deathtocapslock | GoF Chapter Thirty-Six

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GoF Chapter Thirty-Six

*Dumbledore stares down at Barty with disgust, because he’s just such a good person he’s, like, repulsed by evil. ETA: Just like he looked at Snape! And no, I don't think he's consciously projecting his disgust at himself at these guys.

*The pain in Harry’s leg is back. It wandered off to get a corndog at some point during Voldemort’s laser show and just returned.

*Everyone is shaking! That’s how bad all this is!

*Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it, says Dumbledore. Apparently Dumbledore has been listening to those post-9/11 crackpots who thought it was absolutely essential for everyone to relive their experiences within 48 hours for healing. In fact what this does is cement them in your memory and keep your body from healing itself, making you far more likely to suffer PTSD. Iow, shut up, Dumbledore.

*And since Dumbledore speaks for Rowling, she, too, ascribes to the Fanfic method of dealing with trauma. Telling it to somebody the author likes is like draining poison from the wound!

*There’s that gleam of triumph. I guess because Dumbledore’s hurt/comfort scenario is doing Harry so much good. ETA: That gleam seems maniacal now because I know it's foreshadowing the ending of DH I couldn't care less about.

*Not that he explains it. It’s important for Harry to make a full disclosure, but why actually explain anything that’s happened to him? What would that help?

*Hmm...Sirius asks what happens when a wand meets its brother. I have no idea how to connect this to Regulus but damn, it seems like it should, shouldn’t it? They do not work properly against each other! ETA: False alarm. Regulus took a locket because he didn't like the way Voldemort treated his House Elf so that we could stretch out the search for the Horcruxes another intermindable few chapters.

*If Harry and Voldemort’s wands are brothers, I’ll bet Voldemort’s is the Percy! ETA: Was there ever any explanation for Harry's wand fighting Voldemort on its own that time in DH? Did it just get sick of being under Harry's control, proving officially that Harry is dumber than a stick of wood?

*No, no spell can bring back the dead. Because there’d be no story if magic didn’t have that arbitrary limit so that Voldemort could be obsessed with immortality! ETA: No spell to bring back the dead, but there is a magic rock that does it. Only it's a really bad thing to want the rock. And a good thing to spend your entire life invisible until you're so bored you want to die and no one will miss you because you spent your life hiding under your coat.

*The people Harry saw were in fact "reverse echoes," even though Cedric was talking about his own dead body. Sort of like how the portraits are only echoes even though they’re clearly interacting with the living in the present. Those wacky echoes!

*Dumbledore makes a big speech about Harry’s great bravery and how he’s equal to adult wizards. Why does he start treating him like a child next year again? Oh, IITS.

*Dumbledore's lying of course. Harry is far better than any adult wizard we've ever seen or ever will.

*I’m sure Harry’s asking if Moody is okay is a sign of his incredible compassion, greater than that of mortal man.

*Oh no, now that Barty’s been kissed he can’t give testimony. And you know how important testimony is in the Wizarding World.

*We heard Barty confess under Veritaserum...which we’re going to say is useful in this instance, although somehow it wouldn’t have been for Sirius.

*Once again Dumbledore’s a badass, as he only is when someone interferes with *his* plans.

*Wait, Fudge says he’s heard of a curse scar acting as an alarm bell before...is that significant? Or a typo and he meant to say he’d never heard of it?

*Snape makes a sudden movement. You know, I think GoF is a favorite mostly for two things, the gleam in Dumbledore’s eye and Snape’s sudden movement. Such potential. ETA: Such non-potential. What on earth is the sudden movement about? And why does Snape look like he's trying not to laugh at Filch's cat in CoS? Just general I KNOW LUCIUS MALFOY and I LIKE DEAD CAT JOKES?

*Fudge refuses to accept disorder to his comfortable and ordered world. Um, since when has the WW ever been comfortable or ordered, even for Fudge?

*What’s this nonsense about the giants? I swear JKR is just determined to do "Hagrid’s Tale" no matter how hard it is to cram it in. Dumbledore says Voldemort is the one who will offer them their rights and freedom, but the giants don’t seem to be suffering from a lack of rights or freedom at all. They have their own society of which Dumbledore doesn’t approve. ETA: And they don't matter at all anyway!

*Wow. A reference to the idea that Purity of Blood is something many people care about. A rare occurrence. And not much following from a speech about the giants that I can see, but whatever.

*Heh. I’m sorry, but Harry getting all the gold is just kind of hilarious here, especially since Cedric appears to have been disqualified by dying too soon after his victory.

*Oh Molly, shut up. This isn’t the time to start spewing the Weasley motto about how the only reason my sleazy, mediocre middle-class dominant group husband isn’t running the world is because everyone else is racist and don't like his stash of Kindly wizard/innocent Muggle porn.

*This scene is so ominous to re-read. The warning signs for Hagrid’s Tale were all there, and we just didn’t see them.

*Snape and Sirius shake hands. Yes, I am hoping for something like that with two other enemies in Book VII. ETA: I didn't mean Dudley, JKR.

*Sirius turns the door handle with his paw. Many dogs would kill for that ability.

*I can’t imagine how Lucius spotted Sirius at that train station. (Now I’m picturing Draco: "Dad, look at that dog standing on two legs and talking to Harry Potter. Perfect Potter. His dog WOULD stand on two legs and talk.")

*Course, it might have been easier to turn the door handle and then transform. There’s something funny about Sirius rushing off for his all important mission and then being delayed for several minutes while he struggles to open a door with no thumbs.

*The money should have been Cedric’s! But, you know, I’ll give it to the damn Weasleys. I hope they buy loads of Peruvian Darkness Powder with it.

*The hug from Mrs. Weasley is touching.

*I lied. It should be touching but I’m just impatient with the whole Little Orphan Harry thing at the moment. Perhaps it will hit me later and I’ll well up on the subway or something. ETA: Nope, didn't happen.

Box Picture
The Parting of the Ways features a Wizard of Oz scene with everyone around Harry’s bed, including cameos from Fudge and Bill, whom we need to be reminded of so it means something when his face gets scarred. ETA: And by "something" I mean "nothing."

Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
Yes, Harry really did just escape from an open field where he was surrounded by a dozen murderers. On a bad leg, carrying a corpse bigger than he is.

IITS
Reading this scene now it’s like one big set up for OotP. The giants! Are important! Fudge! Thinks Harry’s crazy! Dumbledore! Suddenly a threat to Fudge! Fudge! Thinks the Ministry should control Hogwarts!

Idiot World
Let’s give Voldemort a running start, shall we? After all Lucius Malfoy’s doing such a good job hiding his DE sympathies at this school. It’s not like his son’s ever said anything about it.

Ken and Andrew’s Rule of Plot Holes
I think the real reason Fudge had Barty’s soul sucked was to keep anyone from demanding answers to the plot holes in his story.

Misdirected Answering
I know my first thought on what to do about this turn events is: let’s go see the giants!

ETA: Idiot Picture
No, there actually is no reason that Dumbledore should be pulling strings to make sure Harry destroys Voldemort and the Horcruxes with only Ron and Hermione for help at all.

Final score:7

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Snape and Sirius shake hands. Yes, I am hoping for something like that with two other enemies in Book VII. ETA: I didn't mean Dudley, JKR.

HAHAHA! And what, are you not satisfied with Harry having to grab Draco's hand when he SAVES HIS WORST ENEMY EVAH; OMG!!!?

That's right! Must write essay on how that moment is totally symbolic of Harry raising Slytherin up out of the flames!

*sigh* Word.

Point of curiosity: it's not in this book, but you did raise the subject.

Did anyone actually *see* Lucius Malfoy on the platform when Sirius was galumphing about like a dog? We all know that Draco was there, and he no doubt saw him and could have written home grousing about it. But the only window of opportunity we have for Voldemort getting the story of what happened to his Diary out of Lucius was the unexplained scar attack (and it was a bad one) the night before the kids boarded the Hogwarts Express. I'm not sure that if he had been on the business end of Voldemort's wand the night before he would have been up to seeeing Draco off on the train the next morning. And I don't recally reading that he was there.

Hmm...I don't know. It feels like one of those things that isn't literally planned out--like why would Sirius have a letter at Grimmauld Place that was written after he left there? We can come up with reasons why it's there, but it feels like the author just thought Sirius knew Lily, Sirius is at Grimmauld Place, therefore Sirius can have a letter from Lily at Grimmauld Place even if she wrote it when he wasn't living there.

Only in this case it's that Lucius exists, Lucius goes out in public, Sirius went out in public. Lucius has reason to be at the Hogwarts express since he has a kid too, so if Draco saw the dog that means Lucius could have seen it.

therefore Sirius can have a letter from Lily at Grimmauld Place even if she wrote it when he wasn't living there.

Bite your tongue! If Sirius was lucky enough to recieve a letter from Lily, he would have kept it with him for years, clutching it in Azkaban (explains why the Dementors never really got to him), putting it up his butt as he swam the seas, carrying it across the country, letting it dry on the sun-baked surface of his cave, then proudly displaying it in Grimmauld Place as his only personal possession in the whole world. Just like anyone else would! That's just how special Lily was.

The thing I don't get about the dog is how Lucius even knows that Sirius can turn into one.

What's tragic is this is exactly the theory about that letter I was trying to suppress while writing the post. Of course he would have done all of that. If the movies had only known sooner they'd have had it tattooed on him.

The thing I don't get about the dog is how Lucius even knows that Sirius can turn into one.

I guess the same way everybody knows whatever they need to know about MWPP but only when they need to know it. So the animagi stuff was a huge secret up until it was revealed to Harry, after which it was common knowledge.

I feel I should tell you it's five minutes later and I'm still laughing over this post. And not just the sticking it up his butt part, though that's central to the whole experience. It's really a drabble.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!!!

(deleted comment)

Oh, yeah, I remember that! Wasn't there some flint about how after PoA, they're all 'OMG, now Voldemort will know about animagi' (whether it was Peter or MWPP in general I can't remember) even though, obviously, he could have known for years?

Reading this scene now it’s like one big set up for OotP. The giants! Are important! Fudge! Thinks Harry’s crazy! Dumbledore! Suddenly a threat to Fudge! Fudge! Thinks the Ministry should control Hogwarts!

But the giants turn out to be unimportant--even in OotP. They were just a means to the end of Grawp. Whose only real contribution was to scare the centaurs away from Hermione and Harry. I guess Firenze couldn't come save them instead, because he'd already done that in PS/SS.

On the other hand, if he had, we could have gotten some delightful ESE!Firenze theories going. (Did he rescue them in order to send Harry on to the MoM and thus into the clutches of Voldemort? Is he Bella's secret boyfriend? Imagine the shipping potential!)

On the other hand, being centaurs, they could have just as easily stalked off instead of attacking. They're centaurs! Wacky, unpredictable centaurs!

Didn't it seem like GoF was setting up a huge, interspecies battle at the end of the series? Not just the giants, but the dragons, too. And the Merpeople planting mines for the battleships of Durmstrang. Scores of Wizards from other countries, who speak other languages. Goblins! Elves! Dementors! Everyone is mentioned, except for the werewolves--which we find out about two books later.

So, did all these beings show up? Eh.... not so much. Seems like the oppresssed magical beings were too smart to get involved in yet another wizard uprising. The Goblins decided to stay home and play Nintendo instead.

*Course, it might have been easier to turn the door handle and then transform. There’s something funny about Sirius rushing off for his all important mission and then being delayed for several minutes while he struggles to open a door with no thumbs.

That moment bugs me everytime I read the book. Open the door and then transform, you idiot! Maybe it's to show us how rash Sirius is that he can't even troubleshoot the transition from room to hallway.

How did he open the main door to the castle? Did he just use one of those secret passages to get out? You know, the ones that don't get closed until next year, even though there's been this big plot to kill Harry (by sporting tournament) this year?

You know, I could see that being a Poirot mystery. Some sports-star dies during a track run, and Poirot figures out that he was killed because his regular track shoes were switched for shoes that spread an undetectable poison through his socks, causing paralysis, which made him stumble over the last hurdle and break his neck. The perfect crime committed in front of thousands!

Hagrid went to speak to the Giants. We find out later that Lupin was sent to connect with the werewolves. Do you suppose that Arabella Figg was meant to recruit the squibs? Meanwhile, Arthur Weasley was given the task of recruiting lackluster Ministry employees in dead-end jobs.

Yes, it totally seems like a war when it isn't. It's like she feels like she should be telling a sprawling story about a world war, but has no interest or writing style to support that. I don't think she could believably write all that stuff with military strategy etc. So it's thrown in just for them to pick up one creature who makes clear how non-bigoted Harry is, and the whole war gets fought in one building once our large (for a book) but tiny (for a war) cast remembers they could actually fight for themselves. It's really kind of funny--everything comes down to Harry having to look for these objects by himself (arbitrarily) while the adult missions seem to literally be about providing a cover story for Harry's mission. Remus gets nowhere with the werewolves, but they don't matter anyway. Hagrid gets nowhere with the giants, but they don't matter anyway. The chance for bonding with students from other countries goes nowhere, but they don't matter anyway. (Dear Victor, don't know if you heard, but we had a World War here exclusively in the UK one night last June...)

Maybe it's to show us how rash Sirius is that he can't even troubleshoot the transition from room to hallway.

ROTFL!

*Feels the Sirius lurrrve.*

It's like she feels like she should be telling a sprawling story about a world war, but has no interest or writing style to support that.

That right there is one of my major problems with these books. Rowling seems to be trying to write epic fantasy, but she just doesn't have the right instincts for it. The scenes where she shines (or at least where she seems to be enjoying herself, which will do in a pinch) are the ones that deal with domestic situations in magical households. She can write about enchanted candy and pets all day long, but ask her to write an action scene and she just seems bored.

I have no idea why she tried to write epic fantasy. Maybe she was just unaware that there was any other kind, so she thought that if a story had magic in it there had to be a war between Light and Darkness in it too?

Yeah, it's bizarre that she can describe some schoolkids eating in a big hall in PS and make it seem enchanting, yet a daring dramatic raid on a bank with explosions and dragons comes out as dull.

(Dear Victor, don't know if you heard, but we had a World War here exclusively in the UK one night last June...)

I was eating when I read this, and practically choked from laughing.

If all the plot threads in these books that ended up going nowhere were cut, just imagine how much shorter and less painful a read they would have been!

The money should have been Cedric’s! But, you know, I’ll give it to the damn Weasleys. I hope they buy loads of Peruvian Darkness Powder with it.

I can just imagine someone saying to Cedric's father, "They both faced You Know. One of them died, one of them didn't. Doesn't take much to see who's the better wizard."

HAHAHAHAHA!

If only they'd filmed that. :D

"Dad, look at that dog standing on two legs and talking to Harry Potter. Perfect Potter. His dog WOULD stand on two legs and talk."

Long after I've stopped caring about GoF, the Draco-love will still shine through. :)

*If Harry and Voldemort’s wands are brothers, I’ll bet Voldemort’s is the Percy! ETA: Was there ever any explanation for Harry's wand fighting Voldemort on its own that time in DH? Did it just get sick of being under Harry's control, proving officially that Harry is dumber than a stick of wood?

I asked that too, but as far as I know the answer never mentioned in the book and I haven't even read any theories either. I guess most people forget it since it doesn't serve any point at all, except to get Harry out of a tight situation again without him actually having to think or even be active.

*Oh no, now that Barty’s been kissed he can’t give testimony. And you know how important testimony is in the Wizarding World.

And how convenient that DD was doing who-knows-what who-knows-where so that Fudge could just waltz up to Barty with a Dementor. And McGonagall doing bugger all to stop him, of course.

The issue of Harry Potter and his amazing auto-wand was (briefly) brought up in the middle of the Kings Cross gibberish (inconclusively, too).

So basically DD and Olivander basically shrug their shoulders and say "No clue"?

Oh, no. DD put on his omnicience hat while denying that he actually knew anything and gave Harry some spiel that when he won the Priori Incantatum tug-of-war, he had ended up with the prize of having some of Voldemort's power in the wand, now conveniently polarized against it's original owner.

Might explain why the wand was *able* to so easily smash Lucius Malfoy's wand. Doesn't explain why it went into auto-mode in the first place. Like I say, inconclusive.

Although it raises more questions than it answers. If the wand is capable of going into auto-mode that would explain the Protego shield Harry cast during that Occlumency lesson (without ever consiously deciding to do it) but if the wand was only polarized against Tom, why would it jump into action against Snape?

I so hated all the wand stuff in this last book. It really, imo, destroyed something appealing. When that Muggle-born's crying about her wand "choosing" her--yeah, everybody likes that idea. And it's totally destroyed if your wand, which is supposed to be so special, becomes loyal to somebody else if they yank it out of your hand or expelliarimus it.

*Snape makes a sudden movement. You know, I think GoF is a favorite mostly for two things, the gleam in Dumbledore’s eye and Snape’s sudden movement. Such potential. ETA: Such non-potential. What on earth is the sudden movement about? And why does Snape look like he's trying not to laugh at Filch's cat in CoS? Just general I KNOW LUCIUS MALFOY and I LIKE DEAD CAT JOKES?

Snape: Dead Cats Macro-Maker Of Hogwarts.

i has a potion...

I couldn't resist.

(http://photobucket.com)

HAHAHA SQUEEEE!!!!!

Nooo! U not takin mah potion!

im in ur toiletz, polyjuicin ur croniez

ETA: That gleam seems maniacal now because I know it's foreshadowing the ending of DH I couldn't care less about.
How? Do you mean it foreshadows Dumbledore is using Harry as a pawn? That's all? And all those theories we had about it being important... *sigh*

ETA: Was there ever any explanation for Harry's wand fighting Voldemort on its own that time in DH?
I don't remember one and am almost 100% sure there wasn't one, but like your explanation. It's as good as anything else at this point. :)

If Harry and Voldemort’s wands are brothers, I’ll bet Voldemort’s is the Percy! ETA: Was there ever any explanation for Harry's wand fighting Voldemort on its own that time in DH? Did it just get sick of being under Harry's control, proving officially that Harry is dumber than a stick of wood?

No, don't be silly. It was obviously the super awesomeness of Harry. The wand couldn't help, uh, itself from protecting Harry because he is simply just that awesome. Voldemort wand, of course, actually disliked Voldemort. Even though it chose him. Things just work out for Harry, I guess. Even when there is not reason for it.

Oh Molly, shut up. This isn’t the time to start spewing the Weasley motto about how the only reason my sleazy, mediocre middle-class dominant group husband isn’t running the world is because everyone else is racist and don't like his stash of Kindly wizard/innocent Muggle porn.

*snicker* yeah, no matter she wants locks on the shed. There are things no child should encounter! And I never saw why Arthur Weasley should be Minister of Magic. So he doesn't believe that Muggles are the scum of the Earth. So he doesn't want to compromise his family poverty, I mean his own personal happiness and no one else's, but remaining in the same job for all eternity. That doesn't mean he would do a good job.

And I never saw why Arthur Weasley should be Minister of Magic.

Well, obviously he deserves it for being ~~hardworking~~ ~~honest~~ ~~halfway competent~~ ~~a good person~~ a demon in the sack. Seriously? I'd go with Spongebob for MoM over Arthur. Shacklebolt's appointment is high on my personal list of "Five things that canon didn't ultimately screw up".

-L

LOL, now I'm curious as to what the other items on the list are...

Hee, well, since you ask:

- Morally neutral casualties. Aside from Harry and perhaps Bellatrix, characters weren't obviously killed or spared according to what the author might feel they deserve: the Malfoys lived while Fred bit it, and so on. Which was a pleasant surprise.

- She tried, but Draco wasn't completely ruined for me. Mind you, I'm Doylist enough to consider HBP!Draco as the "real" Draco because he's the best written (to accept DH as the last word on him strikes me much as if JKR posted a drawing by her youngest daughter and told us to forget official art and fanart, this is what he looks like). But one thing DH confirmed is that he doesn't enjoy inflicting pain on others. No doubt in the Potterverse this makes him a big wussypants who'll never come of age properly, but in the world I live in, a revulsion from torture is a good sign.

- Regulus, joining Draco and (of all people) Slughorn in the exclusive club of wizards with some trace of a moral compass. He was what I'd imagined Snape to be, the one character who decided he has had it with this motherfucking Dark Lord because what he's doing is wrong.

- Official confirmation of about 50% of Dumbledore's essential jerkitude, plus another 20% or so that JKR still appears to be unaware of.

-L

*The hug from Mrs. Weasley is touching.

*I lied. It should be touching but I’m just impatient with the whole Little Orphan Harry thing at the moment.

I found the scene uncomfortable. Not because of poor woobie Harry getting a hug from our resident motherly moron ("Sure you saw someone die, Harry, but more importantly, money!"), but because it's a pretty good description of someone really, really needing to relieve pressure and getting choked off. If Hermione hadn't made that loud noise we might have been spared Capslock!Harry. But I guess it's bad for Harry's image to cry in public.

I know my first thought on what to do about this turn events is: let’s go see the giants!

Much as I hate DD's standard procedure of being all fake genial while others rant and rave, when he gets his own rant on it's worse. They need Fudge on their side because the MoM has far more power than any mere Chief Warlock of Supreme Mugwumpery. But he's incredibly stubborn, none too bright, and inclined to disrespect DD's authoritay, so needs delicate handling. So, DD very cleverly starts giving him orders. Crazy orders at that. Dump the Dementors! Team up with the giants! Make it happen because I say so! If he honestly expects Fudge to say jawohl and hop to it, he's more delusional than Fudge is.

Aaanyway. If I were JKR's editor, and aware of what a complete nonevent the giants would turn out to be, I'd have suggested making them extinct. Hagrid and Madame Maxime arrive in the giant valley but there's only Grawp left, living in his own filth because ~~he's Hagrid's bro after all~~ deprived of contact with his own kind he's become a giant Rain Man, and they take him back out of compassion.

...I can't believe I went and tried to justify the existence of Grawp.

-L

I found the scene uncomfortable. Not because of poor woobie Harry getting a hug from our resident motherly moron ("Sure you saw someone die, Harry, but more importantly, money!"),

LOL!

OMG, your giant story makes so much more sense. And even explain why Grawp's such a moron.

but because it's a pretty good description of someone really, really needing to relieve pressure and getting choked off. If Hermione hadn't made that loud noise we might have been spared Capslock!Harry. But I guess it's bad for Harry's image to cry in public.

Yes, but quite manly to have tantrums for a whole year!

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GoF Chapter Thirty-Six

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I admit, five is a stretch

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