CoS Chapter Sixteen

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*How sad is it that when I read this title I think not of the book, but of theories about the meaning of Ginny’s vagina?

*Ron can’t believe they had all that time to ask Myrtle about her death and never did. If I met a ghost that would be the first thing I’d ask. In fact, I’d have asked even if I’d only heard of her. It is rather unusual, isn’t it, even for this school, for a student to die?

*Seamus can’t believe they’re still getting exams when a few people are petrified. Honestly Seamus, it’s not like something really important’s going on. You’re not participating in a sports contest, you know!

*It had never even occurred to Harry they’d have exams. Sometimes Wizards remind me of people I’ve met who live in, like, Georgia when it comes to snow days: There’s a light dusting of snow on the road! No school! Meanwhile up in Buffalo kids are being picked up by teams of sled dogs.

*Harry’s looking at the white rabbits he’s supposed to be turning into slippers. I suppose they’re looking back at him pleadingly, hoping he won’t do it.

*Harry can’t think of anything he’s learned that would be useful on an exam, presumably forgetting that since it’s a Hogwarts exam it will mostly be about useless information. Like how to turn rabbits into slippers.

*Meanwhile, Ron still has a broken wand. Guess he’ll just have to fail.

*Quidditch matches are back on. Oh joy.

*Ron thinks it might be kinder to leave Hermione petrified until after exams. LOL Ron.

*Ginny reminds Harry of Dobby in this scene. I’m going to try to put that image into all their scenes in Book VI. It might make the H/G better.

*Note that the threat of being found out anyway seems to actually inspire Ginny to tell. Luckily Percy’s appearance frightens her off. That’s courage for you.

*Percy, mistakenly thinking Ginny was going to tell on him about Penelope, says he’d thought she’d have kept her word. Percy has far too high an opinion of everyone in his family.

*Professor McGonagall appears, doing her lip-swallowing trick again.

*That’s probably the same tearful face she wears when she thinks about that nice James Potter boy.

*It was a good cover story Harry came up with about visiting Hermione. The type of thing you’d might expect a Slytherin would do. Though because this is canon it’s the type of thing Gryffindors do. A Slytherin would have been really bad at it and be incapable of simulating actual friendship.

*Madam Pomfrey says there’s no point in talking to a petrified person. Guess Wizards haven’t heard that whole Muggle thing about talking to people in comas. It’s always the first thing they tell families to do on medical shows. Though strangely, nobody ever seems to think to ask the person once they’ve woken up if they really could hear them.

*Somebody at Phoenix Rising mentioned Harry’s misdirected gaze—I can’t remember if there’s another place in this book where it appears. Here Ron’s looking at Hermione’s face; Harry’s looking at her hand, which is where he finds the paper.

*The paper that’s been clutched there for weeks now and no medical person ever saw, because apparently they just dump the petrified people in a pile and forget about them.

*I know it’s silly, but years later I’m still shocked at Hermione tearing pages out of library books!

*Harry and Ron figure out the monster from Hermione’s notes. Even in a coma, Hermione is smarter than the two of them put together.

*Harry then explains the series of amazingly lucky coincidences that kept all these people from actually dying from the murderous stare. Which is kind of clever, and also better than Harry saying, "This book is early enough in the series that we’re all very young and young people will be reading it. It’s far too early for people to actually die yet and besides, that would make Ginny kind of a murderer!"

*Ginny has been killing roosters, though. Presumably there are some good fics with Ginny as a mambo rooster-killing priestess out there.

*Spiders flee before it, the book said. It failed to mention that spiders flee before it and refuse to say what they’re fleeing from—because spiders are irritating.

*It’s really embarrassing that all of the teachers have not figured out this thing is a basilisk. These people really have no right giving anybody else exams. And given all the times we have to listen to Hagrid drone on about animals, why didn’t he identify this one? Oh yeah, it’s all Slytherin-ish so not worthy of his attention.

*Ginny’s been taken to the chamber. Funny how nobody ever argues how she deserves that given that she was too cowardly to tell anybody what was going on all year, even when other people were getting hurt at her hands. Like it’s your fault of you’re a Slytherin or Dudley and something bad happens to you.

*Why are the other teachers looking at Lockhart with hatred, exactly? Just because they generally hate him?

*Lockhart looks weak-chinned and weedy. Weedy being a bad thing to look. Theodore Nott is weedy.

*Right, now that the teachers have stood up to Lockhart they’ve gotten him out of the way so they can…do nothing at all about the problem.

*It’s probably the worst day of Harry’s life. So far. He reserves the right to have as many even worst days after this one.

*Percy goes to write his parents, apparently remembering that it’s not like anybody on the staff would consider it a parent’s business that his kid has been taken by a monster.

*Harry can’t see how Ginny could still be alive. Sadly, Harry is mistaken.

*Sort of like how Voldemort could die once and not die because he had 7 Horcruxes. Ginny, having more than one personality, can also be killed more than once.

*Why does Ron think Lockhart’s going to try to get into the Chamber? Wasn’t it painfully obvious he had no intention of doing so and that the other teachers were just teasing him? They said as much themselves.

*This is actually another one of those times when they ought to go to Snape.

*Awwww. Everybody feels so sorry for the Weasleys. Because they’re Weasleys. If only a Slytherin had been taken they could be throwing a "good riddance" party right now.

*I love how Hogwarts seems to run on this childish idea that teachers have to do the things they teach all the time. So Lockhart has to be the one to fight the monster because he’s teaching DADA.

*Come to think of it, wouldn’t the CoMC teacher might come in handier?

*Second throwing of Lockhart’s wand out the window. Followed quickly by the second mention of Lockhart being weedy.

*Harry unthinkingly credits Snape with something, having found somebody he seems to like less. Snape must never know.

*Okay, why on earth are Harry and Ron bringing Lockhart with them, exactly? He’s just confessed he’ll be no use at all and will probably be trying to memory charm them whenever he can.

*Harry’s pleased to see Lockhart’s shaking as they go into the bathroom. Because that means he’ll be even more of a burden to him and Ron once they go inside. At least they’ll get a little schadenfreude out of it!

*Harry can’t not go down the pipe. Because…well, he just can’t not do it. Let’s leave it at that.

*And he certainly can’t think about how he’s got no way of getting back up out of the pipe once he’s there. What if the entrance had closed and he, Ron and Ginny had just been stuck there having threesomes forever?

*At least Harry’s got a good plan for facing the basilisk. Any sign of movement, shut your eyes.

*The snakeskin is green. Wouldn’t an actual snake skin be colorless? (I’ll bet it’s got ears too.)

*I’m kind of half-rooting for Lockhart here just for having been forced into a tunnel by two idiot 12-year-olds. It’s a good thing he’s been memory charming people for years to get him anywhere near deserving the punishment they’re trying to give him.





Atomic Grenade
Ron’s wand, which earlier caused spells to merely backfire, is now an atomic grenade.

Designated Villain
Although Lockhart isn’t the villain, our heroes decide to force him into the deadly monster’s lair.

IITS
If he can’t not go into the Chamber, it stands to reason that he must go into the chamber!

Idiot Picture
But then, it’s not like anybody else seems to have any better ideas. What a fantastic staff this school has.

James Bond Exposition Rule
Lockhart is compelled to explain to Harry and Ron about his years of lying about his books and then memory charm them. Because after lying his whole life he couldn’t possibly think of a cover story for two kids who should already have seen through him. Nor could he have just memory charmed them to begin with. It’s more fun if you get to confess first.

Light Bulb Moment
Moaning Myrtle! Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom! A basilisk! The roosters! The spiders! The sink!

Nut o’ Fun
How’s the snake scratched into the sink exactly?

Final score: 7

Signs of things to come: So you think it’s silly to not have exams just because something else is going on? You don’t know the half of it yet. Any crisis is made better by teasing others. Especially cowards. Everybody shut up and be sad. One of the people we like might be in danger or hurt.

Slytherin liquid count: More bathrooms and puddles that save people!