Act One Scene 12 - Act Two Scene 5
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deathtocapslockAct One Scene 12 - Act Two Scene 5
Ilvermorny/Fantastic Beats update
https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/4zd5o8/ilvermorny_plagiarism_results_in_new_logos/
Looks like the keen eyes of /r/harrypotter noticed that all the ilvermorny house logos were plagiarised and as a result they've been changed.
Act One Scene 12
(Ministry of Magic Grand Meeting Room)
Harry's bad dream is a matter of national urgency so Hermione's convened a meeting. Draco, Ron, and Ginny (in order of their importance to the plot) are here as well. Hermione's speech as the Minister gives a tiny glimpse into how the wizarding world has changed since DH.
I thought it was weird that the meeting is called an "Extraordinary General Meeting" given that that is usually a meeting for shareholders of a company, rather than members of a society. Kinda gives it a bit of a dystopic feel.
Hermione: The wizarding world has been living in peace now for many years. It’s twenty-two years since we defeated Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts, and I’m delighted to say there is a new generation being brought up having known only the slightest conflict. Until now. Harry.
Harry: Voldemort’s allies have been showing movement for a few months now. We’ve followed trolls making their way across Europe, giants starting to cross the seas, and the werewolves — well, I’m distressed to say we lost sight of them some weeks ago. We don’t know where they’re going or who’s encouraged them to move — but we are aware they are moving — and we are concerned what it might mean. So we’re asking — if anyone has seen anything? Felt anything?
Ok, I get it, generic evil creatures that no one cares to include in society are on the move, but that's not the real cause for concern - Hermione literally convened a meeting because Harry's scar is hurting.
Hermione: Fine, and — gravest of all — and this hasn’t been the case since Voldemort — Harry’s scar is hurting again.
The incredibly competent ministry duo then ask any former death eaters if their marks are hurting.
Draco, who is my actual favourite in this scene bells the cat by saying that our heroes Harry Hermione Ginny and etc (sorry Ron) are basically riding their lives on the coat-tails of Harry's celebrity. He says Hermione only got her position as Minister because she's Harry Potter's friend, Ginny, Harry Potter's wife is printing rumours about Voldemort in the paper, and basically the whole thing is a beat up to prop up Harry's flagging star and get his face in the papers and in the course of this his son Scorpius gets further slandered. Lol Draco ilu. He stages a walk-out of the meeting.
Act One Scene 13
(Saint Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards)
Ok Albus and Scorpius turn up at the old folks' home to find Amos and meet Delphi.
Act One Scene 14
(Saint Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards)
Amos is less than impressed to be visited by Albus and Scorpius. He's still under the imperius (I think) so this is mostly just Delphi negging them via Amos to get them to do their Brilliant Plan (tm). Amos calls Albus out for eavesdropping, points out that he already knew that Harry was lying about not having the time turner and says he doesn't want the help of a pair of undersized baby slytherin dark wizards.
Albus says he wants to help wash the blood off his father's hands and correct one of his mistakes, demonstrating that none of these people learnt anything about the war that was purportedly fought in the main series (in that it wasn't just for the ego gratification of Harry Potter - or was it???). Anyway thats his only (stated) reason for wanted to do the Bad Idea; its not really sufficient motivation for the whole plot but that's all we've got.
Amos threatens to get nuclear with his wand on the two brats before Delphi sweeps in to take their side of the argument, pointing out how useful it would be to have people on the inside at Hogwarts and what an injustice it was that Cedric was killed, etc. Honestly Scorpius seems more reluctant to do the Bad Idea but he's buying it as well so I think I should update the sucker count.
Sucker count: 3.
Act One Scene 15
(Harry and Ginny Potter's House, Kitchen)
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny are eating. They're talking about Draco, who is a much more interesting and compelling character than any of them at this point. They're talking about him like they're already friends and know him really well, which is a point they never really got to with anyone outside the charmed Gryffindor circle in the main series, so its weird like they think they know him. Anyway Ginny says she wrote to him after he lost Astoria asking if there was anything they could do. Ginny, I don't think the Bat Bogey Hex works on grief and that's all you're really capable of so maybe you should not try and help. Anyway they all agree he's a grieving mess.
Ron points out that all this hysteria could be over nothing, "The trolls could be going to a party, the giants to a wedding, you could be getting bad dreams because you’re worried about Albus, and your scar could be hurting because you’re getting old." That would be nice, then we could stop this mistake right here and go to bed, but unfortunately Albus and Scorpius are about to stuff everything up. They get an owl from McGonagall that says that Albus and Scorpius are missing.
Act One Scene 16
(Whitehall Cellar)
Albus and Scorpius are expositing about polyjuice potion (because we don't all already know). Albus calls Scorpius an "übergeek and Potions expert" which is weird because I thought they were both trash students but I guess studies aren't important when your heart is pure so who cares. Scorpius has bigger concerns:
Scorpius: Do either of you know what Polyjuice tastes of? Because I’ve heard it tastes of fish and if it does I will just vomit it back up. Fish doesn’t agree with me. Never has. Never will.
Darling, when you grow up I'm sure you'll find tastes more suitable to your palate. Not in this play though.
Anyway despite the fact that there's no indication they stole the requisite bits from Ron, Harry and Hermione they take the potion and Delphi transforms into Hermione, Albus into Ron and Scorpius into Harry. Scorpius gives us an impression of what Harry has sounded like this entire play:
Scorpius/Harry (full of drama — he’s really enjoying this): Go to your room. Go straight to your room. You’ve been an incredibly awful and bad son.
Act One Scene 17
(The Ministry)
Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Draco are worried about Albus and Scorpius. The Trolley Witch and Ottoline Gambol get namedropped again, which means I got reminded of their existence in this play again (unpleasant)
Hermione says they're asking the muggles for help, well actually she says she informed the Prime Minister, as opposed to any other appropriate liason person, of the two missing people (demonstrating in the process that despite the fact that she was born to two of them she knows very little about them - honestly maybe magic does stunt the brain). Draco says that this is probably all the fault of Albus because Scorpius has no spine.
Anyway then Harry has to fess up he said a mean thing to Albus which probably caused him to run away. Instead of a parent he sounds like a child forced to make a confession in front of the grown-ups, but the staging directions says he "bravely" makes eye contact with Draco. Whats brave about looking another grown man in the eye? Or is this a bad parent looking into the face of a good parent and seeing his own inadequacy? Who knows but this is what he says:
Harry: And I told him that there were times when I wished he weren’t my son.
Draco recognises bad parenting when he sees it. He threatens Harry that if anything happens to Scorpius he'll be the one to pay.
Ginny: Don’t throw around threats, Draco, please don’t do that.
Draco (roar): My son is missing!
Ginny (an equal roar): So is mine!
Yes Ginny, but as I've been endeavouring to explain to you, you're a girl, and we're doing the father-son conflict here, not the "girls involved in story" conflict so please keep your voice down and stop pretending like you're an actual character.
Anyway Draco gets the best line to end this scene.
Draco: I don’t care what you did or who you saved, you are a constant curse on my family, Harry Potter.
True.
Act One Scene 18
(Ministry of Magic)
The Scene opens with Scorpius and Delphi trying to pretend like they're Ministry functionaries to fool the guard. Honestly, its sort of cute:
Scorpius: Yes, Minister, I definitely think this is a matter for the Ministry to ponder at length, yes.
Guard (with a nod): Minister.
Delphi: Let’s ponder it together.
Cuties.
Anyway the plot device is in Hermione's office but they're interdicted by the real Harry and Hermione. Scorpius and Delphi delegate Albus as distraction duty. Things get gross quickly here: Albus kisses Hermione while pretending to be Ron (yuck) and then brings up the Bad Thing Harry said about Albus:
Albus (Ron): Oh, you’re talking about how Harry said sometimes he wished I — (he corrects himself) Albus weren’t his son.
Hermione: Ron!
Albus (Ron): Better out than in, that’s what I say . . .
Hermione: He’ll know . . . We all say stuff we don’t mean. He knows that.
Albus (Ron): But what if sometimes we say stuff we do mean . . . What then?
Hermione: Ron, now’s not the time, honestly.
Albus (Ron): Of course it isn’t. Bye-bye, darling.
Anyway Hermione tries to get into her office and Albus blocks her and the grossness continues. Its obviously supposed to be a light hearted comedic moment but given that Albus actually kissed his aunt in the guise of his uncle for me its not anything other than a "yuck" moment (also its funny when you kiss girls and they don't know its you - that seems about the level of humour the playwright operates at, and its gross and sexist as hell).
And then he tries to seduce her like how a 14 year old would by saying he wants another baby or a holiday or both or a drink at the pub or something and its not cute or fun how a) he's hitting on his aunt like this and b) Ron is apparently the sort of husband who hits on his wife like this and c) Hermione actually buys all of this even though she's used the potion several times before and should actually be able to distinguish her husband from an idiot child impersonating him. But Ron has the character of an idiot child throughout the whole play so maybe I shouldn't judge her too hard.
Act One Scene 19
(Hermione's Office)
Scorpius points out how weird it was that Albus kissed his aunt like a million times. Weird is kind of an understatement. Sexist and gross is what I would have said but whatever.
Delphi tries keeps the mission on track and starts looking in the bookshelf for the timeturner. But Scorpius is more concerned with the true mission of the play... the mission of friendship. He asks Albus if Albus wants to talk about the Bad Thing (tm) his dad said.
Scorpius: I know the — Voldemort thing isn’t — true — and — you know — but sometimes, I think I can see my dad thinking: How did I produce this?
Albus: Still better than my dad. I’m pretty sure he spends most of his time thinking: How can I give him back?
I wish these two could have had a plotline that didn't involve obsessing over their fathers and their father's images of themselves, largely because its boring, self-involved navel-gazing, but their friendship here is quite nice.
Anyway Scorpius notices that Hermione's bookshelf is carrying some pretty heavy stuff. The book titles are interesting, in a tepid world-building sort of way, that this play has largely been ignoring: Magick Moste Evile. Fifteenth-Century Fiends. Sonnets of a Sorcerer [...] Shadows and Spirits. The Nightshade Guide to Necromancy. The True History of the Opal Fire. The Imperius Curse and How to Abuse It. And Also My Eyes and How to See Past Them by Sybill Trelawney.
Anyway the books are part of Hermione's riddle based password protection system for the Plot Device (Delphi says "she's weaponised her library"). It makes me wonder what the expected age range for people seeing this play is supposed to be, because this sort of stuff was cute in PS, when the characters and the readers were both 11 but its not really cute that an adult grown up woman uses a talking book riddle system to protect her stuff in her adult grown up office, or that the adult grown up audience is supposed to think this is reasonable. I get they included it because its a good thing to show ~dramatically on a stage but if anything it just breaks the immersion for me.
Anyway the bookcase tries to eat Delphi, and she solved a clue with an anti-man crack (I get it she's an evil girl who hates men god this play's attempt at foreshadowing is bad)
Scorpius: The second is a disease of the egg, the less fair of those who walk on two legs . . .
Delphi (effusively): Men! De-men . . . tors. We need to find a book on dementors. (The bookcase pulls her in.) Albus!
Anyway the riddles get more urgent, the bookcases get more voracious and the whole thing turns into a moment for Albus to ~prove himself, or it would if it weren't incredibly stupid. Honestly it seems like (from the positive reviews I've read) that the redeeming feature of the play is the special effects but without them its just bad dialogue and contrived plots.
They beat the library and obtain the plot device.
(End of Act One)
Act Two Scene 1 (Number 12 Privet Drive)
Its time for another of Harry's self-indulgent trips down memory lane. Unlike the last time, its not a scene ripped from canon (its pre-PS), and here Petunia is portrayed as obviously verbally and physically abusive, so I'm in two minds about whether the play is re-writing canon to make Petunia and Vernon into the patently abusive guardians that they never had the guts to be in canon or if Harry is re-imagining his childhood as the saintly orphan victim of abuse. Its probably the first one but honestly no-one ever took Harry's childhood abuse seriously in the course of the main series (often including Harry himself); Petunia and Vernon were presented more as cartoons than anything else, and if Harry's childhood really was that bad in a way the reader has never been forced to acknowledge before now why did he not get therapy at all??? I dislike it because its guilt tripping the audience, trying to provoke an emotional reaction out of them that the author has never demanded before and honestly its kind of over-egged the pudding so I'll spare you the description of the scene.
Blah blah blah poor persecuted orphan Harry etc etc etc and then Albus & Voldemort appear whispering in portentous parseltongue so also the dream is ~prophetic for some reason (the reason is to make me roll my eyes)
Act Two Scene 2
(Harry and Ginny Potter's House, Staircase)
Good thing Harry had that bad dream so he can get some sweet emotional support from his loving wife, Ginny. We know who's the crutch in this relationship! Anyway although it wasn't described in the text in the ~prophetic dream Harry says Albus was "wearing Durmstrang robes" so consequentially Harry knows where he is.
I'd just like to point out that that doesn't actually make any sense.
Act Two Scene 3
(Hogwarts, Headmistress's Office)
Anyway now Harry and Ginny have gone to harangue Prof McGonagall because Harry had a bad dream. He says they're in the forbidden forest (again that doesn't really follow) and McGonagall offers Prof Longbottom "whose knowledge of plants might be useful" (how?)
And then Hermione enters. Ginny said she "put an add in the paper looking for volunteers" (so we know she does abuse her position at a newspaper for personal gain) and also Ron shows up for a bid of ill-timed, ill-characterised comedic relief (he enters "wearing a gravy-stained dinner napkin") and then Draco shows up and they head to the forest.
Act Two Scene 4
(Forbidden Forest)
Delphi is teaching Albus to duel.
Albus: Expelliarmus!
Delphi's wand flies through the air.
Delphi: You’re getting it now. You’re good at this. She takes her wand back from him. (In a posh voice.) “You’re a positively disarming young man.”
It reminds me of the bit in GOF where Harry learns spells and gets encouragement from the death eater pretending to be Moody and then takes the advice he got to heart and becomes an auror because of how susceptible to insincere flattery he is. Like father like son. Anyway Delphi continues to butter him up because she's only in this play to be an evil female entrapping young men (it seems like the guy who wrote this play has some seriously retrograde ideas about women but that's a rant for another time)
Scorpius appears at the back of the stage. He looks at his friend talking to a girl — and part of him likes it and part of him doesn’t.
Sweetie when you're older you can get a smartphone and a grindr account and your friend interacting with a girl will seem like nbd I promise but for the mean time take your queerbaiting stage directions and shove a sock in it please.
Anyway Delphi asks Albus if they're friends and he says yes and then she says Wizzo! to that which I have never heard anyone actually say, even on a tv period piece on the 1910s or when-ever so just know that the dialogue continues to be as terrible as ever.
Anyway they outline the Plan. the Plan (courtesy of what the directions inform us is the "Albus-Delphi double act with which Scorpius is not impressed) is to stop Cedric from winning the first task which he does against a dragon by transfiguring a stone into a dog. So the plan is to disarm him to stop that from happening. The obvious point here is that if it were a sensibly run tournament the officials would just assume some saboteur from another school was cheating by disarming Cedric so they'd do another run because of outside interference and not disqualify him but this play has only a loose relationship with logic so I won't bring it up.
Anyway Scorpius has two points of contention, in that he's worried that Cedric might get hurt, which is a rare event in this series, some one worrying about some one else in physical pain, and that they might not be able to go forward in time. He does not object to the plan on the grounds that its a bad idea, and an even worse one to base an entire play around so my respect for him goes down a little bit.
Delphi gives them the Durmstrang robes, and says that she could maybe pretend to be a dragon tamer since she's too old to be a student. She sounds enthusiastic about the pretending, and honestly she's pretty good at acting, being a nurse at St Oswald's, a friend of these two idiot brats, the one the queen of my heart etc, but Delphi, has no-body told you? This is a boy play. No girls allowed. Delphi you're not allowed to go back in time.
Delphi: Then go. But — just know this . . . Today you get an opportunity few are given — today you get to change history — to change time itself. But more than all that, today you get the chance to give an old man his son back.
She smiles. She looks at Albus. She leans down and gently kisses him on both cheeks. She walks away into the woodland. Albus stares after her
Act Two Scene 5
(Forbidden Forest)
Harry has an encounter with Bane in the forest while looking for his son. Bane points out that he's trespassing on centaur land. Harry points out that two legs is better than four legs so shut up. Actually what he says is almost as offensive but not quite:
Harry: I have always respected the centaurs. We are not enemies. You fought bravely at the Battle of Hogwarts. And I fought beside you.
Bane: I did my part. But for my herd, and our honor. Not for you. And after the battle, the forest was deemed centaur land. And if you’re on our land — without permission — then you are our enemy.
Shockingly, Bane had a reason for fighting in DH that didn't revolve around Harry's personal grandeur. Its an outrage I tell you. An outrage. More-over the entire exchange is conducted in this psuedo-profound formal language like how an idiot child thinks adults speak to each other so I'll spare you the rest of the tortured dialogue. Bane says he's seen Albus in the movements of the stars (because none of the Potters ever have problems that aren't celestially prefigured so thats why their heads are all so fat. Somewhere else in the sky, an alignment of planets discloses that James Jr's lost his sock again). Bane says "There is a black cloud around your son, a dangerous black cloud." but we never get clarification on what it is (spoiler its Delphi cause she's evil) and if Albus is in trouble all of it seems to be of his own making so honestly who cares. Bane out.
Ilvermorny/Fantastic Beats update
https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/4zd5o8/ilvermorny_plagiarism_results_in_new_logos/
Looks like the keen eyes of /r/harrypotter noticed that all the ilvermorny house logos were plagiarised and as a result they've been changed.
Act One Scene 12
(Ministry of Magic Grand Meeting Room)
Harry's bad dream is a matter of national urgency so Hermione's convened a meeting. Draco, Ron, and Ginny (in order of their importance to the plot) are here as well. Hermione's speech as the Minister gives a tiny glimpse into how the wizarding world has changed since DH.
I thought it was weird that the meeting is called an "Extraordinary General Meeting" given that that is usually a meeting for shareholders of a company, rather than members of a society. Kinda gives it a bit of a dystopic feel.
Hermione: The wizarding world has been living in peace now for many years. It’s twenty-two years since we defeated Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts, and I’m delighted to say there is a new generation being brought up having known only the slightest conflict. Until now. Harry.
Harry: Voldemort’s allies have been showing movement for a few months now. We’ve followed trolls making their way across Europe, giants starting to cross the seas, and the werewolves — well, I’m distressed to say we lost sight of them some weeks ago. We don’t know where they’re going or who’s encouraged them to move — but we are aware they are moving — and we are concerned what it might mean. So we’re asking — if anyone has seen anything? Felt anything?
Ok, I get it, generic evil creatures that no one cares to include in society are on the move, but that's not the real cause for concern - Hermione literally convened a meeting because Harry's scar is hurting.
Hermione: Fine, and — gravest of all — and this hasn’t been the case since Voldemort — Harry’s scar is hurting again.
The incredibly competent ministry duo then ask any former death eaters if their marks are hurting.
Draco, who is my actual favourite in this scene bells the cat by saying that our heroes Harry Hermione Ginny and etc (sorry Ron) are basically riding their lives on the coat-tails of Harry's celebrity. He says Hermione only got her position as Minister because she's Harry Potter's friend, Ginny, Harry Potter's wife is printing rumours about Voldemort in the paper, and basically the whole thing is a beat up to prop up Harry's flagging star and get his face in the papers and in the course of this his son Scorpius gets further slandered. Lol Draco ilu. He stages a walk-out of the meeting.
Act One Scene 13
(Saint Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards)
Ok Albus and Scorpius turn up at the old folks' home to find Amos and meet Delphi.
Act One Scene 14
(Saint Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards)
Amos is less than impressed to be visited by Albus and Scorpius. He's still under the imperius (I think) so this is mostly just Delphi negging them via Amos to get them to do their Brilliant Plan (tm). Amos calls Albus out for eavesdropping, points out that he already knew that Harry was lying about not having the time turner and says he doesn't want the help of a pair of undersized baby slytherin dark wizards.
Albus says he wants to help wash the blood off his father's hands and correct one of his mistakes, demonstrating that none of these people learnt anything about the war that was purportedly fought in the main series (in that it wasn't just for the ego gratification of Harry Potter - or was it???). Anyway thats his only (stated) reason for wanted to do the Bad Idea; its not really sufficient motivation for the whole plot but that's all we've got.
Amos threatens to get nuclear with his wand on the two brats before Delphi sweeps in to take their side of the argument, pointing out how useful it would be to have people on the inside at Hogwarts and what an injustice it was that Cedric was killed, etc. Honestly Scorpius seems more reluctant to do the Bad Idea but he's buying it as well so I think I should update the sucker count.
Sucker count: 3.
Act One Scene 15
(Harry and Ginny Potter's House, Kitchen)
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny are eating. They're talking about Draco, who is a much more interesting and compelling character than any of them at this point. They're talking about him like they're already friends and know him really well, which is a point they never really got to with anyone outside the charmed Gryffindor circle in the main series, so its weird like they think they know him. Anyway Ginny says she wrote to him after he lost Astoria asking if there was anything they could do. Ginny, I don't think the Bat Bogey Hex works on grief and that's all you're really capable of so maybe you should not try and help. Anyway they all agree he's a grieving mess.
Ron points out that all this hysteria could be over nothing, "The trolls could be going to a party, the giants to a wedding, you could be getting bad dreams because you’re worried about Albus, and your scar could be hurting because you’re getting old." That would be nice, then we could stop this mistake right here and go to bed, but unfortunately Albus and Scorpius are about to stuff everything up. They get an owl from McGonagall that says that Albus and Scorpius are missing.
Act One Scene 16
(Whitehall Cellar)
Albus and Scorpius are expositing about polyjuice potion (because we don't all already know). Albus calls Scorpius an "übergeek and Potions expert" which is weird because I thought they were both trash students but I guess studies aren't important when your heart is pure so who cares. Scorpius has bigger concerns:
Scorpius: Do either of you know what Polyjuice tastes of? Because I’ve heard it tastes of fish and if it does I will just vomit it back up. Fish doesn’t agree with me. Never has. Never will.
Darling, when you grow up I'm sure you'll find tastes more suitable to your palate. Not in this play though.
Anyway despite the fact that there's no indication they stole the requisite bits from Ron, Harry and Hermione they take the potion and Delphi transforms into Hermione, Albus into Ron and Scorpius into Harry. Scorpius gives us an impression of what Harry has sounded like this entire play:
Scorpius/Harry (full of drama — he’s really enjoying this): Go to your room. Go straight to your room. You’ve been an incredibly awful and bad son.
Act One Scene 17
(The Ministry)
Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Draco are worried about Albus and Scorpius. The Trolley Witch and Ottoline Gambol get namedropped again, which means I got reminded of their existence in this play again (unpleasant)
Hermione says they're asking the muggles for help, well actually she says she informed the Prime Minister, as opposed to any other appropriate liason person, of the two missing people (demonstrating in the process that despite the fact that she was born to two of them she knows very little about them - honestly maybe magic does stunt the brain). Draco says that this is probably all the fault of Albus because Scorpius has no spine.
Anyway then Harry has to fess up he said a mean thing to Albus which probably caused him to run away. Instead of a parent he sounds like a child forced to make a confession in front of the grown-ups, but the staging directions says he "bravely" makes eye contact with Draco. Whats brave about looking another grown man in the eye? Or is this a bad parent looking into the face of a good parent and seeing his own inadequacy? Who knows but this is what he says:
Harry: And I told him that there were times when I wished he weren’t my son.
Draco recognises bad parenting when he sees it. He threatens Harry that if anything happens to Scorpius he'll be the one to pay.
Ginny: Don’t throw around threats, Draco, please don’t do that.
Draco (roar): My son is missing!
Ginny (an equal roar): So is mine!
Yes Ginny, but as I've been endeavouring to explain to you, you're a girl, and we're doing the father-son conflict here, not the "girls involved in story" conflict so please keep your voice down and stop pretending like you're an actual character.
Anyway Draco gets the best line to end this scene.
Draco: I don’t care what you did or who you saved, you are a constant curse on my family, Harry Potter.
True.
Act One Scene 18
(Ministry of Magic)
The Scene opens with Scorpius and Delphi trying to pretend like they're Ministry functionaries to fool the guard. Honestly, its sort of cute:
Scorpius: Yes, Minister, I definitely think this is a matter for the Ministry to ponder at length, yes.
Guard (with a nod): Minister.
Delphi: Let’s ponder it together.
Cuties.
Anyway the plot device is in Hermione's office but they're interdicted by the real Harry and Hermione. Scorpius and Delphi delegate Albus as distraction duty. Things get gross quickly here: Albus kisses Hermione while pretending to be Ron (yuck) and then brings up the Bad Thing Harry said about Albus:
Albus (Ron): Oh, you’re talking about how Harry said sometimes he wished I — (he corrects himself) Albus weren’t his son.
Hermione: Ron!
Albus (Ron): Better out than in, that’s what I say . . .
Hermione: He’ll know . . . We all say stuff we don’t mean. He knows that.
Albus (Ron): But what if sometimes we say stuff we do mean . . . What then?
Hermione: Ron, now’s not the time, honestly.
Albus (Ron): Of course it isn’t. Bye-bye, darling.
Anyway Hermione tries to get into her office and Albus blocks her and the grossness continues. Its obviously supposed to be a light hearted comedic moment but given that Albus actually kissed his aunt in the guise of his uncle for me its not anything other than a "yuck" moment (also its funny when you kiss girls and they don't know its you - that seems about the level of humour the playwright operates at, and its gross and sexist as hell).
And then he tries to seduce her like how a 14 year old would by saying he wants another baby or a holiday or both or a drink at the pub or something and its not cute or fun how a) he's hitting on his aunt like this and b) Ron is apparently the sort of husband who hits on his wife like this and c) Hermione actually buys all of this even though she's used the potion several times before and should actually be able to distinguish her husband from an idiot child impersonating him. But Ron has the character of an idiot child throughout the whole play so maybe I shouldn't judge her too hard.
Act One Scene 19
(Hermione's Office)
Scorpius points out how weird it was that Albus kissed his aunt like a million times. Weird is kind of an understatement. Sexist and gross is what I would have said but whatever.
Delphi tries keeps the mission on track and starts looking in the bookshelf for the timeturner. But Scorpius is more concerned with the true mission of the play... the mission of friendship. He asks Albus if Albus wants to talk about the Bad Thing (tm) his dad said.
Scorpius: I know the — Voldemort thing isn’t — true — and — you know — but sometimes, I think I can see my dad thinking: How did I produce this?
Albus: Still better than my dad. I’m pretty sure he spends most of his time thinking: How can I give him back?
I wish these two could have had a plotline that didn't involve obsessing over their fathers and their father's images of themselves, largely because its boring, self-involved navel-gazing, but their friendship here is quite nice.
Anyway Scorpius notices that Hermione's bookshelf is carrying some pretty heavy stuff. The book titles are interesting, in a tepid world-building sort of way, that this play has largely been ignoring: Magick Moste Evile. Fifteenth-Century Fiends. Sonnets of a Sorcerer [...] Shadows and Spirits. The Nightshade Guide to Necromancy. The True History of the Opal Fire. The Imperius Curse and How to Abuse It. And Also My Eyes and How to See Past Them by Sybill Trelawney.
Anyway the books are part of Hermione's riddle based password protection system for the Plot Device (Delphi says "she's weaponised her library"). It makes me wonder what the expected age range for people seeing this play is supposed to be, because this sort of stuff was cute in PS, when the characters and the readers were both 11 but its not really cute that an adult grown up woman uses a talking book riddle system to protect her stuff in her adult grown up office, or that the adult grown up audience is supposed to think this is reasonable. I get they included it because its a good thing to show ~dramatically on a stage but if anything it just breaks the immersion for me.
Anyway the bookcase tries to eat Delphi, and she solved a clue with an anti-man crack (I get it she's an evil girl who hates men god this play's attempt at foreshadowing is bad)
Scorpius: The second is a disease of the egg, the less fair of those who walk on two legs . . .
Delphi (effusively): Men! De-men . . . tors. We need to find a book on dementors. (The bookcase pulls her in.) Albus!
Anyway the riddles get more urgent, the bookcases get more voracious and the whole thing turns into a moment for Albus to ~prove himself, or it would if it weren't incredibly stupid. Honestly it seems like (from the positive reviews I've read) that the redeeming feature of the play is the special effects but without them its just bad dialogue and contrived plots.
They beat the library and obtain the plot device.
(End of Act One)
Act Two Scene 1 (Number 12 Privet Drive)
Its time for another of Harry's self-indulgent trips down memory lane. Unlike the last time, its not a scene ripped from canon (its pre-PS), and here Petunia is portrayed as obviously verbally and physically abusive, so I'm in two minds about whether the play is re-writing canon to make Petunia and Vernon into the patently abusive guardians that they never had the guts to be in canon or if Harry is re-imagining his childhood as the saintly orphan victim of abuse. Its probably the first one but honestly no-one ever took Harry's childhood abuse seriously in the course of the main series (often including Harry himself); Petunia and Vernon were presented more as cartoons than anything else, and if Harry's childhood really was that bad in a way the reader has never been forced to acknowledge before now why did he not get therapy at all??? I dislike it because its guilt tripping the audience, trying to provoke an emotional reaction out of them that the author has never demanded before and honestly its kind of over-egged the pudding so I'll spare you the description of the scene.
Blah blah blah poor persecuted orphan Harry etc etc etc and then Albus & Voldemort appear whispering in portentous parseltongue so also the dream is ~prophetic for some reason (the reason is to make me roll my eyes)
Act Two Scene 2
(Harry and Ginny Potter's House, Staircase)
Good thing Harry had that bad dream so he can get some sweet emotional support from his loving wife, Ginny. We know who's the crutch in this relationship! Anyway although it wasn't described in the text in the ~prophetic dream Harry says Albus was "wearing Durmstrang robes" so consequentially Harry knows where he is.
I'd just like to point out that that doesn't actually make any sense.
Act Two Scene 3
(Hogwarts, Headmistress's Office)
Anyway now Harry and Ginny have gone to harangue Prof McGonagall because Harry had a bad dream. He says they're in the forbidden forest (again that doesn't really follow) and McGonagall offers Prof Longbottom "whose knowledge of plants might be useful" (how?)
And then Hermione enters. Ginny said she "put an add in the paper looking for volunteers" (so we know she does abuse her position at a newspaper for personal gain) and also Ron shows up for a bid of ill-timed, ill-characterised comedic relief (he enters "wearing a gravy-stained dinner napkin") and then Draco shows up and they head to the forest.
Act Two Scene 4
(Forbidden Forest)
Delphi is teaching Albus to duel.
Albus: Expelliarmus!
Delphi's wand flies through the air.
Delphi: You’re getting it now. You’re good at this. She takes her wand back from him. (In a posh voice.) “You’re a positively disarming young man.”
It reminds me of the bit in GOF where Harry learns spells and gets encouragement from the death eater pretending to be Moody and then takes the advice he got to heart and becomes an auror because of how susceptible to insincere flattery he is. Like father like son. Anyway Delphi continues to butter him up because she's only in this play to be an evil female entrapping young men (it seems like the guy who wrote this play has some seriously retrograde ideas about women but that's a rant for another time)
Scorpius appears at the back of the stage. He looks at his friend talking to a girl — and part of him likes it and part of him doesn’t.
Sweetie when you're older you can get a smartphone and a grindr account and your friend interacting with a girl will seem like nbd I promise but for the mean time take your queerbaiting stage directions and shove a sock in it please.
Anyway Delphi asks Albus if they're friends and he says yes and then she says Wizzo! to that which I have never heard anyone actually say, even on a tv period piece on the 1910s or when-ever so just know that the dialogue continues to be as terrible as ever.
Anyway they outline the Plan. the Plan (courtesy of what the directions inform us is the "Albus-Delphi double act with which Scorpius is not impressed) is to stop Cedric from winning the first task which he does against a dragon by transfiguring a stone into a dog. So the plan is to disarm him to stop that from happening. The obvious point here is that if it were a sensibly run tournament the officials would just assume some saboteur from another school was cheating by disarming Cedric so they'd do another run because of outside interference and not disqualify him but this play has only a loose relationship with logic so I won't bring it up.
Anyway Scorpius has two points of contention, in that he's worried that Cedric might get hurt, which is a rare event in this series, some one worrying about some one else in physical pain, and that they might not be able to go forward in time. He does not object to the plan on the grounds that its a bad idea, and an even worse one to base an entire play around so my respect for him goes down a little bit.
Delphi gives them the Durmstrang robes, and says that she could maybe pretend to be a dragon tamer since she's too old to be a student. She sounds enthusiastic about the pretending, and honestly she's pretty good at acting, being a nurse at St Oswald's, a friend of these two idiot brats, the one the queen of my heart etc, but Delphi, has no-body told you? This is a boy play. No girls allowed. Delphi you're not allowed to go back in time.
Delphi: Then go. But — just know this . . . Today you get an opportunity few are given — today you get to change history — to change time itself. But more than all that, today you get the chance to give an old man his son back.
She smiles. She looks at Albus. She leans down and gently kisses him on both cheeks. She walks away into the woodland. Albus stares after her
Act Two Scene 5
(Forbidden Forest)
Harry has an encounter with Bane in the forest while looking for his son. Bane points out that he's trespassing on centaur land. Harry points out that two legs is better than four legs so shut up. Actually what he says is almost as offensive but not quite:
Harry: I have always respected the centaurs. We are not enemies. You fought bravely at the Battle of Hogwarts. And I fought beside you.
Bane: I did my part. But for my herd, and our honor. Not for you. And after the battle, the forest was deemed centaur land. And if you’re on our land — without permission — then you are our enemy.
Shockingly, Bane had a reason for fighting in DH that didn't revolve around Harry's personal grandeur. Its an outrage I tell you. An outrage. More-over the entire exchange is conducted in this psuedo-profound formal language like how an idiot child thinks adults speak to each other so I'll spare you the rest of the tortured dialogue. Bane says he's seen Albus in the movements of the stars (because none of the Potters ever have problems that aren't celestially prefigured so thats why their heads are all so fat. Somewhere else in the sky, an alignment of planets discloses that James Jr's lost his sock again). Bane says "There is a black cloud around your son, a dangerous black cloud." but we never get clarification on what it is (spoiler its Delphi cause she's evil) and if Albus is in trouble all of it seems to be of his own making so honestly who cares. Bane out.
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Date: 2016-08-26 01:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-26 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-26 03:31 pm (UTC)Foreshadowing the moment where Harry blames Scorpius for everything and tries to break up his friendship with Albus?
/Whats brave about looking another grown man in the eye?/
Apparently, it's brave to admit to someone that you don't like that you messed up. It's 'brave' that Harry is admitting to Draco that he actually did something wrong. Something which, unless I'm mistaken, Harry never said to Draco in any of the books.
/he tries to seduce her like how a 14 year old would by saying he wants another baby/
So, let me get this straight. Scorpius and Albus can't be a couple. But it's perfectly fine for an underage boy to pretend to be his uncle and hit on his aunt.
/the less fair of those who walk on two legs . . .
Delphi (effusively): Men!/
Oh, yeah, Delphi hates men all right. That's why the only reason why she's doing any of this is because of a man.
Dear Lord, what is with this play? Was this supposed to make Delphi look 'spunky?' Or to make her the 'man-hating feminist' caricature? Or was this just for the sake of a cheap joke? Not to mention that this comes out of nowhere. Since when has Delphi been shown to have issues or arguments with men?
/no-one ever took Harry's childhood abuse seriously/
Including the Weasleys, who never asked Dumbledore if Harry could move in with them.
/(he enters "wearing a gravy-stained dinner napkin")/
Because he's a hungry pig, because men are all about filling their stomachs - oh, come on! Was it really necessary for this play to demean Ron? This play is catering to the lowest common denominator when it comes to humor.
/she's only in this play to be an evil female entrapping young men/
Is she supposed to be Genderflipped!Tom Riddle? Except that we never did get a scene where Tom Riddle was overtly seductive towards someone (unless you count the scene with Hepzibah Smith).
/He looks at his friend talking to a girl — and part of him likes it and part of him doesn’t./
Is this supposed to hint that Scorpius has feelings towards Albus, though? He could be jealous because he fancies Delphi too or he could be jealous because his friend is paying attention to someone else. Yes, the line could certainly be interpreted in a romantic sense, but given how the writers chose to give Albus and Scorpius feelings towards girls, I don't know if they intended for that line to hint at slash.
/stop Cedric from winning the first task/
Even though they could just cut to the chase by skipping ahead to the third task. Which is when Cedric died. Did none of them bother to find out anything about how the tournament worked? It doesn't matter who wins the first and second task, all of the champions are going to enter the final task anyway.
/This is a boy play. No girls allowed. Delphi you're not allowed to go back in time/
What was the point of having her interact with them if she's just going to be absent for large stretches of the play anyway? And there's another thing. The whole theme of this play is that trying to fix your issues with Dad can lead you to into trouble. The whole reason Albus does all this is because of his argument with Harry, and Scorpius has that stupid and contrived conflict about his father which leads him to help Albus.
So, instead of making Delphi evil, why not just continue the father theme by making her conflicted about her father? Maybe make it so that she also got a bad rap because of who her father was and that she was torn between what she was raised to believe about Voldemort and what the wizarding world thought of him? They could go the usual route of Delphi becoming Albus and Scorpius's friend and member of their team, all the while hiding her big secret, that secret inevitably coming out and the big misunderstanding ensuing, Delphi deciding to go to Voldemort and prevent him from killing Baby Harry because of a misguided, last-ditch effort to find acceptance somewhere, and everyone arriving to stop her.
But no. Delphi is evil because her parents are evil and that's it.
/gently kisses him on both cheeks/
Again, Albus and Scorpius can't kiss onstage. But a grown woman (she's in her twenties, right?) kissing an underage boy? Oh, that's fine. Good old wholesome fun!
no subject
Date: 2016-08-28 07:55 am (UTC)Delphi (effusively): Men!/
Women were called, 'the fairer sex,' so 'men' is the right answer.
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Date: 2016-08-28 09:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-28 04:47 pm (UTC)Does it indicate that the potion takes 1 month or so to make? Or that you need to buy/steal boomslang skin?