GoF Chapter Fourteen

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Otherwise known as those curses that kids toss around without any consequences because they’re not only forgivable but understandable in times of stress. I think they’re called unforgivable so that when a character one doesn’t approve of uses one, you can use it as proof of his/her deserving Azkaban or death no matter what.

*Oh my, poor Neville disemboweling toads. That Snape is a real sadist! Of course, I say this speaking from my own pov. Violence towards animals is usually a treat in this universe.

*Snape’s nervous around Moody. Just wanted to make note of that. Is he nervous he’ll find out he was a DE? Real!Moody knows that already, right?

*Ron would love to see Moody turn Snape into a horned toad and bounce him around the dungeons. You never know what treats are in store for you when you’ve got a DE at the school! Everyone’s early for class since Moody won the Gryffindor’s love by acting like a psycho in plain view.

*Moody is far better a teacher than Umbridge, telling them to toss their books instead of their wands. Remember kids, books are useless. Drop out of school now and get a real education!

*I love that Moody says he’s there to bring them up to scratch on what wizards can do to each other. (A frightening thought given what we’ve seen in the series so far—apparently we haven’t seen the half of it yet!) Not for the first time one wonders why the kids don’t just admit that everybody wants to learn the Dark Arts?

*Heh heh heh. Moody smiles openly at Ron, his father having gotten him out of a tight spot. By which he means he helped put him in place to carry out the Dark Lord’s wishes. I really do like the way Moody is the most friendly to the enemy.

*Jeez, why does Ron not know about Unforgivables either? You’d think this would again be one of those things wizard kids talked about with each other (like he knows about Unbreakable Vows).

*I’d like to think the “Your father would know that one refers to Arthur having been Imperiused at some point.

*Oh. Moody makes the spider tap dance. So that’s where Ron’s dream in PoA the movie comes from? Only in the dream he’s the one being made to tap dance? Again, I really hope the Weasley/Imperio connection comes to something.

*"Think it’s funny, do you? You’d like it, would you, if I did it to you?”" That could pretty much be Faux!Moody’s motto for the Gryffindors all year. No, they wouldn’t like it if you did it to them, and yes, they do think it’s funny. Is there a problem?

*Fighting off the Imperius apparently takes "strength of character." Well, no wonder Harry fights it off. He’s just better than everyone else! This reminds me of a thing I read once about the myth that being unable to be hypnotized indicated you had a strong will or were otherwise superior. As much as I liked the myth, being that I can’t be hypnotized, it’s not really a sign of any kind of inherent superiority.

*Hermione yells at Moody to stop torturing the spider. For a moment I’m surprised at Hermione showing that kind of instinctive compassion. Luckily we find out she’s actually worried about Neville.

*And people think Snape is cruel to Neville.

*The great awe with which everyone speaks of the killing curse seems a little fake to me. It would be like having a group of 9th graders speaking of the electric chair in hushed tones. But then, this is the curse Harry faced so I guess it must be the coolest. Even though it actually seems like a pretty painless death compared to say, death by Sectumsempra.

*Let’s all just look politely away while the Backstory Express chugs through the scene. Is it gone? Okay, back to the scene.

*Okay, so there’s no counter-curse for AK, but he’s showing it because they’ve got to know? Couldn’t he have just smashed the spider flat with his hand? Well yeah, of course he could. Really he just likes scaring everybody and watching them squirm.

*You can see why this class is such a favorite with the Gryffindors. They say it’s cause Moody really knows his stuff, but really it’s just, dude, the guy demonstrates murder and torture in class! So freakin’ cool!

*You know what really would have been better, though? If instead of three spiders he’d used Draco, Crabbe and Goyle to demonstrate on.

*A life-sentence in Azkaban really seems a little much for using these things, given the way people throw them around. Not to mention, the way that the Ministry can detect a hover charm in Book 2 but can’t detect Imperius and Crucio in later books? Is there a cloaking device everybody uses when they use these spells? Because Harry doesn’t know of one.

*Marvel while Harry and Hermione are uptight and superior to the rest of the class for being entertained by the show. Thrill to their strength of character!

*Neville gives the second big hint about his parents’ condition by being freaked out by the lesson, though I’m almost sure I’ve seen his, "Interesting dinner--lesson," dragged into the baroque fandom theory about him being memory charmed.

*Btw, Neville's voice is much higher than usual, like when Draco tells Dumbledore that somebody's dead in HBP, his voice goes up an octave.

*Awww, the psychotic Death Eater is inviting Neville for tea.

*One might think that having seen the AK performed in class it would make everyone see Thestrals, but no. So Moody’s claim that he’s doing it because they’ve "got to know" is pretty empty. They still don’t know. But damn, it must feel good to whip out the old Unforgivables in front of your future victims. Back in the saddle again, Crouch!

*Course, maybe it’s kind of dumb of you to teach them to be better fighters given they’re not on your side and all but, whatever.

*And Crouch has given Neville the book that he’s supposed to show to Harry so that Harry can have an advantage in the tournament and maybe win so that he can touch the Portkey first and get whisked off to Voldemort. It’s the perfect plan. Nothing could go wrong there.

*So Moody told Neville he heard he was good at Herbology, because that would cheer him up as he rarely hears he’s good at anything. It was something Professor Lupin would have done. Well, except that really he’s telling him he’s good at Herbology to have an excuse to give him the book for Harry that will hopefully lead to Harry’s swift and painful death. Except for that part, just like Lupin.

*Ron’s hair is on end because of all the times he’s run his hands through it in frustration. Could this be the rare hair muss that isn’t a sign of arrogance, conceit or lust? Or should Harry/Ron shippers take note?

*Why doesn’t Harry get stabbed in the back by someone he thought was his friend? Seer!Ron theorists begin scribbling madly.

*Oh no. SPEW is back. In badges. Hermione does everything first.

*So Hermione has spent all this time in the library and found out that the situation that’s going on now that she’s has no understanding of was also going on a hundred years ago. She still doesn’t know how it works or why it started. Nor has she spoken to any actual house elves. Ewww. House elves.

*Why does a leaflet campaign cost money, exactly? Does Hermione have to go to Kinko’s for copies or something?

*I am vaguely irritated by Harry’s deciding he shouldn’t have told Sirius because now he thinks Harry’s in trouble. Isn’t it obvious Sirius thinks Voldemort is up to something and is not coming back just to hold Harry’s hand? Well, obvious to me, perhaps, but then I’m not the center of my universe.

*Harry gets to bed but has trouble sleeping, due to the bright pink neon sign flashing NEVILLE. NEVILLE. NEVILLE. over and over.



Designated Hero
The Gryffindors seem to have elected Moody their Designated Hero. Wonderfully, they’re even still defending him in the next book. Sure he was a psychotic sadist but he got them up to scratch on what wizards can do to each other!

IITS
How do the Pureblood kids know nothing about Unforgivables? How can Moody use them in class? IITS!

Idiot Picture
See: Moody’s plan to give Harry information about gillieweed via giving a book to Neville.

Idiot World
See: Voldemort’s plan that requires Moody to give Harry information about gillieweed.

Informed Attributes
Being able to fight off the Imperius is totally a sign of strength of character.

Also, watching a spider killed with a flash of green light is far more impressive than squishing one with your hand.

Ken and Andrew’s Rule of Plot Holes
Twelve inches by Thursday on why, if Unforgivables are so bad, they get thrown around all the time without anyone ever even getting a slap on the wrist for them, remembering to include Harry’s own misuse of magic record.

Ken’s Rule of Guns
This will be be an ungoing score, I think, if we think of it as ‘Ken’s rule of Portkeys,’ stipulating that people will invariably forgo the ‘convenience’ advantage of a Portkey, i.e., that it can be used at a any time and any place. In effect, it means that Portkey makers will move their Portkeys far enough from their targets so as to make it unlikely the target will even be able to touch it.

Monster Death Trap Proviso
Can’t just point that wand at Harry when he’s sitting right in front of you, huh, Crouch?

Selling Wood
Even Harry comments on Neville’s in this chapter.

Whooshing Powder
RIP: Spider. Death by whoosh.

Final score: 11