deathtocapslock | 01 HP Chamber of Secrets (Reply)

I promised, I deliver.

Ch1 The Worst Birthday

>Such melodramatic chapter title fits our protagonist. Well done Jo.

>Coincidentally CoS was the first HP book I read. It was... really confusing experience for me. Jo reminding reader basic facts like Harry being wizard doesn’t really work.

>We know that we aren’t reading fanfiction, because Harry stupidly kept Hedwig in cage instead of sending her off to Hermione.

>If I was Hedwig, I would take the first opportunity to pull runner and never look back.

>Harry being on purpose antagonistic towards his relatives is extra annoying to me. Yeah they are treating him poorly, but abusing advantage in such petty fashion is really stupid. +1 to Leap of Logic

>If I wasn’t sure that there is serious trauma from magic users in Vernon’s past, now it’s confirmed.

>One would think that Petunia would know that Hogwarts’ students cannot do magic at home. This means that: a) Lily was regularly breaking law; b) this law is recent; c) Jo couldn’t keep track of facts even this early in the game. Take your picks.

>According to Harry, proper methods of deactivating explosive materials include panicky shouting. +1 to Leap of Logic

>Damn, Harry is whining here like a kid who is annoyed that his parents dragged him away from his awesome secret base for dinner. Then again, to him Hogwarts probably is his private super special awesome secret base.

>Harry’s whining about his place on Quidditch team has me wondering: why in seven hells a Quidditch team would pick anyone who lives in urban area? As far as we can see WW is really small, so we probably can forget about hidden areas in cities where kids can train their skills .

>Also, Jo could have easily used this occasion to never ever write another Quidditch match. I bet that in later books she was cursing herself for not taking easy way out.

>Huh, narrative starts to be pretty judgmental about someone not having magic. And here I thought that we had a few more books before this sentiment started.

>Darn, Harry is such bratty drama queen. His main complaint against his abusive guardians? They dare to forget his birthday!! +1 to Leap of Logic

>No seriously, Harry mopes about Vernon preparing for dinner party that can decide his future income, instead of the brat’s birthday. Just how much self-centred can our hero be?

>Also, why Dursleys didn’t just decide to ask Arabella to babysit Harry for one evening? +1 to Leap of Logic

>Harry kicks himself out of house so he won’t be in Petunia’s way when she cleans house. According to fans and FF writers alike, this event never took place and instead Harry was slaving away, so his relatives could have fun.

>Eh, while I can understand Harry’s teenage angst over not hearing from his friends, you would think after this summer the trio would come up with some other way of communicating. +1 to Leap of Logic

>As I said in the last chapter of PS: Harry the most loving and merciful hero in history of literature enjoys tormenting his cousin. What a pleasant boy! +1 to Crime Count for bulling

>Harry has nightmares about escaping Voldemort yet not about Quirrell’s death. I suppose that burning someone alive is nowhere nearly as traumatic as seeing a random student being zapped by pretty lights. Or Quirrell wasn’t pretty enough to be memorable.

>Poor Dudley. He might be a walking caricature of character, but after sitting in Harry’s head for last… half year, I’m way more empathic toward Dudley than Harry.

>What? Tossing frying pan? At head? Jo you can’t ramp up abuse AND have your protag act like an entitled rich brat whose favourite toys were taken away. +1 to Death Count

>Eh, if “two slices of bread and lump of cheese” are “pitiful supper” then both our hero and author never experienced serious financial problems.

>I almost managed to forget Dobby’s existence. Almost. *Sigh*

Crime Count: 1

Death Count: 1

Freud Would Be Proud: 0

Leap of Logic: 5

Uncovered: 0

Spell Count: 0