HBP Chapter Two
Mar. 24th, 2006 11:43 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockHBP Chapter Two
*Many people think Spinner’s End is Snape’s childhood home. In fact he only recently moved to Spinner’s End from his old place at Red Herring Antagonist Curve. Snape would like to thank Kathy at Meta Realty, for finding him his new house. Meta Realty: Where you are, and where you’re going!
*I must remember to post that essay explaining why Spinner’s End is actually located in Bayonne, New Jersey, off exit 14A on the Turnpike.
*Aww. I love the fox. In my head he’s the descendent of Tolkien’s fox who sniffed at the hobbits. Industry has made him sickly and reduced to nosing at fish & chip wrappers.
*Bellatrix makes a louder pop—that’s bad, right? Like her craziness makes it harder to Apparate, or she’s just upset.
*Cissy—how much do I love that Narcissa is called Cissy. I wonder if when she calls her Narcissa she’s trying to be nice.
*Bellatrix is horrified that Snape lives in a Muggle dunghill. Actually, Bella, Bayonne homes are among the best urban housing stock in the state, with residents actively maintaining and improving their homes and property. The city is set to begin a new era of economic development with new technology, new shopping malls and a civilianized ocean terminal.
*Also, since wizards have only ever managed to produce one village in all of England you can step off, bitch or we’ll turn off all the streetlamps and you can stumble around in total darkness.
*See the towering Dickensian Mill Chimney! Narcissa knocks aside two flower sellers and a chimney sweep in her mad dash to get to Snape.
*Hee! I love the idea of Snape opening the door a little and peeking out. Is it the pizza he ordered, or something more sinister?
*Does anyone else imagine when Snape and Bellatrix greet each other (“Snape.” “Bellatrix.”) they sound like Jerry and Newman on Seinfeld? Helloooo Snape.
*We’re told the place looks like a padded cell, but it seems quite cozy, though apparently without any modern conveniences. (Perhaps Snape literally lives in the 19th century?)
*On November 13th Peter Pettigrew was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his Dark Lord…. Can two Death Eating men share a house without driving each other crazy? Doo doot doo doot do dooooooo doot doo doo doot doo doo dooooo
*We will now pause while I hum the entire Odd Couple theme to myself and imagine Snape and Peter acting out the opening credits.
*Sometimes you totally have to remind yourself that Peter was supposed to be the Gryffindor’s friend and not just another Slytherin.
*Elf-made wine. Now I’m seeing Dobby and Kreacher wrestling in a vat of grapes. Ew.
*Snape pours out three glasses of blood red wine. I’m just going to say it: Slytherins have style. No matter what they’re doing, they’ve always got an eye towards the aesthetic. Snape’s sallow-skinned greasy-haired look is daring, but it’s intentional.
*Death Eater Snape is amused and cool. Much cooler than Sirius was, much cooler than James would be had he lived—and I like James and Sirius.
*Snape might as well turn to the camera at this point and say, “I’m sure you in the audience have all been wondering about exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here. With the help of my friend Bellatrix, I will now give you a quick overview of Severus Snape and the Philosopher’s Chamber of Secrets Stone of Azkaban’s Goblet of Fire, featuring the Order of the Phoenix."
*I love Snape’s line about Bella’s Azkaban gesture. You know he’s thought it to himself about every stupid Gryffindor stunt since the beginning of time. Yes, your death was wonderfully dramatic. Now I’ll go back to trying to do some actual practical good, shall I?
*What useful information has Snape passed, Bella wants to know. As this information doesn’t really exist, it will just have to remain vague and important sounding, just like all the stuff Snape does for the Order, and all the stuff the Order does when they’re not guarding Harry.
*I love Narcissa sticking up for Lucius. Oh Narcissa, if you only knew what an idiot your sister was at the MoM…
*Which reminds me, what happened to that Bellatrix? She’s surprisingly lucid in this chapter. Did she forget to take her medication before going to the MoM?
*Snape mentions Dumbledore “noticing” if he’d joined forces with the DEs against the Order of the Phoenix. Seems the same could be said on the Tower, where many people think Snape should have gone Matrix on all the bad guys at once while also curing Dumbledore of the poison.
*Speaking of dangers, you were facing six teenagers, were you not? Ooh, burn!
*Yes Snape, Harry Potter. You could have killed him at any point in the past five years. You have not done it. Why? And after that, why didn’t the Fellowship just get the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom and drop it into the Volcano. Hmmmm?
*I’d love to know the Dark Wizard Harry stories. I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.
*Just for the record, to me it seems like Snape’s clearly avoiding all the important truths that we know. Not seeing ESE!Snape here.
*Snape turns to Narcissa—finally, we can go on with the story we’re actually in. We’ve already had TWO recaps of the previous books from different points of view.
*This is what bugs me about the “Snape doesn’t know what Draco’s task is, he takes the vow to trick the information out of Narcissa.” She’s about to tell it to him and he stops her. He doesn’t have to trick it out of her. And btw, he doesn’t trick it out of her because once she thinks he knows the task she never mentions it.
*So, to tally up the water imagery so far, we’ve got the dirty river you can smell at Snape’s house, Narcissa looking like a drowned person and now Snape’s words making her react as if she’s been doused in cold water. Also she’s got tears sliding down her face. Oh, and they’re drinking wine that looks like blood. If Gryffindors were half as enamored with their element as Slytherins are they’d all have spontaneously combusted by now.
*Bella is so 8 years old. I guess it’s not that surprising she can be beat by teenagers. You know about the plan? You? Nyuh-uh!
*I love how Bella couldn’t care less if Narcissa’s son dies. She’ll get her a puppy. Cheer her right up.
*Awww. When Narcissa says Snape’s always been Draco’s favorite teacher I can’t help but think of CoS!Draco—Why don’t you apply for headmaster sir? You’d be the best! And Snape not being able to hide a smile.
*Gasp! It doesn’t matter to the Dark Lord whether Draco is killed! Honestly, what kind of people are they letting become Dark Lords nowadays if they don’t care about the Draco Malfoys of the world?
*Bellatrix offers up her nonexistent sons to the Dark Lord’s service. It’s very touching.
*More wine, more tears, both spilling on Narcissa.
*Okay, I’ve been reading lots of stuff about Snape being trapped into the bond by Bellatrix. Coming to the close of the chapter I’m seeing Snape completely in control where Bellatrix is concerned. No way he agreed to a vow to get her off his back.
*It also seems like Snape knew what was coming with that third vow, and was already prepared to take care of that twitch.
*Also, I knew what Draco’s task was the first time reading this scene. Didn’t seem like there could be anything it could be besides kill Dumbledore.
Cricket Rule
Day-for-Night
This scenes cry out for this stuff, even in a city.
Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
A lot of Snape’s exposition about his plans could boil down to this one. Harry’s not dead because of the Hero’s Death Battle Exemption.
Idiot World
Now that we’ve seen Voldemort’s biggest supporter, is there any doubt this is an idiot world? When they talk about the DEs it sounds like they’re talking about the bunch of people they used to share a cabin with in the mountains or something. Therefore…
Informed Attributes
We’ll just have to take the book’s word for it that they’re scary.
James Bond Exposition Rule
Oh man, now we have to hear the exposition before he’ll even start the plan, much less finish it! I’m giving a pass on the Plot Hole one since we haven’t really seen the end of things yet.
Misdirected Answering
I don’t know about anyone else, but I kind of got the whole “Snape returned to Voldemort a little late” thing at the end of GoF when he made his dramatic exit. There are a lot of things I’d really rather know in this story other than that.
Nut O’ Fun
Confession: I spent most of the time Snape was telling his story of the past five years checking out the bookcases. Big Anne Rice fan, is Snape.
Final score: 8
Water level: Tears, a river, drowned people, cold water, spilled wine that looks like blood.
*Many people think Spinner’s End is Snape’s childhood home. In fact he only recently moved to Spinner’s End from his old place at Red Herring Antagonist Curve. Snape would like to thank Kathy at Meta Realty, for finding him his new house. Meta Realty: Where you are, and where you’re going!
*I must remember to post that essay explaining why Spinner’s End is actually located in Bayonne, New Jersey, off exit 14A on the Turnpike.
*Aww. I love the fox. In my head he’s the descendent of Tolkien’s fox who sniffed at the hobbits. Industry has made him sickly and reduced to nosing at fish & chip wrappers.
*Bellatrix makes a louder pop—that’s bad, right? Like her craziness makes it harder to Apparate, or she’s just upset.
*Cissy—how much do I love that Narcissa is called Cissy. I wonder if when she calls her Narcissa she’s trying to be nice.
*Bellatrix is horrified that Snape lives in a Muggle dunghill. Actually, Bella, Bayonne homes are among the best urban housing stock in the state, with residents actively maintaining and improving their homes and property. The city is set to begin a new era of economic development with new technology, new shopping malls and a civilianized ocean terminal.
*Also, since wizards have only ever managed to produce one village in all of England you can step off, bitch or we’ll turn off all the streetlamps and you can stumble around in total darkness.
*See the towering Dickensian Mill Chimney! Narcissa knocks aside two flower sellers and a chimney sweep in her mad dash to get to Snape.
*Hee! I love the idea of Snape opening the door a little and peeking out. Is it the pizza he ordered, or something more sinister?
*Does anyone else imagine when Snape and Bellatrix greet each other (“Snape.” “Bellatrix.”) they sound like Jerry and Newman on Seinfeld? Helloooo Snape.
*We’re told the place looks like a padded cell, but it seems quite cozy, though apparently without any modern conveniences. (Perhaps Snape literally lives in the 19th century?)
*On November 13th Peter Pettigrew was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his Dark Lord…. Can two Death Eating men share a house without driving each other crazy? Doo doot doo doot do dooooooo doot doo doo doot doo doo dooooo
*We will now pause while I hum the entire Odd Couple theme to myself and imagine Snape and Peter acting out the opening credits.
*Sometimes you totally have to remind yourself that Peter was supposed to be the Gryffindor’s friend and not just another Slytherin.
*Elf-made wine. Now I’m seeing Dobby and Kreacher wrestling in a vat of grapes. Ew.
*Snape pours out three glasses of blood red wine. I’m just going to say it: Slytherins have style. No matter what they’re doing, they’ve always got an eye towards the aesthetic. Snape’s sallow-skinned greasy-haired look is daring, but it’s intentional.
*Death Eater Snape is amused and cool. Much cooler than Sirius was, much cooler than James would be had he lived—and I like James and Sirius.
*Snape might as well turn to the camera at this point and say, “I’m sure you in the audience have all been wondering about exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here. With the help of my friend Bellatrix, I will now give you a quick overview of Severus Snape and the Philosopher’s Chamber of Secrets Stone of Azkaban’s Goblet of Fire, featuring the Order of the Phoenix."
*I love Snape’s line about Bella’s Azkaban gesture. You know he’s thought it to himself about every stupid Gryffindor stunt since the beginning of time. Yes, your death was wonderfully dramatic. Now I’ll go back to trying to do some actual practical good, shall I?
*What useful information has Snape passed, Bella wants to know. As this information doesn’t really exist, it will just have to remain vague and important sounding, just like all the stuff Snape does for the Order, and all the stuff the Order does when they’re not guarding Harry.
*I love Narcissa sticking up for Lucius. Oh Narcissa, if you only knew what an idiot your sister was at the MoM…
*Which reminds me, what happened to that Bellatrix? She’s surprisingly lucid in this chapter. Did she forget to take her medication before going to the MoM?
*Snape mentions Dumbledore “noticing” if he’d joined forces with the DEs against the Order of the Phoenix. Seems the same could be said on the Tower, where many people think Snape should have gone Matrix on all the bad guys at once while also curing Dumbledore of the poison.
*Speaking of dangers, you were facing six teenagers, were you not? Ooh, burn!
*Yes Snape, Harry Potter. You could have killed him at any point in the past five years. You have not done it. Why? And after that, why didn’t the Fellowship just get the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom and drop it into the Volcano. Hmmmm?
*I’d love to know the Dark Wizard Harry stories. I’m surprised they haven’t just gotten stronger over the years as the kid’s temper revealed itself.
*Just for the record, to me it seems like Snape’s clearly avoiding all the important truths that we know. Not seeing ESE!Snape here.
*Snape turns to Narcissa—finally, we can go on with the story we’re actually in. We’ve already had TWO recaps of the previous books from different points of view.
*This is what bugs me about the “Snape doesn’t know what Draco’s task is, he takes the vow to trick the information out of Narcissa.” She’s about to tell it to him and he stops her. He doesn’t have to trick it out of her. And btw, he doesn’t trick it out of her because once she thinks he knows the task she never mentions it.
*So, to tally up the water imagery so far, we’ve got the dirty river you can smell at Snape’s house, Narcissa looking like a drowned person and now Snape’s words making her react as if she’s been doused in cold water. Also she’s got tears sliding down her face. Oh, and they’re drinking wine that looks like blood. If Gryffindors were half as enamored with their element as Slytherins are they’d all have spontaneously combusted by now.
*Bella is so 8 years old. I guess it’s not that surprising she can be beat by teenagers. You know about the plan? You? Nyuh-uh!
*I love how Bella couldn’t care less if Narcissa’s son dies. She’ll get her a puppy. Cheer her right up.
*Awww. When Narcissa says Snape’s always been Draco’s favorite teacher I can’t help but think of CoS!Draco—Why don’t you apply for headmaster sir? You’d be the best! And Snape not being able to hide a smile.
*Gasp! It doesn’t matter to the Dark Lord whether Draco is killed! Honestly, what kind of people are they letting become Dark Lords nowadays if they don’t care about the Draco Malfoys of the world?
*Bellatrix offers up her nonexistent sons to the Dark Lord’s service. It’s very touching.
*More wine, more tears, both spilling on Narcissa.
*Okay, I’ve been reading lots of stuff about Snape being trapped into the bond by Bellatrix. Coming to the close of the chapter I’m seeing Snape completely in control where Bellatrix is concerned. No way he agreed to a vow to get her off his back.
*It also seems like Snape knew what was coming with that third vow, and was already prepared to take care of that twitch.
*Also, I knew what Draco’s task was the first time reading this scene. Didn’t seem like there could be anything it could be besides kill Dumbledore.
Cricket Rule
Day-for-Night
This scenes cry out for this stuff, even in a city.
Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
A lot of Snape’s exposition about his plans could boil down to this one. Harry’s not dead because of the Hero’s Death Battle Exemption.
Idiot World
Now that we’ve seen Voldemort’s biggest supporter, is there any doubt this is an idiot world? When they talk about the DEs it sounds like they’re talking about the bunch of people they used to share a cabin with in the mountains or something. Therefore…
Informed Attributes
We’ll just have to take the book’s word for it that they’re scary.
James Bond Exposition Rule
Oh man, now we have to hear the exposition before he’ll even start the plan, much less finish it! I’m giving a pass on the Plot Hole one since we haven’t really seen the end of things yet.
Misdirected Answering
I don’t know about anyone else, but I kind of got the whole “Snape returned to Voldemort a little late” thing at the end of GoF when he made his dramatic exit. There are a lot of things I’d really rather know in this story other than that.
Nut O’ Fun
Confession: I spent most of the time Snape was telling his story of the past five years checking out the bookcases. Big Anne Rice fan, is Snape.
Final score: 8
Water level: Tears, a river, drowned people, cold water, spilled wine that looks like blood.
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