I have thought the same thing for a while now. But after Halloween it would be near impossible for him to acknowledge any anger towards her to himself - because of the guilt over her death, but also because he would need IMHO to believe in her as an ideal figure to whom he could devote himself in penance, as a way of subconsciously motivating himself to see his task through. Acknowledging that she was not perfect and had treated him badly, acknowledging anger at her, would threaten to make everything too complicated emotionally for him to deal with at a point when he didn't have the space or support to actually work things through for himself, and when he would feel the need for a simple/simplistic world in which he has a defined task and a defined role as repentant sinner. (I guess the whole Lily issue plays heavily into why I read him as essentially a Catholic figure, but that's a bit of a tangent).
But yes, I do see unacknowledged mixed feelings about her playing into his relationship with Harry - who for all the times he behaves like James also echoes Lily often as well. Take for example the scene in the Hall in PS/SS when Harry's scar hurts. I'd say that seeing a look of pain/anger (the two can look similar) directed at him by Lily's eyes in James' face would immediately trigger a whole host of negative feelings in Severus, not all of which he would feel able to acknowledge or process. Not a great first impression of Harry for him, no matter how mistaken the mix-up originally was. (BTW, is there ever a hint that Severus ever learned that Harry was reacting to his scar there, not so much any preconceived ideas about Severus himself?)
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-08-19 04:12 am (UTC)But yes, I do see unacknowledged mixed feelings about her playing into his relationship with Harry - who for all the times he behaves like James also echoes Lily often as well. Take for example the scene in the Hall in PS/SS when Harry's scar hurts. I'd say that seeing a look of pain/anger (the two can look similar) directed at him by Lily's eyes in James' face would immediately trigger a whole host of negative feelings in Severus, not all of which he would feel able to acknowledge or process. Not a great first impression of Harry for him, no matter how mistaken the mix-up originally was. (BTW, is there ever a hint that Severus ever learned that Harry was reacting to his scar there, not so much any preconceived ideas about Severus himself?)