deathtocapslock | HBP Chapter Twenty-Two: "After the Burial" (Reply)

* Another Hagrid chapter this, although unfortunately he’s not the one being buried.

* As if Ron weren’t pathetic enough already, he’s started hiding behind Hermione whenever he thinks Lavender might be coming.

* And as if Hagrid weren’t irritating enough already, he’s now trying to guilt-trip Harry, Ron and Hermione into breaking school rules in order to attend the burial of a monster which tried to eat two of them on the only occasion they ever actually saw it.

* Well, at least Ron and Hermione react like normal people, and get all annoyed.

* “‘What on earth is more important than this memory, Harry?’ asked Hermione.” Lots of things, really, which is a shame because Rowling really tries to big it up.

* It’s a pity none of them think of using Felix Felicis next year, when they’re travelling round the country searching for the Horcruxes.

* I like the way Harry concludes that Ernie was “determined to outshine [him] for once”, because Harry’s obviously the centre of everyone’s universe, and everyone else spends all their time either admiring or envying him.

* Also, note how Harry doesn’t feel even the slightest twinge of guilt that his unfair advantage is letting him easily outshine everybody else in the class.

* Hermione passed her Apparition test, and Ron failed. Wow, didn’t see that one coming.

* Of course, Felix Felicis, like the Time Turners, is one of those things that everybody has to randomly forget about most of the time or else it would break the plot with it awesome power. I mean really, why do not hear of it being used any other time? Like, say, why doesn’t Voldemort give his DEs some when they go to capture Harry? Or why doesn’t Dumbledore teach Harry or Hermione to brew it? They are pretty much the wizarding world’s only hope, thanks to Dumbledore’s crazy strategy, so he should really be trying to give them every advantage he can.

* Dumbledore trusts Hagrid, so he can’t be up to anything too bad… Erm, if you say so, Professor Slughorn. Personally I think I’ll need a bit more evidence, if it’s all the same to you.

* Hagrid wants to give Aragog a “proper send-off” – a proper wizard send-off, obviously, not a proper spider send-off. Still, I suppose Hagrid’s only ever bonded with anthropomorphised fantasies and not real animals, so it’s kind of fitting that he treats them accordingly when they’re dead.

* Slughorn uses the opportunity to steal some of Aragog’s venom for personal gain without bothering to ask Hagrid first, and a satisfied smirk spreads across his face. Our Good Slytherin, ladies and gentlemen.

* Both Slughorn and Hagrid start drinking, but Harry, “his way ahead illuminated for him by Felix Felicis, knew that he must not drink.” Wait, how on earth does “lucky” translate to “getting told what to do by a potion”?

* Hagrid’s face darkens as he remembers how Tom Riddle had had him thrown out of school. Yeah, how unfair that was. I mean, sure, Hagrid could easily have ended up killing students through his reckless disregard for others people’s safety. The point is that he didn’t, and until he did, there’s absolutely no justification for expelling him. Taking precautions to stop people being hurt in the first place, as opposed to merely reacting when they are, is never the right course of action.

* Hagrid uses unicorn hair to bind bandages when animals get hurt. Not that he ever offers any to Madam Pomfrey for treating injured students, or even to any of the students who get injured in the course of his crazy schemes. Hey, there’s a limited supply, and you gotta keep your priorities straight, after all.

* Well, I suppose that Harry managing to do a non-verbal charm he’s never succeeded at before counts as luck. The Felix Felicis giving him “a little nudge”, though, is just silly.

* “Felix was telling him that Slughorn would remember nothing of this in the morning.” Oh, so apparently FF’s a fortune teller now. FFS.

* Slughorn’s pudgy fingers remind Harry of an overgrown baby, just to make sure we get the message that even the canonical Good Slytherin is a pathetic loser.

* Why is he so worried about handing over the memory again? Presumably Voldemort already knows that Slughorn’s got the memory, so if the Dark Lord wants to stop the memory getting out, he’s already got ample motive to bump Slughorn off. And it’s not like the memory actually makes Slughorn look that bad, so it’s really weird of him to worry over what Harry and Dumbles might think of him for it.