Back with Dumbledore's plot-device bowl!

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*Yet again, we are suggesting that the "official" instructions are actually wrong. Since this book has, apparently, been in circulation for many decades, surely someone would have noticed that better instructions might be made avaliable? I'm sorry, but this really bothers me.

*Also, Harry has offered to lend his bestest friends the instructions, but Ron can't read the elusive HBP's handwriting (and Harry can't write down the instructions and pass notes? Is this not the traditionally accepted method of communicating in class when you're not allowed to?) and Hermione refuses to demean herself by following any instructions other than the "official" (wrong) ones. It is noted that Hermione gets into a complete piss at having her potions not be so good as Harry's. Welcome to the world.

*The HBP's handwriting looks like a girl's (and what does that mean?). We know he's not a girl, so what exactly is the point in having Hermione say this? Oh, apart from some kind of pseudo-feminist idea of "Hey, we realise that girls can be clever too!" But really, it all amounts to very little.

*Also, Hermione is trying to stop Ron from reading her essay now? Oh yes, wait until she's finished writing it, Ron - then she'll write yours for you.

*Professor Trelawney is attempting some kind of divination via playing cards. I would think she'd have a proper Tarot pack in a little velvet bag. Maybe she lost them and has borrowed these ones off Hagrid, promising to give them back before his weekend Strip Poker game. Anyway, she divines conflict, an ill omen, violence and "a dark young man who dislikes the questioner". Since Harry is hiding behind a statue listening to this, we can assume that the forth is correct (and, knowing Harry, probably all the others too). Obviously Sybil isn't completely talentless.

*Dumbledore wants to tell Harry what prompted Voldemort to attempt Harry's life fifteen years previously. We will eventually come to the conclusion that it's because he wasn't cuddled enough as a little boy. Or possibly because his family has evil genetics. Or something.

*I hope nobody took Humphrey Belcher up on his cheese cauldron offer. Mind you, I suspect that this particular universe has a ready supply of drooling morons ready to do something obviously stupid to see what happens.

*Also, we must be made aware that Dumbledore is more SMRT than most men, and thusly even his mistakes are more speshul.

*Yet again, the mysterious sekrit manky hand injury, which Dumbledore refuses to divulge. Just get on with it!

*Question about Bob Ogden's clothes: he's wearing stuff that obviously no Muggle would wear unless they were mental. But then, how is it that he cannot understand what Muggles might wear and yet so many others (like the Weasley kids) can? What, come to think of it, is the deal with wizard clothes?

*After a bit of waffle about scenery, we come to the Gaunt's old house. Mighty Morfin suddenly drops down in front of Bob Ogden and starts speaking Parseltongue at him. Now, I thought from CoS that the reason we knew that Tomdemort was the heir to Salazar Slytherin was because Tomdemort could speak Parseltongue. If the whole family could do it, well...Maybe he was the only one to know about the Chamber of Secrets, or where it was, or whatever. Mind you, in CoS, the diary-memory reckons that Harry and he are the only Parseltongue speakers at Hogwarts since Slytherin himself. Obviously, he was wrong?

*There's a lot of description to suggest inbreeding (and thoughts present themselves - would Morfin and Merope have been expected to breed with one another?). Anyway, Merope doesn't sound evil or anything, which suggests that one might indeed work against their family. Of course, Morfin is obviously a psycho, but not the careful, considered sort of psychopath that Voldemort will be shown to be later on. No, he's more the "Rawr, I get you!!!" sort.

*I would personally be interested to read in book seven that people had got Salazar Slytherin quite wrong and that the inbreeding and pureblood-mania of the last of his descendants would actually horrify him. I think that would be cool. Sadly, it will probably not come to pass.

*Tom Riddle Sr, is hot. So is his girlfiend (Cecilia). And they both know how to ride horses, which is probably cool if you're into that kind of thing. Anyway, Merope likes him, and so does Harry.

*Apparently, there used to be money in the family, although it supposedly came via the Gaunt side rather than from the Slytherin side. Or something. Anyway, possibly no mansions for Slytherin.

*Love potions! I sort of like the idea of Merope using a love potion on Tom Riddle, as that means that his reason for leaving her is much more reasonable than the one given by Voldemort - that Voldemort has been basing his entire ethos on a misapprehension. This might lead to the idea mentioned above, that Slytherin's reason for leaving Hogwarts was actually more reasonable than has been given. After all, it was a thousand years ago - how much pure and unadulterated history is going to be retained from then?

*Anyway, Harry doesn't know what any of this has to do with anything (but he, like us, will find out next week), but does notice that the ring he saw in the memory is the same as one Dumbledore has. He asks if this is the cause of the blackened hand, but Dumbledore refuses to answer. The bitch.