deathtocapslock | HBP Chapter Six

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HBP Chapter Six

*Ginny’s good at Quidditch. Thus the last bit of important information falls into place. Now Voldemort can be defeated.

*ETA: And remember, in this world being good at Quidditch in high school pretty much translates into a major professional career (if it isn't already) so yay!

*But first, a short quiz. Harry and Hermione play Quidditch against Ron and Ginny. Hermione is dreadful but Ginny is good. How does this make them reasonably well matched?

a)Harry is four times as good as Hermione, but Ron is twice as good as Harry.
b)Ginny is ten percent better than Hermione, but twenty percent as good as Ron.
c)Ron is twice as good as Hermione but Ginny is three times better than Ron.
d)Ginny is Harry’s ideal girl.

*If I were Hermione they’d find me stumbling down the road knocking on Muggle neighbor doors asking if they had teenagers and if so could I please watch TV with them?

*ETA: Sorry, that's probably more what I would do as a Muggleborn. If I were Hermione I'd probably zap the Muggle owners to think they wanted to watch whatever I wanted to watch on TV.

*What does Remus Lupin do to his clothes that they’re always more worn and patched than ever? Especially when he can fix his clothes with magic? Is he riding the rails as a hobo? Is he undercover as a clown? I think the end of the series will reveal that as a child Lupin was bitten not only by Fenrir Greyback but Raggedy Andy as well.

*ETA: Perhaps he's just trying to look bad so Tonks will get the message and leave him alone.

*Remus is also gaunt. You’d think he’d be gaining weight what with all the eating people.:-D

*ETA: Tonks likes them emo.

*Regulus lived a few days after deserting the DEs. Go Regulus! Sprinkle that name around! ETA: How could I have doubted that Harry wouldn't identify with this kid immediately? Sure his polyjuice wouldn't be golden like Harry's, but it's obviously got more bravery than, say, Crabbe's does. Probably it tastes like lukewarm, flat Doctor Pepper or something.

*Bill is being “plied with wine” by Fleur. Personally, to me that phrase has always suggested softening someone up so you can have your way with them, usually a man trying to get a woman drunk. I would expect Harry’s fiancé to maybe have to do that but not Bill’s.

*ETA: But then, it's in keeping with the whole theory of sexual attraction in this book so it must be on purpose. All girls have to drug or trick their menfolk in some way to get them to want to have sex with them. Really, that's totally normal.

*Florian Fortescue’s been kidnapped—omg, who’s going to give Harry free ice cream? You’d think giving The Chosen One free ice cream would get you some protection, but no. (Though later when we see what "protection" means in this world, maybe Florian did get it and this was the natural result.)

*ETA: Anybody know what happened to this guy? Because no more ice cream remains one of the top 10 horrors of "the war" by the end of the book.

*Ollivander’s gone too. "The wand maker?” asks startled Ginny. "No, the Mexican jumping bean farmer," replies Arthur. Well, no, he doesn’t say that, but that’s what somebody would have said if Ron asked such a question.

*Oh, I see. Ginny’s startled because WHAT’LL PEOPLE DO FOR WANDS?? Glad she’s got her priorities straight, there.

*Remus reveals other people are capable of making wooden sticks too. You know, this is kind of indicative of the way this world works—realistically, there would be lots of wand-makers and different people would favor different makers. Each would have his own style and strength and there would be healthy competition. In HP, of course, we can’t have that. Ollivander must be The Chosen One of wand makers and once he’s gone wands will never be the same again.

*ETA: Ollivander got to be the Chosen One by agreeing to deliver the total crap re-interpretation of wand theory central to DH. The other wandmakers pointed out that it sucked so they got scrapped.

*Harry receives a note saying he’s now Quidditch Captain. I picture the note including a little doodle of Dumbledore with big, sad, hopeful eyes and a single tear—are we okay about the Prefect position now, lad? I only did it cause I thought it was for the best! XOXO

*ETA: I never played sports--do schools usually appoint the captain? It seems like something you'd vote on or something.

*Speaking of priorities—HARRY GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL BATHROOM NOW! Hogwarts seems to have a lot in common with corporate culture of the early 1960s. People in movies and plays of that time are always trying to get a key to the executive washroom. Poor

mike_smith was so excited about the prospect of this bathroom, and it never comes up once in the book after this.

*Ron’s supportive and gracious about Harry being Quidditch captain. Naturally Harry does not compare this to his own behavior last year when Ron was made Prefect. Obviously not, since Ron was the one overturning the natural order of things by being promoted. ETA: As he will continue to do in the next book by bitching at Harry!

*Ron later goes wide-eyed over Harry’s bag o’gold, which Bill took out for him. Um, I know Harry has far too much ~~noblesse oblige~~ an easy-going nature to ask, but when did the Weasleys get full access to his bank account? My own mother doesn’t know my PIN number but it seems like anybody can make withdrawals on Harry’s account. Maybe it "makes things easier" and Harry should "trust Bill," but would it have killed Bill to, you know, explain this beforehand and ask? Maybe have Harry fill out the bank slip? Does he not need any form of ID? Bill does ROB GRAVES for a living, iirc.

*ETA: Seriously, why do they need to dramatically break into Gringott's in the next book? They could have just showed up and said their little brother was a friend of Bellatrix's.

*Ginny mimes throwing up when Fleur strokes Bill’s nose and Harry finds this so hilarious he almost chokes into his cereal. Good thing Ginny didn’t say Bill and Fleur were sittin’ in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Harry might actually have died laughing.

*ETA: Well, we know Ginny won't be doing any such nonsense. Her main job after finally snagging Harry is unobtrusively withdrawing when she's not needed.

*Yeah, it’s tough being the Weasleys, what with the chauffer and the company car. They’re so down to earth.

*Harry isn’t sure the Ministry knows about his invisibility cloak. Of course not. Dumbledore would totally keep that information to himself while invading Harry’s privacy in plenty of other ways. It’s exactly his style of keeping in control.

*Harry’s on Top-Grade Security Status. Top Grade apparently meaning you’re guarded by the big dumb ex-gamekeeper/schoolteacher who likes a drink or two. Excellent. ETA: What's Middle-Grade Security Status? Oh, I guess that would be Hedwig: stuck in a cage and used for target practice. Which is still several notches above the Grangers: Knocked in the head with a shovel and given a case of Gilligan's Island-amnesia, then pointed in the general direction of Australia.

*And Hagrid's wearing a beaver skin coat in August. I suspect the coat is the real security. It will keep people away for a considerable radius.

*Dumbledore once again overrides anything so silly as a professional agency by deciding how Harry will be guarded on a whim. Who needs any sort of governing structure in place when you can just rely on the Very Wise Man? ETA: Even if he's dead?

*Normally you’d think the vendor calling Ginny’s neck pretty would be just a sales pitch, but we’ll soon see that it’s no sales pitch. It’s true! Her neck is just that pretty! To match the rest of her!

*Mr Weasley apparently can’t do anything like his job when he’s not on duty. Why am I not surprised that *this* would be the one way he’d try to be by the books?

*Hermione wants new dress robes…why, I’m not sure. Isn’t that like buying a new prom dress?

*Arthur says it doesn’t make sense for them all to go to Madam Malkin’s. Um, Arthur? It actually does make sense. You’ve got one security guard and are probably expected to be sticking together. As if to point this out, Harry immediately notices other shoppers sticking together in tight knit groups. Cowards.

*And then, when we get to the shop, Hagrid stays outside anyway. Top Grade Security. In tip-top Grade Security the security guard sits in the car while Harry runs into the bakery and brings him back coffee and a bear claw.

*Draco asks his mother if she’s noticed he’s not a child anymore. Harry certainly notices as he checks out Draco’s handsome dark green robes. Might want to pick up some plying wine there, Ginny.

*Unfortunately, his author doesn't seem to have noticed. Next year Draco will be less effectual than he was in PS.

*I hadn’t noticed this before, but Draco is already yelling about Malkin’s sticking him with pins before the one in his arm. Coward.

*I guess his seeing Harry staring at him in the mirror also counts as foreshadowing of the later bathroom fight. What’s great is it’s also the cliché moment from Fatal Attraction.

*Despite his not being a child anymore, Draco announces that if his mother smells something bad it’s because a Mudblood just walked in. Maybe when the robes are properly fitted Draco can shop for some grown up insults he can use without embarrassing himself.

*Okay, he redeems himself slightly by pointing out Hermione’s black eye and offering to send flowers to whoever did it.

*Madam Malkin scolds Draco. I guess she doesn’t realize he’s the Big Bad Embodiment of Evil that Everyone Is Afraid to Challenge. He just cleverly disguises himself as an gawky idiot of a teenager.

*Harry’s insults aren’t too sharp either, but at the moment I’d say Harry’s insulting at the 16-year-old level while Draco hovers around a young twelve.

*Yes, the symbolism of Draco tripping over his robes is heavy-handed, but who could resist it?

*ETA: Especially when the solution to Draco's life is apparently to let his mum take over for him.

*So does Draco know about Harry and Sirius? What does he know about Sirius? Narcissa calls him "Dear Sirius" referring to them, it seems, not Harry. (I mean, she’s not saying Harry will be reunited with *his* dear Sirius, but just dear Sirius, as in their cousin.)

*Draco and Narcissa decide to go to another store. Wait, there are other stores? But I’m sure Madam Malkin is The Chosen Dressmaker.

*When he gets outside, Harry asks Hagrid if he saw the Malfoys. You know, the family working for the guy trying to kill Harry who killed Sirius and who just almost got into a fight with Harry in the store while you were supposed to be protecting him? Oh, of course Hagrid the security guard wouldn’t know that.

*Anyway, he says they wouldn’t dare make trouble in the middle of Diagon Alley, the place where everyone else has been abducted. Which is why you ought to have followed Harry into the store, genius.

*Actually, I’m being kind of hard on Hagrid. He would have been no match for Narcissa and probably just made things worse. Then Harry would have to be cheering him up all day or something. For proof, note how nobody manages to "disabuse Hagrid of this comfortable notion" even though he’s the one who’s supposed to be protecting them.

*The twins’ store is packed, and a lot of people seem to actually be buying stuff like wands that turn into rubber chickens. I weep for the Wizarding World. I really do.

*Seriously, remember that this is what everybody has turned into in the epilogue. Thirty-something's whose idea of fun is a wand that turns into a rubber chicken.

*Hermione tells us the daydream charms are extraordinary magic. Why, I’m not sure. It’s just convenient that Fred and George are the only people in the entire Wizarding World who seem to ever create these obvious magical things. They are the Chosen Magic Makers, which is why they’ll be driving the Pretender out of business soon enough.

*ETA: Hermione probably bought some to study for her great Memory Charm That's Not A Memory Charm of next year.

*Fred and George still have bad but expensive taste in clothing, an attribute that will be transferred to the Malfoys in fandom, even though we just had a scene telling us Draco’s own robes were handsome. It’s one of those rare times when Rowling and her most devoted followers have a little conflict. She’s more suggesting it’s funny that Fred and George are tacky. But when you’re mostly writing romance, you’d rather your favorite characters be the ones with good breeding and nice clothes and that particular joke be on the Malfoys.

*I’m so glad Fred and George’s store also includes Muggle stuff so people can mock it. They probably think Muggles actually use this stuff a lot, trying to emulate the high culture of wizards.

*George can’t believe how many people at the Ministry can’t do a decent shield charm. Funny, I can believe it. Nobody can do anything except for people Harry’s coincidentally become close with over the years, and even they can’t be over 19.

*Fred and George then take Harry into the backroom where they sell items for thieves. Ironically, on the way into this room one of them threatens a small boy with physical violence if he pockets anything. ::sniff:: They really have grown up.

*Fred and George are also referred to as “Mr and Mr Weasley” by their staff. Amazingly, Harry refrains from seeing this as pretentious or even considering that Fred and George could be turning into The Man. ETA: Just as he and his friends will remain the plucky outsider underdogs when they're running the entire nation between themselves.

*Have Fred and George paid Harry back for his loan? Seems like they’d have to have by now but I don’t remember. They’re giving him free stuff, but frankly I’m shocked they haven’t yet asked him for a personal endorsement of their store. That’ll probably come later.

*The twins take Hermione and Ginny to the girlie potions, where they back off warily from the silly giggling girls. They prefer to plot their man traps in dignified hisses and whispers.

*And of course naturally the love potions would all be for girls. What boy would ever want to give a girl a potion to make her want to have sex with him?

*Hmmm. The love potions depend on the weight of the boy and the attractiveness of the girl. I’m thinking tranquilizer darts are the way to go, myself. The ugly girl can bag her prey from a distance, have time to catch up to him (especially if she’s heavy and can’t run fast), mount him and run away pregnant before the guy wakes up.

*Seriously, I’m beginning to develop a theory that magic causes a seriously decreased heterosexual sex drive in male wizards. I guess the reason the steps to the girl’s room in Gryffindor Tower don’t let boys up isn’t because boys are randy and want sex but because the girls are constantly doping them up to force them into servicing their insatiable female libido!

*Fred and George discuss how popular Ginny is. This would be the time for somebody besides Ginny to mime vomiting.

*Ginny announces that Dean is a boy and Michael is a sore loser so she dumped him. I hope Fred and George rattle off a list of other boys who are interested in Ginny so she can tell us why she rejects them. (Btw, keeping track, that’s two more random people Ginny has mentioned, one neutrally, one negatively.)

*Fred and George suggest Ginny’s moving through boyfriends "a bit fast" (two in a year—whoa) so that we can be subjected to Mary Sue’s Rant of Awesome Girl Power. Fred and George will not be the first boys in her family to be roped into this role.

*ETA: You do have to wonder if Harry caught flack for this when he was appointed Head of Aurors at 26 (and Head of Everything at let's say...30). I mean, imagine the scandal of people discovering his wife went out with this many people before finding her true adolescent love. Luckily she had Hermione to testify that she really was into Harry all that time.

*Ginny sure is angry at Fred and George for acting out their stereotypical boy roles. Because she’s totally not on board with the clichéd gender roles that are the bedrock of the Weasley family. Nope, her character’s a regular black sheep amongst the wooly rams. Uh-huh. Her looking a lot like Molly when she scolds them does not in any way suggest that Ginny’s just like her mother underneath.

*Harry said nothing. He was thinking too hard. The joke is too easy.

*Harry decides to follow to see where Malfoy’s going. Ooh! I’ve read this one. Harry’s going to follow Malfoy to a brothel where Malfoy has sex with a pretty rent boy with black hair and blue eyes while Harry gets turned on and touches himself under his invisibility cloak.

*Oh. Wrong story. *shuts off porn music* What happens is, Harry, Ron and Hermione get under the cloak and waltz past Hagrid’s Top Grade Security.

*It’s difficult hiding all three of them under the cloak these days. Frankly, I’m surprised they can do it at all.

*Knockturn Alley is deserted because it’s a giveaway to be seen buying "dark" magical items. Or maybe because with Fred and George’s back room, you can buy far more dangerous weapons in Diagon Alley.

*ETA: Does anybody remember this alleged bias against Dark Wizards next year? The year when the government is obviously taken over by the magical Nazis and nobody notices?

*Hee—Draco talks with his hands. I thought Maya just made that up!

*Now I’m totally trying to imagine Tom Felton miming his whole Cabinet plan so Harry can watch through the window in the movie. Or better yet, I want him to act out his entire role in the series so far, incorporating the classic "stuck in an invisible box" and "walking in a heavy wind" tricks.

*B&B sells sinister objects. Like a trick vanishing cabinet. As opposed to the totally not sinister powder that cloaks everything in darkness.

*So what’s Borgin supposed to be giving his full attention, since it’s Draco who’s going to be fixing the cabinet? Is he just sending instructions or something? LOL-now I’m picturing Draco on hold to B&B Tech Support. Have you tried rebooting the cabinet?

*So was Draco supposed to have shown Borgin a Dark Mark or what? Is all that nonsense about his arm supposed to be correct? Because it doesn't actually make much sense at all and was pretty poor deduction on Harry's part. I'm going to decide he just showed Borgin a note from Voldemort.

*Ron and Hermione bicker all the way back to Diagon Alley. Knowing what bickering symbolizes, Harry’s lucky they don’t start having sex right there under the cloak.

*Mrs Weasley and Hagrid have clearly noticed their absence. Well-done G-Man Hagrid. How long after Mrs Weasley pointed it out did you notice their absence?

Idiot Picture
Where to start?

Idiot World
We end the scene with our Top Grade Security Man being fooled by the oldest trick in the Child’s Book of Sneaking. And did you know Harry totally invented shield charms?

Informed Attributes
Miming throwing up! Oh dear—it’s no wonder Harry almost spits out his cornflakes! Bwahahaha!

Misdirected Answering
Having just sat through an entire chapter of catching up with the Weasleys, we now have to endure a visit to the Twins’ store and not only hear how their business is going but the details of Ginny’s boring teenaged love life. Meanwhile, the Apocalyptic Magical War makes Harry’s birthday tea a little grim, but let’s not dwell on it.

Selling Wood
Goes to Hermione Granger, starring in "Shopping For A Birthday Present For My Good Friend, Draco Malfoy."

Final score: 5

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Quidditch Conundrums -
1. Hermione is crap at Quidditch, but Ginny is the pending best player of all time, so can take on any group of people single-handed.
2. Hermione is secretly hexing Harry and Ron - practicing those Charms to take care of her redundant parents
3. Harry is letting Ginny win because he wants to get into her pants (and I wouldn’t mind that - some normal behaviour from this bunch of freaks)

Remus - I’ll discuss him quickly before he disappears from this series forever and is replaced by a reverse-Stepford-Werewolf and starts behaving like a git to order. Is there a limit of times that you can mend clothes magically before the start to show wear and tear. Perhaps that’s it? Can’t be sure, as JKR didn’t mention it. Gaunt I understand - not because of no money for food, but because of a distinctly stressful existence - I’m sure that monthly transformations just eat up those calories.

Constantly worn clothes are a little silly. He worked for a whole year in Book 3, ending just over three years ago, why didn‘t he replenish his wardrobe with hardy and classical items then? He wasn’t even paying rent.
I can keep clothes looking pretty good for that length of time and I’m not a hard done by persecuted minority who doesn’t know where the next galleon is coming from. Tonks obviously wants him sans attire, so that won’t fend her off.

Ron showed strategic ability in the first few books, and is now a good player as well as being relatively accessible by nature. Harry’s a very good player, but ridiculously impulsive, with no empathy or common sense AT ALL. Who’d be the better Quidditch Captain? I know - Ginny, but Harry can‘t be bossed around by his girl! Except maybe in the bedroom, but Harry doesn’t strike me as fun in that way (or in any way)

Bill’s ridiculous access to Harry’s account which could so easily have been written more sensibly, sigh - maybe Arthur Weasley had Harry registered as mentally deficient after Sirius’ death (he’s no fool) and the family has power of attorney over his - everything?

Ginny vs. Fleur - yeah, well at least Bill still wants his fiancée close to him. Watch Harry keep you at bay until another baby is needed - cow.

It could have been poignant that Arthur got promoted and started to at last be capable of a very good standard of living, just as his family grew up and he had fewer dependents. Could have been, but wasn’t.

Ginny’s neck would be at its prettiest when violently severed.

I wouldn’t mind all that nonsense of that drunken idiot Hagrid being Harry’s close personal protection (except he let him go into the store alone - hope there are no back doors!) if it led to Harry or Ginny’s death. This way it was just irritating.

I think Harry got a share of the Twins’ business rather than his money back. If it’s true, it was the right decision. Selling stuff to Draco, the *obvious* villain of the piece marks them as the sort of people who’ll end up very rich and successful, regardless of the damage they leave behind. (Sorry Bill!) Some would say very Slytherin, but not me.

I don’t mind some amusing filler to pass the time/change the pace, but it just goes on and on. Ginny’s only useful for filling a hole in the ground. Spiteful mare.

I do love the whole "Harry as Leader" throughline because personality-wise he really isn't much of a leader and it would almost be more interesting to deal with that. I mean, you know what could have been nice? If *Ron* turned out to be a good leader just because he was sociable and people liked him and he had good strategic abilities. Harry could still be the bigger hero and more special and all that, but Ron's everyman status could have been turned into a complimentary talent. Because Harry's usually so prickly, he doesn't pay attention to other people, he gets impatient when they don't just do what he says when he thinks it's important but then doesn't think much about them otherwise.

I guess in a way we do get that with Neville, who seems to honestly put together a real resistance force. But it's off-page and it still seems like we're to assume that Neville was never as good a leader as Harry, the super-teacher of the DA.

I also mourn the loss of the storyline I thought was going to be the Twins' big growing up lesson. But no, of course they can just continue in their smug assurance that they're awesomely funny. Any bad things that happen can't really have anything to do with them (they didn't make Malfoy evil, after all), of course they're just great assets to the war. And it's really sad when one of them dies, taking all that joy out of the world with him.

I totally agree. I kept waiting for Ron to become the leader he really ought to be. And I maintain that Ron probably would have been a much better Quidditch captain than Harry. For example, Ron probably would have handled the whole Seamus/Dean issue better. (BTW, there's a dozen ways to do that, including putting them both on the team as reserves in the first place, or using Seamus as an assistant captain.... but it's beyond Harry to do anything like that.)

This is one of the reasons you ought to read Watership Down. I don't want to spoil it for you, but the most interesting thing to me was the dynamic between the different rabbits and the way they learned to function as a team. The rabbit who becomes the leader is definitely not the most "special" in any way.

Ron had the potential to become the leader--when it counted. After all, it's Ron who makes the most important strategic decision in PS/SS. But it's like he deliberately steps back in the later books in order to keep Harry happy. The one time that he tried to assert himself as person (rather than Harry's shadow) was in GoF, then he expressed his hurt about being left out of Harry's (supposed) plan. When Ron came back, he must have realized that he'd better keep his head down in the future unless he wanted to be frozen out again (and after GoF, he could have no illusions about who Hermione would pick).

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e) Harry and Ginny need to look good beside their partners.

Re: e) Harry and Ginny need to look good beside their partners.

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