Harry Potter Abridged!: POA Chapter 16
Dec. 17th, 2011 06:02 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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deathtocapslockSince I have a little more time on my hands now that classes are drawing to a close, I thought I’d do another abridged chapter!
[So the students are studying for exams]
Percy: Does it strike you as odd that my exams are non-ironically called Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests?
Ron: You know, Hermione- I suspected something screwy was going on and I was right. Your exam timetables have several exams in the same time slot!
Hermione: Fear not- all will make sense… in TIME! *Winks*
Ron: What’s that supposed to mean?!
Harry: Anyway, it looks like they’ve decided to bring an executioner with them to Buckbeak’s appeal. Isn’t it awful that such a sweet, gentle creature that never hurt anyone who wasn’t asking for it is going to be executed?
[Exams go as expected. Hermione gets a shock in her DADA final.]
Hermione: Did you know that my Boggart is Professor McGonagall telling me that I failed everything?! Aren’t I such a neurotic loser?!
Harry: Yep, you are!
[As Harry, Ron, and Hermione exit their exams they encounter the Minister of Magic.]
Fudge: I’m going to watch a Hippogriff be executed.
Harry: Why would you do that?!
Fudge: Haven’t you figured out yet that wizards are inherently childlike and enjoy staring intently at anything gruesome?
Ron: Did it ever occur to you that that Hippogriff probably won’t die since we like him?
Fudge: …Let me keep to my dreams that the world doesn’t automatically change to accommodate you three. [Leaves]
[Later, Harry and Ron go to their Divination exam, which happens to be one at a time.]
[In due time, Harry goes to take his exam.]
Harry: I see… a Hippogriff. It’s flying away.
Trelawney: That’s not a very dramatic prediction, dear. Are you sure it’s not dead?
Harry: Ah… yeah, I’m sure.
Trelawney: Oh, well….
[Just then, Trelawney starts acting very strange.]
Trelawney: I see it! I see EEEEEVERYTHIIIIING! THE BARK LORD IS COMING TO HOGWARTS!
Harry: LOLWHUT?!
Trelawney: HE’S COMING, HE’S…! [Stops]
Harry: What did you say?! Who’s coming?!
Trelawney: Ah… I don’t know, dear.
Harry: But… you just said something about how Voldemort’s coming!
Trelawney: Did I? I can’t remember.
[Harry leaves, not sure what happened. Later, he runs into Ron and Hermione.]
Ron: So, FYI, Hagrid’s lost his appeal with Buckbeak- looks like the poor Hippogriff’s going to die in spite of it all.
Harry: NOOOO! This cannot be! I must use my awesome Gary-Stu powers to undo this horrific deed!
Ron: That’s so crazy it just might work! But… how are we even going to get to Hagrid’s place?
Harry: Oh, no- I left my Invisibility Cloak in the tunnel!
Hermione: I’ll get it! [Runs off.]
Ron: Oh goody! Hermione isn’t a neurotic rule-upholder like my brother Percy! She’s being reborn in the Holy Name of Chaotic!
[So Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to visit Hagrid.]
Hagrid: Oh, woe is me! They’re going to kill my pet! And all he ever did was attack one slimy Slytherin who deserved what he got anyway. [Cries] So, I’ll fetch you some tea.
[Hagrid attempts to do so but in the process breaks everything because his hands shake from the crying.]
Hagrid: Wouldn’t you know that the executioner is also a friend of Lucian Malfoy’s? That would explain why he won’t listen to Dumbledore.
Hermione: You’re not being a big baby at all- let me clean up your mess for you.
Hagrid: But I will be responsible for one moment and say this: you shouldn’t have come because you’re going to get in trouble.
Harry: Oh, but I must. The power of the plot compels me.
Hermione: Hey, I found Scabbers!
Ron: Un! Be! Lievable! Scabbers?! [He retrieves Scabbers from Hermione, but Scabbers looks sicker and more frightened than ever.] Scabbers… what’s wrong? You’re not usually this jumpy. I wonder if this is going to be important.
[Just then, the executioner and Minister arrive.]
Hagrid: Oh, no! Quick, leave me before you get caught!
Harry: Maybe I can do the talking and still get you out of this with my Gary Stu charisma?
Hagrid: There’s no time- just go!
[And Harry, Ron, and Hermione leave.]
[So the students are studying for exams]
Percy: Does it strike you as odd that my exams are non-ironically called Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests?
Ron: You know, Hermione- I suspected something screwy was going on and I was right. Your exam timetables have several exams in the same time slot!
Hermione: Fear not- all will make sense… in TIME! *Winks*
Ron: What’s that supposed to mean?!
Harry: Anyway, it looks like they’ve decided to bring an executioner with them to Buckbeak’s appeal. Isn’t it awful that such a sweet, gentle creature that never hurt anyone who wasn’t asking for it is going to be executed?
[Exams go as expected. Hermione gets a shock in her DADA final.]
Hermione: Did you know that my Boggart is Professor McGonagall telling me that I failed everything?! Aren’t I such a neurotic loser?!
Harry: Yep, you are!
[As Harry, Ron, and Hermione exit their exams they encounter the Minister of Magic.]
Fudge: I’m going to watch a Hippogriff be executed.
Harry: Why would you do that?!
Fudge: Haven’t you figured out yet that wizards are inherently childlike and enjoy staring intently at anything gruesome?
Ron: Did it ever occur to you that that Hippogriff probably won’t die since we like him?
Fudge: …Let me keep to my dreams that the world doesn’t automatically change to accommodate you three. [Leaves]
[Later, Harry and Ron go to their Divination exam, which happens to be one at a time.]
[In due time, Harry goes to take his exam.]
Harry: I see… a Hippogriff. It’s flying away.
Trelawney: That’s not a very dramatic prediction, dear. Are you sure it’s not dead?
Harry: Ah… yeah, I’m sure.
Trelawney: Oh, well….
[Just then, Trelawney starts acting very strange.]
Trelawney: I see it! I see EEEEEVERYTHIIIIING! THE BARK LORD IS COMING TO HOGWARTS!
Harry: LOLWHUT?!
Trelawney: HE’S COMING, HE’S…! [Stops]
Harry: What did you say?! Who’s coming?!
Trelawney: Ah… I don’t know, dear.
Harry: But… you just said something about how Voldemort’s coming!
Trelawney: Did I? I can’t remember.
[Harry leaves, not sure what happened. Later, he runs into Ron and Hermione.]
Ron: So, FYI, Hagrid’s lost his appeal with Buckbeak- looks like the poor Hippogriff’s going to die in spite of it all.
Harry: NOOOO! This cannot be! I must use my awesome Gary-Stu powers to undo this horrific deed!
Ron: That’s so crazy it just might work! But… how are we even going to get to Hagrid’s place?
Harry: Oh, no- I left my Invisibility Cloak in the tunnel!
Hermione: I’ll get it! [Runs off.]
Ron: Oh goody! Hermione isn’t a neurotic rule-upholder like my brother Percy! She’s being reborn in the Holy Name of Chaotic!
[So Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to visit Hagrid.]
Hagrid: Oh, woe is me! They’re going to kill my pet! And all he ever did was attack one slimy Slytherin who deserved what he got anyway. [Cries] So, I’ll fetch you some tea.
[Hagrid attempts to do so but in the process breaks everything because his hands shake from the crying.]
Hagrid: Wouldn’t you know that the executioner is also a friend of Lucian Malfoy’s? That would explain why he won’t listen to Dumbledore.
Hermione: You’re not being a big baby at all- let me clean up your mess for you.
Hagrid: But I will be responsible for one moment and say this: you shouldn’t have come because you’re going to get in trouble.
Harry: Oh, but I must. The power of the plot compels me.
Hermione: Hey, I found Scabbers!
Ron: Un! Be! Lievable! Scabbers?! [He retrieves Scabbers from Hermione, but Scabbers looks sicker and more frightened than ever.] Scabbers… what’s wrong? You’re not usually this jumpy. I wonder if this is going to be important.
[Just then, the executioner and Minister arrive.]
Hagrid: Oh, no! Quick, leave me before you get caught!
Harry: Maybe I can do the talking and still get you out of this with my Gary Stu charisma?
Hagrid: There’s no time- just go!
[And Harry, Ron, and Hermione leave.]
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