GoF Chapter Twenty

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Harry dresses so inattentively on Sunday he almost puts his hat on his foot. Which is pretty good for Harry, given that on any other day he forgets to inform us he wears a hat at all.

*Hermione is eating breakfast with Ginny, because she really does have a female friend. Really. Oh, and Ginny herself is incredibly popular.

*What is a wine gum? Is it the cork? I know it’s less dangerous than a dragon’s tooth, but I’ve no idea what it is. (This was cleared up at the_snarkery--fandom is educational! Did they change this to something else in the US version?)

*When Hermione falls silent Harry finds all he has in his own head is a blank buzzing. Nicely symbolic, moment there, about how the Trio works and how smart Harry is.

*Harry thinks about running away from Hogwarts, but it’s the only place he’d ever been happy. Though you might have forgotten that since he does most of his whinging here too.

*Instead of running away Harry reminds himself, and us, that his parents are dead and that this is sad, which gives him the will to have breakfast.

*Harry splits Cedric’s bag, so causing a mess, so that he can get a chance to talk to him. Yes, the wizarding solution to everything is pretty much the same: prank him!

*Harry tells Cedric about the dragons, but doesn’t tell him how he knows because it will get Hagrid in trouble and he wants me to remember why I hate Hagrid so much.

*pauraque was noting that Cedric is suspicious of Harry and wondering why, but now that I read it I think it’s just to highlight how wonderful and Dumbledore-like Harry is. Even Cedric, who is obviously a better person than Harry, can not conceive of why Harry would tell him this. A simple, "I really appreciate your telling me this Harry, when you could have made it into an advantage," can not do. Cedric must be completely flummoxed by Harry’s great morality.

*A morality which happily stops just short of Snape and Malfoy, whom he maybe would not have told about the dragons. Go Harry!

*Harry wonders if Moody is going to turn him into a ferret. He does not wonder whether Moody intentionally turned Malfoy into a ferret, or whether Malfoy turned into a ferret due to his inner ferret-nature, because Harry is not in fandom.

*Poor Barty. He’s a bad guy, but he seems mostly driven by his own innocence. He’s like...really hurt that people didn’t act the way people are supposed to act, even Death Eaters. Harry’s warning Cedric makes him all ferklempt.

*Once again any machine that’s supposed to detect something bad is useless because the whole world is bad.

*Hmm. So when Moody’s enemies get too near, that’s when he opens his trunk. We know Moody likes to tell the truth whenever he can get away with it. Does he mean when his enemies get too close he switches places back with Real!Moody again?

*Honestly, do we have to keep being reminded about how Harry will go to his death before ratting out Hagrid? Because it seems to be some big noble thing and it just makes me more and more irritated. I mean, if you’re going to not tell how you found out then don’t tell (though frankly, maybe if you tell the whole truth they’d come up with a different task, since it’s spoiled for everyone) but stop making it about protecting Hagrid the Great Innocent.

*Harry assures Moody he didn’t cheat (quite self-righteously too, what's that about?), that it was an accident he found out about the dragons. Well, maybe he didn’t cheat, but it wasn’t an accident. It was just Hagrid who cheated. Harry Potter: the hero who lets other people cheat for him!

*Oh, and now let’s get all superior to Karkaroff and Maxime. Dumbledore is just so high-minded he’s playing fair but of course those two teachers won’t. Okay, first of all, the person doing the most cheating here is HAGRID who is WORKING FOR DUMBLEDORE. And secondly, Madame Maxime found out about the dragons via the same "accident" that Harry did. And Fleur and Krum found out about the dragons just as "accidentally" as Harry—a teacher at their school wanted to give them an advantage and told them. So shut up about the inferior characters of the foreign teachers, yo.

*Just in case we didn’t get it, Moody gives us yet another example of the fine non-cheating character of Hogwarts (and probably Gryffindors): I won’t talk, but I will act out the solution using hand-puppets until you get it. And I will still consider myself to have not told you the truth. It’s the Charles Van Doren Method—he was a Gryffindor too.

*Harry still can’t do Summoning Charms. The books and things get halfway across the room, then run into the invisible Plot Device Shield surrounding Harry and drop.

*Boy, when Harry finally learns this Charm it will totally feel like he earned his victory and didn’t cheat at all. I mean, it’s a Summoning Charm! And that’s super hard for Harry because unlike every other charm he can’t do it with relatively little trouble, for some totally non-arbitrary reason having nothing to do with plot!

*Why can Harry not practice his Summoning Charms without Hermione? He can’t keep pointing and speaking on his own? Couldn’t she just write CONCENTRATE on a piece of paper, given that’s all she’s saying to help?

*Aww, Trelawney went and looked up Harry’s birthday.

*That’s it, Harry. Make Ron twist good and long there. If you’re thinking of softening towards him, just remember those ridiculous out-grown pajamas!

*Oh for the love of God, just let him Summon already. Babies born in 2026 already know he’s going to get it before the dragon.

*Harry feels like a separate species to the crowd. I mentally fill in how this is because they are all just laughing and talking and dealing with everyday joys while he is facing certain death with no parents all alone yadda yadda yadda…

*Oh my gosh, HARRY picked the Horntail Dragon? Isn’t that, like, the scariest one? What bad luck! The other champions have no reason to even look scared at all!

*Btw, Fleur picks the smallest dragon. Very lady-like. Hmmph.

*I love the way Harry is the underdog in this competition when the other three champions are pretty young themselves, and most of the adults in the universe are falling over themselves to give him the advantage.

*Harry felt more warmly towards Fleur than he ever had before. Too bad Ginny isn’t in the tent to put a stop to that.

*Come to think of it, too bad Ginny’s not there to take care of every single one of these dragons with her super sass power.

*All the opposing teams Harry faces in Quidditch are ugly. Good to know.

*Okay, I know it’s a dragon and all but this contest is cruel. I wonder if that dragon the Trio is riding on the cover of the DH special edition knows about this.

*Time does more warping in this chapter than in PoA. Not only do Harry’s pre-dragon classes speed up while the wait in the tent is interminable, but Harry’s stunt to get the egg, which seems like it would take quite a while, somehow is quicker than Krum’s, which seemed much faster.

*I don’t suppose anyone would consider giving extra points for actually coming up with your plan to get the dragon yourself, would they? Because I somehow suspect Cedric was the only person who did that.

*That sound you heard, btw, was the sound of Malfoy’s heart breaking as Harry made himself the star again.

*There really is nothing to cry about Hermione. Shut up.

*OMG, the thing Krum did to the dragon was AWFUL! It was in agony and smashed all its eggs? I hate this Tournament. I really hate it.

*I’m sorry...the school headmasters are the judges? What is the point of this contest, again?

*And Ron is back to judging everything based on whether it’s good or bad for Harry. Phew—guess he’s no longer in danger of being evil.



Designated Hero
In this chapter we are painstakingly told how Harry is less of a cheater than anyone else by having him cheat more than anyone else--accidentally.

Idiot World
Yeah, you’d better hint at that broom until Harry gets it Barty. Harry getting an idea about how to face the dragon maybe gets him a tiny step closer to overcoming the incredible obstacles you’ve set around your own trap.

Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
I got hit with that tail that was supposed to be so deadly? ‘Tis but a scratch.

IITS
Moody invites Harry in for a little chat in his office, filled with potential Portkeys. Why doesn’t he just hand him one? IITS!

Misdirected Answering
Well, it’s nice that Harry and Ron now both know, as we all already did, that Harry didn’t put his name into the Goblet himself, but are we ever going to address that "Maybe you’ll have a scar now, that’s what you want, isn’t it?" remark?

Final score: 5