deathtocapslock | GoF Chapter Thirty-Seven

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GoF Chapter Thirty-Seven

*The Beginning? Dear God, are we starting over?

*JKR does that in OotP too with The Second War Begins. I guess she wants to make it clear that there’s another book coming out after this one so we’ll be on the lookout for it. Otherwise we might miss it when it tiptoes into the bookstores without much fanfare.

*ETA: Oddly enough Voldemort basically sits around for two books and then somehow in a space of weeks (days?) manages to completely change the Wizarding World into a different place and reduce adult Wizards to complete helplessness, wandering the streets. I guess he figured he might as well not lift a finger, given that Wizards are ridiculously easy to conquer.

*Mrs. Diggory says Cedric died right when he won the Tournament so he must have been so happy. Mrs. Diggory must have been a Gryffindor.

*Cedric, not being a crazy person, wasn’t thinking about the Tournament at all when he died. He was thinking, "Why am I in a graveyard and who’s that weird little guy with the bundle walking towards me?"

*Btw, for all the stuff about Cedric winning it still seems like any "glory" anyone remembers from this Tournament will go to Harry Potter. Color me shocked.

*The Diggorys back away from their gold. Oh, how I wish they’d give it to charity so that anyone related to Molly Weasley didn’t get it.

*Actually, I doubt wizards have charities, or if they do the recipients have to go through deadly obstacle courses or fight savage beasts to get to their money. Muggle charities are for the cowardly.

*Nothing comes of the idea that Harry killed Cedric, though you’d think it would. If Harry is lying about Voldemort, who the hell else did kill Cedric? This is one of those times where instead of following the logic JKR just throws it in to make sure we know Harry is suffering in every possible way.

*Especially since in DH people are randomly ready to believe he maybe killed Dumbledore and make Snape Headmaster of Hogwarts even though everybody at Hogwarts knows he did it.

*The only other person besides Hermione and Ron Harry can bear to talk to is Hagrid, I guess because if he talks to Hagrid I have to read a scene with Hagrid in it and if Harry’s got to be suffering he wants to make me suffer too.

*When he gets to Hagrid’s we get a hint of the true tragedy of the book. Madam Maxime is apparently dating Hagrid. Poor woman. First casualty of the second war.

*Madam Maxime is apparently dating Hagrid. I say this again just to show that yes, we have been known to know about teacher's romantic lives and sexual preferences, so that's not a reason that JKR couldn't possibly have told us Dumbledore was in love with a man.

*Harry did what his father would have done, Hagrid says, and there’s no more praise than that. I disagree. James would have found a way to pants someone in that graveyard. I just know it. James totally pwns Harry.

*Later the Slytherins will be hexed for "making threats." Yet Hagrid’s allowed to openly menace me with hints of the Hagrid’s Tale to come and nobody gives him tentacles.

*There’s black drapes behind the teacher’s table in the Great Hall. Harry instantly knows they are a mark of respect for Cedric. That’s a pretty sad measure of Harry’s deductive skills if it has to be highlighted that he figured out instantly that the standard signs of mourning are a reference to the person who recently died.

*Though I guess it’s impressive that Harry did not first assume they were a mark of respect for himself. He's dying on the inside here, people!

*No house cup, btw, because who cares about something like that when ~~Gryffindor doesn’t win~~ someone has died?

*Also note that Cedric is totally honored as himself and not as a Hufflepuff. Can’t have the duffers getting too uppity. We’re all one now, so when the Gryffindors start an army, get out those red shirts!

*Why...why did Dumbledore think Snape was on their side? You know a question is important to the series when it gets a double why!

*Sadly, you can also count on the answer being a double yawn.

*Everyone toasts Cedric. But let’s just assume Draco and his friends remained seated. It’s much more canonical.

*Cho’s crying. Harry does not instantly know why. This one’s harder than the black drapes.

*Any suggestions as to exactly what Draco is muttering to Crabbe and Goyle? Nah, we should probably just wait for JKR to tell us in a Q&A one of these days.

*Many other Slytherins refuse to toast Harry, which should retroactively take away their toasting of Cedric.

*Oh, and Dumbledore doesn’t see them not toasting. Harry can just tell. Because Dumbledore, after all, has no magical eye and is simply looking out over the whole Great Hall. Err...why can he not see them? Shouldn’t he be able to see them better than Harry? Dumbledore’s lack of magical eye seems to be being lamented here, but I don’t know what exactly it’s supposed to mean. It’s not like he’d act any differently if he did see them. And haven’t we been told Dumbledore always knows what’s going on?

*The Triwizard’s aim was to further promote magical understanding. Wait...it was? I could have sworn it was to dare teenagers to commit stupid dangerous acts for glory and pitted them against kids from other schools who therefore became the enemy.

*Luckily there's no need for magical understanding in this series whatsoever.

*Dumbledore looks right at the Durmstrang kids here. Yup, Dumbledore handles this whole magical understanding thing uncommonly well. These kids have been at the school for months and ignored while they sat in the lake...except for the times when they were set against each other and now you’re going to look at the vaguely Eastern European students like you hope they’ve learned something?

*Still, it's a great set up for when all those Europeans showed up in DH...oh wait, no they didn't. Except for probably all the DEs that came from Durmstrang. Maybe that's what they thought he meant.

*Oh, okay. Voldemort creates discord and enmity among different peoples. Dumbledore promotes friendship and trust between different peoples. Because Voldemort accepts people from different countries into his brotherhood that are united by a common cause, and you divide everyone into cheering sections and make them fight over a cup. And because Voldemort’s group has a decidedly continental flavor with foreign names, and your side is so British they mispronounce bouillabaisse on principle and "Malfoy" sounds like a foreign exchange student.

*Dumbledore says they have to choose what is right over what is easy. Which, for those just joining us, means act like a Gryffindor and do what comes easy for them.

*Fleur comes over to wish Harry, her fellow-champion and the guy who beat her, a nice good-bye. Bitch.

*Krum reveals Karkaroff did not steer the magical ship, but made the boys do all the work. Because of course, as a bad guy, he must have been obviously cowardly and lazy in all ways from the beginning. Good job finally throwing off those chains of oppression there, Viktor. Or on having your chains of oppression run away.

*Is this where Viktor snogged Hermione for two seconds? I’m surprised Ron is not described as looking suddenly unworthy when she returns.

*Ron’s adorable. Full stop. Not only does he ask for an autograph but he doesn’t point out that Viktor is supposed to be a professional Quidditch player, yet just spent the entire book not training at all. How the hell does that work?

*Oh right, good Quidditch players inherit their skill so don't have to train.

*Hermione does have amazing self-control. Imagine having kidnapped someone and held them prisoner and not be able to brag about it! Not since Ted Bundy have I seen such humility.

*I guess that’s why she made sure Marietta’s disfigurement was so obvious to everyone. Next time she’ll have to remember to make the pustules write HERMIONE GRANGER FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO THIS ALL BY HERSELF.

*Hermione’s got Rita in a jar. She caught her on the windowsill. Dude, wasn’t that like a month ago? That’s inhuman.

*Nice that Hermione still manages to be judgmental of the Slytherins-—they don’t care that Rita was doing something illegal by writing her stories. Okay, let me get this straight. The Slytherins are bad for not caring Rita was doing something illegal, even though you do illegal shit all the time and are currently keeping a human being trapped in a jar. And they’re bad for talking to a reporter when the school has closed itself to the press, even though you, of course, will do the same thing next year. Yeah, I can see why you’re so passionately shocked at the Slytherins thinking they should be able to talk to whoever they want while at school. I mean, at least be honest and say the Slytherins suck for saying nasty things about you to the reporter who'll print them.

*Oh, and btw, it’s illegal now to print newspapers articles that contain the truth if Hermione doesn’t like the truth presented. Good to know.

*Not to mention, the way they got onto Rita was Ron saying that Fudge wouldn’t be able to keep Rita Skeeter from reporting even though he was shutting everyone else up. Which would indicate that Rita was a good thing. Whatever.

*Ah, here is Draco saying something horrible about Cedric. More than horrible: Disgusting! Blasphemous! More terrible than anyone can imagine! If you can bear to hear it, he says now that Voldemort’s back he’ll go after people like Harry and his friends. They’ll be the first—well, after Cedric, who has already been killed. Wait, that’s not disgusting. Callous, but not disgusting. Disgusting would be asking Harry if he had sex with Cedric’s corpse before bringing it back—the kind of thing that’s probably being said by 14-year-old boys all over the world right now this second.

*Still, totally horrible thing to say to the girl who’s been keeping a human being a prisoner in a small jar for over a month.

*Also, wtf is the fandom thing with Draco making death threats in this scene? He’s not threatening anyone, he’s trying to scare them by reminding them that Voldemort is their enemy. It’s like if there was a serial killer on the loose who went after blonds and you told Draco he’d be next. A death threat is when you threaten to arrange someone’s death yourself. Duh.

*The Gryffindors hex the Slytherins unconscious. Now it’s a death threat. That way it’s more heroic.

*Oh, and Fred and George joining in from behind totally does not count as outnumbering, going after someone younger than you are, or hitting from behind. Because they probably did it on heroic impulse, which erases any possible bad intent. To outnumber, go after someone smaller or hit someone from behind you need to have a certain kind of mindset. Iow, you have to be a Slytherin.

*Harry gives the twins a bag of gold. *crosses fingers for some greedy bad twin stuff in book 7*

*Guess I can uncross my fingers now. Though at least all the laughter and the world died with Fred. And he was just on the verge of inventing magical fake dog poo when he died.

*As Hagrid said, what would come would come. We must face it. There’s nothing we can do. Hagrid’s Tale is going to happen.

Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
Well, you can’t blame the Slytherins refusing to toast a Jabootu category now can you?

Idiot World
Yup, we better just wait and see what Voldemort does. There’s nothing proactive we could be doing right now. Nothing at all.

Informed Attributes
Hey Hermione, tell us again how the press would work if you were in charge? And then Dumbledore can explain that "right versus easy" thing again, as demonstrated by anything Harry and his friends want to do, and how competition to the death in the pursuit of glory fosters unity between schools?

Final score: 3

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*Oh, okay. Voldemort creates discord and enmity among different peoples. Dumbledore promotes friendship and trust between different peoples. Because Voldemort accepts people from different countries into his brotherhood that are united by a common cause, and you divide everyone into cheering sections and make them fight over a cup. And because Voldemort’s group has a decidedly continental flavor with foreign names, and your side is so British they mispronounce bouillabaisse on principle and "Malfoy" sounds like a foreign exchange student.

WIN!
What was that about the series being a pean against hatred and bigotry?

Just one long plea, I tell you! It's not Dumbledore's fault those filthy foreigners never listen!

Doesn't Krum literally apologise for himself in this chapter? Like, 'Oh, Cedric was so kind to us, he wasn't rude, even though we were from an inferior non-British school!'
In case we hadn't gotten the point yet with the anvils of 'He likes it here much better!' and Dumbledore's benevolence in letting Durmstrang know that if they worship him, he's willing to let them become almost-rans for the cause.

Ah, the pleasure of a Friday sporking!

*Actually, I doubt wizards have charities, or if they do the recipients have to go through deadly obstacle courses or fight savage beasts to get to their money. Muggle charities are for the cowardly.
The Gryffindors give to charities like that. The Slytherins, such as Lucius Malfoy, only give to the cowardly charites. You know, St. Mungo's. For cowardly sick people.

*Nothing comes of the idea that Harry killed Cedric, though you’d think it would. If Harry is lying about Voldemort, who the hell else did kill Cedric? This is one of those times where instead of following the logic JKR just throws it in to make sure we know Harry is suffering in every possible way.
Yep. I could never understand why those rumors weren't floating around Hogwarts. After all, it's not like students killing each other is such a big thing. We know of at least four times when a student nearly kills another student. And the only one who gets punished at all is poor Harry! Which makes Snape a bad, bad person for imposing the punishment.

*Madam Maxime is apparently dating Hagrid. I say this again just to show that yes, we have been known to know about teacher's romantic lives and sexual preferences, so that's not a reason that JKR couldn't possibly have told us Dumbledore was in love with a man.
But don't you understand, Magpie? We can only know about one teacher's love life! To learn about two could create a time paradox, the results of which could start a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe!

Sickness is for people too cowardly to die/get injured in battle! Fuck St. Mungoes.

THIS! IS! GRYFFINDOR!! But even the Spartans built memorials to women who died in childbirth. Gryffindor sees them as weak.

Childbirth is something only women can do. Thereby, by definition it's an inferior cause of death compared to something manly and heroic like falling through a curtain.

Yep. I could never understand why those rumors weren't floating around Hogwarts.

He's even got an obvious motive for killing Cedric!

To cover up his sekrit homosexual love affair with Cedric? Because, remember, homosexuality can't be mentioned in the books.

*Cho’s crying. Harry does not instantly know why. This one’s harder than the black drapes.

The show of sorrow is totally foreign to Harry the wonderful. Mourn the person you care for with tears! Pshaaaw, Harry just pouts and mourns how life is making him suffer. That is why he loves Ginnyjosue's hard little stare at Dumbledore's funeral. She is just as sociopathic as he is.

*Hermione does have amazing self-control. Imagine having kidnapped someone and held them prisoner and not be able to brag about it! Not since Ted Bundy have I seen such humility.

Ahhh Hermione. She is the Aggressive to Harry's Passive.

That is why he loves Ginnyjosue's hard little stare at Dumbledore's funeral. She is just as sociopathic as he is.

He would have loved me at Dumbledore's funeral. Honestly, most of the kid there never spoke to the man once, what's to cry over? The real test is when Ginny doesn't cry when her family members die. Which means she must be dealing with it in a strong and healthy way!

Ahhh Hermione. She is the Aggressive to Harry's Passive.

LOL! Go team!

She does have a swollen and blotchy face at one point (which for a Gryffindor is a humiliating breakdown.)
It was almost like for a second there she was a real person with relationships outside of Harry and a mission other than to make him want to fuck her 24/7.
I presume this is why Harry so conspiciously fails to comfort her.

Those Harmonians really are crazy, you can see after something like that!

LOL. Well, to be fair, Harry treats a crying Hermione as poorly as he treats anyone else who dares to have emotions unrelated to himself and his Tragic Life.

God. This chapter (and your notes) point out just about everything vile in the series. Total xenophobia? Check. Harry doing his all-about-me thing? Check. Hermione releasing her inner-bitch? Check. Gryffindors rule, Slytherin sucks, and Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are...there? Check. The twins being themselves? Check. Hagrid not dead yet? Check.

Oh, I recall the heady days when I thought the Trio were actually going to have to deal with their issues. Now of course I realize that even thinking the Trio have issues means I'm a close-minded bigot. (Thanks Jo!)

::sigh::

God. This chapter (and your notes) point out just about everything vile in the series.

It so does! I read this recap thinking, "...and I stuck with these books...why?"

For myself, I couldn't believe this was behavior we were supposed to be cheering. So it seemed obvious that a change was going to occur, especially as there were three whole books to go. I'm still a bit boggled at being wrong. ;)

One day I'll slip through a portal into an alternate universe and wonder what on earth is different from my own...and then I'll find out it's the one where the books went that way!

And you'll live happily ever after. :) Unless there's some sort of equal exchange thing and (for example) Joss Whedon is an accountant...

Oops. That was me. :D

sistermagpie: *Dumbledore looks right at the Durmstrang kids here. Yup, Dumbledore handles this whole magical understanding thing uncommonly well. These kids have been at the school for months and ignored while they sat in the lake...except for the times when they were set against each other and now you’re going to look at the vaguely Eastern European students like you hope they’ve learned something?

Well, you can't blame him. You know what happened the last time he got involved with those cute vaguely-Eastern-European boys.

LOL! It's all explained!

Cho’s crying.

Whore.

Oh, and btw, it’s illegal now to print newspapers articles that contain the truth if Hermione doesn’t like the truth presented. Good to know.

That reminds me of the theory that Ginny took the Quidditch column job as a front to make sure there was no corruption going on in the press.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

As Hagrid said, what would come would come. We must face it. There’s nothing we can do. Hagrid’s Tale is going to happen.

Am I the only one who had 'Adagio' playing in their mind after reading that?

That reminds me of the theory that Ginny took the Quidditch column job as a front to make sure there was no corruption going on in the press.

LOL! Or course! She's making sure only the teams and players who deserve it get objective reporting!

Am I the only one who had 'Adagio' playing in their mind after reading that?

LOL

Yes, and we are all standing in the pouring rain looking mournful. But still holding hope that Hagrid will kick the can sometime soon. Even though it is a hopeless cause.

Semper Fi! XD

Does this mean Oliver will make a movie about us and our fight against the Potter?

If it's in B/W and I can wear a trilby with a feather, I'll play myself.

*Cho’s crying. Harry does not instantly know why. This one’s harder than the black drapes.
Man is it ever a good thing someone with so little empathy and compassion for his fellow man became head of a highly-trained police force. I just wish I could live in his 'new world.'

*Fleur comes over to wish Harry, her fellow-champion and the guy who beat her, a nice good-bye. Bitch.
Good thing this was book 5 and not book 7. Otherwise, Ginny'd probably have ripped out her still-beating heart with her bare hands. AND SHE WOULD HAVE DESERVED IT ~~for talking to her man~~!

*The Gryffindors hex the Slytherins unconscious. Now it’s a death threat. That way it’s more heroic.
Oh, man, this reminds me of that comment Gun left me in my journal where she tried to say that James bullied Snape because he was a part of a supremacist group. So, it really wasn't four kids picking on one for kicks, it was more four kids taking heroic action against a deadly foe. That kinda threw me; I had no idea where to even start with that statement.

*Oh, and btw, it’s illegal now to print newspapers articles that contain the truth if Hermione doesn’t like the truth presented. Good to know.
I know. She should totally put up an Educational Decree about it. I mean...

James bullied Snape because he was a part of a supremacist group. So, it really wasn't four kids picking on one for kicks, it was more four kids taking heroic action against a deadly foe.

Oh yeah, I recall Sirius telling Harry in OotP, "We were heroes"....or was it, "We were arrogant little jerks"? Eh, whatever.

Seriously, the one line that earned James my grudging respect is "It's more the fact that he exists". Why? Because he's not hiding behind any self-justifying BS. He's saying frankly, "Yes, I'm an asshole and I'm doing this because I can. Deal." If he'd been all, But, teenage Voldemort supporters! Must hunt them down! he'd be a fucking hypocrite as well as a bully.

-L

(deleted comment)

This is true!

*Mrs. Diggory says Cedric died right when he won the Tournament so he must have been so happy. Mrs. Diggory must have been a Gryffindor.

Totally. She's grieving more deeply than her husband who idolized his son (mothers PWN ALL), yet has the strength of mind to try to comfort him in the true Spartan spirit. Which, fortunately for Dumbledore, didn't involve lawsuits.

Madam Maxime is apparently dating Hagrid. I say this again just to show that yes, we have been known to know about teacher's romantic lives and sexual preferences, so that's not a reason that JKR couldn't possibly have told us Dumbledore was in love with a man.

Adding my two bits to the wanksplosion:

Far as I can see, the main reason that outing Dumbledore in DH would have been startling and distracting is that it's two big reveals at once: There are gay wizards + Dumbledore's gay. JKR could easily have avoided the problem by establishing in a previous book that homosexuality is a nonissue on the same lines as race, religion and gender. (Why should homophobia be the big exception among Muggle prejudices that miraculously don't exist in the WW?) Then in DH have Hermione read Rita's biography, explain it to Harry in words of one syllable, and Bob's your gay uncle on crack.

And yes, I agree with

teratologist's post about why the DD/GG should have been in the book. That DD put his principles above the love of his life is a key aspect of his character. By contrast, there's no need to spell out whether Sirius and Snape were in love with James and Lily respectively, or just friends. We already know they'd walk through fire for anyone they cared about, principles be damned.

-L

By contrast, there's no need to spell out whether Sirius and Snape were in love with James and Lily respectively, or just friends. We already know they'd walk through fire for anyone they cared about, principles be damned.

Good comparison!

Totally. She's grieving more deeply than her husband who idolized his son (mothers PWN ALL)

Yeah, this really pissed me off. "Mr Diggory was in the deepest pit of emotion. Well, the deepest one a MAN can reach with his inferior mind. THAT'S FEMINIZM!!"

*Also note that Cedric is totally honored as himself and not as a Hufflepuff. Can’t have the duffers getting too uppity. We’re all one now, so when the Gryffindors start an army, get out those red shirts!

This is like being Scottish. When an English person does well, the media describe him as "English". When a Scottish person does well, he is "British".

LOL! Why does that not surprise me?

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GoF Chapter Thirty-Seven

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