14 HP Philosopher’s Stone

[chantaldormand]

Ch14 Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback

>It’s another Hagrid’s chapter isn’t it? *Sigh*

>Now the security around Fluffy’s door is even laxer than before. Without any trouble the trio can check on him each time they pass the corridor!

>Trio being nice to Quirrellmort is amusing. Now combine it with self-righteous Harry from HBP who knows that Stan cannot be DE. :)

>Hermione is only one among trio who realises that studying takes time. Wouldn’t it be funny if Harry didn’t pass exams and had to repeat first year?

>I would think that ’12 uses of dragon’s blood’ would be too advanced for first years, but this school is run by person who made this discovery...

>By the way, when Rowling writes ‘dragon’s blood’ does she mean blood of dragon or type of resin?

>Hagrid acts like 6 year old caught stealing cookies.

>Had Harry knew that all he had to do is to ask right questions in public, he might have saved a lot of time.

>So dragon breeding is outlawed, yet somehow wizards manage to get reasonable amount of ingredients out of wild population of dragons AND manage to keep muggles ignorant about existence of dragons? This might fry all circuits in my brain, if I don’t stop thinking about it.

>This chapter reminds me of that nightmare I had the other night: one where Hagrid became Eragon style dragonrider.

>Hagrid, it’s child’s play to figure out how those brats know about Fluffy. I suppose I can understand why Harry likes him so much: he isn’t intellectually threatening to him.

>Somehow twelve year old Hermione gives seventeen year old Hermione run for money in ‘fishing for information’ department. I cannot express how amazed I am by this discovery.

>I’m stuck contemplating how providing nasty plant or trapping troll or designing puzzle-trap counts as doing ‘enchantment’.

>Why do kids assume that Snape knows how to deal with every obstacle aside from Fluffy and Quirrell’s surprise? At this point in the story they don’t know that the ‘protections’ are in reality glorified first year’s exams nor do they know if Snape tried to gain information about other...enchantments. +1 to Leap of Logic.

>"“Won it,” said Hagrid. “Las’ night. I was down in the village havin’ a few drinks an’ got into a game o’ cards with a stranger. Think he was quite glad ter get rid of it, ter be honest.”" If I was a smuggler who had problems with getting rid of outlawed item, I also would be glad. Especially if the guy who got it from me was drunk and couldn’t give any reliable description of me. +1 to Crime Count.

>How did Quirrell get that egg anyway? Does he share Albus’ special skill to magically hold multiple full-time positions and got himself dragon tamer or smuggler job?

>I’m perplexed by described dragon breeding techniques. For what exactly substitute is mixture of chickens blood and brandy? And how Hagrid plans to afford keeping this little monster on Keeper of Keys salary?

>Of course Hagrid had to get egg of rare breed of dragon. *shakes head*

>Sadly no authority learns about the illegal breeding practises going in Hagrids shack... Damn it, now even my writing starts to sound suggestive!

>Also +1 to Crime Count for creating fire hazard. I wonder just how far from forest is Hagrid’s hut.

>The trio’s behaviour is in no way suspicious. It’s quite normal to not clean after yourself and race to staff’s living quarters after class.

>So since Jo retconed Norbert into being female, does it mean that both male and female dragons have horns?

>Hagrid’s behaviour around young dragon is creepy.

>It serves Hagrid right to be discovered by nosy kid. 

>I have this nasty feeling that Hagrid’s behaviour during the trip to forest is him being passive-aggressive for having to give up Norbert.

>Week passed and neither Draco tried to blackmail the idiotic quartet nor did he tell anybody about his discovery. Our heroes on the other hand didn’t manage to get rid of evidence nor force their enemy to not tell anybody about the situation. And people wonder why I call Hogwarts IncompetenceVille.

>In reality Draco should have told authorities about the situation or he might be accused of being accomplice in this law breaking parade.

>Hagrid stubbornly refuses to set free his dragon. The trio gives up and two weeks later in the middle of night Hagrid’s Hut is set on fire. All attempts of saving the half giant are interrupted by hungry dragon. Although teachers try to stop the spreading of fire, half of Forbidden Forest is burned to ground. Herd of angry Centaurs petition removal of Albus Dumbledore from position of Headmaster. Lucius Malfoy uses this opportunity to become first Headmaster of Hogwarts in his family. Severus Snape retires from teaching and with his life savings opens private Potions Laboratory where he researches and discovers 50 new uses for human blood. Two weeks after start of summer vacations during security swipe a strange obstacle course is discovered. At the end of it Malfoy senior finds corpse of missing teacher. Gaining enough evidence and political clout, Lucius successes at dragging his predecessor before court of law. Albus Dumbledore is sentenced to 5 years at Azkaban for endangering lives and health of countless students and employees. The End. Sadly that is not how this story ends.

>Considering just how irresponsible Hagrid is, I’m honestly surprised that he doesn’t just release Norbert into Forbidden Forest.

>Ron is bitten by magical creature and instead of going to school’s nurse he tries to patch himself on his own. I bet that if he told Pomfrey that one of Hagrid’s experiments bit him, she wouldn’t tell anyone about it. After all only horrible people try to get Hagrid into trouble.

>Hagrid, being responsible adult, scolds eleven year old child for frightening young dragon instead of trying to help the child. I see he is aiming for ‘Educator of the year 1992’ award. +4 to Crime Count for endangering three students and forcing them to keep his secret. +1 to Death Count

>Why the heck they want to use tower?? Why not land by Hagrid’s Hut and take the monster from there?? Kids do not get in trouble, Hagrid gets rid of dragon, Charlie gets another dragon and all of this is accomplished without needless drama! If by this point nobody noticed anything odd about Hagrid’s Hut, nobody would notice a few guys on brooms smuggling suspicious crate.

>I’m not sure whom I should award Crime Counter points for roping a pair of middle-schoolers into smuggling illegal dragon off school grounds. It seems that both Charlie and Hagrid get this dubious honour. +2 to Crime Count.

>After Harry detailed his very stupid plan I started to wonder, how big is Norbert. Harry described dragon’s egg as ‘huge’ so it’s at least Ostrich sized egg. During Norbert’s first week he has grown to be 3 times larger than newborn Norbert. Ostrich egg is around 20 cm long, so just after first week Norbert could be as long as 60 cm. I can only imagine how big this beast is when Charlie arrives.

>Well I don’t think that Norbert is poisonous, he probably has a lot of nasty bacteria in his mouth. I mean why the heck a fire breathing creature would need poison bite?

>Ron is experiencing what looks to me as serious infection.

>There is something absolutely hilarious about Draco visiting Ron to borrow one of Ron’s books and Ron letting him. 

>Why the heck Ron let him borrow it and what exactly Draco tried to accomplish by borrowing book from Ron?

>The trio doesn’t learn anything about hiding evidence from this experience and in a few years time they do something even more stupid than keeping Charlie’s letter in a textbook.

>Harry, the guy is guilt-tripping you into helping him cover up his criminal activity. You shouldn’t feel sorry for him. +1 to Crime Count for breaking curfew

>Harry covers Norbert’s crate with Invisibility Cloak and a few moments later smells something burning. Upon closer inspection he realises that Hagrid’s beast destroyed his father’s treasured possession. Wait that is not how this story ends...

>What materials Hagrid used to build this crate? Wood? Then Charlie might have serious problems on his way back to Romania. Metal? Then not only H&H run serious risk of getting burns from carrying it, but also shouldn’t be able to lift it.

>Why the heck they carry it without using magic?

>Why Hermione is so happy about Draco getting detention? So far there wasn’t even one direct interaction between them!

>Somehow our genius duo managed to forgot to take and wear invisibility cloak during curfew. Authorial shenanigans don’t even begin to cover this situation.

Crime Count: 9

Death Count: 1

Freud Would Be Proud: 0

Leap of Logic: 1

Uncovered: 0

Spell Count: 0