Harry Potter and the Cursed Child play release

[fdsfd]

The Cursed Child

Its finally here! I still haven't read the whole thing through, I've just been flipping between pages and scenes trying to disbelieve my lying eyes that this garbage fire is real.

My first impression of the play is how bad the writing is. I mean JK did have a spark, once upon a time, but this writing is just shoddy. Borderline unreadable. The characters genuinely come off as trite, sound-bite spitting idiots. For all the money that went into the production, characterisation (as well as an editor) was an unaffordable luxury. Cardboard so flimsy I genuinely have to wonder if actual people put these actual words in their actual mouths on a real stage. Honestly, if I went to see this thing in London I'd have to go up on the stage and flick the actors to see whether or not they fell over. At least they're being paid not to die of embarrassment for bringing this thing to life.

Just to reassure myself that a plot this bad is conveyed through writing this awful, would the comm mind if I put a scene by scene commentary here? The writing is so bad that I need somebody else to tell me that they're seeing the same words on the same pages. Please. Is that all right? Or am I being a nuisance?

(if its not cool then I'll delete this post but otherwise lets dive in to this mess and try not to imagine how many trees died for our sins)

Part One Act One Scene One (Kings Cross)

- Before we get to the goods, a reservation of rights clause: the play may not be performed without express permission of the rights holders. Considering how many special effects are required to pull this off, I doubt many smaller theatre companies would want to, even if there wasn't the risk of being sued. Well, JK can't stop me from giving impromptu live readings of the more execrable bits of dialogue to my dogs, and she can't stop me from writing this commentary either, so here we go!

- looks like we pick up directly from where we left off in the DH epilogue. Back to JK's sugar fun world where the goodies solved all the problems, erased all the oppression, turned the world into their personal funhouse utopia, etc etc etc --- or did they???

- Harry accompanies his handcrafted happy ending family to the train platform. The children he named after dead people, primarily his parents in order to glorify himself. Ginny doesn't get to name the children. She's just the wife.
The staging directions say "two large cages rattle on top of two laden trollies" Laden with what? The cages? Do they have bags? Are the bags on the cages? Are the cages in lieu of the bags? Whats in the cages? Owls? Did Ginny get to name the owls? Now we wait until our mistress JK sees fit to tweet their insufferably twee owl names from on high, and pretend they were an important part of the story all along. Gosh I can't wait I'm so excited.

- Sounds like James has been teasing Albus. Parent!Harry is on the scene to put a stop to it. Sounds more like Ginny does the job of reassuring the children - she sounds like she's more involved with the children than Harry. Whats the bet she wrote the letters three times a week to James and just got Harry to sign the bottom. Or else did Harry write long, meandering self-involved letters to James that were just speels about his old Hogwarts glories. I hope not. Even Sirius did better than that.

- Ginny tells us how to get onto platform 9 3/4. Thanks Ginny. Lily tells us she's excited. Thanks Lily. Thats enough exposition out of the females now. Be quiet, Albus is about to start his important boy journey of self-discovery. No girls allowed.

- The family crowd around James and Albus' trollies and disappear into magic land.

Comments

[traverse.livejournal.com]

As The Times today said, "They should have called it 'Harry Potter and the Licence to Print Money'". I, for one, do not intend to reward the author for what is by all accounts a half-arsed effort by buying a copy or, God forbid, watching the play, but I would gleefully read a good spork, so spork away :)

On a brief google, I noted total absence of critical opinion in the British press, at least. I hope it is only due to the fact that the play has only just been released officially and not due to the power of JKR's PR machine.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

A good ol' sporking sounds good. Methinks you're going to be a mite tough on Rowling, but hey, she wrote the literary abomination known as Deathly Hallows, she deserves everything you give her.

My first impression of the play is how bad the writing is. I mean JK did have a spark, once upon a time, but this writing is just shoddy.

Just bear in mind that any ProJo disciple will be able to counter any criticism of the writing by simply saying "Jo didn't write it". I believe the script is attributed to just a single playwright (Thorne?). Rowling and the producer 'collaborated' with the 'story idea'.

Now we wait until our mistress JK sees fit to tweet their insufferably twee owl names from on high, and pretend they were an important part of the story all along.

HA HA HA!! Love it. Yes, that does seem to be how Rowlign works these days. That - dribbles of trivia - but also instructing her readers on how to interpret and value her work.

[themightyflynn]

This is brilliant! I absolutely refuse to give away good money on this bullshit, but I will more than willingly read anything sending it up!

Honestly, I read the spoilers as they come through (I'm a #Pettigew *gasp*) and it all just reminded me of "My Immortal", to be perfectly frank.

[nx74defiant.livejournal.com]

I hopped someone would spork this as soon as I saw the book at Target.

[for-diddled.livejournal.com]

Just to reassure myself that a plot this bad is conveyed through writing this awful, would the comm mind if I put a scene by scene commentary here? The writing is so bad that I need somebody else to tell me that they're seeing the same words on the same pages. Please. Is that all right? Or am I being a nuisance?

This is DTCL, I don't think you need to ask permission to start sporking Rowling's work. ;)

[fdsfd (from livejournal.com)]

A #pettigrew? Well telling people about this play is definitely the moral equivalent of abetting murder, if only because my inner child had a stroke after I first read the spoilers.

You know, I've never actually read My Immortal? I hear its really something though... some people have been attempting to glean literary merit from it that almost makes me want to read it (like this person's thoughts are a goldmine honestly http://roxiethehalfninja.tumblr.com/post/146040815177/madqueenalanna-given-that-i-think-my-immortal)

also... my guy... there are ways to obtain this play that don't involve parting with money or listening to me type ;) ;) ;)

[fdsfd (from livejournal.com)]

I know right!! like instead of doling out character's birthdays and middle names in under 140 characters she could have written a plot that isn't awful, but this is the darkness timeline and all we can do is suffer as we must :/

I might have to cross-reference the spork with her twitter feed, Pottermore, etc, just so we can see her doubling down on bits and pieces that she thought up on the fly... its a strange mentality for an author to lecture about her story on twitter but then not actually sit down and write it...

[themightyflynn]

Oh my God, I have been saying the EXACT same thing about My Immortal for years now! There is absolutely NO way that someone like this person is claiming to be could have randomly come up with "Tom Bombadil". No freaking way. There's also an absolutely perfect Buffy reference that I don't think "Tara" would understand at all.

But I digress. I have a copy saved in Word if you want to read it! :D

Ah yes, my secretly hidden talent for Legilimency that totally works across oceans so I can watch the play! *Rubs hands together* ;)
But seriously, I could rent it/find it online/whatever, but I really don't think it would be worth it. Except for the supposed part about pigeons. That sounds good!

[attilathepbnun.livejournal.com]

Just try the library. Odds are they'll have it, or will be in the process of getting it

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

I was actually wondering if anybody at DTCL would get a hold of this book and spork it.

/The children he named after dead people, primarily his parents in order to glorify himself. Ginny doesn't get to name the children. She's just the wife./

Honestly, if it had been just one kid who was named after a grandparent, that wouldn't have been too bad. I come from a culture where it's traditional for children to be named after their grandparents (and I'm sure that it's similar for certain other cultures too), but it feels weird for Harry to do it for a number of reasons. First, he doesn't come from that culture. Second, if he were following my culture's naming system, then Albus Severus, as the younger son, would've been named Arthur, after Ginny's father. The fact that both James and Lily got to be named after their paternal grandparents, but Albus Severus couldn't have been named Arthur is one thing. The other thing is that the two people that he was named after were, again, connected to Harry, not Ginny. And even James and Lily's middle names are connected to Harry: Sirius is Harry's godfather and Luna is Harry's friend. None of the kids are named after people especially important to Ginny. Lily's middle name isn't Molly, for instance.

And maybe Ginny was fine with the names, we don't know if she wasn't. Maybe it was her idea to name their daughter and older son after Harry's parents. But the fact that the names are all one-sided towards Harry *and* the fact that with the exception of the name Luna, every original bearer of the names is dead...it just comes off as a bit silly and awkward. I know that some people thought that the 'R' and 'H' of Rose and Hugo's names were cutesy, but at least they're original names.

/No girls allowed./

Unless she's the villain. *sighs*

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

The children he named after dead people, primarily his parents in order to glorify himself. Ginny doesn't get to name the children. She's just the wife.

The other thing is that the two people that he was named after were, again, connected to Harry, not Ginny. And even James and Lily's middle names are connected to Harry: Sirius is Harry's godfather and Luna is Harry's friend. None of the kids are named after people especially important to Ginny.

And maybe Ginny was fine with the names, we don't know if she wasn't. Maybe it was her idea to name their daughter and older son after Harry's parents. But the fact that the names are all one-sided towards Harry *and* the fact that with the exception of the name Luna, every original bearer of the names is dead ... it just comes off as a bit silly and awkward.

As do the protests of the fans who try to manufacture 'depth' for little Ginny, insisting that she *did* have some part to play with the kids' names.

I'm reminded of a story I read by author 'St. Margarets' - a proJo apologist and slavish canon disciple - which featured Ginny and a line of dialogue to her daughter - "I named you well, Lily Luna!". I just had to laugh out loud at the sheer desperation and obstinateness driving that sentence, the frantic attempt to grant little Ginny *something* more than her utter servility to the Boy Who Named All The Children. :-) Despite it all flying in the face of, like, the *facts*, as you say.

[fdsfd (from livejournal.com)]

Lol I think Molly is actually Ginny's middle name?? So maybe they couldn't re-use it? But if Harry insists on naming his kids after dead people he knows there isn't really a female name he could give her. Like how many other female speaking parts are there? Petunia? Tonks? Fleur? No wait Ginny doesn't like her does she? Maybe Harry got to pick a whole bunch of names and Ginny got a veto and the ones she vetoed were even worse.

I still think that Ruby (after Hagrid) would have been the cutest name for Lily, honestly. Gets rid of the creepy oedipus thing he's clearly got going on.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Especially when you have Padma and Ron's child with a name influenced from her culture (Panju) which seems to be another sign that Padma is the Worst (especially when it's literally signposted that the jealousy for Ron and Hermione is what we should be admiring and that Ron's liking Padma better on a personal level is what causes his heinous mistake of marrying her - ?!!?)

[jana-ch.livejournal.com]

I have sometimes thought that Lily Luna’s middle name is in honor of Remus Lupin, not Luna Lovegood, thus completing the trio of “good” Marauders—though if that were so, it should be Lupina, not Luna. It is a major slap to Hermione if Harry, in his one instance of naming a child after a living friend rather than a dead hero, chose to give the honor to Luna Lovegood, with whom he had fewer than half a dozen conversations in canon, rather than the friend who stuck by him when even Ron skipped out. “Lily Luna” has the advantage of alliteration, but personally I think “Lily Hermione” sounds less sappy.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Hmmm ... you've got a point there.

I always assumed that Ginny had no say at all in the names, and Harry *did* have some moments of special empathy with Luna in the last couple of books, which made me automatically think he'd awarded the name to his daughter ... but you're right about the Hermione thing.

Is it possible that Hermione was made Godmother and Luna then given the runner-up prize? Would that be reasonable for Harry's only girl?

Otherwise this is a decent argument that Ginny got to choose one name of the six, thanks!

In case you're interested, I already sporked this

[mitchell bender (from livejournal.com)]

Didn't actually realise I could comment over here without a Livejournal account, otherwise I might've done before. Anyway, I know some people here are aware of my blog but for those who aren't, I've recently completed reading through and recap/sporking this entire thing. Not that I mind seeing anyone else doing it, of course, but I'd hoped that by doing it myself nobody else would need suffer through it.

https://pointstick.wordpress.com/2016/08/11/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-a-read-along-act-four/

(That's the link to act four, but it links to the prior instalments in the beginning so I won't spam all the links here)

This play is one of the worst things I have ever read. I'll probably have more to say about it soon, too. Anyway, feel free to drop by and join in on the discussion.

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

Luna was Ginny's best friend for years.

[maidofkent.livejournal.com]

In OotP, she tells Harry to sit in Luna's carriage, because 'only Loony Lovegood's in there'. When Luna is Quidditch commentator, she says that Ginny is 'nice' and stops other people calling Luna 'Looney', on the premise, I suppose, that it's only ok to do so behind her back.

Ginny tolerates Luna, and Luna likes Ginny, but best friends?

[jana-ch.livejournal.com]

Here’s my new headcanon: One day Harry is strolling down Diagon Alley, considering what to name his soon-to-be-born daughter. Obviously her first name will be Lily, but he doesn’t have any other heroic dead women in his personal history. And he wants something that sounds nice; Albus Severus was sort of a disaster in that regard. What goes with Lily…?

Luna Lovegood happens to go by, wrapped up in her own world, and it hits him: Lily Luna! That sounds great. Luna isn’t dead, but he’ll just have to forget that part of it. Ginny liked Luna, didn’t she? They didn’t have anything in common, but they were in the same year, anyway. Lily Luna! Perfect!

When Lily Luna is named, Luna Lovegood is puzzled to be remembered, and Hermione is hurt to be forgotten, but neither one says anything to Harry. Neither does Ginny. They all know better.

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

Well, they are side-characters we don't get to see on the page much, but after her introduction, it is suggested that Ginny and Luna are friends and spend time together. Enough that the HP wiki says the same thing:

"Luna and Ginny Weasley were in the same year at Hogwarts, though in different houses; Ginny was in Gryffindor whereas Luna was in Ravenclaw. Ginny seemed to find Luna rather peculiar, as she first referred to Luna as "Loony Lovegood" (though in an affectionate way). The two were very friendly, as Ginny led Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom into her train compartment in 1995, conversing politely with her.[4]

Luna became one of Ginny's best friends through Dumbledore's Army, and Ginny began telling others not to call Luna "Loony," prompting Luna to randomly state during her Quidditch commentary that Ginny was nice and she liked her.[5] Along with Neville, Luna and Ginny led the re-formed Dumbledore's Army while Hogwarts was under Voldemort's control.[6] Ginny was also one of the five portraits — along with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville — that Luna painted and hung from her bedroom ceiling, with the word "friends" joining them together in gold writing."

We don't get to see much of Ginny at all in the book, but it's implied that Neville, Ginny, and Luna are best friends by the end of the series, and she doesn't have her daughter until a decade later. Especially since, other than the boys Ginny dated, she had no other friends that we're told about. They were all Harry's friends.

This is the first time I've ever heard someone say they weren't best friends . . . I didn't even know that was a fan theory.

[hwyla.livejournal.com]

Additionally, Luna later describes 5th year's DA (4th year for her) as "almost like having friends", which pretty much implies that she doesn't have any 'actual' friends - including Ginny.

Note also that we never actually see Luna over at the Weasley house while Harry is staying over during the summers, nor hear of Ginny running over to Luna's to see her friend.

Lastly, we have a 'lonely' first year Ginny who connects with her diary, not her 'friend' Luna - and it isn't as if Luna sorted into Slytherin. No one should have had a problem with Ginny being friends with a Ravenclaw. I suppose Luna is partially supposed to be a tie to another 'oddball' - we even have disparaging names - Looney and Snivelus.

[hwyla.livejournal.com]

I agree that by the end of their schooling Ginny & Luna might be friends, but I find it very difficult to think of them as such earlier in the books.

[maidofkent.livejournal.com]

The trouble with HP wiki is that the subjective view of the writer/s creeps in. There is nothing in the text to suggest that Ginny uses the name 'Looney' affectionately - she takes Harry into Luna's carriage because she thinks that Luna will be 'alright' as opposed to people staring at Harry because of the death of Cedric, not because she is Luna's great friend. She does 'converse politely' with her, but that suggests acquaintance rather than friendship. They work together in the DA, but I don't think there's anything to say they became best friends. Luna saying Ginny was nice and that she liked her suggests someone she's admiring rather than a bosom friend. Yes, by the end of the book, Luna, Ginny and Neville have formed a second trio, but that seems to be the result of circumstances rather than they stuck together because they were already friends (in fact, Ginny seems closer to Neville). They both strike me as girls who didn't form close friendships with other girls, and therefore they may well have been the closest the other had to a female friend - I just don't get the 'best friends' vibe from them.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Bravo! Your headcanon is more likely than Ginny having any say in the matter. :-)

[mmmarcusz.livejournal.com]

But if they are trolls, it's a very good fake. And how do you explain this:

https://www.youtube.com/user/xXblo0dyxkissxX

Appears to be Tara and Raven who were making weird videos in 2008

[oryx_leucoryx]

Wizarding Britain does have naming traditions. Usually middle names are after the parent of the same gender, followed by grandparents and other relatives. Hence Harry's middle name is James, Bill's is Arthur, Ginny's is Molly, and Ron is named after Great Uncle Bilius, presumably after the other 4 brothers were named after closer relatives (do we have all their middle names from post-canon?)

The Black family repeats first names - there were several instances of Sirius, Regulus and some of the others. Giving a son his father's name as a first name seems to be rare, I think the only examples in canon are Tom Riddle and Bartemius Crouch.

I'd say Harry went against custom. Not that I think he was required to stick to it.

[oryx_leucoryx]

Ginny tells us how to get onto platform 9 3/4. Thanks Ginny.

Her role since PS. Nothing changes.

[dorea-ysleen.livejournal.com]

I agree. Too bad that (except for her boyfriends, of course) we never hear about Ginny's actual friends at school - we can't even tell wether or not they're female...

The reference I remember clearest is at the beginning of HBP. They're on the Hogwarts Express, Ron and Hermione are on prefect duty and Ginny leaves Harry as well, so he remembers that she has her own friends and doesn't hang out with them at school. Considering that at least some of these friends must be Gryffindors in Ginny's year it's quite telling that Harry can't even name one...