HBP Chapter 7 (cont)

[pacoman.livejournal.com]

I had updated my original post back on Sunday, but LJ didn't recognize it. So here's the second (and most important) half, coming a bit late:


- Meet Romilda Vane. Her name can be construed as an anagram for either "A Random Evil" or "I'm A Dan Lover". She's what I like to call a Mary Satire (or Parody Sue): you know you've seen characters like her in many a fic, so an author places them in a reality where they don't have the odds stacked in their favor. Unfortunately, Romilda isn't randomly attacked by large animals, and so isn't as entertaning a Mary Satire as Nanami Kiryuu from Utena.

- Romilda's introductory scene was intended by Rowling to show how much Harry had grown since his dark, year-long night of the soul, now considering Neville and Luna as his friends and not feeling ashamed of them. Never mind that last year, his first crush had caught him at the business end of Neville's phallic plant, while now some girl he had never seen before was distracting him from ogling that part of Neville's anatomy that gives meaning to his surname.

- And now, of course, comes the part we've been dreading since Rowling mentioned it on her homepage. No, Ginny doesn't appear, backed by an Elven chorus, to make out with Harry on the train seats. I mean the part where he wonders if Alice would have given her life for Neville as Lily did for him. Now granted, maybe JKR meant that, since Lily was an ace at charms, it was a combination of Motherly Love and Charms Proficiency that summoned the ancient magic, and so Alice wouldn't have been able to cut it with Motherly Love alone. Of course, had Voldemort simply killed Lily without giving her a chance to stand aside, no Pure Love would have protected Harry, so maybe Harry means that V only spares hot redheads.

- Hee, Draco gave Ron the finger. Or the two-fingered British salute, whichever is more appropriate.

- Neville timidly wonders what the new teacher would want with him. Harry feigns ignorance, fully aware that Slughorn wants to sample the Longbottom Family Derriere.

- Cho makes a cameo to reminds us that Harry can fancy women too. She backs away from him, though, because she's still convinced that he's a self-centered, self-entitled little psycho ashamed that she's not dating the One Who Will Bring Balance to the Force.

- Marietta is there too, still not recovered from Hermione's Counter-Hex of Spite. "Good", thinks Harry, as he enters the adyacent cabin full of first years and slaughters them all. They would have ended up in Slytherin, anyway.

- Taking a quick look at the other students in Slughorn's train cabin, Harry sees that Sluggy has already collected the Requisite Gryffindor A-hole, the Soon-to-be Discarded Fool, the Controversial Minor Character and the Second Coming of Lily.

- Seriously, I don't get the huge deal about the Zabini wank. Blaise has a femme fatale for a mother, is friendly in his way with Draco and seems relatively uninvolved with the Death Eaters. Admittedly, my planned Future!HP fic was going to feature Blaise's son, so I naturally like what I'm seeing, but really, who cares if he's black and not albino?

- Why is Ginny here? Because Slughorn saw her cast the Bat Bogey hex. Why was she casting the Bat Bogey No-Show? Because Zacharias Smith was asking too many questions about what happened at the DoM.

...

Why won't anyone hex her for asking too much/getting too involved/making stupid names/breathing loudly? Oh, because she's the Designate Heroine? All right, then.

- Blaise scoffs at the whole Chosen One nonsense; after all, anyone with enough training and knowledge of the occult can take on the Forces of Darkness. He's also not too impressed with the Bat Bogey No-Show, as well he shouldn't.

- Watching Blaise walk back to his compartment, Harry gets the wonderful awful idea of engaging in some Tactical Espionage Action so he can get his Hogwarts Express trip-required dose of Draco (no visit to Harry's cabin? What is it, his breath?). Unfortunately, he takes his Invisibility Cloak with him and not a cleverly inconspicuous cardboard box, thus ensuring his eventual capture.

- Embarrassing confession time: when I first read the book, I thought "trainers" meant underwear and not tennis shoes. This led to a line near the end of the chapter seeming a bit more suggestive. Anyway, Draco goes "?" at the sudden flashing of tighty-whiteys, but lets it go for now.

- Goyle/Zabini OTP? Or is Blaise trying to break Crabbe and Goyle's one true love?

- The debate of the book: which comic is Crabbe reading? mike_smith believes that to be New Thunderbolts, but 1996 is a bit early even for Not-so-new Thunderbolts (oh Jo, maths). My guess, going by year, would be that Crabbe is reading the then-latest issue of Preacher, chuckling at Garth Ennis' portrayal of Americans and wishing he had the Word of God and actual lines so as to tell Harry to go fuck himself... and watch him do just that.

- Aww, Pansy is stroking Draco's hair. The "as though anyone would have loved to be in her place" part could be construed as projection in Harry's denial-filled mind, or literally saying that everyone in the room would love to have Draco in their lap. Feel the HoYay.

- At Draco's wondering of why Slughorn would invite Ginny, Pansy suggests that it might be because She So Pretty (GSPC: 2) and He So Pedo. Not that Draco would care how a Weasley looks, let alone a female Weasley (and the D/G shippers begin fanwanking). Blaise denies any interest, as he has standards, and Harry is all "Ginny Who?"

- Man, Draco can actually sound halfway impressive when he's not falling on the "My Father" crutch.

- Pansy was gazing down at Draco as though she had never seen anything so awe-inspiring.

And neither had Harry, apparently, as he doesn't notice Goyle standing from his seat. The gasp of pain makes Draco go "!", but as he's not a genetically-enhanced, VR-trained soldier, he chooses to give his quarry a false sense of security instead of sounding the alarm.

- Aww, Pansy wants to hold Draco's hand.

- Now Harry and Malfoy were alone in the compartment. People were filing past, descending onto the dark platform. Malfoy moved over to the compartment door and let down the blinds, so that people in the corridor beyond could not peer in. He then bent down over his trunk and opened it again.

The sexual tension is so thick, you could cut it with a chainsaw.

Needless to say, Harry stiffens in anticipation, wondering what Draco might pull out of his trunk. And then he literally stiffens, for what Draco pulls out is his wand... to paralyze him. What?

- For what it's worth, Draco would never have noticed Harry had he entered the compartment under the cleverly inconspicuous cardboard box. Never underestimate the importance of the cardboard box, young Potter; it has aided grizzled spies and girly wannabes alike on many a mission.

- "You didn't hear anything I care about, Potter. But while I've got you here..."

Here the American Edition exhorts you to turn the page. H/D slashers are therefore invited to imagine any number of things Draco does to a paralyzed Harry before stomping his nose.

- As Harry is left alone, paralyzed, with a broken and bloody nose, covered by his own Invisibility Cloak, he comes to the grim realization that karma is truly a bitch. And that somewhere, someone is laughing at his predicament.


Next week: Snape declares Bictoly!