deathtocapslock | (no subject)

CoS:Chapter Two: Dobby's Warning

*Dobby makes his grand entrance. I picked this up on an old SQ thread, and figured I might share before we go any further:
I think the house elf servitude is an exaggeration and perversion of the kind of service to humans that we saw in the Grimm's fairy tale "The Shoemaker and the Elves". Briefly, the elves help a worthy but poor shoemaker by appearing every night and making wonderful products with his leather so he can sell them for large sums and become prosperous again. The shoemaker and his wife spy on the elves to see who is helping them anonymously at midnight and when they see the elves are naked the wife makes them little suits of clothes. The elves are delighted and liberated from their servitude and never come back, although the worthy shoemaker is never poor again. Somehow this old social contract between elves and humans has been twisted around to the benefit of wealthy wizarding families.

*Despite the fact that no-decent-clothes is the first rule of house elf enslavement, the fact that Dobby is wearing an old pillowcase (which is NOT dirty, filthy or torn), shows that the Malfoys are OMG!Bad wizards.

*Because you know, Harry would make sure his house-elf would be properly attired, if he had one. That's why Kreacher was wearing designer silk pillowcases in HBP.

*Dobby declares it's an honour to meet Harry. Do you get that he's one of the good guys yet? Do you?

*Harry changes his question to make it sound more polite. Take note: he is actually considering someone else's feelings here. This ain't gonna go on much longer.

*The name's Dobby. Just Dobby. Like "Cher". Martinis shaken, not stirred.

*Seriously, house-elves aren't afforded the dignity of a last name? You think they'd take the surname of the family they serve.

*Harry gives Dobby the brush off, despite his being terribly lonely over the summer. Never mind that this is the only contact from the WW he's had. You think he'd like a bit of magical company.

*Dobby wonders where to begin. He couldn't possibly get to the point and say: "Lucius Malfoy wants to resurrect the Dark Lord, kill Muggleborns, get Dumbledore kicked out, and he's going to do it with an enchanted diary."

*Dobby then bursts into emo!tears at being asked to sit down like an equal.
This indisputably proves that Harry is the Champion Defender and Liberator of House Elves.

*Because you know, once he finds out it's not a done thing, Harry never asks Dobby to sit down again. And of course Kreacher got invitations to sit down and have a cuppa all the time in OOtP.

*Dobby fixes his eyes on Hary in an expression of watery adoration. Where are the Harry/Dobby fics people? We have more canon support here than on any other ship.

*Wow, Harry really is D-Dore's best student. He's already making nice to marginalized social outcasts in order to get their gratitude and loyalty.

*Dobby then begins his own Self-Hurt/Comfort in order to gain sympathy.

*I love how Harry's all concerned about Dobby here. "Can't you escape? Can't anyone help you? Can't I?" Because, really, Harry would never force a house-elf to do things against his will, and stay chained to him. He won't do it. He won't Won't, Won't, Won't, Won't, Won't!

*This is what makes me think Harry was actually more compassionate in earlier books. He's considerate, kind, polite. A far cry from SecondJames!Harry in HBP.

*Dobby tells us of Harry's goodness and greatness. You wanna weigh in on that Kreacher?

*NOTE: thinking about Ron and Hermione was painful for Harry. He was however, not averse to a sight of Draco Malfoy. I'm jus' sayin'. *whistles innocently*

*Dobby proceeds to smarm up to Harry more by bringing up his meeting with Voldemort last year. He then puts a hand inside his pillowcase and takes out his Harry Potter Fan Club membership card.

*Basically, Dobby heard the Draco bad-mouthing Potter at the dinner table, understood that he had brought down someone the Malfoys supported, and promptly decided that this kid was his hero. His grudge/personal feelings against the Malfoys had nothing whatsoever to do with it.

*Dobby finally gets to the point: Plz to be staying home and not going to skool, kthnx!

*BTW, Dobby says he's known about this plot for months, suggesting that it was a carefully concocted plan, and that there was more to it than: 1) Give diary to Weasley girl, 2) Wreak havok on Hogwarts by having basilisk kill mudbloods.

*Harry delivers the Hagrid speech from PS: But I don't belong here. I belong in your world! My world! Yer' parents' world!

*Dobby then performs his audition for 'I Wanna Be A Soap Star' by use of melodramatic lines : "There is a plot! A plot to make most terrible things happen! Harry Potter must not put himself in Mortal Danger!"

*Because you know, house elves are so oppressed, nobody taught them basic grammar. All that third person referring is Really Cute and Not At All Annoying.

*Harry asks if this has anything to do with Voldemort. Because he's always very quick on the uptake that way.

*Dobby tries to give him a clue: "Not..not He Who Must Not Be Named, sir!"
Don't waste your time Dobby. He's not the brightest spark, our Harry.

*Also even after 6 books, I find it hard to understand how Tom Riddle and Voldemort are separate people. And if Dobby knows about Tom Riddle, it doesn't seem like Voldy's origins were much of a secret.

*Harry can't imagine anyone else who could have a chance of making horrible things happen at Hogwarts. 'Cause you know, Snape is just a fluffy bunny rabbit. And Fake!Moody and Umbridge are just the sweetest ickle things.

*Harry promptly recites the slogan of Dumbledore's PR firm. Sadly Dobby's already heard it, and he knows it's useless.

*Dobby starts his kinky self-abuse again. Harry pushes him into the closet. Slashers, make of this what you will.

*For anyone who wants it: Vernon Dursley's Japanese golfer joke

*Harry lets Dobby out of the closet. Once again, where are the fics people???

*HARRY: How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?
DOBBY: I'm in UR post! Stealin' UR letterz!
HARRY: Give me my letters!
DOBBY: All UR letterz R belong to us!!!
HARRY: Why have you been stopping my letters?
DOBBY: I did it 4 the LULZ!!!1!

*So let's get this straight. A house elf eavesdrops on master's conversation, leaves house without permission, blocks some kid's letters, spies on him, visits him at night, warns him of his masters plan, cajoles said kid not to go back to school, blackmails him, threatens him, then carries out threat with successful results.

*Remember kids, house elves are not like goblins who can "take care of themselves". They are helpless and oppressed.

*Seriously, all the house elves that we've seen, Dobby, Winky, Kreacher, have been quite strong willed, know what they want, and which side they're on. They all have strong feelings about their masters, and are pretty resourceful when it comes down to it.

*Harry jumps the last six stairs, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. Then he gets an invitation to join ~~Dumbledore's~~ Charlie's Angels.

*And Vernon cracks another joke about people of different nationalities, making the Dursley's seem not only prejudiced against wizards, but xenophobic as well.

*So, house elves are helpless creatures. Explains why Harry is the one begging Dobby not to get him into trouble. Round Two of threatening and blackmail, now with the fearsome threat of Whipped Cream and Sugared Violets.

*Harry of course, doesn't lie and pretend to give in to get Dobby off his back. He saves his lies for more important things. Like lying to Hermione about his whether he's done his homework and practising Occlumency to get her to quit nagging.

*Mrs Mason is mortally afraid of birds, which strikes me as very weird phobia.

*Dear Mr Potter,
Plz to not b using magic outside skool, kthnx
Sincerely,
Improper Use of Magic Office

*Very conveniently, the Improper Use of Magic Office never registered unusual magical activity to catch Sirius when he was on the run.

*We get the Dursleys as Dahl-esque guardians schtick again. Petunia gives Harry cold TINNED soup, proving how evil she is. Not like Molly, who would always have hot steaming homemade soup, and never give her kids anything out of a can.

*Remind me to put up my Freudian interpretation of Harry's oh-so-literal dream, complete with Jungian references and mythical archetypes.

*Harry wakes up to the bars rattling to see someone at his window. ~~A long-faced, pale, blond~~ A long nosed, freckle faced someone.
~~Draco Malfoy~~ was outside Harry's window.

Figured I'd give this a shot too:
Atomic Grenade: You think the pudding would fall splat on the floor in a blob huh? But Dobby obviously magicked it to splatter on the windows and doors as well.

Designated Hero: Harry Potter is Good and Great. He is Valiant and Bold. He is Humble and Modest. Yeah we get it already.

Foley Work: Petunia's high false laugh from the drawing room, the chinks of forks and knives, voices faltering at the noises from upstairs, Dobby's head banging, Hedwig screeching, bars on the window rattling...plenty of stuff here.

"Fruit Cart, Fruit Cart!": Or Whipped Cream and Sugared Violets. The new-age Fruit Cart

James Bond Exposition Rule: Er, is there a reason you're in my bedroom? Yes, but I'm going to tell you all about my enslavement,give you a whole bunch of compliments, and gossip about your past exploits first.

Light Bulb Moment: Wait this doesn't have anything to do with that villain I battled last year, does it?

Misdirected Answering: Someone is plotting to kill me? Well, don't tell me the precise details, just elaborate on house elves why don't you?

"Watermelon, watermelon May I take your coats Mr and Mrs Mason? cantaloupe, cantaloupe"

Final Score: 8

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Because you know, house elves are so oppressed, nobody taught them basic grammar. All that third person referring is Really Cute and Not At All Annoying.

God knows, all I want in my children's literature is a character who talks like a cross between Jar-Jar Binks and a woman from one of the Gor novels.

No wonder Hermione was so disappointed in the elves in GoF. Dobby is like a liberal's dream the way he fawns all over Harry just for obviously being one of the good humans and is ready to give him a Nobel prize just for being so kind as to ask him to sit down.

*Remember kids, house elves are not like goblins who can "take care of themselves". They are helpless and oppressed.

Not like those damned goblins with their usury.

*And Vernon cracks another joke about people of different nationalities, making the Dursley's seem not only prejudiced against wizards, but xenophobic as well.

But in the bad way. Not like the general reaction to the nationalist stereotypes of GoF.

oooh, if only a Japanese magic school had entered. "Hally Potta! Me numma won biggess fan!"

I'm cringing just thinking about it!

Dobby proceeds to smarm up to Harry more by bringing up his meeting with Voldemort last year. He then puts a hand inside his pillowcase and takes out his Harry Potter Fan Club membership card.

Hey, isn't that the club Ginny built?

Also even after 6 books, I find it hard to understand how Tom Riddle and Voldemort are separate people. And if Dobby knows about Tom Riddle, it doesn't seem like Voldy's origins were much of a secret.

No wonder Tom has the WW running around in circles. He has confuzzled them into believing he is two people at once. Tell me again the reason why the WW has to be saved? People this ridiculous should stay isolated. Who needs them mixing with muggles.

Very conveniently, the Improper Use of Magic Office never registered unusual magical activity to catch Sirius when he was on the run.

They never cited Tom Riddle, Lily Evans, or Hermione Granger either. When you are totally MarySu/GaryStu, the IUOMO leaves you alone to stew in your own totally evil or totally saintly juices.

Remind me to put up my Freudian interpretation of Harry's oh-so-literal dream, complete with Jungian references and mythical archetypes.

Just imagine all those big books Rowling had to crack in order to write the pure, perfect prose of Harry's dreams! Hard work!

They never cited Tom Riddle, Lily Evans, or Hermione Granger either

I had forgotten about Tom Riddle! He should have received a dozen warnings. I don't know about Hermione, but I recall Petunia talking about Lily "turning teacups into rats". Is that what you're referring to?

People this ridiculous should stay isolated. Who needs them mixing with muggles.

It would be hilarious if the wizards decided to dissolve the Statute of Secrecy only to find out the Muggles don't want them anyway.

Petunia talking about Lily "turning teacups into rats". Is that what you're referring to?

Yes. Someone was covering up their overactive magical activities. Why? Besides being glorious Stus and Sues.

It would be hilarious if the wizards decided to dissolve the Statute of Secrecy only to find out the Muggles don't want them anyway.

Oh we would want them. In our science labs under close experimental examination! :D