OotP Chapter Thirty-Eight

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Hurray! The second war begins now! You know what that means don't you? It means everything's justified because, 'OMG you have to do desperate things in wartime!'

*ETA: And by "war" we mean more waiting around for Harry to kill Voldemort. Even people who actually think they ought to be doing something are scolded and sent back home to be with the families they're too cowardly to protect.

*Everyone must be terrified to learn the DEs actually managed to gain access to the MOM, that being so difficult and involving a request to be let in and a badge, after all.

*Albus Dumbledore, newly re-instated as head of every-freakin'-thing, reminds everyone that he's been telling everybody Voldemort was back all year. Funny, because he never said boo about it at school. Seemed like Harry and his friends were the ones doing all the declaring.

*ETA: Not that this will make anyone suspect Voldemort's taken over the government in DH. The Wizarding World needs several hits with the clue bat before anything really sinks in.

*Hey, now that everyone's listening to you, do you think this is a good time to clear Sirius' name? Sirius. Sirius Black. Remember?

*Ginny's curled up again like a cute little kitten, her ankle having been healed in a trice. Not that a quick healing in any way takes away from the seriousness of her injury while it was going on.

*Thoughts can leave deeper scars than anything else--with the obvious exception of any scar that happens to Harry. Oh, I hope Ron gets an interesting storyline due to that brain attack. ETA: Bwahahaha! What was I thinking?

*Hermione wins the prize for coolest injury. Watch her stoic wince as her ribs CONTINUE TO PAIN HER. But don't forget that the curse was even more badass than we see, because the guy was not able to speak. So Hermione, as cool as she seems, is in reality EVEN COOLER.

*Makes you wonder why they didn't just hit everybody with that curse, doesn't it? But everyone must be injured differently. DEs are creative that way. Next you'll be wondering why they didn't just freeze everybody right off.

*Why No One Listened to Albus Dumbledore is one of the articles. Gee, it's fantastic the way Dumbledore's managed to come out the big hero in all of this, despite his claims of considering himself at fault, no really. If I didn't already find it impossible to believe the disaster at the MoM wasn't exactly what he'd planned, I'd start getting suspicious now.

*ETA: Yeah, Albus's fear of holding power (it might unrepress his gayness and make him evil again) is really holding strong here. The man's got no power in this world at all.

*Hermione: still wincing. She reminds me of all the hobbits in the LOTR DVDs imitating Orlando Bloom with his broken ribs, with the manly grimaces.

*ETA: This will all be good practice for when she stands up to a spot of torture in DH.

*Hermione asks if all the trouble's stopped now that Dumbledore's back. Yes, of course. Because once people have the benevolent leader they want they're happy as clams.

*Dumbledore strode into the forest alone to rescue Umbridge. Dumbledore is really super cool and powerful and even saves people who don't deserve it and we should all be really impressed that he somehow managed to handle a herd of centaurs. Here's the problem with Dumbledore pimping--it's already pretty clear he can fix everything in a trice. So reminding us of it just makes us wonder why he doesn't fix Voldemort. Also it doesn't make him cool so much as making the threat seem arbitrary and fake.

*Umbridge seems to be quite unscathed except for the twigs in her hair. Which will always make me think of that girl who gets raped by the trees in Evil Dead.

*She appears to be in shock, but Ginny calls it sulking. Because only good people like Neville's parents can be in shock.

*ETA: How did I read this scene and not see that Ginny is warm and compassionate?

*Ron proves she's not in shock by making clip-clop noises that make her bolt upright and then say she must have been dreaming. Okay, didn't that actually more support the "shock" diagnosis?

*Btw, how exactly did they figure out that clip-clop noises terrorized her? I guess that's how they've been amusing themselves in the infirmary? Has anyone tried sneaking up to Neville's parents and yelling "Crucio!" to see if they're sulking?

*However they discovered it, it's totally funny. You don't think so? You are totally letting the terrorists win.

*Hermione tells Luna it's lovely she's going hunting Snorkacks. Their friendship has really grown. Get it? Hermione is l-e-a-r-n-i-n-g. The Hermione/Luna arc has come to a graceful close. Now that we know Luna's brave, the things she believes must be less ridiculous. Truthiness FTW!

*Naturally Dumbledore didn't sweep in and give Trelawney her job back in a fury of self-righteousness like he did with Hagrid. She's going to share the job with Firenze. Grubbly-Plank can just piss off!

*Hermione now believes in prophecies after this experience, though I don't know why, if she didn't before. Oh, I see, she believes in them because the Ministry does, and Dumbledore does. Um, Dumbledore and JKR were all superior about Voldemort making the prophecy come true but isn't Dumbledore doing that as well? And why believe anything the Ministry does anyway? Truthiness FTW again.

*Harry's heart beats faster as he thinks about hiding the prophecy from his friends. Everyone finds this prophecy shocking except the audience. You'd think Ron would be the first to say the Prophecy's been obvious since first year.

*Harry is finding it hard to decide if he wants to be with people or not. When he's with them he doesn't like them, and when he's alone he wants company. Iow, Harry is completely back to normal, because he's been like this the entire freaking book.

*Harry, if you're not sure you want to be around people, skip Hagrid. A conversation with him would make anybody want to be a hermit.

*Maybe kicking some Slytherin arse would make him feel better. Ah, Draco! So glad you're here...

*The moment when all four of them stop dead is one of the few this could be real!moments in the book for me. Thank goodness it's broken by Harry knowing Malfoy is "checking for teachers" so we're back on safe ground again: Malfoy, coward, bully, same old same old.

*You know, I'd actually believe something a bit more interesting than "checking for teachers." I mean, he is doing that, but is it really because he's going to break a rule, or because he's about to say something emotional he doesn't want overheard? ETA: Just doesn't want to get in trouble. Sneaky bastard can't even stand up to his convictions enough to risk detention, you know.

*Otoh, perhaps he's checking for Gryffindors, who are known to hit one from behind when one is threatening Potter.

*Harry feels some detached satisfaction at seeing Malfoy's pale, pointy face contorted with rage. Isn't it nice the way despite the great tragedy everyone has experienced the one thing guaranteed to make them smile and laugh is seeing the bad guys suffering? Harry's Crucio will improve in no time! ETA: Wow, I wouldn't have guessed how right I was on that one!

*Ooh, Harry's giving me shivers with the tough talk about Voldemort. Are the Slytherins' stricken looks indication they are afraid of Voldemort, which is why they will join him, like all cowards? ETA: Pretty much, yeah.

*Yes, Voldemort was just a warm-up to you three. Not that I actually fought Voldemort. In fact I was a goner. But you don't know that and you're much less scary than he is. And besides that was ages ago and my memory has had time to make me look better to myself.

*You think you're such a big man, Potter-yes, yes he does. And sadly for you, Malfoy, the world really does revolve around him so back off.

*Remember kids, that Crabbe and Goyle are flanking Malfoy. This should not in any way be compared to Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Neville, Fred, George, Luna, and the entire police force ever flanking Harry.

*Draco said Dad! *snuggles the wretched Malfoys*

*I can't help but suspect the DEs will indeed immediately escape from prison as part of the annual "Slytherin reset" button. ETA: Okay, it took a year. Somebody forgot to hit the button pre-HBP, but hit it several times before DH so Draco becomes less developed than he was in PS.

*Still, it's pretty funny everybody seems to see their jailing as purely a formality as they'll get out in no time, I guess because they can do magic and you can't expect the people who run Azkaban would be able to handle that.

*At least everyone knows what scumbags the DEs and Lucius are now. Because nobody knew that before. Draco and his family have done such a bang-up job of distancing themselves from this kind of attitude until now. Curse you, Potter for unveiling their unsavory attitudes!

*ETA: Back when this book came out, everyone was expecting a huge drop in social status for Draco due to his being unmasked as a child of a DE. They didn't know Slytherin.

*Harry's just too quick for Malfoy. Color me shocked.

*Not that there was anything for Malfoy to fear. Gryffindors always pull their punches. Like when Harry attacked him on the Quidditch pitch. If Harry hadn't pulled his wand, he'd prolly be dead OMG!!11

*Harry feels a rush of hatred when Snape appears beyond anything he felt towards Malfoy. So, if we're keeping track, this hatred goes beyond the hatred for Malfoy, but is it more or less than the hatred Harry feels for Umbridge, Voldemort, Lucius or Bellatrix?

*As to why Harry hates Snape, that's anybody's guess. For saving his ass by alerting the Order? By not getting killed? By being a good liar in front of Umbridge? By protecting Sirius and Harry by not giving Umbridge the Veritaseum?

*ETA: Not that this unholy hatred will go anywhere either. Harry will pretty much get over it between HBP and DH so he can suddenly be all about Dumbledore.

*I'm surprised we don't get told how Malfoy looks relieved at Snape's arrival. In fact, Malfoy and his friends disappear completely from the scene about now. You've served your purpose. Go away now. ETA: Shades of things to come there.

*Though of course Draco gets loads of description next to Crabbe and Goyle. Wasn't Goyle's father arrested too? Is Goyle so unimportant he doesn't register even that much? ETA: Probably just too stupid.

*Ah, here comes McGonagall, who is a Gryffindor, so also had her injuries taken seriously in the text. Just in time, she awards everybody points back. Phew! The house cup contest is totally fair again!

*McGonagall naturally knows to treat Crabbe and Goyle like the servants.

*It must have killed her a little to give those 50 points to Ravenclaw.

*Harry did not need telling twice, though usually you can tell till you're blue in the face and he still won't get it. He leaves without another glance at Snape and Malfoy, so I've really no idea how to read Malfoy here. I suppose I should just assume he's twirling his moustache and muttering threats about getting Harry.

*Grawpy's loads better behaved now. Which shows that Hagrid was right all along. It's great to tie up a sibling and treat him like an animal. Just wait till you leave him alone for a bit and he'll be completely chastened and ready to be a different kind of plot device in the next book, God help us. ETA: WTF WAS THE POINT OF GRAWP??

*Ever noticed Hagrid can't be anything but stupid when the story's going on, but then we don't see him for a while and we get the narrator god informing us that everything's been going swimmingly for him.

*I suppose I'm kidding myself hoping that Grawp was pleased to see Hagrid because he's figured out a plan to kill him. We know that Hagrid simply projects emotions onto all his pets that make him look good. ETA: Of course Grawp is now grateful to Hagrid for dragging him to civilization and saving him from his heathen ways.

*And now Hagrid is thinking of kidnapping some female giant and breeding him like a bull. I'm beginning to want Harry to be alone again too.

*Harry is worried that if Hagrid finds Grawp his "lady friend" there will be two giants in the forest. Somebody really needs to sit Harry down and explain to him that when a boy giant and his lady friend love each other very much it results in more than two giants.

*Hagrid reminds Harry Sirius died the way he would have liked, though it's not Sirius Harry is feeling sorry for. Honestly, he didn't spend much time putting himself in Sirius' shoes before. Why would he do it now?

*ETA: Though come to think of it, I doubt Sirius would have wanted to die this stupidly. James is probably teasing him about it in the afterlife as we speak. Being that the afterlife is just like this life and so nothing to fear at all once you get used to ignoring the crying babies.

*Really, as much as it sucks to be dead and all, it's far better than the shame of knowing there was a fight going on and you missed it. ETA: Unless it's the second Voldemort war, in which case it's everyone's duty to stay home. Don't worry, we'll have a battle at the end to properly separate the cowards from the good guys.

*Remember when we just had to keep hearing how Hagrid wasn't there? Those were good times.

*A few days ago everyone knowing he was telling the truth was all Harry wanted, but now it's all ruined! Ruined, I tell you! Just like always happens. Seriously. Just like always happens. Over and over.

*Harry's real trouble is just his isolation from others. He's a marked man, baby. Always has been, always will be. The chosen one. The one whose birth has been foretold. The one on whose shoulders the…bwahahaha! I'm sorry, I couldn't continue that with a straight face. Let's just say Harry is broodily silhouetted against the lake, whistle the theme to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and move on.

*ETA: I love that I was making fun of the idea of Harry as the chosen one when I read this, little knowing he would be The Chosen One the following year, without a trace of irony.

*Is it me, or does the wizarding world seem to get a lot more cheerful when Harry's around? Everywhere he goes everyone is laughing to remind him how much better they have it then he does. In the movie the lawn behind him should be dotted with jugglers and pony rides to make the point. Life's one long continuous hoot for the unmarked.

*It's as though he belongs to a different race. Not that races are different. At all. And if you think you are you're a bad guy.

*Harry's wiping his face on his sleeve because he has been crying all this time and didn't notice because he's so stoic. And you didn't notice because you can not possibly understand the pain.

*Harry's wishes vary with his moods--yes, we've noticed.

*Harry knows now he will surely miss Hogwarts. Now that he's going away it's time to remind us how awful anyplace else is.

*Phew. Umbridge is chased out of Hogwarts to jeers and beatings with a stick. Because she seemed rather chastened, like she'd learned something, and we can't have that. Only traitors think bad guys can grow, learn or change at all. Smart heroes don't give them a chance.

*Harry can't attend the feast because he just knows he'll be mentioned in the speech, just like last year. Don't suppose anybody else has ever been mentioned in a speech. Are there no other students that ever do anything noteworthy besides helping Harry or getting killed near Harry? For everybody who watches LOST, I'm beginning to think like Arnzt: You know, there are 1000 other people at this school and they all do stuff too! (I miss Arnzt.)

*Harry finally finds the mirror. Question: if Harry had tried to use the mirror, how would Sirius know Harry was looking into it? Does it ring like a cell phone? ETA: Sometimes it works by plot contrivance.

*But alas, Sirius can not appear in the mirror because death is REAL!!! Sure people can be ghosts and all and talk to you when you really need them but it's TOTALLY REAL IN THIS MOMENT!

*It does not occur to Harry to say, “Damn, I could have used this stupid thing to talk to Sirius all along.” Seriously, it really doesn't!

*And Sirius can't be a ghost either, oh woe woe woe.

*Also apparently you can't use the Time Turner to save him because Time Turners are SO third book and thankfully just destroyed because they were all in one room. Not that this crosses Harry's mind at all either.

*Harry now divides his life into before and after Sirius. I know it's just so cynical of me, but it just so seems like now that Harry's lost something he has to build it up to make himself as wronged as possible.

*ETA: And now we know that the after-Sirius part is kind of generally happier. And involves even less thinking about Sirius.

*So you become a ghost by being a coward. I can see why no self-respecting person would be a ghost, then.

*And now we come to other lauded scene in the series, the one with Luna. Luna's having her stuff stolen and then given back is that it shows how wildly compassionate Harry is to actually feel sorry for someone the way a normal person would.

*Then there's Luna's speech about death. Now, the idea that people live on after death and that we'll see them again is a common one. It can be a shallow platitude or the product of real experience and thought. Since we don't know Luna and her mother really seems dead, I'd say Luna herself comes across as the latter (as if the afterlife might as well be a Snorkack that she wants to believe but can't). In the larger context, though, it seems like the former. I mean, why is Harry doubting people live on after death? He's not like a Muggle boy with no information. He's seen ghosts. Even his Mum and Dad appeared out of a wand. Sirius literally went through an archway and disappeared. You'll meet again in Heaven, Harry, and don't worry, Heaven is properly divided into three sections for the Hogwarts houses. (Obviously the Slytherins won't be there at all.)

*Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle have "clearly" been waiting all week to find Harry alone? Do they announce this as they jump out ("Jeez, Potter, you're a popular fellow! We've been waiting all week to find you by yourself!") or do they just have that look everyone gets when they've been waiting a week to catch you alone? Does it not count if he's alone with his grief, which is quite intimidating, being raw and savage, just like Harry himself? Rawwwwrrr!

*The attack might have succeeded, which of course means that 12 people continuing to hex these three until they have practiced everything and they're literally oozing out of their clothes couldn't possibly be considered excessive force. I, for one, am just grateful Harry made it through this frightening encounter in one piece!

*Ernie is especially satisfied by this, and by possibly getting the chance to see Malfoy's mother find him, because he's never gotten over Malfoy taking points from him. Which is a totally righteous reason to enjoy it. Go Ernie!

*That's one of the many good things about war time: petty and vindictive motivations become noble! I wish we were at war all the time!

*Ron reminds us for the fourth time that Goyle is ugly. Why does no one ever write stories where Goyle comes back after the summer having blossomed into a hottie? (He kind of does in the movie!)

*Neville's plant is even more disturbingly like a penis on the return trip. It's no longer shooting off unexpectedly, but now croons when touched. There's a reason Neville has few friends.

*Hermione is reading the Prophet again, implying it's now more credible, even though it's still full of utter rubbish. At least it's rubbish she likes. The wizarding world is now just haring off like idiots after the latest idea.

*The Prophet is now encouraging everyone to arm themselves and be on the lookout for all those dark wizards. Nice to know even witches aren't averse to a good, old-fashioned witch-hunt, but why do I get the creeping suspicion this is supposed to be a good thing? In fact, according to Hermione, they really ought to be more paranoid, because it's going to get far more horrible than they think. ETA: Yeah, this totally foreshadows the following year of high school hijinx.

*Ron still seems to assume Cho and Harry are going out, I guess because it's up to Harry to say when they've broken up because Cho's opinion means nothing. Hermione tells us Cho's going out with someone else (obviously she never loved Harry!!!). Yes, Hermione remains up-to-date on all the school gossip that Harry never hears a peep of. Either she managed to drop by the girl's room while she was laid up in the infirmary, or she's got the place bugged.

*Marietta: still hexed. Yes, Hermione's curses are more long-lasting than a Death Eater's. Don't suppose Pomphrey, Flitwick or Dumbledore could have fixed those marks while they were fixing everybody else up in a trice, could they? Thought not.

*Btw, no clue what happened to Montague. Perhaps they just tossed him back into the closet to make room for the more deserving patients who fought at the MoM. ETA: Well, at least that had a purpose. A plot purpose, of course.

*Harry no longer cares about Cho because…well, because he never really cared about her. Shhh.

*Michael broke up with Ginny because she beat them at Quidditch. That's why Gryffindors have to date each other, because everyone else gets jealous of them.

*Now he's just "comforting" Cho, which nicely makes Michael sound shallow and Cho sound pathetic. Didn't he already like Cho?

*Is this, what, the fourth time Ginny has pronounced another person "sulky?" Sort of like her mom said Sirius was having a case of the sulks while he was possibly suffering from depression? Yeah, those Weasley women are just great. She and Harry will make such a fantastic couple.

*Ron suggests Ginny start doing Harry next. That's sweet, Ron. And by sweet I mean creepy and weird. Whichever one you hope to be screwing vicariously through the other, please just do them yourself. ETA: Perfect set-up to a year of Harry worrying Ron will kill him for wanting to date his sister.

*While Harry remains stuck in pre-pubescence place when it comes to courtship (he still hasn't gotten any farther than vaguely wanting to impress a girl), Ron has hurtled right over adolescence and is now an old married man trying to get his mate paired off and part of the family.

*Ginny's with Dean now, because she's too cool to be single for long. She tells Ron this "vaguely" to let us know it's so unimportant to her she's barely paying attention when she tells him. Do you get how super cool she is yet? Because you've only got a few more paragraphs left to catch on. At the same time, she's exactly the same girl who blushed and stammered when she had to admit she accepted a date to a dance last year.

*Harry wonders if he could just stubbornly sit in the train until September, not that that would be sulky or anything.

*God, Harry is so brave. In spite of his feelings, he gets down Hedwig's cage and leaves the train. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

*Only surprise! There's a whole gang of adults there to make it better by threatening the Dursleys, which will surely make them treat Harry much more warmly because they love being threatened by wizards.

*No mention of why these guys couldn't have shown up years ago if they're that effective. But then that might have come dangerously close to pampering.

*And btw, how many aurors does it take to meet the kid at the train and bully some Muggles? Shouldn't you guys be, like, out looking for Voldemort?

*"How are you?" asks Molly. "Fine," Harry lies. He's lying, you see, because he's not really fine at all! Woe! He just seems fine because he's walking around. He's dying inside, really.

*Tonks dresses very professionally.

*The Grangers are hugging Hermione, desperate for their two minutes of attention before she starts ignoring them again. Not two sentences later Hermione's "gently" disengaging herself from her mother to "join the group." That's it Hermione, stick with your real family.

*Vernon doesn't say anything because he's outnumbered two to one. The Gryffindors sure know how to handle these things--outnumbering is always great when you're doing it!

*The Order claims they'll hurt the Durlseys if they ever find out they've been horrible to Harry. Newsflash: The Dursleys have been nothing but horrible to Harry for 15 years.

*They remind the Order they'll know if they're mean to Harry. It still does not occur to Harry to ask why this couldn't have been handled years ago. I guess because...well, because Harry's not too bright that way. He's all about the short term.

*So I guess the Dursleys are all going to be really sweet to Harry in the next book, huh? Because they've been taken care of? Maybe the trouble is they already live in such a state of constant fear of wizards that this kind of thing doesn't make that much of an impression. Frightening them with tales of Sirius doesn't seem to have helped in the past.

*The Order has done the impossible. I actually find myself thinking it would be great if the Dursleys murdered Harry on the way home just to show them where their threats and intimidation got them. When I start finding you less sympathetic than the constantly abusive family bigots you might want to worry you're being insufferable. I mind the Dursleys, Snape and Draco less because they are bullies, pure and simple. It's the self-righteous bullies I can't stand, those who bully for the greater good.

*Luckily I hear we've been promised that Harry will, thank goodness, get "some of his own back" with Dudley in the next book. Because I was really worried my need to see Dudley suffer would go unfulfilled. ETA: Did JKR not know yet Dudley had had a completely turnaround and worshipped Harry now?

*Sniff Sniff. Harry just can't tell them what it means to him to know they're there at his side. Yes, Harry, you finally understand the security of being in a gang.

*Once again reminding us that he's middle-aged, Ron shakes Harry's hand good-bye.

*Ah, what a beautiful last image. Harry marching along with three Dursleys hurrying after him, several paces behind if they know what's good for them.

*Goodness, how will we ever top this chapter? In book IV we had three unarmed Slytherins hexed unconscious by 5 people. This year we had 3 Slytherins hexed beyond deformity by several more people, and 3 Muggles threatened by 7 adult wizards. How will next year's book end? “Unfortunately, Malfoy tried to take Harry's seat on the way home. Not only everyone aboard but the train itself rose up in fury as one to beat him and his friends into the ground. Then they backed the train up over them a few times before going to the station, where the twins beheaded Dudley and choked Vernon to death on his own genitals while Petunia squeaked about what the neighbors would think.”



Designated Hero
I don't know about you, but everyone giggling merrily over Umbridge's state and chasing her out like an angry mob certainly makes me feel like the wizarding world is a lot safer. And I'm glad Dumbledore's finally been seen as the hero he's been all along!

Idiot World
And the wizarding world is off again, doing whatever the papers tell them to do.

Informed Attributes
Vernon is not at all brave for standing up to a gang of wizards.

Jason's Rule of Explosive Endings
Hmm…do you think having Malfoy and Goyle's fathers jailed means we ought to follow up on that at all? Eh, just hex 'em again. That should take care of it.

Ken and Andrew's Rule of Plot Holes
You can't use the Time Turner. You just can't. Because I say so. They all got blowed up.

Nut o' Fun
Seriously, does the mirror vibrate when Harry's looking into it? Can you set it on flash?

Final score 6.0

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I forgot about the Stubby Boardman theories. Good times!

We do hear, iirc, that Fudge knows Sirius is innocent in the next book, but it doesn't seem like it rocked the WW much. Too bad he didn't get a burial (like Dumbledore gets a huge send off and Harry obsessing after him for a year). If he had a tombstone it could have said, "Sirius Black: He Served His Plot Purpose."