Chapter Three

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*I'm guessing Harry still had to go school here, seeing as how we get a mention about him being glad that it was over. So I'm guessing that outside of school hours he was shoved back into the cupboard? In that case, I'd be very glad to go to school.

*Dudley is of course the leader due to being the biggest (more fat!) and stupidest. He has no leadership qualities at all, it’s just because he and his friends are supposedly morons. Harry’s the only born leader here, but it’s all Dudley’s fault Harry has no friends, don’t forget!

*Dudley’s gang love to play Harry Hunting-but Harry’s too fast for them in order to showcase his inherent superiority. However, it’s there for the angst-give Harry a break for being a jerk; he’s had it rougher than anyone else!

*Harry’s as witty with the insults as ever, I see.

*Harry notes that Mrs. Figg wasn’t as bad as usual-again, Harry sounds like an ungrateful brat here. She’s the only one who treats him decently, but we can’t have Harry getting fond of her, now can we? She’s like Neville that way, too uncool to be appreciated, really. Harry’s clearly been perfecting the ability to tell who’s not good enough since childhood.

*I’m guessing we’re supposed to be outraged at the fact that Dudley is going to an evil school where they allow kids to hit each other in order for training in life. Hah, this faux- conservative mocking really cracks me up-as if the WW doesn’t think the same way? Let these kids break all the rules and nearly get themselves killed, it’s good training for later life! Wouldn’t want them to grow into cowards.

*Harry’s almost!new uniform is seriously ugly, but we all know Harry’s not going to go to boring old Muggle school (no, he’s off to learn useful stuff like turning beetles into buttons! Sign me up!). Please, like Harry would ever have to look bad unless it’s an attempt to make him an underdog (and even then it fails). Ron’s more likely to be the one getting his Hogwarts robes dyed due to him not being allowed to look better than Harry, ever.

*Aw, Harry’s first capslock in canon and it’s a childish “I WANT MY LETTER!”.

*I wonder if wizards have a device that lets them know where anyone they want to send a letter is at any given time. That sounds rather creepy to me-or maybe Harry’s just special and is being watched 24/7. DD did say in OotP he watched Harry more closely than anyone. ;)

*Seriously, though, it’s odd how Harry’s resentment at DD never really stretched that much to being left on Privet Drive in a cupboard for ten years. In OotP he was mainly angry at DD keeping important information from him, but in HBP they’re BFF again. It’s just strange to me-Harry’s not above blaming other people, has DD gotten Harry that loyal to him? Because the fact that DD knows Harry’s address is the cupboard under the stairs and doesn’t do shit is seriously screwy-was he that certain Harry wouldn’t grow up like Tom. Wait, my mistake, Harry’s mother was Lily Evans! It’s his mother’s Mary-Sue genes coming out of him again!

*Books are the only thins that hasn’t been touched in Dudley’s room-do you get that he’s a dumbass yet, guys? DO YOU? Loathe him, dammit! We all know how well-read Harry is, after all, don’t we?

*Harry thinking about how he’d rather been in the cupboard with that letter makes me wish that the letter was junk mail or something. Yup, I’m in a crappy little cupboard, but at least I’ve still got my only letter evar!

*“Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?”-Dudley, I concur.

*I wonder if they’d go to this much trouble for any kid or is it just because it’s Harry? If there was a Muggleborn who did not want to attend Hogwarts (I know, that’s probably unheard of-who wouldn’t want to be a l337 wizard and all??), would they make them go? The theory about them obliviating Muggleborn parents is seriously creepy yet I can see it happening.

*Vernon is spreading marmalade on his newspapers-isn’t it amusing, watching people going nuts? I can’t wait for the alcoholism so funny jokes we’ll get with Hagrid.

*Dudley is missing television and the computer. Remember, technology=evil. Learn to trade some Chocolate Frog cards, Dudley, geez. Who’d want to blow up aliens on their computer when they can watch wizarding pictures blink at them?

*You can always count on Dudley knowing the days of the week thanks to television, thinks Harry. All right, thank you, narrative voice, I get that we’re supposed to find Dudley a spoiled brat and the fact that he loves television is the evol (Mike Teevee, anyone?). The WW has no televisions or any such substitute, probably a sign of their inherent superiority. Just look at their society and how safe it is (but whatever do they blame violence on?)!

*Harry gets useless stuff like coat hangers for his birthday. Quick, let’s discuss the reference to Harry’s odd present and socks and their impact on the septology! Vernon’s socks=missing Horcrux! LOL, anyone else remember the Galadriel Waters theories or is it just me?

*I am sad that this is the last chapter before knowing Hagrid. How less hatey my feelings for these chapter were. Man, is he ever a pain in his debut chapter.