03 HP Chamber of Secrets

[chantaldormand]

I was going to post this yesterday, but sadly day has only 24 hours. *shrugs*

Ch3 The Burrow

>I suppose Rowling wanted to make Weasley’s home more charming by calling it ‘Burrow’, but for me it works in completely opposite manner.

>I bet that in Potterverse UFO sightings are moronic wizards who use such things as flying cars. +1 to Uncovered

>Ok, Story Time! For certain amount of time I worked in various governmental institutions. While to normal person Arthur knowing about Harry’s warning might seem strange, I can confirm that this kind of event could took place. For some strange reason, no matter how many secrecy clauses employees sign, juicy information about repeated offenders always makes rounds around office. Celebrity getting warning? Before lunch everybody and their grandma knows about it!

>So using object that was enchanted by someone else doesn’t count as breaking no-underage-magic law?

>I refuse to believe that man who cannot comprehend how plugs work was able to enchant a car,without breaking his primary function, so it would fly. As far as I’m concerned Ford Anglia is brainwashed Transformer.

>Fred revved up car’s engine. I’ll push aside question of whys and hows of engine being needed for floating, but I have to ask: Does this mean that until this moment engine was silent? +1 to Uncovered +1 to Crime Count for damaging building

>Apparently Durslays sleep like dead, since neither the car nor pulling out bars awoke them.

>Just how old is lock on Harry’s door, if it can be picked with hairpin?

>Where twins learned how to pick locks?

>So all this revving, shuffling and Harry’s panicky collecting his stuff from his room didn’t wake up Vernon, but Hedwig’s screech did??

>Once again I have to ask just what Dumbledore put in that letter. Vernon is surprisingly against Harry going to Hogwarts AND Harry running away from Privet Drive, yet he obviously hates the kid and wants to keep him away from his family.

>Saving Harry from his relatives is noble and all, but it still sounds like kidnapping. Especially since the rescue team includes only teenagers. +1 to Crime Count

>That must be fun night to explain to neighbours and police.

>Another +1 to Uncovered for Harry’s yelling.

>So weakened and hungry owl is let out to fly alongside magical car. I’m honestly surprised that she didn’t pull runner. Or fell to ground from her exhaustion.

>Now even Ron can pick locks... 

>I want to point out that after spending the last three days locked up in his room and having his stuff locked up for even longer, Harry does not decide to learn picking locks. Or find any other way to prevent this from happening again… +1 to Leap of Logic

>Apparently Harry managed to forget that until the final chapter of PS whole school hated him for one thing or another. After the final chapter the Slytherin House was probably plotting payback.

>It would be much more amusing if both Dobby and the nefarious plan didn’t belong to Lucius. That quiet fifth year Slytherin planning his career at the Ministry? Watch out Potter, he will find a way to tax and fine you into poverty.

>How Harry, who has huge problems with remembering his year mates’ names, can conclude that “Malfoy” is not very common name?

>How Arthur, who during Voldie War I was not part of the Order, knows that Lucius was in the Inner Circle?

>We know that Draco is way worse than Dudley, because he chose to go to Slytherin and as we know Slytherin is Hell. It’s like with those nasty atheists who chose to not believe in God, so they can keep sinning! Or so I am told.

>Weasleys have old owl who has tendency to ‘collapse on delivery’. It’s true that animal abuse is rampant in this series, but I would think security of their mail would force Weasleys to get a new owl. +1 to Leap of Logic

>New head canon: Weasleys are poor, because their owl keep loosing their correspondence, resulting in interest on payments brutalising their bank account.

>Do all wizards develop sexually later than normal boys? I cannot believe that twins wouldn’t suspect Percy of... polishing his prefect badge… Unless they were implying it, but it flew right over Harry’s head. +1 to FWBP

>Ugh, it just occurred to me that as far as I can remember Hogwarts do not have anything resembling Sex Ed classes. I also cannot imagine Vernon sitting down with Harry and explaining birds and bees to him. 

>The question for today is: how Arthur manages to cover all incidents with only two-man team?

>What is a point in enchanting your tea set to be aggressive?

>Once again good guys show double standards: Arthur enchanting muggle stuff=ok, somebody else doing so=bad.

>Burrow’s description sounds horrible. If you want to build obviously magical building you have so many options, yet Rowling settles on huge Jenga tower.

>”‘Now, we’ll go upstairs really quietly,’ said Fred, ‘and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast. Then Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, ‘Mum, look who turned up in the night!’ and she’ll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car.” I see Fred still has very low opinion of his mother. There is no parent in the world that wouldn’t start to suspect something horrible upon witnessing the imagined scene. +1 to Crime Count since kids stole the car.

>Just how short is Molly, if Ron and the twins are taller than her? And how tall Harry is for that matter?

>Harry is clearly a bad influence on Ron. After hearing Molly ranting about how disappointed she is and what could happen to the boys, a few weeks later Ron will still steal his father’s car and go for joy ride.

>So instead of outright killing gnomes or using magic to discourage gnomes from settling in Weasley’s backyard, our heroes indulge in something that we would call ‘animal abuse’. Wonderful. +1 to Crime Count.

>”Of course, it’s very hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking – they’ll insist they just keep losing it. Bless them, they’ll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it’s staring them in the face … but the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn’t believe –” Yes, bless muggles who depend on science, because it works. Yes, bless muggles who are constantly brainwashed by your gov into ignoring magic. I swear I almost prefer Hagrid’s style of interacting with muggles. Almost.

>Either I don’t understand how WW’s gov works or Jo does not understand how politics work. Probably both, because usually executive branch does not write laws.

>”‘Good Lord, is it Harry Potter? Very pleased to meet you, Ron’s told us so much about –’” Arthur’s reaction is nice call-back to Tom-the-barkeeper’s from PS. 

>I can see why twins are so horrible- one of their parents is more bark than bite and the other has absolutely no spine.

>Another sign that Harry not only is not interested in Quidditch, but also doesn’t know much about his ‘friend’. Talking about favourite sport teams is usually the first thing you do after learning that somebody else likes the same sport.

>Why Ron’s room has two beds?

>Ron being nervous over showing his friend his room is cute :)

Crime Count: 4

Death Count: 0

Freud Would Be Proud: 1

Leap of Logic: 2

Uncovered: 3 

Spell Count: 0