deathtocapslock | 17 HP Philosopher’s Stone (Reply)

Ch17 The Man with Two Faces

>Nice creepy chapter title. Cherish it while you can, because this is one of few nice things about this chapter.

>Ha ha, Harry is in such deep denial that he doesn’t even try to avoid wandless spell. +1 to Spell Count for ... Quirrell? Voldie? Quirrellmort!

>It’s nice of Quirrell to telegraph what was happening behind the scenes during this book, but I still cannot understand why he decided to attempt murder during friggin Quidditch match.

>Also for someone who wants Potter dead and has right now great opportunity to do so, Quirrell is remarkably non-murderous. +1 to Death Count

>”You’re too nosy to live, Potter.” Keep talking and Harry might learn something from this experience.

>Ermm Quirrell you didn’t do anything special to that troll. You did exactly the same thing that the trio did with the previous one. By that logic all of them are secretly troll charmers. +1 to Leap of Logic

>Harry knows how the Mirror works and instead sitting back and enjoying the spectacle, he decides to stall the villain. *Sigh*

>”Quirrell’s voice trailed away. Harry was remembering his trip to Diagon Alley — how could he have been so stupid? He’d seen Quirrell there that very day, shaken hands with him in the Leaky Cauldron.” Why is Harry beating himself over something so insignificant? There was no way anyone could guess what Quirrell planned to do on that day.

>LOL Imagine how this story would end if Quirrell did break the mirror.

>It’s clear that neither Voldie nor Quirrell read Evil Overlord List, since they are so quick to release Harry from ropes. Not that Harry uses this occasion for anything. +1 to Spell Count for Quirrellmort.

>Here Jo breaks her own world’s rules for plot convenience. Unless Harry is so obsessed with the Stone that it is the only thing he desires, I doubt that his “deepest, most desperate desire of his heart” is to posses the PS. I also question how Dumbledore managed to modify Mirror’s magic so it would grant the desire.

>I always assumed that Voldie used some kind of legilimency to detect lies, but doesn’t this type of magic require eye contact?

>At this point Rowling cannot decide what kind of books she wants to write so she introduces elements of body horror. Enjoy.

>So Voldie here looks very similar to how he ended up at the end of GoF. Until this read through, I thought that he ended up looking this way because of the ritual or using Nagini’s venom...

>The religious over tones in this chapter are off the charts, but I’ll talk more about this in my next post.

>For someone who made over complicated plan to avoid direct confrontation with his enemy, Voldie sure has a lot of time to do exposition in James Bond’s Villain style.

>So how having PS helps with creating body? As far as I understand lore behind PS it was supposed to prolong user’s life and prevent natural causes of death.

>Of course James and Lily didn’t die “begging for mercy”. They were Gryffindors! They died begging for mercy for Harry.

>This whole chapter is one big middle finger to death counter, isn’t it? +1 to Death Count and +1 to Leap of Logic for Quirrell “seizing” Harry physically.

>My Deus Ex and Stuness detectors are overloaded. Prepare for evacuation. +1 to Leap of Logic for Quirrell not changing his approach upon getting burned.

>Quirrell once again tries to score spell points for performing wandless magic only for Harry to interrupt him via his magical touch.

>So Harry has a chance to try to get away and instead of trying to get help from a competent adult, he decides to hug Quirrell to death. I don’t even want to think what kind of messages kids can get just from this scene.

>Harry wakes up to Albus creepily watching him.

>Last moth over half of Hogwarts was treating Harry like an antichrist. Now when he ended up in hospital wing under suspicious circumstances they send him mountains of sweets. Sometimes I wonder if Jo is secretly Reptilian who has absolutely no idea how humans work.

>Albus spiels a metric ton of BS to confuse even more our already dim-witted hero. I have to admire his dedication to proper brainwashing.

>There is no reason for whole school to know what happened to Harry. Nobody in later books references this mess, there is no way anyone would believe whatever Hr&R said and even if they said anything, they didn’t know about Quirrell-Harry confrontation. The only people who know everything are either out of commission (H&V), dead or should know better than say anything (Albus). But then again, we are talking about man who told a school full of stupid teenagers that there is a corridor full of dangerous (and thus potentially cool) things.

>Albus flew to London. Either Hogwarts is on the other end of Europe or Ministry employees are so incompetent that it took over nine hours for Albus to come back to Hogwarts

>Dumbledore was lucky enough to arrive in time to pull Quirrell off knocked out Harry. How fortunate.

>So what caused Harry to nearly die and be out of commission for 3 days? We are only told that touching Quirrell caused a lot of pain, but there doesn’t seem to be any kind of physical damage to Harry.

>I love how Albus just adds info about destruction of Stone in such blasé manner. We don’t know who or what destroyed the Stone, we are only told that Nick and Penny are ok with dying. If this book was written by anyone else I would suspect that Albus is straight up lying to stupid kid to cover up the fact that Flamels just wanted to start a new life under different names.

>It just might be me, but the way Albus talks about Flamels and Quirrell’s deaths sounds really callous, especially since he is talking to eleven year old child who indirectly is responsible for their deaths. Notice: nowhere in later books it’s even mentioned that Harry is responsible for deaths of those people.

>Again Dumbledore asks people to use “proper” name for Tom, not his “real” name.

>Voldemort left Quirrell to die. I’m not quite sure what Albus expected Tom to do? Quirrell is burned alive by mysterious Super Sue power and Voldie at best can float there glaring at everybody.

>Albus’ smart ass comment about truth makes me want to strangle him with his own beard. Truth, no matter how harsh and uncomfortable, should always be your priority. If you don’t have information how can you make a good decision? Yeah telling Harry everything now when he is unbalanced would be bad idea, but constantly making up bullshit or lying via omission is the worst thing you can do to a child. Anti-intellectual levels in this chapter are off the charts.

>Albus, I think Voldie understands love, he just doesn’t feel it. And that is a big difference.

>Harry ‘might like’ the cloak that his father lent Albus? I don’t think I can express just how I’m annoyed with this man.

>Albus, how about you tell Harry why his father needed to save Severus?

>Albus is glad that Harry asked how he managed to pull out the Stone out of the Mirror, as opposed to him asking how he can transfer to school that doesn’t employ undead Dark Lords.

>Albus’ explanation on how Harry pulled PS from Mirror makes absolutely no sense. Probably because I’m so done with Dumbledore’s weaselling out of giving any clear answer that I’m not going to even attempt explaining away anything.

>Although, wanting to find something just for sake of possessing it sounds remarkably like greed. Not something you should teach kids.

>If Harry was in as bad condition as his friends suggest, why he wasn’t transported to proper hospital? Wait I know the answer to that one: so Dumbledore wouldn’t have to own up to sick psychological experiments he performs in the school.

>Dumbledore apparently already knew that Harry went after Voldie. Heck Ron even questions if Albus wanted Harry to do it.

>So we know that Gryffindor do not have reserve Quidditch players. There are no rules that stop the team from participating if they do not have certain number of players?

>Yes Hagrid, it is all your and your big mouth fault. Did you learn anything from it? Of course not!

>Apparently Hagrid swears to stop drinking. Like everything else in these books, there are no consequences to actions and words.

>Hagrid gets photos of Harry’s parents from their ‘old school friends’. Harry doesn’t attempt to learn who are those people nor try to contact them in hopes to learn more about his parents.

>Here comes one of the most infuriating scenes in this book...Ready?

>No Food Porn? I’m almost disappointed.

>Another anti-intellectual message from Dumbledore. Who thought it would be a good idea for him to be headmaster?

>Somewhere between their trip to forest and now, Draco was found.

>Harry thinks that Draco “banging his goblet on the table” was sickening. Good for him that he has God on his side. On side note: is this the same golden goblet from chapter 7?

>So our Ace Educator Albus Dumbledore, instead of quietly granting Gryffs those 160 points just after the trio have beaten his obstacle course, makes spectacle of ripping away the House Cup from Slytherins just so Harry will feel better. Watch out Hagrid, you have competition. +1 to Crime Count, there has to be a paragraph for this.

>Honestly, Dumbledore is like Kenu West of WW. It’s a good thing he never got married.

>Percy being proud of Ron for beating the Chess challenge is the only reference to the events of last 2 chapters we will ever get. Also, Percy once again proves to be awesome brother.

>Random Hufflepuff Student: Headmaster Dumbledore! It’s not f-
Albus: DEAL WITH IT!

>Not only Harry doesn’t apologise to Severus for his behaviour, but he is perfectly ok with how pissed off at him is Snape.

>The easiest way to check if you are reading FF or cannon: does Harry try to prepare for nightmarish summer with his relatives? No? Well thank God, you are reading books.

>What the frigg, there is a guard standing by the barrier on magical side of station? WTH do you not station one on the other side???

>While Vernon wasn’t the most polite person in this scene I cannot understand why Hermione is shocked by his level of rudeness. On average day Harry is way worse.

>So we are ending the chapter (and book) with our hero being gleeful over prospect of tormenting his relatives during the summer. What a pleasant boy!

Crime Count: 1

Death Count: All of Them! (2)

Freud Would Be Proud: 0

Leap of Logic: 3

Uncovered: 0

Spell Count: Quirellmort: 2

Sue level: MELTFACE!