deathtocapslock | A bit late.

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A bit late.

But you know you don't mind :) I know you'll all be out of the woodwork for chapter five, which features the incomparable Ginny. But right now, it's Super-Sluggy!

*It's true, Apparition does sound like a back-to-the-womb/rebirth scenario. Being forced through a very tight rubber tube? Mmm-hmm.

*Maybe Lord Voldemort was also hoping not to see into Harry's angst-ridden teenage brain. Just as well he won't be looking later on in the story, when Harry has significant dreams about Ginny. I don't know about you, but that'd piss me right off ~~although Voldemort's had Ginny more intimately than Harry, haha~~.

*Budleigh Babberton sounds like it's also in the Westcountry. Very similar to the name of a real place.

*Very annoyed at Dumbledore not telling Harry what's going on at once. Whyever not? Oh yes, drama and all that, but "Oh, I think we'll find a use for you" is a bit...well, you know :(

*So yeah, we're not supposed to Apparate into a wizard's house because that would be rude, but it's okay to barge into the Dursley household because...oh yes, they're rude already, and deserved it by treating Harry badly blah blah. It's always correct and right to sink down to the level of people you deem to be unworthy.

*Surely Harry would have heard of zombies? Surely he would have said of the Inferi, "Sounds a bit like zombies, sir, like in Dudley's Zombie BrainFest IV Playstation thing (as a completely off-topic aside, what does Dudley do when he needs an opponent for two-player games? Does he demand one of his mates comes round or something? Because I'm sure we'd all agree that Harry wouldn't be allowed to touch the console in case he gave it fleas, so does Dudley just play against the computer? Must get boring)

*Maybe the armchair was breathing. Or maybe there's a special way to tell the difference between real chairs and chair disguise. Anyway, totally not going into the wand-poke there.

*Dumbledore is tall and thin, while Sluggy is both short and round. Fat, also. Let's not forget about the fat. We certainly won't be neglecting to mention the fat. The fat will be gone into at regular intervals in case we are in danger of forgetting about the fat. Fat fat fat fat fat.

*Hmm, short legs that don't touch the floor. I am suddenly reminded of a certain D. Umbridge. I wonder if they're related. Maybe she's his sister. Or daughter O_O I guess he must be pretty old to have been teaching fifty years previously. We don't know how old either of them are supposed to be, mind. But I digress.

*Oh I see. Never liked Dolores Umbridge. Doesn't stop her being a relative, of course :) Or an ex...sorry. I'll leave it there.

*Blah blah Lily blah blah charming blah blah brightest ever blah blah vivacious blah blah ooh I've just come. Stupid Lily-Sue :(

*Slughorn doesn't want to risk dying, so he needs to be mocked? Right-O. If Sluggy wasn't such a Lily fanboy and obviously wanking under his desk about his faves, I'd like him for this alone. Don't want to die? Perfectly sensible in my opinion.

*Oh shut up, Dumbledore, with your fake-eccentric "Ooh, I love knitting patterns, me!" shite. It's actually not endearing in the slightest, because anyone with half a brain knows you're just being condescending.

*Harry and Sirius didn't have a long and happy relationship. They barely knew one another. Harry might be angsting about it, but that's just another form of self-pity in my opinion. "Lying on his bed refusing meals"? Oh shut up.

*So Harry's not to tell anyone - like Neville, for example - about the prophecy. You think Neville mightn't have wanted to know? It could have been him. But I forget, Neville isn't S-P-E-S-H-U-L. Neville's parents weren't so 1337 as Harry's and Neville wouldn't have been able to defeat Voldemort like the wonder that is Harry. Oh, but he's allowed to tell Ron and Hermione. Because that means they'll be able to do shit together. Oh yes. For crying out loud.

*In the meantime, Harry and Dumbledore are standing talking in a cramped outhouse. Why? We may never care.

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You know, I thought people were being a bit paranoid about the existence of Lily-Sue until Slughorn came along. But there she is, and she makes me want to barf. What is it about JKR that makes her think that we'll like characters simply by having other characters lavish extravagant praise on them? Just like with another special red-head - grrrr.

Despite this (and the obvious creepiness of his "little parties") I quite like Slughorn.

In my capacity as official Hater Of The Snape-Loved-Lily cliche, I must say that I've hated her for a while. Logically, it makes no sense that he would have loved her, but there are a lot of things that make no sense that Rowling made canon, so I'm actually quite worried that that'll turn up in the books to the point that I'm now genuinely hoping he's asexual. Seriously, the idea that Lily was Beloved By All makes me want to puke :( I too do not understand why Rowling thinks removing all flaws and sensible objections to a person is somehow the key to making them more loveable. But I get the impression that Rowling genuinely does consider certain people to be superior beings.

In my capacity as official Hater Of The Snape-Loved-Lily cliche

You are so not alone in wondering WHAT IS UP with this Snape & Lily stuff. I don't get it. At all. Why do some people want this to happen so badly? Why does Severus have to be hooked up with anyone, let alone James' girlfriend?

The man gets no peace – he's a double agent, a teacher, head of Slytherin and a consummate player-hater. Where does he get time to be bloody Casanova as well?

Since HPB, where all my fears were realised, I'm reeeeally afraid that she's going to make this canon too. And by then it will be too late to stop buying the series in protest! And this is one issue which would seriously make me consider it.

I used to say that I would leave the fandom if it happened. I'm not sure I'll quite go that far, but I shall damn well NOT be considering it part of my canon if it crops up. Odds are that the story would chug along quite nicely without it (it's a bit like Tonks, in that respect). Besides, it'd be quite refreshing to see a character that doesn't want sex and doesn't fancy anybody. My novel-that's-stalled is absolutely going to have an asexual character in it. Absolutely. If I'm in a position to have a fanbase, the crazy ones will still ship her with all and sundry, of course. But it'll never be canon.

But I digress. I can sort of see why people would say Snape loved Lily. Blah blah, Potions, clever, James et al. I just absolutely don't think it would make sense for his character to be that kind of guy. I can't see, honestly, that he wouldn't hate her for getting all this attention. I mean, Christ, I'd hate her. But maybe I'm projecting :/

Eh, need I point out that technically, just being asexual doesn't mean you won't feel anything for anyone. Snape could be asexual and just not aromantic....

But yeah, I know, that's sorta beside the point. Lily is still a Sue, and anyone should know better than to write such a character into the story.

He seems much more interesting than a lot of other "new" teachers we've gotten.

Blah blah Lily blah blah charming blah blah brightest ever blah blah vivacious blah blah ooh I've just come. Stupid Lily-Sue :(

I find myself having as little patience for Perfect Lily as I have for Grrl Powerz Ginny by now. I find them both equally irritating - if there were any more MWPP era flashbacks in this book I would have ODed on Sue.

Slughorn doesn't want to risk dying, so he needs to be mocked?

He`s a COWARD for not wanting to die. Worst crime ever. As Sirius so wisely reminded Peter everyone must be ready to die or be wounded horribly in face of torture/mortal danger - or else you`re nothing but a slimy, disgusting COWARD. And we can`t have that. Not in this ~~idiotic~~ warrior culture.

As I keep saying, book seven should by rights be called "Harry Potter and the Oedipus Complex". What with all the Ginny/Lily comparisons and the Hermione/Ron = Molly/Arthur thing from OotP, methinks there's some serious mummy and daddy issues going on in someone's brain.

Also, Sluggy is a coward for not only not wanting to die, but also for preferring to spend his days in an actual house rather than "living in a cave and eating rats" as Sirius did. Thing is, Sirius got his chance to spend time in an actual house, but he wasn't interested and supposedly wanted to be out fighting Dementors and soforth. So yeah, can't bring myself to feel any actual sympathy, since I would probably be more likely to go the Slughorn route (although why he doesn't flee the country disguised as a box of teabags or something is beyond me).

The whole "You must die for the cause like a TRUE WARRIOR" thing reminds me a bit of the more millitant straightedge punks, who think one's devotion to their favourite bands can be measured by the amount of injuries they're willing to sustain in a moshpit. If Harry was ever going to get into the Muggle hardcore scene, I think he'd quite like the straightedge crowd. He'd have to give up the butterbeer et al, but I daresay he'd relish the greater high of being able to bitch righteously at people for taking painkillers when they get ill.

I don't want to analyse Rowling, particularly, but isn't she estranged from daddy, and has no mommy anymore? *follows her lead and makes wild conclusion of her psychological health based on little knowledge*

Christ, I hope Harry spends the whole of Book Seven in a cave, rather than his cushy four-poster bed in the tapestry-covered medieval tower. And he can eat rats, instead of out of goblets and gold cutlery.
Put your money where your mouth is, and all that!

You know I just got the most awful picture in my mind of everyone sitting around the Gryffindor common room speaking Klingon.

Q'uaaplah!

And now, then have go throuh the line of pain, so that they, too can become warriors. And eating living eels!

Oh no, they're excused from the Line of Pain--after all, they have to live with Harry.
The eel eating is still on! Unless Hermione sets up the Live Eel Liberation Front or something.

Just as well he won't be looking later on in the story, when Harry has significant dreams about Ginny. I don't know about you, but that'd piss me right off ~~although Voldemort's had Ginny more intimately than Harry, haha~~.

So Rowling says Ginny "isn't possessed" by Voldemort, and...you know what? I can come around to her way of thinking on this. It's not as if Ginny has any monsters churning in HER gut whenever Thee Chosen One!11 comes around, eh?

Honestly, I still don't buy that this Harry/Ginny nonsense has NOTHING to do with Tom Riddle or the Chamber of Secrets whatsoever. Bollocks. It's got EVERYTHING to do with Tom/Voldemort and what happened to Harry & Ginny second year – that's my tinfoil hat speculation and I'm sticking to it. ;)

Dumbles tells Harry in this chapter that Voldemort is using Occlumency against him; this doesn't necessarily mean that Voldemort's not poking around in Harry's wrinkly brain! bits and making things happen. It more likely means that Dumbles can't use Harry to see what Voldemort is possibly up to.

Hmm... I live in a fandom box, and hadn't considered that possiblity re: Harry/Ginny having been influenced by CoS. But in thinking about it, it makes a disturbing amount of sense. Especially since so much of this book harkens back to that one...

Which just makes the whole G/H thing a bit more interesting...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/monochromal/69192.html

Maybe Lord Voldemort was also hoping not to see into Harry's angst-ridden teenage brain. Just as well he won't be looking later on in the story, when Harry has significant dreams about Ginny. I don't know about you, but that'd piss me right off although Voldemort's had Ginny more intimately than Harry, haha.

Voldemort drops the ball again here. *This* would be an excellent use of his fake-vision powers. He could slip into Harry's wet dreams and reveal to him that he likes boys.

Actually, knowing Harry, I can imagine that if you actually asked him about his dreams it would turn out that it was Ginny, but Ginny for some reason actually looked like Cedric, Sirius, Malfoy or Riddle.

Maybe the armchair was breathing. Or maybe there's a special way to tell the difference between real chairs and chair disguise. Anyway, totally not going into the wand-poke there.

Would have been nice if he'd just poked a few chairs before he found the right one. Though I guess he just looked for the fattest piece of furniture, because I believe Slughorn is a bit on the flabby side.

So Harry's not to tell anyone - like Neville, for example - about the prophecy. You think Neville mightn't have wanted to know?

Even when Harry's staring at Neville having Deep Philosophical Thoughts about this it doesn't cross his mind that Neville could know.

Also, I hate Lily. Have you noticed that when JKR creates a girl character taht "everyone" should like she's hated by much of fandom and is never shown to have any actual girlfriends? When she creates an actual popular girl who has friends she's a villain like Pansy.

Voldemort drops the ball again here. *This* would be an excellent use of his fake-vision powers. He could slip into Harry's wet dreams and reveal to him that he likes boys.

Wasn't that what all the pensieve scenes were about? ;)

Also, I hate Lily. Have you noticed that when JKR creates a girl character taht "everyone" should like she's hated by much of fandom and is never shown to have any actual girlfriends? When she creates an actual popular girl who has friends she's a villain like Pansy.

A sorry little peek into Jo's school days? "Why don't you like me? You have to like me! I know, I'm going to be famous, I'll...I'll....show you!"

Have you noticed that when JKR creates a girl character taht "everyone" should like she's hated by much of fandom and is never shown to have any actual girlfriends? When she creates an actual popular girl who has friends she's a villain like Pansy.

Look, you gotta stop pointing these things out, because I'm really starting to dislike these books/Rowling more and more. Ugh.

Dumbledore is tall and thin, while Sluggy is both short and round. Fat, also. Let's not forget about the fat. We certainly won't be neglecting to mention the fat. The fat will be gone into at regular intervals in case we are in danger of forgetting about the fat. Fat fat fat fat fat.

Remember: "fat" is short hand for "bad." Vernon and Dudley Dursley are both fat, as is Umbridge and that Slytherin girl Milicent whose last name I can't remember. Crab and Goyle are also fat. "Plump" and "curvy" aren't fat, though. Remember that.

The Lily worship was very strong in this book. Maybe Ginny is Lily reincarted? It would explain a lot. Actually, what might be interesting is if Ginny and Harry have a baby boy and then when he's a year old they're killed fighting Voldemort, and the story happens all over again.

I don't know about you, but that'd piss me right off ~~although Voldemort's had Ginny more intimately than Harry, haha.~~

Heh.
Someone actually suggested recently that Rowling won't let Harry maybe die a virgin, so there'll be euphemisms etc. to suggest that...um, he won't. The stomach roils.

It's always correct and right to sink down to the level of people you deem to be unworthy.

Yup, you can even start being a jerk first, and then defend yourself on the grounds of the person being such a meanie. (It was counter-rudeness! I'm sure they would have hexed me first if they'd had the chance! etc.)

Does he demand one of his mates comes round or something?

Dudley's got a whole gang, iirc. Cause he's cool, yo. (No, really. Dudley's one of the only realistic teenagers in the books, imho. Hanging around the streets in his leather jacket, smoking. ;)

"Sounds a bit like zombies, sir, like in Dudley's Zombie BrainFest IV Playstation thing"

Harry is a quaintly old-fashioned chap from a good family, he's far too intelligent for all this modern rubbish (not like you can buy a Harry Potter video game, after all! ...Oh, wait.) That, and he's Ever So Victimised and probably hasn't been within ten feet of the screen, woefulharrycakes...

Blah blah Lily blah blah charming blah blah brightest ever blah blah vivacious blah blah ooh I've just come. Stupid Lily-Sue :(

Note she's like, sassy and cheeky and stuff! Girl power!
And she apparently didn't like Slytherin, either! Even better.

Slughorn doesn't want to risk dying, so he needs to be mocked?

I love Harry's 'Ugh, the shallowness of those valuing possessions (and the comparison - he'd have thought Slughorn's place belonged to a woman: horrors!) and fame.' I suppose he'll be auctioning off his super Firebolt to the poor?
That, and it's easy not to care about connections when you already have a trillion. Sure isn't Harry referring to himself as the Chosen One later or anything!

Oh shut up, Dumbledore, with your fake-eccentric "Ooh, I love knitting patterns, me!" shite.

WORD.

Harry might be angsting about it, but that's just another form of self-pity in my opinion. "Lying on his bed refusing meals"? Oh shut up.

Hee! My favourite thing about that is that the Dursleys probably didn't notice, depriving him of the oxygen of attention. EVEN BIGGER WOE!

Neville's parents weren't so 1337 as Harry's and Neville wouldn't have been able to defeat Voldemort like the wonder that is Harry.

I guess Neville was just an inferior baby. Even at one, Harry was more loveable and stronger than anyone else. *vomits*
I like how JKR said in her lameass interview how she'd tried to show how Harry had grown, since in OotP, he was all embarrassed to be seen with Luna and Neville, whereas in HBP, he's ~~more subtly embarrassed~~ ~~considering Neville to unimportant to tell such a vital detail about his own life to~~ ~~patronisingly pitying~~ thrilled to be with them. I guess that's their payment for risking their lives for him, huh? He'll actually acknowledge their existence. OMG TEH KEWLIES!

I was rereading Order of the Phoenix and got to the part where the Sorting Hat is making its big speech about how it's a great relic because all the founders put something of themselves into him.

Which means there's some of Slytherin in him.

Now, Tomdemort went around shoving bits of his soul into other objects owned/touched/loved/snogged by the founders. He also had very strong emotional ties to Hogwarts. Any possibility that the Sorting Hat has a little bit of Tom Riddle in it?

If this is inapropriate, please delete this or yell at me and I'll delete it. But it popped back into my head and I wanted to write it down before I forgot.

You know, I distinctly remember conversing with LJ people about the idea of the Sorting Hat as a Horcrux – can't remember if it was at t_s or over at

sistermagpie's – and I thought it was a most excellent idea because...that damn hat gets placed on the head of every single student that enters Hogwarts. Every year. It looks inside their minds. And decides which House they go in. it's an incredibly fucking powerful object.

And if Tom got ahold of it and infused it with his essence (if you like)...talk about rotting the infrastructure from within!!! :D

Hah, I made a (flocked) post on my LJ a while back about how I reckon the Sorting Hat is a horcrux. I admit to not having all the shiny canon evidence (although that never stopped me before), but we know that Tomdemort put parts of his soul into something pertaining to each founder. The Hat's song in GoF mentions that the Hat belonged to Godric Gryffindor before it was the super-smrt Sorting Hat. Plus, the Hat keeps insisting that the houses should be united - and what better way to unite them than by no longer splitting people into houses in the first place?

That's right, it was over at your LJ – I recall now. Yeah, the Sorting Hat as Horcrux is an ace idea.

(See,

shadefell? Hardly inappropriate.) :D

I just didn't know if it was courtesy to jump ahead that much when snarking a chapter at a time.

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A bit late.

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Horcrux

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