GoF Chapter Four

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Whew—Harry threw out the cake.

*The Dursleys are uptight and irritable. Not sure how Harry noticed this, as they are always this way when he’s in the room.

*Okay, why do the Weasley children don Muggle clothing during the holidays? They seem as clueless as their parents about all things Muggle. I think it’s because wizard clothing is lame so we don’t really want the Weasleys to wear it.

*Dudley had to have his pig’s tail surgically removed? WTF? Way to live up to the Dursleys nightmare fantasies there. And worse is in store!

*Btw, sometimes it seems like how difficult it is to remove a charm depends on whether the author thinks you deserved it or not.

*Dudley’s healthy weight loss-through-starvation diet is starting to take effect, so we’re going to try to get in as many fat-references as we can while the going’s still good.

*It’s kind of sad that the fact that Dudley’s walking around protecting his rear is doesn’t seem to be there to make us feel for Dudley but make clear that Hagrid’s behavior is the only correct way to get through to people like him. Not that it changed his behavior, but at least it shows he’s a coward and causes him distress. That’s always good.

*Sometimes I love the Dursleys: "Maybe they think they’ll be invited to dinner if they come late."

*Arthur just had the fireplace connected to the floo network without the Dursleys knowledge? WTF? Apparently you can do whatever the hell you want to Muggles as long as you’re a designated good guy.

*Oh, Arthur did this ILLEGALLY because he has a buddy in the department. That makes it much better.

*Mr. Weasley collects batteries. I wonder if the acid ever leaks out and causes a mess?

*Vernon is protecting Petunia. Not that this is brave, at all.

*Fat people are especially funny when they are scared. Really.

*Why would Dudley eat candy left by wizards when he’s been shown to be literally terrified of what wizards will do to him? It seems like the idea is that yeah, he’s terrified, but fat people (especially fat people on diets) will eat anything. Leave a bit of candy on the floor and they’ll be on all fours scarfing it up.

*Btw, bringing the twins to the Dursleys pretty much guarantees something like this would happen. Why did Arthur bring them?

*Wonder what would have happened if Dudley had eaten the candy later. We know the tail had to be removed by a surgeon, but I can’t imagine how a surgeon would have fixed Dudley’s tongue.

*Special in this chapter, How To Treat Muggles With Respect, by Arthur Weasley:

1. As a wizard, you decide what’s best for their Muggleborn child, but it’s fun to pretend to ask permission for anything you might be planning.

2. If you need to go see a Muggle, the best approach is to tamper with their house without their knowledge so that you can appear unannounced in their living room. Unlike wizards, Muggles really aren’t high-functioning enough to have a say as to who comes into their house.

3. This may require you to violently damage some property, because some Muggles are insane and so don’t have working fireplaces. Adorable, aren’t they?

4.It’s especially gentlemanly if your tampering with their house has an air of sleazy validation, so if you have a friend in the Ministry, get him to help you. If we want the Ministry to be corrupt, we all have to do our share.

4a. Amendment to rule #4: Don’t let gold change hands. I don’t have any.
5. If Muggles appear to be frightened after you’ve broken into their house, they’re probably mad so feign sympathy.

6. If your Muggle does not say good-bye to their Muggleborn child, it’s your responsibility to discipline and teach them. Think of it as disciplining someone else’s children, only as there is no parent you’re even more needed.

7.If one of your children plays a joke that causes choking, don’t stand for any anger or panic on the Muggle’s part. Boys will be boys, and surely Muggles choke each other for fun all the time in Muggle ways.
Just follow these tips and in no time you’ll be as beloved by Muggles as I am.

*But enough mistreating the Muggles. Let’s get back to being self-righteous about treating others like they’re lower species than you are.



Designated Hero
You may have forgotten after this chapter, but the Weasleys and Harry are the ones we’re counting on to protect us Muggles from the wizards who think they’re superior to us.

Foley Work
The Weasleys in the floo.

IITS
Wasn’t Dudley too scared to even come out earlier? Why is he grabbing candy off the floor left by the wizards? IITS.

Informed Attributes
Arthur is really interested in all things Muggle and has studied them his entire life.

Whooshing Powder
Where there’s a floo, there’s whooshing powder.

Final score: 5