deathtocapslock | COS Chapter Sixteen: "The Chamber of Secrets" (Reply)

* Chapter Sixteen’s got the same title as the book in both COS and GOF. Handy information, if you ever find yourself doing a Harry Potter-themed quiz or something.

* “‘All those times we were in the bathroom, and we were just three toilets away,’ said Ron bitterly at breakfast the next day, ‘and we could’ve asked her, and now…’” Pity he won’t remember this is HBP, when Myrtle’s about to tell them who was trying to kill Dumbledore.

* After sneaking into the Forbidden Forest, I’d have thought that getting into the bathroom would seem quite easy, actually. All you’d have to do would be to put the invisibility cloak on and sneak in when nobody’s watching.

* I also don’t see why being next to the original attack site would make it harder to get in. The attack’s already happened, chaps, so why would the Heir come back?

* “[Harry] couldn’t seem to think of anything that would be useful in an exam.” Which is odd, because the whole Hogwarts education system seems geared towards making pupils jump through a set of arbitrary hoops for passing exams with marginal relevance to the real world. Why else make them learn how to turn rabbits into slippers, but neglect to teach them basic cooking, cleaning or first aid spells?

* So Ginny’s too scared to tell anyone what she’s been doing – understandable, IMHO, although it does rather call into question whether she really belongs in the house of the brave.

* Damn Percy, happening to arrive at that precise moment in time. Clearly, this chance occurrence reflects his inner evil. Or inner pompousness. But let’s face it, evil and pompousness are really the same thing, just like evil and Slytherin House or evil and disliking Harry.

* Harry’s curiosity really grows and shrinks as the plot demands, doesn’t it? Here he can’t help himself from talking to Myrtle even though he knows the mystery could be solved tomorrow, but it never occurs to him to ask about his parents or, in HBP, to find out who the Half-Blood Prince is.

* Harry and Ron find the answer in Hermione’s petrified hand. Even in a coma, she’s still smarter than the two boys put together.

* Mind you, I’m a bit surprised that no-one noticed the paper there. You’d have thought that Madam Pomfrey, at least, would have seen it.

* Or I would be surprised, if the adults in this series weren’t so universally incompetent.

* Somehow, I have difficulty imagining Hermione tearing out pages of library books. Surely it’d be more IC for her to take the book out of the library or, if that’s impossible, to copy it up on some parchment of her own?

* So the basilisk travelled round Hogwarts in the pipes, did it? Just how big are these pipes, then? And how many places would there be where it could leave the pipe network and enter into the corridors?

* So Harry and Ron are just going to hide in that wardrobe, then… why? Wouldn’t it be better to just tell McGonagall as soon as she enters, rather than jumping out and startling her?

* I have to admit, that “Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber for ever” business is rather creepy and well-done.

* So now Harry and Ron are just sitting in the Gryffindor common room doing nothing. As opposed to, I don’t know, telling McGonagall and the other teachers what the monster is and where it’s hiding because it might be their only chance to save Ginny or at least stop the monster before it can kill anyone else. Why do I get the strong impression that these two are carrying a pair of massive idiot balls in this chapter?

* “If only there was something they could do. Anything.” Well, telling a teacher might be a good start.

* Ron shoots up in my estimation for suggesting that they should, in fact, do precisely this, before promptly crashing back down again for suggesting they tell Lockhart instead of one of the competent ones.

* Harry passes the idiot ball; Lockhart catches it, and proceeds to have a random expository speech for no apparent reason.

* Or is it because Lockhart had subconsciously wanted to tell someone for years? After all, it’s probably the cleverest plan any HP adult has ever had, and he’s had to keep it a secret ever since he came up with it.

* Ron throws Lockhart’s wand out the window, as opposed to keeping it to use in the fight ahead. Don’t worry, Ron, I’m sure your broken wand will be very useful when it comes to fighting a deadly serpent.

* So now they take Lockhart with them to the Chamber, despite the fact that he’s practically admitted that he’s going to try and memory charm them at the first opportunity and will therefore be worse than useless to them.

* “Harry was pleased to see that [Lockhart] was shaking.” Once again, the epitome of love is taking pleasure in seeing the fear and discomfort of others.

* So Slytherin built his Chamber around 1,000 years ago? And modern plumbing was invented, what, around two hundred years ago? Oh dear, History.

* Of course, if JKR had wanted Ron’s wand to be broken so it could backfire on Lockhart, landing on the floor after shooting out of the tunnel would have provided a good opportunity. But then I suppose she couldn’t have Ron be symbolically castrated for most of the book, and as she’s clearly keen on making Ron look as ridiculous as possible…