death to capslock

I’m baaaaaaaaaaack!

So, in light of the new information about the Cursed Child debacle, I’ve decided to pick up where my abridged series has left off. I’m going to be giving the story of the Cursed Child the same treatment as I gave the books when I was doing Harry Potter Abridged…only instead of waiting until I’ve read the script, I’m going to use only the outline of the plot, and details from other people’s postings about it. So there’s going to be a lot of guess work and improvisation, but hopefully it’ll still be funny. I decided that it would be easier to get it onto paper while it was still fresh in my mind, and I thought adding my own spin on the proceedings might be more fun. Since I don't know the acts, I've broken it up based on whatever stopping points I thought were most convenient. I’ll probably track down a copy of the script at some point, and do something with it; but for now, enjoy!

In practice this has turned out to be less funny than I thought it would be. But hopefully it’s still at least a little funny.

( Read the first part )

LAST CHAPTER OF THE BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

( The end is nigh! )

Harry: S-so…this is it? I’m j-just supposed to go and die? No…it can’t be true. I must be dreaming. Somebody, please, tell me I’m dreaming!

( Read Chapter 34 )

Snape: Good day, ladies and gentlemen! I know, I know—it’s been a long book without my awesomeness gracing the pages, but rest assured—from now on things will be better! This chapter will be from my perspective! Ahaha--! [Pause] What’s that? You said…I’m only in one scene of this entire chapter?! [Pause] And it’s really stupid?! [Pause] But my name’s in the chapter title! [Pause] Oh, that is not fair! [Cries] What’d I ever do to you?*

( Read Chapter 30 )

*A/N: In all seriousness, it is good to have Snape back.

Since Chapter 27 is so short, I decided to also post Chapter 28.

( Time for Dumbledore's backstory! Bum bum buuuuuuum! )

[For the attempted break-in of Gringotts, they decide Hermione will be Polyjuiced to look like Bellatrix]

Hermione: I really hate that I have to go as the woman who tortured me.

Harry: Well, look on the bright side—it’s only for one chapter.

Hermione: I can already tell it’s going to be a long chapter.

( Read Chapter 26 )

Hey, it's my birthday! Have another one of these!

( Read Chapter 24 )

[They crash-land in a field somewhere]

Ron: I can’t believe that man! To sell Harry to the Death Eaters! Disgusting coward! I can’t believe someone as noble as Luna is related to him!

( Read Chapter 22 )