PS Chapter Sixteen

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*I’m always freaked about by the phrase "In years to come…" in books. It’s like suddenly finding out I’m hearing this story from the future.

*Harry’s scar is hurting and Hermione suggests he go to Madam Pomfrey. Harry’s understandably offended. He’s experiencing a supernatural warning of danger, woman. The Chosen One doesn’t get mere skin irritations!

*Suddenly the Stone is safe when Dumbledore’s around, though they all currently think Dumbledore’s totally unaware of the plot to steal it—a plot that if they told him about he’d be too ignorant to believe anyway. Including the part about the man horse telling Harry about Voldemort.

*Ron says Neville will play Quidditch for England before Hagrid would let Dumbledore down. He’ll let us down, sure, but not Dumbledore. Not intentionally. Or not completely intentionally.

*Speaking of not letting Dumbledore down, Harry thinks Hagrid’s illegally getting that dragon was probably all part of the evil plot.

*Why yes, Hagrid did betray Dumbledore’s secrets to some strange man in a bar he’d just met, come to think of it. Why?

*What’s with Snape’s twisted smile when he surprises the Trio? Is this just the first chance he’s gotten to gloat about their detention? I’m going to decide he’s happy because he’s just finally found Malfoy, who had found a troupe of gypsies in the forest and offered to be their king.

*Ron gets another good moment where he imitates Hermione to illustrate why she should be the one to wait outside the teacher’s lounge. I wonder if Ron himself remembers his first year self and wonders where he lost some of his cool. Some went to Ginny, presumably.

*I love McGonagall’s temper at Ron and Harry trying to stand lookout on the third floor. Go back to your common room, you tiny idiots!

*Meanwhile, Hermione’s stake-out’s been ruined by the unforeseeable problem of Snape actually going to get Flitwick when she tells him she’s waiting for Flitwick. Damn the man!

*So obviously Harry’s got to steal the Stone himself. Obviously. And he’s pale and his eyes are glittering, so you can’t argue with him.

*Hmm…he’s pale and his eyes are glittering? What an odd, never-before-caught-by-me description that makes Harry into Malfoy.

*Look, he’s going to get himself expelled because Snape’s going to get through the super-genius defenses and steal the stone—but he’ll never be able to steal it if I’ve got it in my pocket!

*Sure it’s taken Snape all year to figure out how to get through the high-tech security but I’m sure I’ll be able to do it on the fly. Did you see me catch that Snitch?

*The threat of expulsion is everywhere in this book, but I guess after the kids didn’t get expelled for grand larceny it was pointless to threaten them with it in future books no matter what they did.

* House Cup points don’t matter anymore! But we won’t look askance if anyone insists on awarding them to us for this stupid plan.

*Harry’s only known he’s been the Chosen One for less than a year, but he’s really taken to it like a duck to water, hasn’t he? He’s probably always known deep down he was a Marked Man.

*Hermione is either determined to not get thrown out after getting 112% on her Charms exam, or doesn’t think the school will let her go after getting 112% on her Charms exam, so she’s in.

*The Gryffindors are still all ganging up on the 11-year-old orphan. Yet somewhere, at this moment, someone is arguing that part of the Code of Gryffindor is never picking on anyone smaller than you are.

*Harry takes Hagrid’s flute to use on Fluffy because he doesn’t feel like singing. See, that’s why it would help to bring Malfoy with you, Harry. He’d have worked out an amusing madrigal.

*Neville’s telling Ron not to call him an idiot makes up for his caring if Gryffindor gets in trouble again.

*Ron really wants to kick Filch’s cat while they’re invisible, but at least he doesn’t mildly insult her. That would be really bad. And anyway, only Hagrid’s pets need to be spoken of nicely.

*Awww. Harry pretends to be the Bloody Baron. A Slytherin that everyone seems to depend on to take care of Peeves.

*When they get to the door, the Trio pauses for a moment of nobility where they all agree they’re not going back.

*This dog kind of typifies Hogwarts security in general: lots of show, but really a child can easily get through it.

*Wouldn’t have been half so easy if they’d asked Grubbly-Plank to provide the animal here.

*I’m surprised Harry didn’t break off his flute playing to demand to go first into the trapdoor. As if there was any question!

*Harry tells Ron that if he falls to his death through the trapdoor, he should Owl Dumbledore. He might want to call Madam Pomfrey too, I’d think.

*I’m surprised Harry doesn’t have the note to OWL already. "Dear Dumbledore—I’ve died heroically in the bowels of the third floor. It’s all Snape’s fault. –Courageously, the Late Harry "Chosen One" Potter

*Good thing Hermione was there to kill that Devil’s Snare. Nobody would ever have known what to do except her. And perhaps most any other person who would try to steal the Stone. Thanks Professor Sprout. You’ve been helpful.

*Harry expects the jeweled birds flying around the room to attack him, but they don’t. Don’t tell me he’s not a little disappointed.

*Nice of Hogwarts Security to leave broomsticks in the room for whatever criminal has come to steal the Stone, isn’t it? As opposed to expecting authorized personnel to know to bring a broom?

*Also, thanks to whoever made the key easy to spot, making the other keys a mild distraction rather than a security measure.

*They get through the door to the room of The Thing That Ron’s Good At.

*Unfortunately, Harry and Hermione aren’t very good at chess. Fortunately, you don’t have to be that good at chess to get across. I mean, Ron’s good, but he’s not Bobby Fischer.

*Also Ron’s gift isn’t so much being good at chess as being expendable.

*Good thing Ron was unconscious so didn’t hear Harry and Hermione run out without checking to see if he actually was all right.

*So bringing something to life is Transfiguration rather than Charms. So ends our little bit of Magical Theory.

*Snape has to be responsible for the heavy metal purple and black flames that shoot up when they get to his trap. It’s got Slytherin written all over it.

*As does the poetry, of course. Every Slytherin looks back fondly on the traditional Thursday Night Poetry Slams. That’s how come everybody always forgives Malfoy when he gets in trouble. He racks up the points at those.

*A lot of great wizards haven’t got an ounce of logic, says Hermione. Present company included.

*Luckily she has just the required ounce. Not enough to see this whole plan was a bad idea, but enough to figure out Snape’s junior brain teaser.

*Before Harry goes on his heroic way (GO, HERMIONE! GO! DON’T LOOK BACK!) he and Hermione pause to have an odd little exchange where Hermione explains, if we hadn’t already figured it out, that although she likes getting good marks on tests what really gets her hot is the whole Marauders-type derring do.

*After all, a Ravenclaw might have thought it was stupid to steal the Stone and then where would be be? Curled up in front of the fire with cocoa, that’s where!

*Harry walks through the black Spinal Tap flames and doesn’t find Voldemort or Snape. Though I’ll bet Snape would have liked to have been there just so he could tell Harry what an idiot he was when he arrived.

*Can you imagine how much trouble they’d have been in if Quirrel hadn’t been there and Harry had just taken the Stone and had it under his pillow? Gryffindor would have wound up with, like, negative a million points. (Until the Leaving Feast, of course, when they’d be awarded a million points for cheek and another six million for filing their nails. That plus Neville’s ten would put them in first place.





Designated Hero
Here the Designated Hero breaks through the security guarding the thing he’s trying to protect. Nobody can steal the thing if he’s already stolen it.

Idiot Picture
If this Stone is so valuable, shouldn’t it have a bit more security?

Idiot World
All the Hogwarts teachers leaders in their respective fields, contribute to the Security of the Stone. The result is less challenging than the first year exams.

Informed Attributes
See previous answer.

Final score: 4

Signs of things to come: Harry does something that totally helps Voldemort because he’s the only one who can save the day, dammit! Hermione hexes someone into helplessness because they stand in her way and she really does know best. Harry’s going to do something stupid, so Ron and Hermione have got to be stupid with him. Neville turns out to be a scrapper when pushed, as he will again in future books, a pattern that will be mistaken for character development. The most secure places are easily broken into by children of average intelligence. Ron gets hurt and there’s not a hint of hurt/comfort vibe. Harry must face the final danger alone. Alone, I tell you! Save yourselves! ‘Tis my fate and mine alone! Woe!