Let's Read Tales Of Beedle The Bard: Part Three: The Warlock's Hairy Heart.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Because I'm having horrible writer's block regarding a Matthew Stover poem, I've decided to update my Tales of Beedle The Bard recaps! :D

Kyoshi Warrior gear, don't fail me now...



Summary Of The Story: Guy doesn't want to fall in love -- because he kind of thinks that falling in love is for pussies. :P -- so he seals his heart away in a distant room. Fair maiden arrives to help him out. Guy's hairy heart (?!) causes him to start falling in lust or something (?!?!?!?!), so he kills the maiden and then himself. Reader is left to mop up the chunks of brain that have shot out her nose. :P

Dumbledore's Commentary: Nothing too offensive so far...mostly seems that Dumbledore's commenting on how disturbing the tale is, and an anecdote of Beatrix Bloxam being traumatized by the story as a kid, which pretty much started off her...crusade, so to speak (and even though I know I'm not supposed to like her, that story just makes me smile, because it's one of those rare instances real life seems to seep in. *Pets her and gives her warm milk* :) Which sums up most of Rowling's so-called "unlikeable" characters, IMHO). Preaching on about "the power of love", blah blah blah...look, Dumbles, if it weren't for the way the Power of Love was presented in the books, I'd probably find your interpretation pretty credible.

Ironically, it's one of those moments when I welcome the commentary, if only because the story was really, really confusing. Which absolutely kills me.


Dumbles Rage-O-Meter: 5. In tolerable range. And if *that's* normal range...yeah, be very afraid. :P








So yeah...this is probably the point THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD starts to go a little wacky. Be very afraid. :P

Comments

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

1. Not being interested in marriage <==> TEH DARK MAGIX.

Very true. JKR loves her characters so much that, to save them from the Dark Side, she married them all as soon as they finished Hogwarts. /sarcasm
Even the ones we don't see married in the (shudder) Epilogue are paired off in interviews.
The only one not married and producing kids is Charlie Weasley. He will probably be the new Dark Lord with a pet Dragon. XD

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

XD

That would kick so much ass! He wouldn't idly settle into the desired Weasley life; he and his dragon would roam the world kicking ass, taking names, and uprooting society hippie-style. *Fuck*, man! :D

But on a darker note...yeah. JKR has...weird views regarding love and marriage. :/

[karentheunicorn.livejournal.com]

(LOL!)

Yea, sadly the epilogue reads more like a Romance Novel ending, it didn't really even feel like a fairy tale ending to me.

It's more like those juicy novels you read just for the sex, except there is no sex. Basicly the epilogue puts for that all the characters screwed, got married and had kids. (Although maybe in this stories case it was marriage first, whatever).

We just got to read 19 years later life is pretty damn borning and Harry is now 3 kids deep and in domestic bliss with Ginny.

I'm guessing the 19 years of domestic bliss and the sex was pretty lame to, thats probably why it got skipped over.

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

We should be thankful she hadn't written a "How X and Y got together / married." collection of short stories with every pair having one storie. *shudder*

And can you imagine JKR writing a sex scene? It would probably be so horrible we would all die from laughter. XD

How JKR would write a sex scene

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Someone has to do that. Now. XD

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

We know what much of it would look like already. Just in a brief selection from TV Tropes, we can construct an entire scene.

What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed. There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet. "So, got there yet?" said George eagerly. "He's having a go at my mother!" Seamus yelled. "I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control." "Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes." Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand. He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor. "Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Wand out, Potter. Harry moved into his usual position... He came quickly, as if a white flag had come out of his wand.

[sunnyskywalker]

It burns, precioussss....

I bet that flighty temptress Adventure makes an appearance too.

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

I wonder would the "chest monster" make reappearance? Maybe in the new "pants monster" incarnation? XD

[dracasadiablo.livejournal.com]

*snort* That almost killed me. :D
It's incredibly funny. And how could anybody write :
"What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed. "
and "He came quickly, as if a white flag had come out of his wand." and not expect it will be see as a sexual innuendo?

[sharaz-jek.livejournal.com]

Or possibly something simple and nondescriptive.

Harry could see Draco Malfoy banging his goblet on the table. It was a sickening sight.