to my Lord Voldemort and then he shall forgive my father for his error! Ahaha--!
Dumbledore: No, you really won’t. I don’t think you’re a killer.
Draco: I’ll have you know that I smuggled Death Eaters into this school via Vanishing Cabinet right under your nose!
Dumbledore: That’s nice. But do you really think you can go from that to killing me?
Draco: I’ll show you! Avada Kedavra!
[The attack whizzes right past Dumbledore and vanishes into the night]
Draco: No fair! You must have blocked my attack!
Dumbledore: I’m too weak to channel magic.
Draco: You liar!
Dumbledore: That hurts! Why would I lie to you?
Draco: I’ll kill you!
Dumbledore: Then do it.
Draco: I swear I’ll kill you!
Dumbledore: Then what is stopping you?!
Draco: Well…I…I’m coming down with the flu?
Dumbledore: Draco, tell me honestly, are you the one who slipped a poisoned necklace to Katie and poisoned mead to Slughorn?
Draco: Well…yes…. See! That’s proof that I was a callous killer all along! I even used the Imperius on Rosmerta to ensure her cooperation!
Dumbledore: Did you really think either of those items would find their way to me undetected?
Draco: I held out hope….
Dumbledore: But they didn’t, did they?
Draco: No….
Dumbledore: So in conclusion, you are not a killer! You know you have the option of giving this all up and coming to work for me and the Order. We might even be able to protect you and your mother.
Draco: What?! Why on earth should I ever help you?! All you and the Order members ever do is look down your noses at me and turn a blind eye to my suffering for the grievous sin of being a Slytherin and not a Gryffindor!
Dumbledore: Die like a dog or live like a slave, Draco—those are your only options.
Draco: I hate you so much!
[But just then, three death eaters, Amycus and Alecto Carrow and Fenrir Greyback, enter]
Dumbledore: Oh, hello you three. I trust you’ve been busy killing people and abusing children?
Fenrir Greyback: That matters little. Now we are here and we can have an epic battle!
Dumbledore: [Giggles] An epic battle? But I’m unarmed!
Amycus Carrow: Is that so? But then why hasn’t Draco been able to kill you yet?
Draco: I tried, but he’s talking me to death!
Alecto Carrow: Talking you to death?
Draco: It’s just as unpleasant as it sounds.
Dumbledore: Yes, now I have all of you under my power! I will regale you with long-winded speeches about how aggressively worthless you all are until you all throw yourselves off the tower out of sheer hopeless boredom!
Draco and all Death Eaters: AAAAAAGH! [Clutch one another]
[But just then…]
Snape: That’s quite enough!
Everyone: SNAPE?!
Dumbledore: Oh, Snape. It’s you. I had hoped you would come by!
Snape: Must it come to this?
Dumbledore: Alas, I fear this is the end for me!
Snape: Avada kedavra! [He aims the spell at Dumbledore, who falls off the tower and dies]
Harry: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Harry: Alright, I’ll just get you back to the school and then I’ll get Madame Pomfrey—
Dumbledore: No, no, that won’t do at all. The one I need to see is Snape.
Harry: But why would you go to Snape?! He’s evil! Eeeeeviiiil!
Dumbledore: No he’s not. He’s the one I need!
[But just then, Madame Rosmerta appears]
Madame Rosmerta: Oh, it’s you two. What happened?
Harry: We’ve just been off on a top-secret mission, but now we really need to be getting back to the school!
Madame Rosmerta: But you can’t go back there! Don’t you know the Dark Mark’s been spotted over it!?
Harry: Oh, no! Now what do we do?!
Dumbledore: We will return to the school as planned.
Harry: What?! Do you want us both to get killed?!
Dumbledore: You’re not going to get killed.
Harry: How can you be so sure of that?!
Dumbledore: Never mind that now—just fetch me Rosmerta’s brooms so we can get back to the school.
[Harry obeys, and they take off. Eventually they disembark on top of the ramparts]
Dumbledore: Now, be a good boy, put your Cloak on, and go get Snape.
Harry: But I want to stay here and protect you!
Dumbledore: Don’t ask—just do as I say!
[Harry puts the Cloak on, but before he can leave…]
Draco: [Bursts through the door and disarms Dumbledore] Aha! I have you now, my pretty!
Dumbledore: [Silently paralyzes Harry] Oh, Draco, it’s you. I thought you might be around.
Draco: Don’t act so casual! I’ve come here to kill you! Bwahahahahahahaahahahaha! [Gulps air] Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Dumbledore: Draco—
Draco: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Dumbledore: Draco!
Draco: What?
Dumbledore: Just how do you intend to kill me anyway? Do you honestly think you’re a killer?
Draco: Well…everyone has to start somewhere, right? I shall kill you and bring your head back to my Lord Voldemort and then he shall forgive my father for his error! Ahaha--!
Dumbledore: No, you really won’t. I don’t think you’re a killer.
Draco: I’ll have you know that I smuggled Death Eaters into this school via Vanishing Cabinet right under your nose!
Dumbledore: That’s nice. But do you really think you can go from that to killing me?
Draco: I’ll show you! Avada Kedavra!
[The attack whizzes right past Dumbledore and vanishes into the night]
Draco: No fair! You must have blocked my attack!
Dumbledore: I’m too weak to channel magic.
Draco: You liar!
Dumbledore: That hurts! Why would I lie to you?
Draco: I’ll kill you!
Dumbledore: Then do it.
Draco: I swear I’ll kill you!
Dumbledore: Then what is stopping you?!
Draco: Well…I…I’m coming down with the flu?
Dumbledore: Draco, tell me honestly, are you the one who slipped a poisoned necklace to Katie and poisoned mead to Slughorn?
Draco: Well…yes…. See! That’s proof that I was a callous killer all along! I even used the Imperius on Rosmerta to ensure her cooperation!
Dumbledore: Did you really think either of those items would find their way to me undetected?
Draco: I held out hope….
Dumbledore: But they didn’t, did they?
Draco: No….
Dumbledore: So in conclusion, you are not a killer! You know you have the option of giving this all up and coming to work for me and the Order. We might even be able to protect you and your mother.
Draco: What?! Why on earth should I ever help you?! All you and the Order members ever do is look down your noses at me and turn a blind eye to my suffering for the grievous sin of being a Slytherin and not a Gryffindor!
Dumbledore: Die like a dog or live like a slave, Draco—those are your only options.
Draco: I hate you so much!
[But just then, three death eaters, Amycus and Alecto Carrow and Fenrir Greyback, enter]
Dumbledore: Oh, hello you three. I trust you’ve been busy killing people and abusing children?
Fenrir Greyback: That matters little. Now we are here and we can have an epic battle!
Dumbledore: [Giggles] An epic battle? But I’m unarmed!
Amycus Carrow: Is that so? But then why hasn’t Draco been able to kill you yet?
Draco: I tried, but he’s talking me to death!
Alecto Carrow: Talking you to death?
Draco: It’s just as unpleasant as it sounds.
Dumbledore: Yes, now I have all of you under my power! I will regale you with long-winded speeches about how aggressively worthless you all are until you all throw yourselves off the tower out of sheer hopeless boredom!
Draco and all Death Eaters: AAAAAAGH! [Clutch one another]
[But just then…]
Snape: That’s quite enough!
Everyone: SNAPE?!
Dumbledore: Oh, Snape. It’s you. I had hoped you would come by!
Snape: Must it come to this?
Dumbledore: Alas, I fear this is the end for me!
Snape: Avada kedavra! [He aims the spell at Dumbledore, who falls off the tower and dies]
Harry: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2015-06-18 01:26 am (UTC)Has that been his motto for this entire book?
/Draco: What?! Why on earth should I ever help you?! All you and the Order members ever do is look down your noses at me and turn a blind eye to my suffering for the grievous sin of being a Slytherin and not a Gryffindor!/
Draco: And you say that you knew what I was planning to do this whole time and yet it’s only now that you offer to help me!
/Dumbledore: Die like a dog or live like a slave, Draco—those are your only options./
Just ask Severus Snape.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-21 05:10 am (UTC)Has that been his motto for this entire book?
Not just this book, but for life.
/Dumbledore: Die like a dog or live like a slave, Draco—those are your only options./
Just ask Severus Snape.
Sigh, so true.