deathtocapslock | OotP Chapter Thirty-four

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OotP Chapter Thirty-four

*And it’s back to the Ministry for another leisurely chapter-length tour.

*ETA: The Mysteries apparently being "I thought all the stuff in this place was supposed to be important. How was any of it important?"

*In the wizarding world "dangerous" when used with regards to a wild animal means "you can ride it if you’re Harry Potter or one of his friends." If you’re a good person, animals are essentially all taxicabs with legs.

*Neville has short legs, unlike Harry I guess. He was only small when it was cute and spunky. Now he’s taller, like a real man. (But not as tall as Ron, the gawky klutz.)

*Once again, Luna steps in with the practicality and helps people get on the Thestrals, somehow without feeling the need to remind everyone how grateful they should be for not being able to see the damn things.

*Therefore, one really can't blame Harry for not thinking that maybe Luna's also lost someone. If she's not going to emo right in front of him he can't be expected to think about this stuff. She must not really have cared.

*Harry, otoh, never misses a chance to make somebody feel guilty for wishing they could see Thestrals, even if that person is risking his life trying to ride one he can’t see. Remember Ron, even if it seems like you’re the one at the disadvantage, Harry is suffering more by being able to see the thing he’s riding. His advantages are all bought at a Dear Price.

*Yes, it’s not at all unbelievable, even in a magical world, that Harry just tells the Thestral to take him to the MoM and it takes off straight to it, despite the fact that it’s an animal, is supposedly untrainable unless you’re super!special!Hagrid (who doesn’t seem like he'd spend much time having his pets memorize London A-Z) and should never have been to London. "Thestral" must come from the Sanskrit word for "plot device."

*Harry imagines what it must feel to be like Ron, speeding along at this height with no visible means of support. Then he remembers, darkly, that IT FEELS LIKE NOT KNOWING WHAT IT IS TO SUFFER!!

*Ron gets off his Thestral with the least grace. Color me shocked. (I'm sure Neville would have given him a run for his money had he not been able to see the things.)

*Speaking of conveniences, the Ministry of Magic is completely empty. Harry sees the lack of security as an ‘ominous sign.’ I see Harry’s seeing it as an "ominous sign" as the author heading-off my questioning the plot hole by having Harry acknowledge it and chalk it to up to atmosphere, especially given the fact that the Ministry’s recently had trouble with break-ins.

*ETA: No wonder Voldemort found it so easy to take over the place. In case that wasn't clear in DH.

*Lucius’s button says: Lucius Malfoy, Nefarious Plot.

*Had Voldemort not had a thing for over-complication, he would simply have gotten a button that said: Tom Riddle, Stealing a Prophesy, walked in and taken the thing like he totally could have.

*Btw, wasn’t the Order taking turns guarding the Prophesy room? Is there an actual reason none of them are there now? Particularly since Snape’s had plenty of time to alert them and they can get to the MoM much faster than Harry and his friends could? Surely it's been hours since Snape sounded the alarm. I know it has because there was this one person who had a big theory about how the Order taking their time was proof Snape was ESE.

*Harry wants somebody to stay behind as a lookout: if they see any adult who might be able to help them, they should send them off in the other direction as quickly as possible.

*Brains. A bit science fiction. But the veil’s pretty cool. Do Muggles pass through it too? ETA: Why did I think the veil was cool? I'm not sure. It's actually just a bit odd and only exists so that Sirius can fall through it and we can be reminded that being dead in this universe really is just like stepping off-stage to chat in the green room until you're needed again.

*Hermione and Ron seem once again outed as not having suffered so the veil just scares Hermione (and there’s nothing cowardly about that!) and makes little impression on Ron. Only the special "I’ve seen Dead People" kids can hear the voices. They are the only ones entranced by the veil.

*Just kidding. Ginny is also entranced by the veil because Ginny’s deep. Not only did she have her Awesome Suffering Experience Where She Looked Evil In The Face And Lived in Second Year, but she’s Just That Naturally Excellent. You know, she would make Harry a great wife!

*Seriously, now that we have the whole series it's interesting to try to work out the stuff with death, conflicted as it is. Death is entrancing to those who have lost loved ones (even if they didn't know the loved ones) because they're just there on the other side of the veil. But it's also somehow the scariest thing ever.

*Harry brought Sirius’ knife! Because Harry always remembers stuff Sirius gives him and what it’s for!

*Ginny: Still sassy, snapping at Harry when he tells her to hurry up. Isn’t it neat the way she now seems incapable of stopping herself from making snarky remarks? She’s totally the same person she always was, and is clearly the only person strong and fiery enough to tame the ~~whiny snit~~ suffering and conflicted hero that is Harry. ETA: Oh god, I didn't know how I right I was with the "incapable of stopping herself from making snarky remarks." HBP!Ginny here we come!

*Why is everyone shocked that there’s something in the Super Special Room with Harry’s name on it and nothing with their own names on it? Shouldn’t they be used to that by now? Why even look for something with your own name on it? Are you special? Shut up and look impressed.

*Really, I'm surprised Harry doesn't get his own room. One right in the middle of the world so everything can revolve around it.

*There’s a question mark next to Harry’s name...you’d think it should say (?)Harry Potter/(?)Neville Longbottom.

*Neville seems to know more than anyone that Harry shouldn’t touch the thing. Is Neville getting ProphesyBoy!vibes from it?

*Okay, even if the vision Harry saw of Sirius was real, couldn’t Sirius have just been moved since then? Harry talks like he was expecting to find Sirius lying on the floor by himself waiting for rescue when, if the vision was real, he’d either have Voldemort there with him or might have been taken to any number of places. Why would not finding him here convince you you were wrong? The vision was hours ago and looked dire then. It's not like TiVo, Harry.

*Well, Harry certainly gets something exciting that happens to make the whole trip to the place worthwhile, so he shouldn’t complain.

*Poor Lucius. The end of this chapter marks the first of his ineffectual "give it to me" lines. How many times will he be saying that in the next chapter?

*Nice of him to not just throw an Imperius at all the kids from where he’s standing there, unseen. But that wouldn’t be very Gryffindor. Wait, Lucius is a Slytherin. Well, we all know they secretly want to be Gryffindors too, which is why they rarely if ever use their own natural traits to good purpose. What’s the use of hiding in the dark if you don’t use it to incapacitate the enemy?

*Um, since this room seems about as well guarded as a public lavatory, why didn’t Lucius just bring Voldemort in with him and let him take the silly thing off the shelf himself? Perhaps Voldemort is the only person in this world who *can’t* get into the Ministry because it’s specially guarded against him even though no one thinks he exists. It’s not like he’s going to show up there at all later. Like in the next couple of chapters.

Designated Hero
Well, since Harry came all that way and didn’t find Sirius dying he should at least get the consolation prize of finding out what’s in the jar with his name on it and so have something exciting happen.

IITS
Why didn’t Lucius and the DEs just Imperio the kids?
Why is there no one at the Ministry at all so all these many people can break in?
Why isn’t there anyone from the Order guarding the Prophesy?
Why haven’t the Order gotten there ahead of the kids when they had a head start and faster transportation?
Since when can wild animals take you to an address in a city they've never seen?
Why didn’t Voldemort get the prophesy himself?

Idiot Picture
See above

Idiot World
See above

Ken and Andrew’s Rule of Plot Holes
See above

Nut o’ Fun
Hard to tell how many nuts they are, as a lot could be set-up for the future. ETA: The Ministry is chock full o'nuts!

Offscreen Teleportation
Not sure of this one really counts, but it seemed like we needed some teleportation for the Thestrals to move as fast as they do. There seems to be no physical reason they’d be that fast.

Final score: 12.5

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I know it has because there was this one person who had a big theory about how the Order taking their time was proof Snape was ESE.

I know that theory, I had liked it. Ah, the good old days when we could say things like "missing 5 hours" and believe it was some cool authorial conspiracy that would be revealed at the last moment!

Death is entrancing to those who have lost loved ones

The suicide cheerleading began a long time before DH. It's so weird that JKR thinks after having lost someone we all feel like dying ourselves. Is there a psychologist in the house?

the only person strong and fiery enough to tame the whiny snit suffering and conflicted hero that is Harry.

Yes. This. This is why I disliked H/G. That "taming Harry with spunk" vibe.

It's not like TiVo, Harry
Bwahahaha! Win!

Also, I cannot believe Voldemort the Super Badass Villian in the History of the WW was too busy playing hide and seek to get the damn prophecy. Oooh, no, they'll see me, I can't go and get the thing that determines my future! Yeah, right.

The suicide cheerleading began a long time before DH. It's so weird that JKR thinks after having lost someone we all feel like dying ourselves. Is there a psychologist in the house?

It really is fascinating the way that works--because some people are sort of drawn by death, but I don't really think it's a reaction to losing a loved one. (I remember one person whose ex was described as being that way--and he killed himself.) Because to make that connection you have to assume the person is waiting for you on the other side and all you have to do to be together like you were before is die. Which granted is a common idea, but it takes some mystery out of the situation as well.

I know that theory, I had liked it. Ah, the good old days when we could say things like "missing 5 hours" and believe it was some cool authorial conspiracy that would be revealed at the last moment!

This chapter--well actually this whole book-is a snapshot of What Went Wrong with the whole series. She went in to excruciating detail about what they found in the ministry, hammered "don't open that door!" and "THE WEAPON" into the ground then...PFFFT!

WTF?

None of it was ever mentioned again? Ron attacked with brains--no lasting effect obviously since it didn't even transmit to him enough brain power for him to realize he was marrying Delores Umbridge.

I had such fun making a list of the way this book just about *exactly* replayed the internal plotline of PS/SS.

It did. It really did. My mistake was thinking that she was trying to do something clever with it.

Why didn’t Voldemort get the prophesy himself?

Which is questioning the whole point of the entirety of Book 5.

Which is not a bad question in the least.

Depending on how you viewed Book V to begin with. If you liked it, questioning this can be disasterous!

That's been bugging me since I read the damn thing!

Damn that's a big Jabootu score.

I remember now why I hated this book so much.

- Dan Hemmens

It is especially funny that this is what everything is leading up to in the story, and what it's leading up to is the biggest Jabootu score ever.

The infiltration of the Ministry in this scene reminds me of a computer game. The sims only appear once the player has reached a certain point in gamespace that progresses the story of the computer game hence moves it on to the next level. I suppose JKR was writing the book in the knowledge that it would be made into a video game. There were no Death Eaters until Harry collected the prophecy because the Death Eaters belonged to the next level.

It's scary how much that works as theory.

*Harry, otoh, never misses a chance to make somebody feel guilty for wishing they could see Thestrals, even if that person is risking his life trying to ride one he can’t see. Remember Ron, even if it seems like you’re the one at the disadvantage, Harry is suffering more by being able to see the thing he’s riding. His advantages are all bought at a Dear Price.

The sad part is, if things went as originally planned, Ron would have been able to see the Thestrals. But that would have taken away Harry's Emo thunder. We can't have that happen, can we.

It's kind of scary to think about what the book would have been like if Arthur died, because the Trio's relationship especially--but really all of Harry's relationships--really depend on him being the one who's lost everything. I wonder if Harry wouldn't have just come across like a total dick if Ron's father had died. Probably he'd have a lot of thoughts about how his killing Voldemort would fix everything or be "for Ron" and he'd be described as amazingly compassionate.

Well, he was pretty much a dick when Hermione brainwashed her parents to keep them safe, so I guess it follows.

I wonder if the HBP Ron-redux came about because she changed her mind about giving Ron a life-changing event such as having his Dad die. If Arthur had died, could Ron have cared about Quidditch enough to suffer another inferority-complex crisis about it?

Geez, can you imagine how the OotP Quidditch win would have seemed, if Arthur had died? "Too bad about your Dad, Ron, but look! You won the shiny cup! That makes up for everything!"

But imagine the horror we were spared of Ginny's reaction.

But imagine the horror we were spared of Ginny's reaction.

Ack--you are so right. All this time I've only been thinking about how it would have affected Ron and the Trio's relationship with him. Can't believe I've never stopped to consider how it would have affected Princess GinGin and the Romance of Doom. *shudders*

I bet they wouldn't have named a son Arthur, though.

Well, we know Ginny would never have cried because she doesn't suck. She'd probably have just looked determined and then determinedly left the room while Ron and Hermione helped him deal with his own grief over Arthur.

Ron would have cried. Ginny would have been brave and stoic, with just a touch of redness in her eyes to show the depths of her suppressed emotions.

Ron probably would have been made out to be a male Cho Chang of sorts. Too busy grieving his father's death to do the brave thing and seek revenge at all costs, and selfishly not getting over it in a week and not thinking about how it made Harry feel.

Meanwhile Ginny would do impressions of Ron and call him Cho to cheer Harry up.

Ron would have been able to see the Thestrals.

Not necessarily; you have to see death, i.e. actually be present when someone dies. Ron was at Hogwarts when Mr. Weasley was attacked, so Harry's emo thunder should have been secure.

That's true, thank goodness. Besides, losing a beloved father couldn't really compare to seeing an acquaintance zapped. It's not real unless they keel over in front of you. (Makes you wonder if Gran parked Neville at Grandpa's deathbed and ordered him not to move!)

Yes, it’s not at all unbelievable, even in a magical world, that Harry just tells the Thestral to take him to the MoM and it takes off straight to it, despite the fact that it’s an animal, is supposedly untrainable unless you’re super!special!Hagrid (who doesn’t seem like he'd spend much time having his pets memorize London A-Z) and should never have been to London. "Thestral" must come from the Sanskrit word for "plot device."

It's not unbelievable if Hagrid regularly flies them to the MoM for some reason. Possibly to steal more illegal magical creatures. *makes up wild theories*

Btw, wasn’t the Order taking turns guarding the Prophesy room? Is there an actual reason none of them are there now?

That's always bugged me too. Though, given that the Order's true function seems to be Harry-guarding, maybe they heard he vanished from the school and all went looking for him, including whoever was guarding the damn prophecy.

Also, wouldn't it be funny if most of the many security holes were actually created by the Order so they could get into anywhere in the MoM that they wanted?

Neville seems to know more than anyone that Harry shouldn’t touch the thing. Is Neville getting ProphesyBoy!vibes from it?

Or Neville's just the only one with anything approaching sense (though not enough sense to stay behind and get help because nobody gets to be that sensible - er, except Snape). Who wouldn't be a bit suspicious about that vision in conjunction with a mysterious thing with Harry's name on by this point, considering what Voldemort's plans have been in the past? They're lucky that thing didn't turn out to be a portkey / prophecy-shaped explosive.

He also might just be less distractible - they're there to rescue Sirius and he wants to continue on with that mission. It's foreshadowing for when he stays at Hogwarts during DH to lead the rebellion while Harry wanders around the country aimlessly and changes his mission from Horcruxes to Hollows on a whim.

>Btw, wasn’t the Order taking turns guarding the Prophesy room? Is there an actual reason none of them are there now?<

Oh, I worked out a lovely theory to cover that. Too bad Rowling never had any intention of going there. Mine might have made at least a penny's worth of sense.

I speculated that Albus called off the guards after Arthur was attacked. Not necessarily because of the level of risk, but because now that he had some solid evidence that the Tom>Harry mind link was open and active, it was more economical to monitor the situation through the Occlumency lessons.

In reality, the prophecy guarding was just another disposable plot device that Rowling exceeded herself with by disposing of it before she'd even finished the book.

That makes sense, especially if you assume that Dumbledore has other actual stuff for Order members to do that standing watch was taking time and energy away from (which in reality he doesn't, but it's a reasonable assumption based on what the Order was built up to be).

Of course, nothing really explains why the prophecy was even all that important. Who cares if Voldemort gets it? I understand why Voldemort wants it, because he doesn't know all the information in it, and from his point of view there might be some key thing he's missing. But from Dumbledore's point of view, what changes? Voldemort will suddenly be determined to kill Harry after hearing it! Oh, wait.

Also, why didn't they just sneak Harry into the prophecy room one day specifically to break the prophecy so no one could hear it after that?

Well, I did originally think that Albus was letting Tom waste his time trying to get hold of the prophecy, rather than putting his efforts into something that might have actually had a payoff.

i.e., It was Albus's scam du jour.

I mean, it really does make sense in a way. But Rowling never went within 50 meters of it.

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OotP Chapter Thirty-four

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Computer game logic

Re: Computer game logic

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