HBP Chapter Four

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Despite the fact that he’d spent every waking moment of the past few days waiting for DD, Harry is awkward with him. It’s not like this is strange for Harry. He spent the entire last book pining for people he then didn’t care to spend time with.

*ETA: At the time I first read that I probably thought Harry's pining was just about wanting to get away from the Dursleys, but is this supposed to be foreshadowing for Harry's great need for Dumbledore's love idee fixe in the next book?

*Dumbledore gives Harry permission to use his wand if he’s attacked. Yeah, see, the thing is Harry already assumed he had that permission by common sense last year and he got dragged into court—a court who didn’t seem to think you were the boss of it, Big D. The way the laws change in this world you can’t blame Harry for being suspicious.

*DD says Harry need not worry about an attack because he is with Dumbledore. What a coincidence, because later Dumbledore’s going to tell Harry he’s not worried because…ohhhhh, maybe it’s not a coincidence. Parallelism. I’ll make a note.

*ETA: Though now the line's more ironic than anything. Being with Dumbledore is no reason for anyone to feel safe. In Harry's case he's only safe because Dumbledore for some reason doesn't want him to die yet.

*Harry and DD need to go to Slughorn’s. Will they take the Floo, a Portkey, a broom, Thestral, the Knight Bus? Which of the elaborate modes of transportation we’ve had described to us will they choose? Oh, whatever. It it’s too much trouble and besides this is the book where Harry has to learn Apparition. Just hold on to my arm bibbity bobbity boo we’re there. It’s magic.

*ETA: From black_dog in the last readthrough: "Note that after Harry's encounter with the birth-canal-mysteries of Apparition, his first comment is "I prefer broomsticks." Subtext? You decide!"

*Dumbledore asks Harry if his scar has been hurting. Harry says no, and he’s been wondering about it. Yeah, nice try, Harry. Like you ever wonder about this sort of thing.

*Dumbledore is not surprised Harry’s scar isn’t hurting because hurting scars are SO books 1-5. ETA: And 7. I forget, is there some reason that Voldemort stops using Occlumency in that book and starts broadcasting his whereabouts to Harry periodically? I mean, non-meta reasons?

*Dumbledore has lost track of how many times he’s announced they need a new DADA teacher over recent years. Um, that would be one time for each year because of the curse thingie. Apparently DD is even worse at Maths than JKR.

*On their way to see Slughorn, Dumbledore sees fit to explain how rude it is to Apparate to someone’s front door. For those taking notes, it’s rude to Apparate to a Wizard’s house, or to not offer a Wizard the right to refuse you entry, and for a Muggle to not take drinks from a stranger Wizard. It’s not rude to crash into the middle of a Muggle’s living room through their fireplace unannounced, or secretly hook them up to a public transportation network, or invite yourself in after midnight, or bop them in the head with glasses of mead. What must it be for a poor Muggleborn having to learn all these Wizard rules of manners? It must be like being a peasant in the court of the Sun King.

*Harry wonders why Dumbledore doesn’t think it’s rude to call on his old colleague so late. Funny that Harry doesn't assume that Slughorn is an asshole and so deserves a late-night visit like the Dursleys.

*Dumbledore promises the story of how he killed his hand is thrilling and he’ll tell it later. Is he supposed to have told it at some point during the book? Because either he never did tell it, or it was not thrilling.

*ETA: Well, we know that now, and it's anything but thrilling. Dumbledore just leaves it out here because the long, involved story of how Dumbledore's hobby is researching these three stupid relics from a fairy tale will be masquerading as the plot of the next book and we couldn't fit any references to it into this book. Not only would it spoil the amazing surprise, but we've got so much plot in this book already! There's not a moment to spare on how to kill Voldemort.

*Dumbledore pooh-poohs the Ministery’s rules about asking people personal questions about their favorite jam to prove they’re not a Death Eater, because a DE would have researched what kind of jam you liked. I suspect that having been fooled for an entire year by a Death Eater pretending to be his old friend while up to a nefarious plot it’s best for Dumbledore to stress how impossible it would have been to figure this out. Dammit man, he knew my favorite jam! I was helpless!

*Percy Weasley, however, is an evil moron whose ambition blinded him to the obvious. Any good assistant could have told that memo came from Possessed!Fudge!

*Voldemort apparently killed enough people in the last war to make an army. Just go with it.

*By the time they get to the front door, Dumbledore has Harry completely suckered. Now he’s feeling badly about demanding information about his own life a few weeks ago and just lapping up Dumbledore’s letting him ask questions and taking him on Secret Missions. The old man plays this kid like a fiddle. ETA: In a totally non-sexual way, of course.

*ETA: Once Harry starts wondering if Dumbledore was evil he won't do anything interesting, like wonder if the appeal of the guy was something bad. It's not that I'm surprised, since nobody ever re-thought their own admiration of Barty Crouch (obviously we only liked the parts of him that were imitating the good guy!), but I will never stop being amazed at the ban on self-reflection or long, hard looks in the mirror in the series.

*ETA: This goes along with how whenever someone is wondering about someone else's true character they always worry about the state of the person's soul at birth that they can't see, rather than thinking about their actions.

*Slughorn’s house looks like it’s been ransacked. Then Dumbledore pokes an overstuffed armchair and it’s this enormously fat man who gets up rubbing his belly. So Slughorn is enormously fat, but not quite as fat as 14-year-old Dudley, since I believe killer whales are bigger than armchairs, even overstuffed ones.

*ETA: Slughorn's massive size luckily makes him too ridiculous to be truly villainous. Behold, the "good" Slytherin!

*Dumbledore says he figured out the house hadn’t really been ransacked because the Dark Mark wasn’t flying above the house. Damn. I don’t know if I can follow all this wizard espionage. Between the jam test, the S.I.R.I.U.S. Code and the Big Dark Mark that says DEATH EATERS WUZ HERE George Smiley wouldn’t know who to trust!

*Slughorn stops rubbing his belly long enough to clap a pudgy hand to his vast forehead. He’s got fat hands and a fat head, is what I’m saying.

*He says he didn’t hear the alarm because he was taking a bath. Since he himself is telling us about the bath, he neglects to dwell on how the sides of his belly spilled over the sides, or his middle rose up from the water like a fish-bellied island, but I’ll assume that’s what Harry would have seen had he been there. If he hadn’t gone blind.

*The tall, thin wizard (that’s Dumbledore) and the short round one (that’s Slughorn, though frankly he doesn’t sound so much short and round as mountainous) wave their wands and everything goes back into place. Isn’t it funny the way wizards can cure just about anything with magic, but they can’t just waive their wands or take a Potion and slim down? I guess only the unhealthy anorexic wizards would do that. And anyway these are male wizards, who are too self-confident to be shallow about looks. They can't cure acne either. (Suddenly I'm thinking of Margaret White in Carrie: "Pimples are the author's Lord's way of chastizing you.")

*Seems a bit of a waste to use dragon’s blood on the walls. Corn syrup and food coloring would probably do. Although perhaps Slughorn would find it hard to stop himself from eating that.

*Slughorn agrees to a middle-of-the-night drink with Dumbledore ungraciously. But he accepts the drink so Dumbledore refrains from breaking the bottle over his head or something. Manners must be enforced somehow.

*So Slughorn comes up to Dumbledore’s chin, but when he sits on a sofa his legs don’t reach the floor. Oh dear, maths, indeed!

*Slughorn lists his current ailments and chalks them up to old age rather than carrying around what appears to be about 500 extra pounds on a small frame.

*Harry takes time to look around the house and judge Slughorn for having comfortable furniture, books and candy (I think my own apartment would pass muster—the lack of chairs might just make up for the books and candy).

*His house looks like it belongs to a fussy old lady. Ooh, better step up, Slughorn. Fat fussy old ladies don’t get much respect in this universe!

*ETA: And Harry didn't get this guy was a Slytherin? When he deigns to live in a girlie house?

*Btw, if you’re worried that your own home décor is cowardly, the proper room should be messy with remnants of underwear, old apple cores, pet pellets and clothes under the bed. Oh, and if you want to sleep in a four poster velvet curtained red and gold mahogany bed at the top of a big castle that’s fine too, as long as you sleep in a Spartan position.

*ETA: Also, real men on the run prefer to live in elaborate tents and forget the food so they can live on berries and twigs.

*Okay, I admit defeat. What are gooseberry eyes? Prominent? Apparently Kerry Blue terriers often have them, and yet even after growing up with one as a pet, I have no clue. ETA: I remember looking this one up. Yay internet!

*The Death Eaters are going to come courting Slughorn? Yeah, he seems about their level of scariness.

*Apparently it’s also not rude for a Wizard to move into someone’s house while they’re gone. I’m guessing this is only if the someone is a Muggle.

*I’m honestly confused at this information, in terms of whether I’m supposed to hold Slughorn’s comfy house against him or be relieved that the “old lady” vibe belongs to someone else so his manhood is safe. I think it’s the former, since he seems to suggest more than one person lives in the house usually, and the chocolates and the overstuffedness of it all seems to be all about Slughorn. Plus he’s got all his own pictures up. So yeah, this is his own furniture. The Muggles may have had little more than a Yoga mat and Pilates reformer for all we know.

*Thankfully Slughorn doesn’t pass up a chance to remind us that burglar alarms are “absurd” compared to Sneakascopes. Because Sneakascopes have been so much help to everyone in the previous five books.

*I’m sorry, why is Slugorn calling Hogwarts “pestilential?”

*I do not have to ask why Harry is chuckling over Umbridge’s being trampled by centaurs. Good times.

*Slughorn isn’t sure what to do when left alone with Harry, so in the uncomfortable silence, let’s just observe his fat arse. Imagine how long it takes to warm that thing in the fire. Man this guy is fat.

*Not that there’s disproportionate attention paid to his size. Sure we’re reminded of Ron’s red hair maybe once every two books and Slughorn’s girth twelve times in one chapter, but that’s because Ron’s red hair isn’t an extension of his inner character, as is Slughorn’s size.

*Oh, Slughorn was Head of Slytherin. That explains that suspicious less-than-manly quality about him. But he’s an okay Slytherin, because he asks Harry not to “hold it against him.” Please let this guy not be Head of Slytherin next year. He’s probably only in that house because he can’t climb the stairs to the Tower and worship the various Gryffindors up close. (And by worship I could mean molest.)

*ETA: Okay, so he was the Head of House. But note that he was carefully separated from the students of the house. In the end he was given his choice to be a Gryffindor-but-not-as-good and went with that.

*ETA: Seriously, the total self-absorbtion pov is really hilarious in this series. The way the villains are always admitting that the heroes are awesome is one thing, but marking the trustworthy Slytherin by having him casually confirm Harry's own bad opinion of his own house? Priceless. That pov is pretty standard throughout the books, though. You can always tell the good, worthy members of the other group by the way they wish they were not in that group.

*Go Regulus.

*Slughorn hastily explains he’s not prejudiced to Harry. Please, Slug. We get it. Your slobbering over Lily and Harry coupled with the “thought she was a Pureblood” is far more disturbing and unhealthy than any of Malfoy’s Mudblood comments. I’m sure when you pick up prostitutes you specifically ask for the new pretty Muggleborn boys.

*ETA: Clearly the real reason Voldemort killed Lily was because her glittery goodness would have converted all the DEs from their racist ways single-handedly.

*And then we get to the real heart of Slughorn—well, you knew he had to be greedy and devouring at heart—his childish collection of ex-students.

*The smile slid from Slughorn’s face as quickly as the blood from his walls. Ew. Bad metaphor.

*Harry finds it hard to sympathize with Slughorn because hey, Sirius was willing to live off of rats to be close to Harry! Where’s the Fat Man’s respect? Hello? Chosen One talking to you!

*To be fair, he finds it hard to sympathize with just about anybody except for a few minutes at a time when they exactly mirror his own tragedies.

*Harry assures Slughorn that the only teachers who die are those who deserve it. He cleverly does not mention how he’s been judging Slughorn since he walked into his house and found him deserving…

*Dumbledore cheerfully tells us he’s been reading Muggle magazines all this time and that he loves knitting patterns. He’s lying of course. Really he was listening at the door for Slughorn to come around. I know that because had Dumbledore really been looking at Muggle magazines, he’d have drawn attention to how inferior but cute they are compared to Wizard magazines. See, I can make deductions too, Dumbledore!

*Of course, this makes the house decorations confusing, since the living room seems to be all about Slughorn yet the bathroom still holds the magazines of the Muggles who live there. Who btw, have had Slughorn using their bathtub. It’s probably good they don’t know that.

*Having been suckered by Harry into wanting to come to Hogwarts, Slughorn has nothing to do but twiddle his FAT thumbs and fidget in true silent movie comic fat-guy form as Dumbledore pretends to give him what he wants and leave. I’m surprised he doesn’t say, “Homina, homina, homina” as he does it.

*Slughorn hurries to the doorway of the room he’s in, which leaves him breathless. Hey, you try moving 500 pounds of girlie manflesh on Billy Barty’s legs and see how out of breath you are!

*ETA: How did this guy ever lead that pack of NOT SLYTHERINS back into Hogwarts for the final battle, I wonder? JKR really missed an opportunity to get him stuck in the door so none of the reinforcements could get in. It would have been hilarious.

*They’ll see Slughorn on the first of September. Same day of the week it was last year.

*Alone with Harry, Dumbledore lays it on thick again, flattering him on how Harry tricked Slughorn and judged his character so well. Well, it sounds better than, “Well done, Harry. You’re always so self-centered and judgmental I knew you’d be so with Slughorn after knowing him for five minutes!”

*ETA: Again from black_dog because I always remembered this line about this chapter: "Honestly? On the re-read, I wondered exactly what Harry did to change Slughorn's mind about coming to Hogwarts. He mostly just stood there, acting sullen and restless. But maybe that hit Slughorns's bulletproof kink for trade."

*Harry explains to Dumbledore that Slughorn was pleasant enough, but seemed to have a soft, rotting corrupted moral center. He was vain and prejudiced in a different way than the Gryffindors are vain and prejudiced. Iow, well, he’s okay but don’t forget he’s a Slytherin.

*ETA: Seriously, he's got a soft, rotting, corrupted moral center because he is Slytherin. They have corrupted souls. The ones who are kind of good are good for baser reasons. Including Slughorn.

*Dumbledore explains Slughorn prefers the back seat to power. More room to spread out. Get it? Spread out? Because he’s wider than he is tall! Ha! Dumbledore slays me!

*Harry correctly compares Slughorn to a big spider eating juicy flies. It’s a good thing Harry lives in a cartoon world where people look like their subtext.

*Dumbledore tells Harry this not to turn him against Slughorn, but to give Harry background on his test victim. If Harry’s going to get used to manipulation, an overgrown baby with a hard-on for fame who couldn’t manipulate his way out of a wet paper bag is a great place to start. It will make Harry feel confident without actually being impressive.

*Harry arrives at the Burrow longing for Ron and, oddly, praising Mrs. Weasley’s cooking. Perhaps they should have brought Molly to Slughorn. She could have tempted him to Hogwarts with stew.

*The Weasleys keep their broomsticks in an outhouse. By which I guess we mean just an outbuilding on a farm and not a privvy, but with the Weasleys one can’t be sure. It may be part of their rustic charm to go outside.

*ETA: Though you'd think if they regularly pissed outdoors Ron would have dealt better with the tent.

*Dumbledore opens the creaking door—didn’t Hermione say something about this outhouse being locked so super sassy Ginny had to break in to steal a broom?

*Before leaving Harry, Dumbledore figures he might as well lay it on thick with the compliments again. He’s holding up so well, Sirius would be proud, you would have had a great relationship, blah blah blah," he says celibately. Dumbledore understands everything.

*But in case you were worried we were going to have to try to watch Harry mourn someone he didn’t really know well, he announces that at some point in the recent past he decided to just go ahead and live life to the fullest. Go Harry! Way to sacrifice for the plot, man!

*ETA: Sadly, the plot is a fickle mistress. Harry will have to spend the next book obsessing over his dead headmaster. Dumbledore's final triumph: He totally replaces Sirius in Harry's heart. In a totally non-sexual way.

*Harry even adds some of the standard Gryffindor stuff about taking out Death Eaters. Oh Dumbledore, your work here is done. And private lessons? For Harry? Oh my!!! Pat him on the back approvingly again, Sir, please?

*The broom shed is smelly, for some reason. Could I have been wrong about the outhouse thing? Or are they doing even more disturbing things in there?

*Dumbledore urges Harry to go inside so as not to deprive Molly of the chance to deplore how thin he is. Again, perhaps they should have brought Molly to see Slughorn. Show her the dangers of too much food.

*ETA: Then Dumbledore goes away to not have any gay sex at all.

*Hi girls. I’m Sistermagpie. I hope you’re enjoying the recap of HBP. Jokes are well and good between friends, but I want to talk about something serious. Just between us girls. I’m talking about calling normal people fat. All over the world there are girls with cute bodies—not icky skinny ones that are too bony—but correct-sized bodies, and they’re being teased by being called fat. I’ve tried to provide you with some examples here of what fat is really like in the hopes that in my small way I can help end the pain of unfair fat accusation. Thanks.





IITS
So Harry just isn’t angry at Dumbledore any more and has decided to move on after Sirius’ death? Okay, I guess it’s in the script.

Idiot World
But how could he not have been my real daughter? He passed the Jam test! And how am I supposed to know if somebody’s death is connected to Voldemort if he doesn’t put the Dark Mark thingie up?

Informed Attributes
Get used to this one because Slughorn will be informing us of Lily’s never-ending attributes throughout the book.

Also, Dumbledore praising Harry over being a good judge of character? Really?

Misdirected Answering
Dragon’s blood, huh? Fascinating. And no Muggle neighbors have noticed someone living in the house of the family that’s on vacation?

Offscreen Teleportation
Sadly, Slughorn didn’t get this so he must walk from one end of the room to the other on foot.

Spring-Loaded Cat
Nor can his amazing transformation from an armchair count for a spring-loaded cat, because this guy doesn’t spring anywhere.

Final score: 5

Comments

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

*Harry correctly compares Slughorn to a big spider eating juicy flies. It’s a good thing Harry lives in a cartoon world where people look like their subtext.

Slughorn is one of the least "real"-seeming characters in the books to me, precisely for this reason. He's just a collection of the ominous, contemptible-but-not-quite-villainous traits that go into every stock venal eunuch or otherwise emasculated man ever to appear in literature.


*Hi girls. I’m Sistermagpie. I hope you’re enjoying the recap of HBP. Jokes are well and good between friends, but I want to talk about something serious. Just between us girls. I’m talking about calling normal people fat. All over the world there are girls with cute bodies—not icky skinny ones that are too bony—but correct-sized bodies, and they’re being teased by being called fat. I’ve tried to provide you with some examples here of what fat is really like in the hopes that in my small way I can help end the pain of unfair fat accusation. Thanks.

Hehehehehehehehehe.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

He's just a collection of the ominous, contemptible-but-not-quite-villainous traits that go into every stock venal eunuch or otherwise emasculated man ever to appear in literature.

LOL! Oh god, yes. It's fun just imagining the character closet he came out of.

[soldurios.livejournal.com]

Hi girls. I’m Sistermagpie. I hope you’re enjoying the recap of HBP. Jokes are well and good between friends, but I want to talk about something serious. Just between us girls. I’m talking about calling normal people fat. All over the world there are girls with cute bodies—not icky skinny ones that are too bony—but correct-sized bodies, and they’re being teased by being called fat. I’ve tried to provide you with some examples here of what fat is really like in the hopes that in my small way I can help end the pain of unfair fat accusation. Thanks.

I feel all educated n'all. But why, dear magpie, did you neglect to tell us all of this when you were describing Dudley? Is he not a good example of what fat is? Is he, like Slughorn, chewy on the outside but with a soft, rotting caramel moral center?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Good question. Note that Dudley slims down in preparation for his being a better person. But obviously he'd have been a Slytherin, so his moral center must still be chewy. Chewy and dumb.

[aasaylva.livejournal.com]

*DD says Harry need not worry about an attack because he is with Dumbledore. What a coincidence, because later Dumbledore’s going to tell Harry he’s not worried because…ohhhhh, maybe it’s not a coincidence. Parallelism.
It's obvious this was meant to show how Harry had matured during sixth year for this reversal in dependence to take place. But in what sense HAD Harry matured apart from developing a chest monster? WTF, Rowling.

From black_dog in the last readthrough: "Note that after Harry's encounter with the birth-canal-mysteries of Apparition, his first comment is "I prefer broomsticks."
Bwahahaha! Just fresh from a crushing review on the Twilight series about the hero's pillow biting in his wedding night and now this - you can't blame the homophobes for becoming paranoid - it's everywhere!

It’s not rude to crash into the middle of a Muggle’s living room through their fireplace unannounced...
Oh come on - you don't knock on a chimpanzee's door either, do you?!

*Dumbledore promises the story of how he killed his hand
AAgh - don't remind me of that bullshittery. He could have told him in about two sentences. As I’m rather ashamed to say, I grew up with Karl May books about a white scout and his Red Indian friend who were supposed to be uber manly, meaning the strong and silent type. Which led to them endlessly bitching about how very silent they were. Dumbledore stating again and again that he had no time for those two sentences mentioned above is the exact same idiocy.

Dumbledore pooh-poohs the Ministery’s rules about asking people personal questions
To be fair – the way the wizards handle these questions does make them completely useless. Maybe they should have looked up on the internet how to create a sensible password?

They always worry about the state of the person's soul at birth that they can't see, rather than thinking about their actions.
Well, as in this universe the moral implication of any action depends strongly on the colour of your ties, that’s not too surprising.

* Big Dark Mark that says DEATH EATERS WUZ HERE George Smiley wouldn’t know who to trust!
LOL! The real question, however, is, why those underhanded Slytherins are so upfront about their misdeeds. Shouldn’t they be more underhanded? Or leave the sign of the Golden Lily behind?

Also, real men on the run prefer to live in elaborate tents and forget the food so they can live on berries and twigs.
And bitch at their girlfriend-to-be for it.

I’m sorry, why is Slugorn calling Hogwarts “pestilential?”
Well, pestilence is traditionally associated with a nasty smell and we just witnessed that this is a wizard who takes a bath out of sheer frivolity…
In fact, I gather a sinister suspicion that all of Slytherin might be doing this on a regular basis, what with being the house of water and all. Can’t trust people without body odour – they use it to sneak up on you even with the wind!

Before leaving Harry, Dumbledore figures he might as well lay it on thick with the compliments again. He’s holding up so well, Sirius would be proud, you would have had a great relationship
So SO vomit-inducing. Especially that old crap about how Sirius wouldn’t have wanted him to mourn for him. Yeah – mourning can just be stopped like that. It’s not as if it was an emotion.

[anehan]

In fact, I gather a sinister suspicion that all of Slytherin might be doing this on a regular basis, what with being the house of water and all.

No wonder the Sorting Hat didn't insist on putting Harry to Slytherin. He'd never have survived there.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a good question. Exactly what did Harry do to mature this year, what with spending his time watching Pensieve TV and playing Gryffindor dating games? I guess almost killing that kid must have shown Dumbledore he could take care of himself.

Muggles need to learn to start throwing poo.

The drawing out of the "What exactly happened to my hand?" question just gets our hopes up, alas.

LOL! Oh god, the Wizard password system would be awesome.

Good question about Slytherins open underhandedness. You see, they are Sorted for wanting to be underhanded, not for being good at it. The good underhandedness mostly goes to Gryffindor, same as the good everything else.

LOL. Yes, Sirius wouldn't have wanted Harry to mourn. Mourning is after all for the living, because dead people can't really have an opinion on it. It's more like Harry who doesn't want Harry to mourn. And the author.

[elanor-x.livejournal.com]

Can you give a link to black_dog's readthroughs, please? I didn't find them in her lj. Or did you refer to comments to your posts?

ETA: And 7. I forget, is there some reason that Voldemort stops using Occlumency in that book and starts broadcasting his whereabouts to Harry periodically? I mean, non-meta reasons?
I don't remember any reason explicitly stated in the book.

Funny that Harry doesn't assume that Slughorn is an asshole and so deserves a late-night visit like the Dursleys.
That's only because Harry doesn't know Slughorn is a Slytherin yet. After knowing the info, he would assume breaking the bottle over the man's head to be too good for him.

Voldemort apparently killed enough people in the last war to make an army. Just go with it.
May be it's a hint about the literal army of the dead we'll see later in the lake.

Once Harry starts wondering if Dumbledore was evil he won't do anything interesting, like wonder if the appeal of the guy was something bad. ... I will never stop being amazed at the ban on self-reflection or long, hard looks in the mirror in the series.
I know! *jumps with raised hand Hermione-like* There is no need for self-reflection since D appealed to Harry due to his good deeds and wise kind words. Had D mentioned "The Greater Good" and ruling over Muggles, our hero would be horrified, right?

Thankfully Slughorn doesn’t pass up a chance to remind us that burglar alarms are “absurd” compared to Sneakascopes. Because Sneakascopes have been so much help to everyone in the previous five books.
To be fair, keeping one in a bag like Harry hardly contributes to its' usefulness. In GoF Crouch's Sneakascope would warn him about D & Snape approaching, had he looked. Then the device only showed the owner's enemies, but in another place in the books we saw it making a sound too. Iirc it was on the train to Hogwarts in PoA.

Sure we’re reminded of Ron’s red hair maybe once every two books and Slughorn’s girth twelve times in one chapter, but that’s because Ron’s red hair isn’t an extension of his inner character, as is Slughorn’s size.
He isn't brave enough to deserve that. Ginny's hair, however, is frequently mentioned to show her fiery temper and courage, iow her being Harry's ideal girl.

Clearly the real reason Voldemort killed Lily was because her glittery goodness would have converted all the DEs from their racist ways single-handedly.
Yes. I am surprised he even considered for a moment sparing her after seeing Lily's disastrous influence on his future(?) right-hand man, Slytherin Snape.

ETA: Again from black_dog ... But maybe that hit Slughorns's bulletproof kink for trade."
Which trade? Is it another reference to Slughorns's love of teenage boys?

ETA: Though you'd think if they regularly pissed outdoors Ron would have dealt better with the tent.
Not necessary. For Ron the breaking point was hunger, not pissing outdoors. Didn't the tent in GoF have a bathroom?

ETA: Sadly, the plot is a fickle mistress. Harry will have to spend the next book obsessing over his dead headmaster. Dumbledore's final triumph: He totally replaces Sirius in Harry's heart. In a totally non-sexual way.
I was even more impressed by him telly Harry to ignore the crying from pain and hunger(?) baby on the station. I know on the meta level that only V could save his soul, so Harry couldn't help anyway, etc. but the visual picture was very hard for me, specially since V is considered specially devious and cruel for trying to kill a baby. Isn't it ironic that I felt more pity for the bit of V's soul on the station than for any other character in the entire series? (*) Is something wrong with me? When were you most moved/felt the saddest in the series?
(*) I did weep when Harry was in the forest going to be killed too, but the impression was immediately ruined by him not being really killed, while with V that bit of soul got eternal suffering. I could never get the appeal of eternal suffering, btw. Suffer for a year, 10 years, yes, but forever?!

[t0ra-chan.livejournal.com]

I don't remember any reason explicitly stated in the book.

I think the only reason we got was that Voldemort started to lose it.

To be fair, keeping one in a bag like Harry hardly contributes to its' usefulness. In GoF Crouch's Sneakascope would warn him about D & Snape approaching, had he looked. Then the device only showed the owner's enemies, but in another place in the books we saw it making a sound too. Iirc it was on the train to Hogwarts in PoA.

The thing Crouch had was a Foe Glass, not a Sneakascope. Well, he had some, but he never used them because as he said, they wouldn't work at the school (too many people wanting to harm him), when of course he didn't want Harry to know that he's untrustworthy. So no Sneakascope has ever actually done anyone any good, which is why I don't get Hermione giving Harry a new one in DH, the thing never appears again anyway.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Black_dog didn't do readthroughs, I just quoted something he'd said about the book in a comment a long time ago.

I do think now that the army was a reference to the lake. Poor army only got that one scene guarding the bird bath! you'd think they would have come in handy in the Battle of Hogwarts!

True Sneakoscopes are shown working sometimes--but they don't seem as consistently practical as a burglar alarm that goes off when someone's breaking in!

Which trade? Is it another reference to Slughorns's love of teenage boys?

Yup. BD was saying that "sullen and restless" made Harry seem like a hustler.LOL!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't get the appeal of eternal suffering for finite sins on earth. It's like Voldemort gets to be the victim of the worst cruelty in the series but since it's nobody's fault but his own we should enjoy it. God, or whatever is in charge of the afterlife, did it.

[anehan]

*ETA: Seriously, he's got a soft, rotting, corrupted moral center because he is Slytherin. They have corrupted souls. The ones who are kind of good are good for baser reasons. Including Slughorn.

Yeah. And those Slytherins who don't have corrupted souls are not true Slytherins. They were just sorted too early.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Sorted too early even though the Sorting hat isn't wrong to Sort them into Slytherin. Or something. That line makes no damn sense. And note that Dumbledo, never thinks of anything like re-Sorting if he thinks things might change. You could do it every year.

[kaskait.livejournal.com]

*Slughorn hurries to the doorway of the room he’s in, which leaves him breathless. Hey, you try moving 500 pounds of girlie manflesh on Billy Barty’s legs and see how out of breath you are!

I still don't understand how fat, fatty, fat Slughorn is...I think the author needs to add in more descriptions, metaphors and similes. No worries, I'm sure that will be done throughout the whole book.

*The Weasleys keep their broomsticks in an outhouse. By which I guess we mean just an outbuilding on a farm and not a privvy, but with the Weasleys one can’t be sure. It may be part of their rustic charm to go outside.

The Weasleys are poor, POOR. So poor that they have an outhouse, in which they keep some valuable stuff. Because, hey, you gotta have some stuff to admire while you do the business. Its not as if the whole family wants to read Ron's fabulous Martin Migg's the Mad Muggle comics. Then again those have long since been used for TP. Poor Ron.

I’ve tried to provide you with some examples here of what fat is really like in the hopes that in my small way I can help end the pain of unfair fat accusation.

I don't understand Sister M, how fat was Slughorn?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

It's hard to tell how fat Slughorn is. My first readthrough I totally missed his weight being mentioned at all. I pictured him looking like James Cromwell!

[tdotm.livejournal.com]

"DD says Harry need not worry about an attack because he is with Dumbledore. What a coincidence, because later Dumbledore’s going to tell Harry he’s not worried because…ohhhhh, maybe it’s not a coincidence. Parallelism."

The thing is, not only does he not mature one iota by the end of this book, he doesn’t even mature in the next one, either. What about that unbelievably tedious 230 odd pages in the tent that JKR apologists tell us were so character building? Ron could be seen to learn a lesson when he destroyed the Horcrux. Even if 1)it was the same lesson JKR had been foisting on him (and us) for 3 years and 2) could easily have been inserted into 1/3 the amount of ‘lost in the wilderness’ nonsense.

Harry, on the other hand, ended the camping by recklessly saying ‘Voldemort’ without thinking, leading to Hermione being brutally tortured, and Dobby actually dying whilst saving them. Lesson learnt! (My arse). And *nothing* happened after that to make him seem like a hero (that peaked in Chamber, where he really did act like one). I’d have forgiven JKR quite a bit if Harry had ended his days as the long term DADA teacher. Though Hermione might disagree as to the quality of Harry’s teaching (DADA was the only subject she didn’t ace) but Hogwarts hardly attracted the crème de la crème of teachers. And it’d be preferable to the offensive nonsense of a person so incredibly incompetent being able to survive 2 weeks as part of an elite fighting squad without Hermione telling him what to do, nevermind becoming its head.

"Dumbledore promises the story of how he killed his hand"

And well worth the wait it was too! I understand that JKR didn’t want Harry to know for dramatic purposes, but why the HELL didn’t she build in an acceptable reason? Or any reasons. When reading the later books, I spent more time explaining discrepancies to myself, and trying to make things tie together, than she ever did. I feel like I’m repeating myself here, because I always say that the explanations don’t have to be great - they just have to exist. I‘m full of average quality explanations for her gaping plot holes!

If Dumbledore knew that he had between 18 months and 2 years left after he contracted hand rot (not the year JKR said) then he could say that because the whole Horcrux thing was the blackest of black magic (and let’s face it, it was) that he didn’t want Harry to be too involved with actually dealing with them while underage. But on the other hand, he didn’t want Harry to turn 17 with absolutely no clue of what was going on (ho!), so he’d teach him certain things about the background/possible locations etc. That way he'd be totally ready for the intense training that Dumbledore planned would follow in August after 6th year, once he was of age.

The curriculum would feature lessons on How to destroy a Horcrux/Where any still missing Horcruxes might be located/Keep my wand safe it’s a super duper wand/There are three objects that can make you Master of Death and are far less messy than a Horcux, and would make Voldemort less dependent on other people, but hey! don’t you go getting obsessed with them, I did and look what happened to me/Why I trust Snape.

That way, we’d feel desperately frustrated, and worried for Harry when Dumbledore bought it on top of the astronomy tower. We’d think “Poor Dumbledore, dead before he could educate Harry.” Not, “Dumbles, you stupid manipulative git - way to sabotage this vital task, by leaving an already appallingly incompetent fool with insufficient knowledge.” JKR seems to actively want us to dislike Harry *and* Dumbledore - managed with ease.

"Before leaving Harry, Dumbledore figures he might as well lay it on thick with the compliments again. He’s holding up so well, Sirius would be proud, you would have had a great relationship"

JKR probably though that she’d overdone the Harry angst in Order(no, really?) and decided to cut it out of this book - where it made more sense. Harry’s character never recovered from what she did to it in Order. Maybe we could swallow that it was his link to Voldemort making him angry. But stupid? Petulant? Grimy? (He’s no better than Slughorn) Whiny? Brattish? Braindead? Actually by DH, that was a characteristic that they did share.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

It really is fascinating now to look back at that "Harry has grown up by the end of the book!" now. Because in this book of all of them...what maturing experiences does he go through? He gets a year of being nothing but BMOC. He cheats in chem class, asks a girl out, almost kills somebody but quickly rationalizes it and develops a fondness for hexing people randomly.

Oh god, Ron and his lessons. That's why you can't even trust that anybody's learned a lesson when they have learned a lesson. It's not like they slip sometimes either. They get faced with the same story and go through the same paces all over again.

Somebody should write a fanfic about the horror of being in the auror department under the young prince leader who has no real sense of his own abilities. Corruption must be rampant.

It's true about average explanations. They do count for something. I still appreciate the Time Turners getting smashed just because it seems like some nod to the question of why they don't use one.

[soldforasmile.livejournal.com]

*ETA: Well, we know that now, and it's anything but thrilling. Dumbledore just leaves it out here because the long, involved story of how Dumbledore's hobby is researching these three stupid relics from a fairy tale will be masquerading as the plot of the next book and we couldn't fit any references to it into this book. Not only would it spoil the amazing surprise, but we've got so much plot in this book already! There's not a moment to spare on how to kill Voldemort.

One of the ways I think the success of the books hindered the final product. So much stress on the mystery of the last book, that she didn't even throw us any crumbs in the earlier books about the major plot points of it, so it all came out of nowhere. HBP could have used a little more plot, or at least something to connect it to the others books.

*ETA: Slughorn's massive size luckily makes him too ridiculous to be truly villainous. Behold, the "good" Slytherin!

What a tough break for the Slytherins. The only ones that don't get to be outright evil are either seen as pathetic and cowardly (Draco) or too ridiculous and/or lazy and self-serving to be evil (Slughorn).

*Not that there’s disproportionate attention paid to his size. Sure we’re reminded of Ron’s red hair maybe once every two books and Slughorn’s girth twelve times in one chapter, but that’s because Ron’s red hair isn’t an extension of his inner character, as is Slughorn’s size.

Nope, no value judgments there. Also, how often do we hear about Ginny's hair being red? Because that's clearly a sign of her strong, fiery personality, where Ron isn't special and just unremarkable in general. ;)

*Hi girls. I’m Sistermagpie. I hope you’re enjoying the recap of HBP. Jokes are well and good between friends, but I want to talk about something serious. Just between us girls. I’m talking about calling normal people fat. All over the world there are girls with cute bodies—not icky skinny ones that are too bony—but correct-sized bodies, and they’re being teased by being called fat. I’ve tried to provide you with some examples here of what fat is really like in the hopes that in my small way I can help end the pain of unfair fat accusation. Thanks.

Oh, what pains JKR goes to in order to show us the people we should really be hating. We should all be like Hermione, not Pansy, after all, since Hermione would never cause harm to a classmate. At least one who didn't have it coming.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

The last book still amazes me. On the one hand I guess it was an impressive risk to try to write something so different. We go from sort of golden age mystery/school story with some fairy tale magic endings thrown in to an attempt at high fantasy with a whole world at war and the hero on a quest. Unfortunately I really think it's a risk that failed badly. Especially when there were other things more in line with what had come before that still seem like they would have worked better. (She's got all these characters with conflicts WHY does she send the hero off alone into the woods or isolate him with people that aren't interesting? Not Ron Hermione, I mean all the minor characters trotting through DH.)

Funny that with Ginny we hear about her flame of red hair. With Ron we more often hear about his freckles being mistaken for some sort of disease.

There is something about the "Please let my girls grow up to be Hermiones and not Pansys!" If in 20 years you run into some woman in Australia who looks like JKR but has no memory of being her, we'll know she got her wish.

[seductivedark.livejournal.com]

*Harry and DD need to go to Slughorn’s. Will they take the Floo, a Portkey, a broom, Thestral, the Knight Bus?

Round and round and round she goes! Where she stops...

*ETA: From [info]black_dog in the last readthrough: "Note that after Harry's encounter with the birth-canal-mysteries of Apparition, his first comment is "I prefer broomsticks." Subtext? You decide!"

...well, somebody knows!

*ETA: Once Harry starts wondering if Dumbledore was evil he won't do anything interesting, like wonder if the appeal of the guy was something bad.

DD can't be bad, he's got a Gryffin Door Knocker. Get it? Gryffin Door. Gryffindor. *hyuck!*

I’m surprised he doesn’t say, “Homina, homina, homina” as he does it.

But, Joe Flynn was thin!

Informed Attributes
Get used to this one because Slughorn will be informing us of Lily’s never-ending attributes throughout the book.

*gak!*

Also, Dumbledore praising Harry over being a good judge of character? Really?

Quick, get a medic! His injury is worse than we thought - affecting his brain!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to imagine who I remembered saying the "Homina homina!"

Well, at least DH made Lily's talents really clear. I can see why Slughorn was praising her so much. Too bad it nothing to do with Potions.

[tabaquis.livejournal.com]

Side-Along Apparition was, without a doubt, the stupidest thing JKR ever put into the books.

Since, yaknow, it 100% undermines the very first premise of the book, that is, Harry's parents dying to Voldemort and Harry being left alone to face and defeat him with the lovey-bounceback-spell.

"Lily, it's him! Take Harry and run, run! I'll hold him off!"

...or, you know. Take Harry and side-along Apparate. Somewhere else. ANYWHERE else. Dangerous to Apparate with an infant? I'm betting it's less dangerous than Voldemort in your house, amirite?

That one spell she introduced out of what is clearly sheer laziness completely destroyed the premise of the book, and certainly ruins any chance we might have had for believing that Harry's parents might have been clever. Or even competant. Even the "ho, ho, James didn't even have a wand on him!" coverup in the next book doesn't manage to put a top on this hole.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh god, yes. Side-along apparition will definitely go on that list of "magic that is far too powerful to not destroy the plot unless nobody remembers it when they need it most!"

[(Anonymous)]

Not to mention that the Wizarding World is full of shady characters who won't care whether it is rude or not as long as they can rob you or cause mischief. I prefer to think that most dwellings and all shops are just warded against Apparition or allow only selective access. Otherwise Slughorn's wards would be supremely useless.

Re: Voldy and the Potters - to be fair, anti-Apparition jinx was introduced in OoTP, so one could imagine that he set it on the whole block before kicking down the door. Still, it doesn't explain why Lily didn't even _try_ to Apparate. And with the new revelation that she could levitate one wonders why she just didn't grab Harry and jump out of the window.

But any doubts about possible cleverness of the Potters were dispersed with Lily's letter and the fact that neither of them had wands on their persons when Voldy came calling. Honestly, did we ever before see a witch or a wizard who didn't have a wand to hand even in the most domestic setting? It is a basic, infinitely versatile tool to them, after all, that is very much used even in the everyday tasks.

[lachlanm.livejournal.com]

sistermagpie: *I’m sorry, why is Slugorn calling Hogwarts “pestilential?”

“It couldn't be because the author likes to go crazy with modifiers,” said Lachlan snarkily.



sistermagpie: *Hi girls. I’m Sistermagpie. I hope you’re enjoying the recap of HBP. Jokes are well and good between friends, but I want to talk about something serious. Just between us girls. I’m talking about calling normal people fat. All over the world there are girls with cute bodies—not icky skinny ones that are too bony—but correct-sized bodies, and they’re being teased by being called fat. I’ve tried to provide you with some examples here of what fat is really like in the hopes that in my small way I can help end the pain of unfair fat accusation. Thanks.

I know! Damn those skinny bitches!

*is 6'1" and 161 lbs*

*goes back to eating his organic lettuce*

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

LOL! Clever use of modifiers will never stop being funny!

Gooseberry eyes

[cressida0201.livejournal.com]

What did you come up with when you looked it up? I assumed it meant light green, the color of a gooseberry. I remember a character in an Agatha Christie novel which I read as a teenager who was described as having eyes like boiled gooseberries. Said character turned out to be a Nazi spy. I have light green eyes myself, and they don't show up on book characters very much, so I was very upset! (Now I console myself with the fact that my eyes are the same color as Sean Bean's.)

Re: Gooseberry eyes

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I think people do sometimes say someone has "gooseberry green" eyes, but gooseberry eyes also implies they're round and protruding. So they're sort of pale and googly, I think.