deathtocapslock | COS Chapter Fourteen: "Cornelius Fudge" (Reply)

* The WW seems to have a really inconsistent attitude towards criminal justice. On the one hand, their punishments are often extremely excessive (yes, let’s lock people up surrounded by depression-inducing, soul-devouring monsters for petty theft); on the other, they can be ridiculously weak when the plot demands it (murder? Well, you won’t be able to come to Hogwarts anymore. Although we will give you a job for life as Gamekeeper in the very same school which you terrorised with your monster).

* “Riddle does sound like Percy – who asked him to grass on Hagrid, anyway?” Apologies in advance for this little rant-ette, but WTF? Seriously, W – T – F? As far as Ron knows, Hagrid’s just killed someone, and he thinks Tom shouldn’t tell anyone? I’ll freely admit that I never got this whole “no snitching” rule in school stories, but this just seems ridiculous. So it’s better to let people die than tell a teacher? Really? Ron’s being really hypocritical, too, unless he’d been planning to sit on his arse and do nothing once he got proof that Draco was the Heir of Slytherin.

* Also, note how Harry says that he doesn’t blame Tom “for wanting to stay here”, rather than, I don’t know, wanting to save someone’s life.

* Choosing the subjects that “could affect [their] whole future” at the age of twelve seems a bit early, really.

* Jolly nice of Percy to offer to help Harry like that. If I were in his situation, I’d be quite grateful.

* Note how Percy says “non-magical community”, instead of using some demeaning slur like “muggle” or “mudblood”. Bloody pinko! It’s no wonder he ended up going bad!

* For all that wizards think of Muggle Studies (Christ, what a patronising name) as a “soft option”, they seem to have real difficulty learning anything about Muggles. Apart from the Malfoys, for some reason, who seem to know loads.

* “But the only thing Harry felt he was really good at was Quidditch.” I’m sort of half-tempted to give JKR a bit of credit for acknowledging Harry’s general uselessness, but she blows it for me by avoiding making Harry ever have to work hard and improve. Having difficulty? Don’t worry, Hermione will sort it out for you!

* Did Ginny really need to go so far as to rip Harry’s books apart in her quest to find the diary? What, was she worried that he might have hidden it somewhere inside one of the pages? Oh well, I suppose property damage is OK if it’s in service of a higher cause, like keeping your crush on someone secret.

* No, Hermione, you clearly have a lot of learning to do. It’s not true that only a Gryffindor could do it. Gryffindors never do anything wrong, and, if it seems like they have done, it’s because they were possessed and made to do it by a Slytherin. Don’t worry, though, you’ll learn soon enough.

* Pity Hermione doesn’t feel the need to tell Harry and Ron about her suspicions. Still, this secrecy is quite consistent for her character, so I forgive JKR for it.

* “Yes, perhaps you’d better come too, Weasley.” Even when his best(-ish) friend has just been attacked, Ron’s still an afterthought behind Harry Potter.

* I’m surprised Fred and George don’t slip laxatives into the Hogwarts water supply, thereby ensuring that teachers are constantly rushed off their feet escorting students to the bathrooms.

* Erm, Lee, given that only four people have been attacked so far, the fact that the Slytherins are all fine isn’t exactly that surprising.

* Trust George to try and spin the worst possible interpretation on Percy’s behaviour.

* Yeah, that’s right, all this stuff’s coming from a Slytherin, so it’s OK to chuck them out. Just like a lot of international terrorism is carried out by Islamic groups, so it’s OK to throw every Muslim in prison. Sure, the vast majority will be innocent, but you’ll also get the guilty ones, and retribution’s the most important function of the justice system, right?

* Harry and Ron are so busy plotting, they don’t notice Lee Jordan taking out his copy of The Protocols of the Elders of Slytherin, which conclusively demonstrates that Severus Snape is trying to take over the wizarding world using his control of the international media.

* Does Hagrid not realise that pointing his crossbow at anyone who comes knocking just makes him look like the sort of violent person who would set a monster on the school?

* Cornelius Fudge is indeed wearing “a strange mixture of clothes”. Does the gene that gives them magical powers also give them appalling dress sense or something?

* Of course, Dumbledore could probably come up with quite a good defence of Hagrid if he tried. For some reason, though, he again chooses to frame his defence by assuming that Dumbledore’s trust should be good enough proof of innocence for anyone, without bothering to explain just why it is he thinks he’s innocent.

* “‘Yeh can’ take Dumbledore away!’ yelled Hagrid… ‘Take him away, an’ the Muggle-borns won’ stand a chance! There’ll be killin’s next!’” Erm, Hagrid, what exactly has DD done so far to prevent the attacks? Or is he saying that the Heir of Slytherin must be so in awe of the headmaster that he’s holding back from killing people? Because there’s actually no evidence than Dumbledore’s presence is doing anything to prevent the attacks or keep the students safe. If anything, Lord V probably knows that DD won’t do anything to stop the attacks – after all, he didn’t do anything last time…