A bit late.

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But you know you don't mind :) I know you'll all be out of the woodwork for chapter five, which features the incomparable Ginny. But right now, it's Super-Sluggy!

*It's true, Apparition does sound like a back-to-the-womb/rebirth scenario. Being forced through a very tight rubber tube? Mmm-hmm.

*Maybe Lord Voldemort was also hoping not to see into Harry's angst-ridden teenage brain. Just as well he won't be looking later on in the story, when Harry has significant dreams about Ginny. I don't know about you, but that'd piss me right off although Voldemort's had Ginny more intimately than Harry, haha.

*Budleigh Babberton sounds like it's also in the Westcountry. Very similar to the name of a real place.

*Very annoyed at Dumbledore not telling Harry what's going on at once. Whyever not? Oh yes, drama and all that, but "Oh, I think we'll find a use for you" is a bit...well, you know :(

*So yeah, we're not supposed to Apparate into a wizard's house because that would be rude, but it's okay to barge into the Dursley household because...oh yes, they're rude already, and deserved it by treating Harry badly blah blah. It's always correct and right to sink down to the level of people you deem to be unworthy.

*Surely Harry would have heard of zombies? Surely he would have said of the Inferi, "Sounds a bit like zombies, sir, like in Dudley's Zombie BrainFest IV Playstation thing (as a completely off-topic aside, what does Dudley do when he needs an opponent for two-player games? Does he demand one of his mates comes round or something? Because I'm sure we'd all agree that Harry wouldn't be allowed to touch the console in case he gave it fleas, so does Dudley just play against the computer? Must get boring)

*Maybe the armchair was breathing. Or maybe there's a special way to tell the difference between real chairs and chair disguise. Anyway, totally not going into the wand-poke there.

*Dumbledore is tall and thin, while Sluggy is both short and round. Fat, also. Let's not forget about the fat. We certainly won't be neglecting to mention the fat. The fat will be gone into at regular intervals in case we are in danger of forgetting about the fat. Fat fat fat fat fat.

*Hmm, short legs that don't touch the floor. I am suddenly reminded of a certain D. Umbridge. I wonder if they're related. Maybe she's his sister. Or daughter O_O I guess he must be pretty old to have been teaching fifty years previously. We don't know how old either of them are supposed to be, mind. But I digress.

*Oh I see. Never liked Dolores Umbridge. Doesn't stop her being a relative, of course :) Or an ex...sorry. I'll leave it there.

*Blah blah Lily blah blah charming blah blah brightest ever blah blah vivacious blah blah ooh I've just come. Stupid Lily-Sue :(

*Slughorn doesn't want to risk dying, so he needs to be mocked? Right-O. If Sluggy wasn't such a Lily fanboy and obviously wanking under his desk about his faves, I'd like him for this alone. Don't want to die? Perfectly sensible in my opinion.

*Oh shut up, Dumbledore, with your fake-eccentric "Ooh, I love knitting patterns, me!" shite. It's actually not endearing in the slightest, because anyone with half a brain knows you're just being condescending.

*Harry and Sirius didn't have a long and happy relationship. They barely knew one another. Harry might be angsting about it, but that's just another form of self-pity in my opinion. "Lying on his bed refusing meals"? Oh shut up.

*So Harry's not to tell anyone - like Neville, for example - about the prophecy. You think Neville mightn't have wanted to know? It could have been him. But I forget, Neville isn't S-P-E-S-H-U-L. Neville's parents weren't so 1337 as Harry's and Neville wouldn't have been able to defeat Voldemort like the wonder that is Harry. Oh, but he's allowed to tell Ron and Hermione. Because that means they'll be able to do shit together. Oh yes. For crying out loud.

*In the meantime, Harry and Dumbledore are standing talking in a cramped outhouse. Why? We may never care.