deathtocapslock | Harry Potter Abridged! GOF Chapter 10

Harry Potter Abridged is back!!

[So Harry and the Weasleys head home]

Mrs. Weasley: Oh, I’m so glad you people are safe! I was so worried about what would happen if the last thing I ever said to you was mean! Not that that stops me from saying mean things to you on a regular basis, especially you, Ron....

Mr. Weasley: [Reading Daily Prophet] Incidentally, the person who wrote this article is none other than one Rita Skeeter! Remember her name, kiddies; she’s important.

Percy: Oh, yes, Rita Skeeter. She’s a right slanderer.

Bill: Shut up, Percy, nobody likes you!

Harry: Well, as long as she doesn’t slander me....

Percy: And if she does?

Harry:....

Mr. Weasley: WELP, it’s time for me to go and explain the situation to the Ministry of Magic.

Percy: And I’ll come with you like the good government official I am!

[Meanwhile, Harry and co. go off to discuss matters]

Harry: So, my scar’s hurting again.

Ron: This isn’t good!

Harry: And I’ve been having dreams about Wormtail.

Ron: This is really not good!

Harry: And now the Death Dealers are back and Voldie’s mark is in the sky again....

Ron: *Whimpers*

Hermione: Harry, be a dear and don’t scare Ron.

Harry: Incidentally, I don’t think I ever told you about Professor Trelawney’s prediction from last year.

Hermione: Harry, you can’t believe anything Professor Trelawney says--she’s a right old fraud, just like all the other authority figures who are mean to you.

Harry: Oh, no--this was a real prediction! She stated that Voldie would rise again with the help of his servant, and that servant was Wormtail. Anyway, I’m hoping that Hedwig gets back soon because she’s fetching the answer to my questions from Sirius.

Ron: Oh, well, while we wait for Hedwig, Harry, let’s go play Quidditch.

Hermione: After we’ve had a scare like that?

Harry: [Chipper] Actually, that’s a great idea! I’ll grab my Firebolt in a jiffy!

Hermione: *Facepalm*

[From that day forward, Mr. Weasley and Percy are stressed out]

Percy: [Important] They’re sending us exploding Howlers, they are...! Hey wait, why is my direction labeled as “important?” How can I say something “importantly,” anyway? Is this like that “My Immortal” rubbish where everyone “cries sexily” and “screams goffikally?”

Mrs. Weasley: Your father is working too hard--it’s not good for him.

Percy: Maybe he said just a bit too much and that Rita Skeeter person picked up on it?

Mrs. Weasley: No, no, no--everything Rita Skeeter says is wrong, so long as it’s about people we like!

Harry: If you need me, I’ll just be, ah... “polishing my broomstick” to thoughts of Viktor Krum.... Wow, did I say that out loud?

Mrs. Weasley: Incidentally, what could Fred and George be up to now? It wouldn’t be Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, now would it?

Fred and George: However did you guess?!

[Just then Mr. Weasley arrives at home.]

Mr. Weasley: Just in case you’ve forgotten, Bertha Jorkins has gone missing and nobody’s doing anything about it! Though I heard Rita Skeeter will learn about this and put it in the papers!

Percy: Oh, great--that means people can finally take action the way Crouch wants!

Mr. Weasley: But think of the disgrace Crouch would fall into if word ever got out that his House Elf had a wand on her which could conjure the Dark Mark!

Percy: Yeah well, she didn’t conjure it so nobody’s the worse! Right?!

Hermione: You know, Mr. Crouch is so mean by enslaving his elf. I just realized that.

Percy: Mr. Crouch is a very important man, and important men ought to have willing servants.

Hermione: Uh-uh-uh! I know you ain’t been supportin’ slavery! *Wags finger*

Percy: *Facepalm*

Mrs. Weasley: Why don’t we all just go to bed now so we can go to school tomorrow on time?

[So everyone goes to pack up, when suddenly...]

Ron: Eew! Mummy’s given me a dress to wear! *Displays lacy maroon dress robes*

Mrs. Weasley: That’s not a dress, it’s a dress robe, and you will look phenomenal in it.

Ron: They’ll think I’m a homo! *Sobs*

Harry: You’re not?

Mrs. Weasley: Oh, by the way, Harry, I got some for you as well, because I’m just so nice! *Displays green robes that have no lace on them whatsoever*

Harry: Ooh! Shiny! @-@

Ron: Why didn’t you get your own son robes that looked like that?

Mrs. Weasley: Because they were hand-me-downs.

Ron: Harry’s not go hand-me-downs!

Mrs. Weasley: That’s because I could just buy them with his own money.

Ron: But DID YOU? *Evil eyes*

Mrs. Weasley and Harry: *Sweatdrop*

[That conversation over, everyone goes to bed, thus making this the second chapter in a row where the characters have gone to bed to end a chapter.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hilarious! I always wondered how Mrs. Weasley got her hands on Harry's money to buy him robes. But then again, in the last book a cat could buy a broom with the money of a wanted criminal, so maybe we shouldn't ask :)

But seriously. I hate Mrs. Weasley. The way she dotes on poor little famous Harry Potter and treats her own kids (especially you, Ron) like crap is just cringe-worthy. Why do people think that she's a good mother!?!

The more I read about Mrs. Weasley, the less I like her. Probably the blatant favoritism, plus, I sort of get the feeling that she is trying to make nice with Harry so that she and her family will be able to enjoy the benefits of his being famous. Either that or she's hoping that he marries Ginny or something. She's kind of like Mrs. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice, except slightly less useless.

Except that Mrs. Bennet was meant to be seen as ridiculous and shallow. Molly Weasley, on the other hand, is supposed to be the archetypal housewife/mama bear, from her embrace of Harry to her triumph over Bellatrix.

So, the difference is less in the character and more in the author's perception of them. Interesting.

Mrs. Weasley: No, no, no--everything Rita Skeeter says is wrong, so long as it’s about people we like

So what are we to think when Mrs. Weasley believes what Rita says about Hermione?

Harry's robes are tasteful.

I wonder if Mrs. Weasley assigned each kid a color? I remember reading Little House on the Prairie - Mary always got blue ribbons and Laura the red. Once Ma put the wrong ribbons in and Laura was so happy to have blue for once that she never forgot it. Poor Ron stuck with maroon, all the good colors were already taken.

You don't have to be a great seamstress to remove lace. I would have thought at least doing that would not have taken to much effort.

You don't have to be a great seamstress to remove lace. I would have thought at least doing that would not have taken to much effort.

It wouldn't even require magic- just a good pair of scissors. *sigh*

Haha, also, Ron tried to do it himself, IIRC, but messed in up so the sleeves were all tattered. Surely Mrs. Weasley wouldn't have botched it like that (if Rowling wants us to think that she's such a great witch and all) and it would have taken her like 30 seconds. Any reason why she wouldn't do this? No, I've made up my mind. She must just really hate Ron xD

But that's 30 seconds she could be spending on Harry!

Obviously Molly is a good mother, she has the right priorities Harry over Ron.

Not like that terrible Petunia who actually favors her own son! Doesn't she know how special Harry is?

Good catch! I wonder why I never noticed how similar Petunia and Mrs. Weasley tend to be. It's amazing how much the narrative tends to manipulate readers into liking a certain character and disliking others. That's something that really annoys me, actually, since I feel like reading ought to be a lot like getting to know people in real life. I ought to be able to choose who I like, rather than having somebody forced on me. In fact, generally the more the author tries to force me to like the character, the more I end up disliking them. At least now that I am better able to see these things. Before I started to do creative writing myself I never noticed JKR trying to pull the strings behind the scenes.

/So what are we to think when Mrs. Weasley believes what Rita says about Hermione?/

I didn't know what to think when I read that chapter for the first time. I was honestly confused. Up until that point, Mrs. Weasley had bristled at the name of Rita Skeeter and had insisted that her articles were slanderous garbage...but she believes her article about Hermione? To the point of acting like a passive-aggressive middle-school bully to her son's *best friend?* Maybe the moment was just meant to lead up to the "comedic" scene where Harry sets the record straight and Mrs. Weasley realizes that she made a mistake and learns her lesson? But why would she make that mistake in the first place?

acting like a passive-aggressive middle-school bully to her son's *best friend?*
Either that or she's hoping that he marries Ginny or something.

Perhaps she was scared! She had big plans for Ginny to marry Harry and then out of nowhere comes Hermione and ruins everything. Who wants to bet that if Harry and Hermione had ended up together Molly would have been heard nagging how she's not good enough for him. Maybe she'd even act the part of insane mother-in-law (Fleur in HBP) seeing as she seems to think that Harry is her son.

Harry Potter Abridged! GOF Chapter 10

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