Harry Potter Abridged! PS/SS Chapter 16
Jul. 12th, 2011 12:42 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sweettalkeress.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslock [So, the students finish their exams. With them out of the way, they can focus on the Sorcerer’s Stone and Harry’s scar troubles.]
Harry: So my scar keeps hurting, and I don’t know why. But I think it’s some kind of warning. And I keep worrying that Snape is about to steal the Sorcerer’s Stone.
Ron: But we don’t even know if Snape knows how to get past Fluffy.
Harry: I think he does, Ron. I truly think he does.
[So they go down to Hagrid’s hut.]
Harry: It’s just too convenient that Hagrid found someone who just happened to offer him a dragon.
Hermione: Wow, Harry, you are so smart as a child! It’s too bad that you’ll get that hammered out of you by the time you’re sixteen!
Hagrid: So, what is it this time?
Harry: Who gave you that dragon egg?
Hagrid: I don’t know, he kept his hood up. Not that there was anything strange or suspicious about that at all, oh no!
Harry: But what did you talk to him about?
Hagrid: Oh, not much. Mostly he was just interested in Fluffy. Which is in no way suspicious- I mean how many three-headed dogs do you see? No, I just told him that he’ll go to sleep if you play music....
Harry: Oh, crap!
[Harry, Ron, and Hermione run off.]
Hagrid: I shouldn’t have said that- I should not have said that!
[First Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to speak to Professor McGonagall.]
Harry: We need to speak to Dumbledore!
McGonagall: Dumbledore is in London with the Ministry of Magic right about now. Gee, isn’t that inconvenient?
Harry: But we think the Sorcerer’s Stone is in danger!
McGonagall: I don’t know or care how you found out about the stone but I assure you that it is very well protected. Now run along and play, children.
Harry: Why are all you adults so useless?!
McGonagall: Hmph, you can solve your problems in your own way! [Stalks off.]
Harry: Alright, here’s what we’ll do: Hermione, you tail Snape for awhile and Ron and I will stay at the Forbidden Corridor in case he tries to enter.
[But just then they are interrupted by Snape!]
Snape:*
[Later that day, Ron and Harry are waiting outside the third floor corridor when suddenly...]
McGonagall: Not you again! Get back to your rooms!
Harry and Ron: Yes, Professor.
Hermione: So... yeah, I lost track of Snape.
Harry: Alright, we’re going to the next level! Tonight... we go down the trapdoor! *Dramatic thunder*
Hermione: But... what happened to your unwillingness to go meddling in things best left alone?
Harry: Oh, never mind that- we’ve got a Stone to save!
Ron: Well, I’m convinced, I’ll go with you.
Hermione: So will I!
Harry: I love you guys! [Group hug.]
[After the rest of the students are in bed, Harry, Ron, and Hermione cover themselves with the Invisibility Cloak and take a wand Hagrid had given them. However, Neville catches them in the act.]
Harry: Navel, what are you doing here!
Neville: Don’t call me Navel! I’m stopping you from doing anything stupid, of course!
Harry: We’re just going to save the Sorcerer’s Stone, Navel, and I’m sure you understand that. Now, stand aside.
Neville: No! You’ll get Gryffindor House in trouble again!
Ron: Come on, Navel, just stand aside this once....
Neville: No! I’ll fight you but I won’t let you go!
Hermione: Petrificus Totalus!
[Neville falls over, immobilized]
Neville: [inside head] Damn you, Trio! You’ll pay for this when I become the hero of Hogwarts!
Peeves: Hey, look, I know there’s someone there even if I can’t see them.
Harry: Er... it’s the Bloody Baron!
Peeves: The Bloody Baron?! Where!? [Runs away]
Harry: That was so easy it was sad....
[The three of them enter the Forbidden Corridor, to find that Fluffy is asleep with a harp playing.]
Harry: Hey, look, Snape has been here before. Oh, well, we’ll need the flute in case Fluffy wakes up. [Plays flute as Ron and Hermione open the trapdoor.]
[The three of them fall down the trapdoor and land in a plant, which begins to strangle them.]
Ron: And here I thought it was here to break the fall....
Harry: Ron, the plant won’t kill you if you just tell it you love it!
Hermione: Wrong story, Harry....
Harry: Sorry....
Hermione: Alright, this is Devil’s Snare- it likes cold, dark places so... aha! BURNINATE TIEM!! [She lights a fire with her wand, and the plant drops them.]
[So, they go on to the next room, which appears to be filled with birds.]
Harry: Well... do you think that they’ll attack us if we try to cross?
Ron: Who really knows.
Harry: Alright, I’ll try to run across. [Runs to the other side] That was easy!
[But when he tries to open the door, it’s locked.]
Hermione: Maybe a spell can unlock it? Alohomora!
[But the door remains locked.]
Harry: Hey, I realized something! Those birds up there are actually keys! I’ll have to catch one! [Jumps on a spare broomstick and goes to find one, with Ron and Hermione behind.] Alright, I’m looking for one that looks like it’s already been used- aha! There’s one with a bad wing!
[Harry catches the key and jams it into the lock]
Harry: I am so glad that that challenge played to my strength in Quidditch.
Ron: Excellent. Now maybe I’ll be able to make myself useful in the next challenge.
[Sure enough, the next challenge is chess!]
Ron: Alright, I’ll be a knight, Harry, you be a bishop, and Hermione, you be a rook.
Harry: You’re in charge, Ron.
[So they play the game for awhile, and eventually it’s revealed that chess pieces that get captured are smacked down horribly and dragged off the board.]
Ron: [gleeful] Even Wizard chess is more pointlessly violent than Muggle chess!
[Eventually, Ron sees that the only way to win the game is for him to get captured.]
Hermione: No, Ron! You can’t! If you die who’s going to marry me?!
Ron: I have to do this, it’s the only way to win. It is a far, far greater thing I do, than I have ever done.
Harry: Good night, sweet Ron. And may the angels sing thee to thy rest.
[Ron is smacked down horribly by the white queen and Harry checks the king.]
Harry: Checkmate!
White king: I surrender, suckers!
[So Harry and Hermione go on to the next room, which is full of potions.]
Harry: Wow, Snape does have a challenge here after all.
Hermione: Alright, it’s a riddle. Apparently there’s two bottles, one of which will let you go to the next room, and one of which will send you back. The rest are all deadly poison or wine that will get you drunk. Eenie-meenie-miney-moe! [Picks up a bottle] This one is yours, and this one [picks up another bottle] is mine. I’ll go back and save Ron, and you go on.
Harry: Hey, how did you know which potion to use?
Hermione: Well... I just solved this riddle. [Holds up paper] See, it’s a logic problem, and as we will soon painfully discover, most Wizards have no logic at all. The biggest bottle will take me back, and the smallest will send you forward.
Harry: You’re a genius!
Hermione: I know. It’s more than anyone can say for you.
Harry: So... onward I go. I may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
Hermione: [hugs Harry] I am in awe of your greatness!
Harry: Oh, but I’m nowhere near as smart as you.
Hermione: That’s a good thing- look at me, I’m a neurotic weirdo whom nobody likes. Or I will be, in a few years.
[Harry and Hermione drink the potions and go their separate ways. Harry enters the last chamber.]
Harry: OMG, there’s a man standing in the center! It’s... it’s...
*I do not own “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” :3
Harry: So my scar keeps hurting, and I don’t know why. But I think it’s some kind of warning. And I keep worrying that Snape is about to steal the Sorcerer’s Stone.
Ron: But we don’t even know if Snape knows how to get past Fluffy.
Harry: I think he does, Ron. I truly think he does.
[So they go down to Hagrid’s hut.]
Harry: It’s just too convenient that Hagrid found someone who just happened to offer him a dragon.
Hermione: Wow, Harry, you are so smart as a child! It’s too bad that you’ll get that hammered out of you by the time you’re sixteen!
Hagrid: So, what is it this time?
Harry: Who gave you that dragon egg?
Hagrid: I don’t know, he kept his hood up. Not that there was anything strange or suspicious about that at all, oh no!
Harry: But what did you talk to him about?
Hagrid: Oh, not much. Mostly he was just interested in Fluffy. Which is in no way suspicious- I mean how many three-headed dogs do you see? No, I just told him that he’ll go to sleep if you play music....
Harry: Oh, crap!
[Harry, Ron, and Hermione run off.]
Hagrid: I shouldn’t have said that- I should not have said that!
[First Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to speak to Professor McGonagall.]
Harry: We need to speak to Dumbledore!
McGonagall: Dumbledore is in London with the Ministry of Magic right about now. Gee, isn’t that inconvenient?
Harry: But we think the Sorcerer’s Stone is in danger!
McGonagall: I don’t know or care how you found out about the stone but I assure you that it is very well protected. Now run along and play, children.
Harry: Why are all you adults so useless?!
McGonagall: Hmph, you can solve your problems in your own way! [Stalks off.]
Harry: Alright, here’s what we’ll do: Hermione, you tail Snape for awhile and Ron and I will stay at the Forbidden Corridor in case he tries to enter.
[But just then they are interrupted by Snape!]
Snape:*
[Later that day, Ron and Harry are waiting outside the third floor corridor when suddenly...]
McGonagall: Not you again! Get back to your rooms!
Harry and Ron: Yes, Professor.
Hermione: So... yeah, I lost track of Snape.
Harry: Alright, we’re going to the next level! Tonight... we go down the trapdoor! *Dramatic thunder*
Hermione: But... what happened to your unwillingness to go meddling in things best left alone?
Harry: Oh, never mind that- we’ve got a Stone to save!
Ron: Well, I’m convinced, I’ll go with you.
Hermione: So will I!
Harry: I love you guys! [Group hug.]
[After the rest of the students are in bed, Harry, Ron, and Hermione cover themselves with the Invisibility Cloak and take a wand Hagrid had given them. However, Neville catches them in the act.]
Harry: Navel, what are you doing here!
Neville: Don’t call me Navel! I’m stopping you from doing anything stupid, of course!
Harry: We’re just going to save the Sorcerer’s Stone, Navel, and I’m sure you understand that. Now, stand aside.
Neville: No! You’ll get Gryffindor House in trouble again!
Ron: Come on, Navel, just stand aside this once....
Neville: No! I’ll fight you but I won’t let you go!
Hermione: Petrificus Totalus!
[Neville falls over, immobilized]
Neville: [inside head] Damn you, Trio! You’ll pay for this when I become the hero of Hogwarts!
Peeves: Hey, look, I know there’s someone there even if I can’t see them.
Harry: Er... it’s the Bloody Baron!
Peeves: The Bloody Baron?! Where!? [Runs away]
Harry: That was so easy it was sad....
[The three of them enter the Forbidden Corridor, to find that Fluffy is asleep with a harp playing.]
Harry: Hey, look, Snape has been here before. Oh, well, we’ll need the flute in case Fluffy wakes up. [Plays flute as Ron and Hermione open the trapdoor.]
[The three of them fall down the trapdoor and land in a plant, which begins to strangle them.]
Ron: And here I thought it was here to break the fall....
Harry: Ron, the plant won’t kill you if you just tell it you love it!
Hermione: Wrong story, Harry....
Harry: Sorry....
Hermione: Alright, this is Devil’s Snare- it likes cold, dark places so... aha! BURNINATE TIEM!! [She lights a fire with her wand, and the plant drops them.]
[So, they go on to the next room, which appears to be filled with birds.]
Harry: Well... do you think that they’ll attack us if we try to cross?
Ron: Who really knows.
Harry: Alright, I’ll try to run across. [Runs to the other side] That was easy!
[But when he tries to open the door, it’s locked.]
Hermione: Maybe a spell can unlock it? Alohomora!
[But the door remains locked.]
Harry: Hey, I realized something! Those birds up there are actually keys! I’ll have to catch one! [Jumps on a spare broomstick and goes to find one, with Ron and Hermione behind.] Alright, I’m looking for one that looks like it’s already been used- aha! There’s one with a bad wing!
[Harry catches the key and jams it into the lock]
Harry: I am so glad that that challenge played to my strength in Quidditch.
Ron: Excellent. Now maybe I’ll be able to make myself useful in the next challenge.
[Sure enough, the next challenge is chess!]
Ron: Alright, I’ll be a knight, Harry, you be a bishop, and Hermione, you be a rook.
Harry: You’re in charge, Ron.
[So they play the game for awhile, and eventually it’s revealed that chess pieces that get captured are smacked down horribly and dragged off the board.]
Ron: [gleeful] Even Wizard chess is more pointlessly violent than Muggle chess!
[Eventually, Ron sees that the only way to win the game is for him to get captured.]
Hermione: No, Ron! You can’t! If you die who’s going to marry me?!
Ron: I have to do this, it’s the only way to win. It is a far, far greater thing I do, than I have ever done.
Harry: Good night, sweet Ron. And may the angels sing thee to thy rest.
[Ron is smacked down horribly by the white queen and Harry checks the king.]
Harry: Checkmate!
White king: I surrender, suckers!
[So Harry and Hermione go on to the next room, which is full of potions.]
Harry: Wow, Snape does have a challenge here after all.
Hermione: Alright, it’s a riddle. Apparently there’s two bottles, one of which will let you go to the next room, and one of which will send you back. The rest are all deadly poison or wine that will get you drunk. Eenie-meenie-miney-moe! [Picks up a bottle] This one is yours, and this one [picks up another bottle] is mine. I’ll go back and save Ron, and you go on.
Harry: Hey, how did you know which potion to use?
Hermione: Well... I just solved this riddle. [Holds up paper] See, it’s a logic problem, and as we will soon painfully discover, most Wizards have no logic at all. The biggest bottle will take me back, and the smallest will send you forward.
Harry: You’re a genius!
Hermione: I know. It’s more than anyone can say for you.
Harry: So... onward I go. I may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
Hermione: [hugs Harry] I am in awe of your greatness!
Harry: Oh, but I’m nowhere near as smart as you.
Hermione: That’s a good thing- look at me, I’m a neurotic weirdo whom nobody likes. Or I will be, in a few years.
[Harry and Hermione drink the potions and go their separate ways. Harry enters the last chamber.]
Harry: OMG, there’s a man standing in the center! It’s... it’s...
*I do not own “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” :3
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}