deathtocapslock | Philosopher's Stone Chapter One (Reply)

PS Chapter One

*The Dursleys maintain they are perfectly normal although they come straight from a caricaturist’s sketch book and an uninspired caricaturist at that.

*Petunia pretends that she doesn’t have a Mary Sue character for a sister. Can’t blame her really. Anyone see the Sparklypoo comic?

*Dudley is having a tantrum, which won’t be his last. When Harry throws a tantrum at Umbridge in the far off future, that will count as “standing up to” her. Just as well he could learn how to stand up to people from Dud.

*McGonagall’s got nothing better to do than sit around on Privet Drive. Shouldn’t she be marking Transfiguration assignments or did she just give them all B minuses? (I know that is a suggestion worthy of the Dark Lord :p )

*I wonder how old Vernon is at this point in the timeline? I am guessing that we are supposed to infer that he is a lot older than Petunia since Petunia cannot be more than about 25 or 26. Hopefully it is not JKR’s dazzling mathematical skills at work...

*Vernon is glad that his sister is an even more grotesque caricature than he himself is. Marginally better than having a Mary Sue in the family!

*The little old wizard must have a lot of general good will for a member of the magical community. Most other wizards and all witches treat muggles like vermin. I would far rather be greeted in that fashion than by being given brain damage. I don't think that is so odd :)

*McGonagall’s still hanging around... I wonder what on Earth for. Why spy on the 2 Dimensional Dursleys?

*Vernon cannot bear to think about the Potters. He himself is too unimportant to enter their thoughts at all.

*Enter Albus Dumblesnore! I wonder how his nose is still broken when even Madam Pomfrey can mend bones in a second? Oh dear, continuity.

*The Put-Outer causes blackouts. Dumbledore has a flair for the dramatics. He should have said; “now it’s dark.”

*McGonagall’s miffed about everyone else showing a lack of discretion today although she herself has been a cat that acts almost like a human for the entire day.

*So it was around 1970 that Voldemort started displaying his sinister aptitude for doing nothing at all to the magical community?

*Has Voldemort really gone? Really McGonagall you should watch more muggle B Horror movies and then you would get an idea of how events are going to unfold in your reality.

*Dumblesnore’s offering around sherbert lemons could be seen as sinister. He’s working too hard on his feigned, jolly old grandfatherly manner.

*Yes Dumbledore, the taboo on saying Voldemort’s title is silly and inconsistent as well.

*McGonagall do you have to fawn over him so? I thought you would have more sense than that. Frankly, after what we learn in Deathly Hallows, it is surprising that Dumbledore did not have a Horcrux.

*I understand why McGonagall is crying. Everyone was dazzled by Lily Sue. It was in the script. On first reading this book, when I was 13, I got the impression that she had fancied young James, despite the age difference, since he was great at sports and a bully in the true Gryffindor fashion. A jock, as yanks on this site would put it?

*Dumbledore won’t tell you anything important McGonagall! He wouldn’t tell you even if it were crucial for you to know. He would still keep it a secret and take it with him to the grave.

*It’s disturbing how easily McGonagall capitulates to Dumbledore’s feeble argument in favour of his scheme to treat Harry as a lab monkey. What has the old coot done to her to wrap her mind around his little finger so?

*A letter? If Petunia were not such a feeble caricature of a middle class suburbanite I would be shocked at such a crass way of breaking the news of her sister’s death to her. Really Dumbledore seems to be making a bare minimum of effort to further Harry’s well being. Just writing a letter and abandoning Harry on the Dursley’s doorstep and leaving a batty old squib two streets away to keep an eye on him... Well at least it ensures he won’t become a pampered little prince.

*For dramatic effect, Dumbledore goes “I would trust Hagrid with my life.” Read; “Hagrid is my useless, but devoted pet and I regard him as such, whatever I may say that denounces prejudice against half giants.”

*Goodness what a beast Hagrid is...

*Nicely worked in a reference to Sirius Black. Don’t worry, Dumbledore has a scheme to get him out of the way. He won’t be interfering with Dumbledore’s Machiavellian scheme at little Harry’s expense. If he ever presents a threat to the scheme in future, he can be taken care of on a more permanent basis.

*Hagrid’s kissing Harry? Yuck. Is there raw meat clogged in that beard?

*Now that we know the Death Eaters greatest aspiration is to do nothing at all, it is obvious that they don’t really pose a threat to little Harry. The reasoning for putting him at the Dursleys because of the supposed ‘blood protection’ is obviously false. If they were out to get Harry they could have grabbed him right here as he is left on the muggle doorstep, before the Dursleys have taken him in. Perhaps Dumbledore is hoping that Harry might die young, so he won’t grow up to be an icon in the magical world, hence a potential rival to Dumblesnore. Dumping him on a doorstep in Surrey puts him in very real danger from foxes if nothing else. I am not being funny. Foxes do attack babies.

*I bet Dumbledore puts more energy into celebrating the fall of Voldemort than he did in making arrangements for Harry’s future.