Deathly Hallows, chapter 2

[anehan]

In Memoriam

* The Dursleys are leaving tea cups outside Harry's bedroom door. What are they, house elves?

*Harry has never learned to heal wounds and thinks it's a serious flaw in his magical education. Maybe he ought to have, you know, studied during the six years at Hogwarts instead of letting Hermione do all his work for him. Sorry, Harry, but you have no one else than yourself to blame. Normal people, if they had a lunatic after their blood, would have actually devoted some time for making sure they weren't completely unprepared.

* Harry has never cleaned his trunk before. Gross. Our Harry isn't much for hygiene.

* Finding a fragment of the mirror Sirius had given him, Harry feels a sudden upsurge of bitter memories, stabs of regret and longing. He suffers, I tell you.

* Harry is going to take his photograh album and a stack of letters with him. Good lord, what does he think he's going to do with them. The boy is an idiot.

* And we come to the sickening obituary by Elphias Doge. One more person whom Dumbledore managed to hoodwink into believing he was a noble person.

* Dumbledore never revealed the remotest anti-Muggle tendency. Except when he bullied the Dursleys. But that doesn't count, because the Dursleys totally deserved it.

* Dumbledore became the most brilliant student Hogwarts had ever seen and constantly outshone his friends. Bet he liked that. It would have done good for him to be second-best at something. Instead, everything confirmed him in his belief that he was superior to others and that it was his duty to manipulate others for the greater good.

* According to Doge, Dumbledore never had Ministerial ambitions. True enough. He just wanted to take over the world.

* "Albus Dumbledore was never proud or vain". Ahahahahahaa!

* Dumbledore's losses "endowed him with great humanity and sympathy". Bitch, please. The man is clearly incapable of empathy.

* Doge was right in one thing, though: Dumbledore always worked for the greater good. Too bad his methods and definition of "greater good" were rather questionable.

* Harry had thought he knew Dumbledore quite well. What made him think that? The great openness Dumbledore displayed in his dealings with Harry, perhaps?

* Harry thinks that the idea of a teen-aged Dumbledore was odd, like trying to imagine a stupid Hermione. Much as I love Hermione, I have no problem in imagining her stupid. She isn't half so clever as she likes to think. For example, what good did it do to the DA to brand the traitor's face? It didn't prevent Marietta from squealing.

* The only personal question Harry had asked Dumbledore was the only one he suspected Dumbledore hadn't answered honestly. That's too naïve even for Harry.

* Unpleasant Skeeter may be, but I at least would rather read her book than any more of Doge's pennings. There might ever be a shred of truth in what she writes, if you manage to discount the more lurid details.

* Skeeter calls the Potter-Dumbledore relationship unhealthy, even sinister. Brava! At least someone finally got it right.

* Another chapter in which nothing happens comes to an end. I really need that alcohol to get through this.



Informed Attributes:
Dumbledore is noble. No, really.

Misdirected Answering:
Did you hear what Dumbledore got up to as a teenager? What do you mean, you're not interested?

Nut o' Fun:
Desiccated beetle eyes.

Final score: 3. Nothing happens in this chapter.

Comments

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

What if Remus gave Harry a brightly wrapped package soon after Sirius' death? What if the attached note said something along the lines of:-

Dear Harry,
It's hard being apart most of the time - especially in our mutual prisons! I've asked Remus to pass this on to you as I won't see you before your birthday. Enclosed is a mirror - I hold its twin. If you look in it and say 'Nicky Nacky Noo', it'll activate mine. Then just shout till I hear you and we'll be able to talk whenever we want, however far apart we are. I'll always keep it close.
Your loving godfather
Sirius

If I'd have read that after Sirius' death, I'd have been really upset. Surely most readers would really feel for Harry at that point instead of thinking "Our Hero is a Moron!"? Then, as we wiped our tears, Remus could hand Harry the other mirror which Harry gives to Ron and they arrange to talk on a regular basis over the holidays.

2 books later, if Ron should be influenced by Dark Magic and get separated from Harry, he can perhaps overhear his location via this mirror in the same way as Phinneas, and arrive in time to save his worthless hide from drowning. Surely far better to use an established means of communication than using that appalling, unbelievable contrivance, the deluminator with sudden inexplicable 'best friends sensor and transporter' skills.

That's how someone who can't write at all would use the Mirror. Still, JKR is the professional writer, who are we to argue.........

[montavilla.livejournal.com]

You know, I think what happens with JKR is that she writes backwards. We have that famous statement about her writing the epilogue in the beginning. Which, I think is an interesting technique. (And Hey, she did get through the seven books, so it wasn't a bad idea at all.)

But, as Magpie put it once, she doesn't do the Chekhov thing of putting a gun over the mantlepiece and then using it in the third act. Instead, she decides she needs a gun in the third act and plants it in the first. Which, okay, is a lot better than not planting it.

But what happens is that she plants the gun in the first act, for that moment she wants in the third act. Then, in the second act something happens where a gun would come in really handy--but she didn't plan to use it for that and so the audience feels like shouting out, "Use the gun, you idiot!"

Whew. That's about the most involved analogy I've ever used.

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

I'd have had them all get separated avoiding snatchers early on, and have Ron discover the "homing" purpose of the Deluminator *then*.

And then have him in and out of their camp getting information, and bringing it back in dribs and drabs *on purpose*. It might have given them at least some motivation for chasing wild geese at least. And *appear* to be giving us a story.

The stupidity of the pond rescue could have been due to a fortuitous early return, since he wasn't expected back until the next day or something (and all the more reason for Snape to plant the Sword when there were only two kids milling about rather than three).

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

That'd have been a big improvment, but it's just like Neville The Man at Hogwarts - we'd never see it, only hear about it. Yet more to be frustrated about! (Unless you meant Harry did some of the work?) We'd need Harry to be in the thick of the action (for a change).

I'd have had Scrimageour hang on till Christmas. Then while they're hanging around doing nothing for months, they're doing it at school where all the action was at. The action would be limited, because there'd be no Death Eaters, but you could still have the DA and school life and other characters, all sorely missed in this book. Better than whining in a tent.

Plus, seeing as there was apparently NO TRIAL after Dumbledore's murder and Harry wasn't even INTERVIEWED (WTH?), I'm sure she could wangle some way for Snape and Draco to be back. As I said elsewhere, can't Snape falsify a memory?

All three could go to Godric's Hollow before term started. Luna could tell them about the Deathly Hallows. The train is attacked on the way home at Xmas, they escape and camp. 2 days later the doe is sent and the story resumes.

Both our versions are better than the original!

[va32h.livejournal.com]

At the risk of making myself look like an even bigger dork, I actually did write my own version of book 7, because like you all, I kept thinking of way better ways to do...oh everything.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4072698/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Deathly_Hallows_Do_Over

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

Yes, and I heartily enjoyed it. If Rowling had given us something more like that I'd probably still have had some quibbles, but I wouldn't have had a quarter of the problems I ended up with.

[va32h.livejournal.com]

Hey thanks! I was a big fan of your essays, so that really means a lot to me. And you know, unlike JKR I am totally willing to acknowledge that there are things I could have done better.

[montavilla.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed it as well, especially the scene between Snape and Harry. That was a lot more satisfying than what happened in the original DH.

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

I've bookmarked it and will read it as soon as I get the chance. However I already know that it'll be an improvement. Because you cared enough to re-write it. JKR hasn't seemed to care for the past 5 years.

Nicky Nacky Noo

[cressida0201.livejournal.com]

*sits up, surprised*

That wouldn't be a Goon Show reference, would it??

Re: Nicky Nacky Noo

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

I often use it, but don't know why. I haven't heard too much of The Goons, but I'm a massive Spike Milligan fan, and the chances that he didn't use it in his various 'Q' sketch shows in the 60's are small!

I used it because my 'A' in Latin was a long long time ago.....