Let's Read Tales Of Beedle The Bard: Part Three: The Warlock's Hairy Heart.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Because I'm having horrible writer's block regarding a Matthew Stover poem, I've decided to update my Tales of Beedle The Bard recaps! :D

Kyoshi Warrior gear, don't fail me now...



Summary Of The Story: Guy doesn't want to fall in love -- because he kind of thinks that falling in love is for pussies. :P -- so he seals his heart away in a distant room. Fair maiden arrives to help him out. Guy's hairy heart (?!) causes him to start falling in lust or something (?!?!?!?!), so he kills the maiden and then himself. Reader is left to mop up the chunks of brain that have shot out her nose. :P

Dumbledore's Commentary: Nothing too offensive so far...mostly seems that Dumbledore's commenting on how disturbing the tale is, and an anecdote of Beatrix Bloxam being traumatized by the story as a kid, which pretty much started off her...crusade, so to speak (and even though I know I'm not supposed to like her, that story just makes me smile, because it's one of those rare instances real life seems to seep in. *Pets her and gives her warm milk* :) Which sums up most of Rowling's so-called "unlikeable" characters, IMHO). Preaching on about "the power of love", blah blah blah...look, Dumbles, if it weren't for the way the Power of Love was presented in the books, I'd probably find your interpretation pretty credible.

Ironically, it's one of those moments when I welcome the commentary, if only because the story was really, really confusing. Which absolutely kills me.


Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 5. In tolerable range. And if *that's* normal range...yeah, be very afraid. :P








So yeah...this is probably the point THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD starts to go a little wacky. Be very afraid. :P

Comments

[sweettalkeress.livejournal.com]

"Ironically, it's one of those moments when I welcome the commentary, if only because the story was really, really confusing. Which absolutely kills me."

And then Dumblydore goes and tells you exactly how to interpret the story! :P

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Yeah, true. That really bugged me. I mean, seriously, reverting back to animalistic natures just because you can't get laid? Seriously? Is Rowling's view of sex *that* ignorant and outdated?

(Or maybe I'm being a little harsh)

Honestly, I thought the heart was getting moldy stored away for so long. And I think no matter what Dumbledore may say, I'm sticking by that theory. At least all you have to worry about is good old Nausea Fuel. :P

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

And then Dumblydore goes and tells you exactly how to interpret the story! :P

Which is still better than the author lecturing her readers via interviews on how to interpret her work.

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Remember, kids, if you're not interested in a straight romantic relationship, your heart will turn evil and kill you! Celibacy causes heart attacks!

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

*Sighs*

Unfortunately.

Seriously, *wow*, Dumbledore. *Wow*. >:(

[sunnyskywalker]

For instance, even if you get a conscience and break up with Wizard Hitler, being gay only leaves you the celibacy option (since apparently there are no good gay wizards IN THE WORLD to date), so then you'll also decide to raise what you see as a loving, innocent kid to die. And then you will die in the middle of that plan.

Maybe Dumbledore really, really wants to believe that recognizing that Wizard Hairy Heart is messed up means that he isn't, and that's why he harps on about love so much. I know what it means, everyone! So I am good, unlike people who cut out their hearts or shred their souls into confetti!

[oneandthetruth.livejournal.com]

Remember, kids, if you're not interested in a straight romantic relationship, your heart will turn evil and kill you! Celibacy causes heart attacks!

Which would explain why nuns tend to live longer, healthier lives than other women. But maybe that only applies to men.

[lissa2.livejournal.com]

"Guy doesn't want to fall in love -- because he kind of thinks that falling in love is for pussies"
As opposed to Dumbledore, who dosen't want to fall in love because he isn't into pussies...

"Guy's hairy heart"
What? ewwww
"Beatrix Bloxam"
Who? I haven't read TOBTB yet.

"because the story was really, really confusing"
Really? what did you find so confusing?

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

-I was mostly being flippant when I made the remark about the warlock. But good point. :)

-Beatrix Bloxam is kind of a caricature of Laura Mallory, who was one of the people who kept going on about HP promoting witchcraft (which honestly, is the *least* of the kid-unfriendliness, IMHO), so Rowling kind of threw in a sort of Take That Fundamentalists. You know, kind of like LADY IN THE WATER, only...more pointless. :P

-Yeah...according to Dumbledore...hold on a second...*Takes out copy of BEEDLE THE BARD*: "The heart he has locked away slowly shrivels and grows hair, symbolizing his own descent into beasthood. He is finally reduced to a violent aimal who takes what he wants by force, and he dies in a futile attempt to regan what is now forever beyond his reach -- a human heart." (59)

Honestly, I thought it was getting moldy or something. Either way, ewww. (Although the former manages to hit the Unfortunate Implications trifecta, so...you come to your own conclusions)

Let's say that "The Warlock's Hairy Heart" just...didn't make sense. Guy doesn't want to sleep with girls, so he...goes nuts? He...kills himself and the girl?

Thanks for the feedback, BTW. I hope I haven't made you angry or something. :)

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

As opposed to Dumbledore, who dosen't want to fall in love because he isn't into pussies...

*groans*

[charlottehywd.livejournal.com]

Hairy heart... wait, what? Or maybe it was a *Harry* heart? Hey, that makes just about as much sense!

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

You win an Internet. XD

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Hmm... let's say James cuts out his heart at around fourteen or fifteen. He then woos and wins Lily to spite Severus, his heart turns into Harry, then Voldemort comes along and kills them but a bit of James survives in the heart and that's why Harry's patronus is a stag despite him having no clue whatsoever that James was a stag animagus. Meanwhile Harry's nature is corrupted and wasted love, explaining how he contains enough love to be the power the Dark Lord knows not, and also why his Love Touch (TM) burns and corrodes his enemy rather than healing and supporting his friends.

I know it's a joke but it hangs together unsettlingly well.

[https://me.yahoo.com/a/gNLVidA.xeLuPiOU_2B_USM.HYNFjA--#b0b6b (from livejournal.com)]

I'm going to go a bit ballistic over this one, because I personally find this story really, really, REALLY offensive!

1. Not being interested in marriage <==> TEH DARK MAGIX.
It's not like a person might have different social needs, or different wishes for how to spend their life.
It's not like shyness or trauma are possible reasons for which a person might wish to avoid "love".
No, no, only the most terrible, the most vile, the most non-heteronormative EVIL could make a person not want to get married.

2. As someone above said: the implication is that anyone who is asexual or anyone who chooses to be celibate is not simply acting on their nature or on a rational choice. They MUST be horribly repressed! And that means they're going to turn into rapists and paedophiles and all kinds of horrible sexual deviants! ZOMG!

3. Then Dumbledore gets preachy about the supposed moral of this story, and this is the most egregious part of all.
Where are Dumbledore's wife and kids? Why has he apparently been alone and loveless all these years? What does that say about the state of HIS heart?

I know a lot has already been said about JK's homophobic ideas in that post-DH interview where she reveals that Dumbledore is gay, but I really think this story goes just that bit further and machine-guns any intended "plea for tolerance" to shreds.

P.S. The Warlock's Harry Heart ... that makes brilliant sense! So this is what the infamous chest monster looks like.

[600ants.livejournal.com]

You said it better than I ever could! (With much fewer vulgarisms than I would have used, at any rate. :p) Rowling's promotion of marriage as the only acceptable way to live seriously turns my stomach. You'd think a divorcee like herself would be a little more open minded about these thing... but no. :(

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Not to worry, my friend; I quite agree. It's mostly peeling back the Fridge Horror/Unfortunate Implications of this story that I'm starting to realize this.

Regarding number one...this, just this. In fact, come to think of it, one aspect of Dumbledore's character really bugs me: not only regarding the whole "gay love leads to the Dark Side" thing that post-DH interview may have accidentally presented, but...has JKR ever really gone into Dumbledore's past? If he was honestly sorry for his decisions regarding Ariana, et cetera, he would have been actively working against Tom and trying to help him during his Hogwarts days instead of, basically, aiding him in becoming Voldemort via his own stupidity/genius. He would have seen an image of himself reflected in Tom, tried to prevent it...and when Tom fell, to Dumbledore, it would have been a genuine surprise and a shame. Plus, some of Dumbledore's issues regarding Grindelwald would rub off on Tom as well...Dumbledore actually having a love/hate relationship with Tom because Tom reminds him of his old lover. *Adds to personal canon*

2. Except if they're Dumbledore, of course. :P (You know the "he hasn't had any sex since Grindelwald" line?) I *could* use that logic to point out another reason why Dumbledore may act the way he does...but I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole. :/

3. That he's extremely bitter, really. In fact, Dumbledore may be one of the most bitter mentors in fantasy -- you know, if JKR had acknowledged it and run with it, you could have ended up with a highly memorable Villainous Mentor. Forget Tom -- he's mostly a General Grievous-esque sideshow. The real villain happens to be the lemon-drop eating headmaster sworn to protect the Chosen One -- but he's not, of course.

That scenario is far scarier than a Hitler-wannabe who owns a pet snake, IMHO.


4. And yeah, kind of hard to argue the "plea for tolerance" thing against evidence like that. :/


5. Or the dragon from Matthew Stover's ROTS novelization... *Is far too obsessed with that book. ;-)* But your interpretation is definitely superior. :3

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

All of your points are spot-on. While reading the story, I couldn't help but wonder if the warlock was supposed to be a stand-in for Voldemort. Think about it, Voldemort never marries or has kids and he's apparently not interested in any form of love, either. He also tries to lock parts of his soul ("heart") away in physical objects, which turn him into a monster.

To be fair, though, I think that the main point of the story was that the warlock was incapable of *any* sort of love, not just the romantic kind.

But then again, like you said, *Dumbledore* never gets married, either. And he's the same guy who tells Harry that his desire for revenge shows how loving he is. So...maybe he's not the most qualified person to provide commentary here.

[sunnyskywalker]

You know, since at the time probably even wizards hadn't figured out about germs yet, women dying in childbirth would still be common for them, and a wizard might rationally decide not to play Russian Roulette with someone's life like that. And figure the kids would die of plague even if they lived. So he would instead devote his life to study and close friendships, or at least romance with non-reproductive sex, and live happily ever after.

I think this story works very well as an old fairy tale, in that some of them do have horrible implications. It would make sense for an old story to be all, "Not marrying means there's something wrong with you! You must have cut out your heart!" (You still see plenty of that attitude even today...) A good commentary would point this out. Dumbledore not doing this is actually a very good way of revealing his issues, so if by some chance JKR actually meant it to show how screwed up some old fairy tale morals were, and how screwed up Dumbledore is, it actually works pretty well!

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

1. Not being interested in marriage <==> TEH DARK MAGIX.

Very true. JKR loves her characters so much that, to save them from the Dark Side, she married them all as soon as they finished Hogwarts. /sarcasm
Even the ones we don't see married in the (shudder) Epilogue are paired off in interviews.
The only one not married and producing kids is Charlie Weasley. He will probably be the new Dark Lord with a pet Dragon. XD

[oneandthetruth.livejournal.com]

1. Not being interested in marriage <==> TEH DARK MAGIX.
It's not like a person might have different social needs, or different wishes for how to spend their life.
It's not like shyness or trauma are possible reasons for which a person might wish to avoid "love".
No, no, only the most terrible, the most vile, the most non-heteronormative EVIL could make a person not want to get married.

2. As someone above said: the implication is that anyone who is asexual or anyone who chooses to be celibate is not simply acting on their nature or on a rational choice. They MUST be horribly repressed! And that means they're going to turn into rapists and paedophiles and all kinds of horrible sexual deviants! ZOMG!

Not to mention the implication that romantic love is the only kind of love that matters. Filial, sibling, and parental love aren't even mentioned. And forget about religious devotion, or a disinterested love for humanity in general, nonhuman animals, or nature. Nope, only heterosexual romantic love that ends in marriage, preferably with reproduction involved, is "real" love.

[for-diddled.livejournal.com]

And the moral of the story is: guys, if you're on a first date, don't suddenly whip out your big, hairy organ of love to show your girlfriend, because she just won't appreciate it. :p

On a more serious level, though, this story sounds like one I'd really dislike. Maybe it's just because I was something of a late developer when it came to the opposite sex, and consequently had to put up with a fair bit of teasing from my friends for whom "I just don't feel ready for a relationship right now" meant either "I'm secretly gay" or "I'm incapable of getting laid", but stories in which celibacy is portrayed as either pathetic or unnatural just irritate the hell out of me. If I were giving JKR the benefit of the doubt, I'd suggest that the heart thing symbolised his inability to feel any kind of affection, rather than simply romantic love, but she could still have found a better way of representing love than just "getting married".

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

You just won an internet. XD

And yeah...*this*!

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Because I'm having horrible writer's block regarding a Matthew Stover poem, I've decided to update my Tales of Beedle The Bard recaps! :D

Because I'm taking the day off work I've decided to read them! :-)

So yeah...this is probably the point THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD starts to go a little wacky. Be very afraid. :P

Oh my goodness, you mean the tales are going to get WORSE?

*gibbers*

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Yeah, they'll probably get worse. May Raptor Jesus have mercy on our souls. 0.0.

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

I haven't read the Tales Of Beedle The Bard before reading this and now I'm certain I won't be reading that book in the future.
DH was more than enough to give me migraines, I'm not so masochistic to inflict this on myself.

The story is... horrific? Not because of "OMG! A Hairy Heart and a killer / rapist / incapable of love Warlock!" But because of terrible Broken Aesop it presents.

And DD as a wise and moral commentator? Give us a break, JKR. :(

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

"I haven't read the Tales Of Beedle The Bard before reading this and now I'm certain I won't be reading that book in the future.
DH was more than enough to give me migraines, I'm not so masochistic to inflict this on myself."

Good for you. *Hugs*

"The story is... horrific? Not because of "OMG! A Hairy Heart and a killer / rapist / incapable of love Warlock!" But because of terrible Broken Aesop it presents.

And DD as a wise and moral commentator? Give us a break, JKR. :("

This, just this! :D

Seriously, very well-said. :)

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

Is it just me or does anyone else think JKR was watching the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie when she wrote this one?

This is like the Davey Jones theme in that movie.

Since I didn't read the Beetle book I can't really give my actual opinion of the material, but it just sort of sounds like a mix between Beauty and the Beast and Davey Jones POC story.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Except the Davy Jones thing didn't suck there. :P

And it is kind of like Beauty and the Beast meets POC -- only stupid. XP

[oneandthetruth.livejournal.com]

Is anybody besides me imagining Bruce Springsteen singing, "Everybody's got a hairy heart"? LOL

Seriously, it's too bad he didn't write this story instead of JKR. He's a much better storyteller than she is. He could have gotten a great song out of it, like "The River."

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, that would kick so much ass! :D