HBP Chapter One

[biichan.livejournal.com]

-- First of all, I'd really like to know who the Prime Minister is meant to be. I mean, is he just a generic prime minister? Or is he a Real Person being 'Cleverly Disguised' by Rowling? If you go by the date you get in CoS at Sir Nicolas' deathday, it would be the fall of 1996 which means the PM would be John Majors, but what if she meant it to be Blair? Sigh. Maths. JKR's maths.

-- Nowhere does it say that the President that is giving the PM his headache is the American one. Possibly, he's from some other democracy. Or Clinton was hitting on Mrs Majors.

-- Hurricanes. Right. So where does the rain come from, giant drool? Ew.

-- He threw Fudge out the window? Um. I'd heard Maggie Thatcher was a bit butch but that's taking it a little too far.

-- "Serious." "Kwidditch." Hah hah hah. I'm shaking in my boots, really. (Not.) But seriously, I think I like the spelling Kwidditch better.

-- You have to feel sorry for the PM. He's in way over his head. So... who appoints the Minister of Magic anyway?

-- Dementor sex. Dementors... fugging. In a writing career of batshit ideas, the Great Dementor Spawning definitely takes the cake. I wonder if they have anything to do with Muggle clinical depressiveness levels.

-- Remember how when JKR first unearthed that quote about Lion Dude and we all thought he'd be really important? Like maybe the new Defence master or Godric Gryffindor or the Heir of Gryffindor or something like that? And he's just another politician put there to illustrate how the ministry uses Harry. Man, JKR gypped us.

-- I can't be the only one that is now picturing Kingsley in pearls and high-heels, am I? (I know he's not that kind of secretary. But one can wish.) Speaking of which, PM/Kingsley anybody?

-- "The trouble is, the other side can do magic too, Prime Minister." Was that meant to be horribly profound? Because it wasn't, really.


Box Picture: John Majors (or maybe Tony Blair) is THE MINISTER. Cornelius Fudge is THE OTHER MINISTER. And Rufus Scrimgeour is THE OTHER OTHER MINISTER.

Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo: Oh, I'm sure you can't remember the last three books anyway. Have some exposition.

Nut o’ Fun: The talking portrait in the PM's office. That must be related to Sirius' mum somehow 'cause he won't budge.

POV Shots: The PM. For the whole chapter.

Whooshing Powder: In the wizarding world, we call this floo powder.

Unfortunately, our brave PM doesn't bring quite so much snark as the wizards do. Think it's a co-incidence?

Comments

[twirlability.livejournal.com]

Dementor sex. Dementors... fugging. In a writing career of batshit ideas, the Great Dementor Spawning definitely takes the cake. I wonder if they have anything to do with Muggle clinical depressiveness levels.

Maybe this is why Tom Cruise is being so nutty. 'Everytime someone goes on Paxil, a Dementor is born...'

[biichan.livejournal.com]

It's all a plot by XENU!!!

Seriously. They should add that to their questionaire: "Have you ever been employed to digest and eradicate the immortal souls of convicted criminals?"

[glorfindelghost.livejournal.com]

The Dementor breeding may be my entire highlight of the whole series (and it had stiff competition in this book, what with the zombies and all). Its just...wonderfully batshit crazy (although I had always wondered how dementors were created).

And Tom Cruise? Always that insane, just in a rather less high profile way, I think...

[(Anonymous)]

Errr...me again...

-- First of all, I'd really like to know who the Prime Minister is meant to be. I mean, is he just a generic prime minister? Or is he a Real Person being 'Cleverly Disguised' by Rowling? If you go by the date you get in CoS at Sir Nicolas' deathday, it would be the fall of 1996 which means the PM would be John Majors, but what if she meant it to be Blair? Sigh. Maths. JKR's maths.

God YES, this has been annoying me too - you see it has to be Tony Blair because JKR says the previous prime minister was a man - so unless she's just made British political history an AU then it is simply a maths error. How very ff.net of her...

-- You have to feel sorry for the PM. He's in way over his head. So... who appoints the Minister of Magic anyway?

Featuring real politics makes me remember that the wizarding world has essentially no democracy of any kind - we Brits may have a rubbish electoral system but at least we get some say, unlike the poor old wizarding community who get lumbered with Fudge...

-- I can't be the only one that is now picturing Kingsley in pearls and high-heels, am I? (I know he's not that kind of secretary. But one can wish.) Speaking of which, PM/Kingsley anybody?

*Photoshops lewd pictures of Tony Blair and a suitable actor*

[biichan.livejournal.com]

I think it was a maths error, because the PM's been in there for years! And yeah, I feel damn sorry for the wizards too. I at least hope they can get something done at wizengamot.

[anehan]

I thought it was deliberate on Rowling's part, that she didn't want to bring real living people to her book, but I might be giving her too much credit.

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

You have to feel sorry for the PM. He's in way over his head.

Yeah, and the wizards feel free to rearrange his schedule and tamper with the memories of his colleagues...I'd be seriously pissed, if I were him.

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

If you go by the date you get in CoS at Sir Nicolas' deathday, it would be the fall of 1996 which means the PM would be John Majors, but what if she meant it to be Blair?

Hmm – I assumed it was Majors, and the reference to the last PM being a "he" was a slap at Thatcher. Blair took office in 1997 IIRC; even if this was a case of JKR – Maths – Oh Dear!, Blair as PM would have been new to his office and therefore not as aware of the Ministry of Magic as this fellow (reluctantly) seems to be. This PM remembers his first encounter with Fudge "as though it were yesterday", but it was over three years ago (because three years ago they discussed "Serious" Black). He's been in office for a while and due for an upcoming election – it has to be Majors.

...he's just another politician put there to illustrate how the ministry uses Harry. Man, JKR gypped us.

I assumed Rufus would be a teacher as well. But he may well play an important role in book 7, so I don't feel too cheated yet. :) (I also think Liam Neeson would make a fabulous Rufus Scrimgeour, if the Batman Begins franchise doesn't swallow him up and tire him out. But that's just me...)

Thanks for starting up the HPB readalong!

[biichan.livejournal.com]

*snerks*

So, who's for Fudge/Thatcher hatesex? Or ooooh, Umbridge/Thatcher. Pogrebin wrote a shortfic for that once. It was brill :)

[anehan]

But he may well play an important role in book 7, so I don't feel too cheated yet.

I'll be seriously displeased if he doesn't, because then he'd be just a gratuitous plot hanging aroung, and Lord knows JKR has them enough already. Bones would have been a perfectly good Minister, and I don't think we actually needed another example of the Ministry misusing Harry. We got the message already, thankyouverymuch. So yes, let's cross our fingers that Scrimgeour will me important, shall we?

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

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<i.- I can't be the only one that is now picturing Kingsley in pearls and high-heels, am I? (I know he's not that kind of secretary. But one can wish.) Speaking of which, PM/Kingsley anybody?</i>

Now, that would be sexy- big elegant Kingsley in high heels and very tasteful jewerly. Like Rupaul, maybe?

<i>Unfortunately, our brave PM doesn't bring quite so much snark as the wizards do. Think it's a co-incidence?</i>

Because he has, you know, sense.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

The trouble is, the other side can do magic too, Prime Minister." Was that meant to be horribly profound? Because it wasn't, really.

I dunno, it kind of sums up the dominant mindset in the books. The trouble for the good guys is that their opponents aren't hopelessly outmatched and helpless. WOE!
Cause Gryffindors (which as the 'warriors' pretty much represent the whole WW) have honour and all, but it's pretty convenient that most of the people they get into fights with are outnumbered.

You have to feel sorry for the PM.

I felt sorry for Fudge, too.
...I'll get my coat.

And he's just another politician put there to illustrate how the ministry uses Harry.

But then we wouldn't get the ever-so-eyeroll-worthy scenes of Harry showing off his sexy scars and being all Punk Rawk anti-authority (except not, cause he's Dumbledore's Man and all.) Where would we be without cheese in the HP books, huh? Answer me that!

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

Oh yes...cheese and whine. ;)

[little-aphid.livejournal.com]

I felt sorry for Fudge, too.
...I'll get my coat.

Wow, me too! We should start a club or something. I mean, yeah, he was kind of an asshole while introducing himself to the PM, but it really does sound like he's getting desperate, and trying like hell to convince himself and everyone else that Voldemort really isn't back. Yeah, I feel sorry for him.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

I felt bad for him in GoF - he can't be back! - and all.

And then they fired him, and he took it in pretty good grace. Go Fudge!

[romeoambiences.livejournal.com]

The trouble for the good guys is that their opponents aren't hopelessly outmatched and helpless. WOE!

But they are. The author provides them with an invisibility cloak, map, timeturner (If I were a DE and had broken into the ministry, this would be one item I'd definitely take.), Felix Felicis (rather too convenient this one), unusual talent (Tonks) and so on...not to mention Harry being a natural on his broom and Ginny being so special as a seventh child. What do the DE's get?
The Jabootu score for these things alone is astronomical.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

to mention Harry being a natural on his broom

God, just Harry's list of Super-Speshul talents could probably qualify the whole series, let alone Dumbledore/God, Hermione the Genius, and amazing Animagi/Metamorphaguses/etc.

[t0ra-chan.livejournal.com]

"Serious." "Kwidditch." Hah hah hah. I'm shaking in my boots, really. (Not.) But seriously, I think I like the spelling Kwidditch better.

I thought that the Serious/Sirius thing was way worse. I mean, normally I immediately hit the back button if I see it in a fanfic because it's been so overdone?

You have to feel sorry for the PM. He's in way over his head. So... who appoints the Minister of Magic anyway?

I wonder why they bother telling him some things, like the Triwizard Tournament. 'Hey, we're importing highly dangerous magical creatures into the country for a tournament. Why I'm telling you this, even though you can do jack shit about it? Not like we care what you think anyway. No idea.'

Dementor sex. Dementors... fugging. In a writing career of batshit ideas, the Great Dementor Spawning definitely takes the cake. I wonder if they have anything to do with Muggle clinical depressiveness levels.

So this is where all the the Emo kids come from.

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

I thought that the Serious/Sirius thing was way worse.

I thought that was bad because, in an English accent, the two words are pronounced slightly differently. Maybe this PM is an American? Or maybe Rowling just wants the whole world to know she's certainly been reading the websites. Maybe she reads here? *waves*

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

*reminds Rowling not to start wank, and that canon-lovers must hush up or will be banned* ;)

[jollityfarm.livejournal.com]

I shall have to get my chapter summary up soon. If only I'd realised. Not that I mind or anything :)

First of all, I'd really like to know who the Prime Minister is meant to be.

I have a suspicion it's meant to be an AU not-real PM. I do like the idea that Fudge mistook Margaret Thatcher for a man (she does have a bit of a man-voice going on, after all). But another thing that might ruin the idea that this is John Major is that Fudge apparently came to office in 1990 - and that's when Thatcher was booted out. Either he was made Minister just before the leadership contest, or this is some timeline AU, probably not helped by Rowling's refusal to acquaint herself with the basic use of a pocket calculator. Though the idea that the identity of the PM is up-in-the-air probably helps Tony Blair to imagine he has an oh-so-kid-friendly part in the latest Potter book. It's all about the image, you know.

He threw Fudge out the window?

Another thing supporting the AU timeline scenario in which wholly different people are in power is the fact that I cannot imagine John Major throwing anyone out of a window either (Maggie Thatcher, sure, but John Major clearly isn't the sort). Mind you, maybe this is just another one of those secrets the Muggle world never hears of.

who appoints the Minister of Magic anyway?

I would guess from the information we have that it seems to be other people in the Magical governmental department. The Wizengamot, perhaps. I guess they have to do it a bit differently, otherwise it'd just be reappointed in the next Cabinet reshuffle, and the new MoM would be David Blunkett or someone.

Dementor sex.

It's a beautiful thought :) You know, when I first saw the PoA film, I swore they looked a bit phallic. Oddly tall heads, I thought to myself. I'm clearly not the only one :/

The talking portrait in the PM's office. That must be related to Sirius' mum somehow 'cause he won't budge.

It's probably just the same charm sticking them both to the walls. This book could have done with more Mrs. Black, in my opinion. We never got her reaction to Sirius' death.

[q-spade.livejournal.com]

Dementor sex.

It's a beautiful thought :) You know, when I first saw the PoA film, I swore they looked a bit phallic. Oddly tall heads, I thought to myself. I'm clearly not the only one :/

The Dementors in POA reminded me of the monster in Kate Bush's Experiment IV video from 1986-87. Google is not being kind to me this morning, so I scanned in a couple of photos of Kate wearing the monster's mask:



Here's a shot of her playing the monster in pre-attack mode, looking suitably wispy & floaty:



Of course, the big difference is that the Dementors have no teeth. Again Google was unkind, but here's the best shot I could find:



Dementor sex is interesting. Would they have genders equivalent to humans, or something else entirely? Is the mist they leave behind a product of recreation (bodily effluence after the fact) or procreation (spawn of some sort)? Does their ecstasy bring human misery? And what are the mechanics of it? Surely they do more than just rub spines together...

[fraught.livejournal.com]

Right, so this is the chapter JKR was waiting so long to put out there? It's all exposition and contains the one joke that stopped being funny after the third time I saw it (Sirius/serious) (in all fairness, maybe JKR doesn't know everybody and their mother rolls their eyes at this).

What's the point of this chapter anyway? The other times JKR left Harry's POV (first chapter of GoF, Quidditch match in PS/SS), it served some kind of purpose, but this one?

And thanks for starting the readalong :)

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

But! It didn't have Harry's POV! We didn't have to hear about how special and unusual and martyred Harry is!
I give it a B+ for this alone.