deathtocapslock | OotP Chapter Fourteen

sistermagpie.livejournal.com posting in

*In fanfic, Harry ALWAYS wakes up and goes to the shower. Seriously, how many fanfics feature this scene prominently? This is where he looks in the mirror and sees how old and tired his eyes look, or asks himself why he's in love with whatever inappropriate character he's in love with, or has his morning wank, or runs into Neville because the Gryffindor boys have worked out a morning shower schedule over the years and Harry's spent so much time angsting/wanking that he's late. In canon--you guessed it!--he gets up and dresses. Fanfic is obsessed with showering, canon has an aversion to it.

*Harry reads over his letter to Snuffles, trying to think how it would sound to an outsider. I think it would either sound as if a) You're speaking in REALLY OBVIOUS CODE or b) You are 6 years old.

*Also, I think anybody who figured out a) could pretty much figure out what he's talking about. For instance, Malfoy? Would probably have no trouble decoding this.

*Nick solicits the help of the Bloody Baron to subdue Peeves. First he says he wouldn't fight with him, then he seeks him out to work together. Gryffindor/Slytherin hint? ETA: No. If anything it's just there to remind us the Baron exists.

*OMG, Hagrid is missing? I didn't realize! Where could he be?!

*I like that a Thestrel heralds the coming of Cho. Also that it seems like something out of the Cretaceous era rising out of the Forbidden Forest.

*Cho seems perfectly nice in this scene, and seems to take more interest in Harry's friends than Harry ever does in hers. But then, Harry's friends are important by definition in ways hers are not.

*I do like that Harry wanted to "accidentally on purpose" show her his cut hand to impress her. You know, like Malfoy liked showing off his hurt arm to Pansy--it's cute with both of them.

*Cho is clearly still one of the good guys, since she lies to protect Harry from Filch. She's done something for Harry, so she's earned his attention.

*I assume Filch really ran up to the Owlrey because Umbridge has him and Mrs. N. watching Harry's actions and that was his excuse for following him there. Since it doesn't bother Harry, it's probably important. Draco's pretend conspiracies interest him far more than evidence of the real thing. ETA: Whoops! Until HBP! Oh god, I assume that's probably the whole reason for Harry to ever make these remarks about Draco and conspiracies, just to lay the groundwork for HBP.

*Btw, accidental meeting in the Owlrey with love interest=so fanon. Points for that!

*Hermione's first contribution to breakfast is to tell her friends they should be doing homework instead of practicing Quidditch. In fact, she'll spend the weekend telling them they should be doing their homework and keeping herself angry about it all weekend. Because that's what friends do.

*Luckily the important bit of the Daily Prophet tears off in Harry's hand when he rudely rips it out of Hermione's--I love this sort of thing (bringing the important part to the person's attention through some bit of business), but it is sort of funny how convenient it is considering Harry *should* be reading the paper for this stuff and isn't. The author has to work really hard to keep a hero this lazy informed!

*Also, if somebody ripped the paper out of my hand that way they'd probably get a, "WTF?" But Harry's got A Lot To Be Upset About so it passes without comment. Spare the rod and spoil the Boy Who Lived, Hermione.

*Hell has frozen over: Hermione is impressed with Ron's theory that Podmore was framed by the Ministry. Of course, it's a completely unproven theory so it wouldn't really be a good idea to assume it's true, but since it makes the Ministry look bad and the Order look overpowered and good and Hermione believes it and it makes her Obviously Think about something, well...

*Poor Ron, going down to practice. I really feel for him. But then, I always thought, "Poor Malfoy" when he looked paler than usual going into the Championship with everyone against him too.

*Hermione's still nagging, btw, and being generally one-note and unpleasant. What happened to that cute little girl in pink pajamas hissing like an angry goose I used to like?

*Speaking of one-note unpleasant characters, Draco's here! *snuggles into bleachers with him* So the Quidditch team all comes out together to trash talk along with assorted hangers-on, who we can add to the list of things Slytherins have instead of friends: Cronies, bodyguards, goons, thugs, minions and hangers-on.

*I've heard people say that Pansy's remark about Angelina's braids sounds racist, but frankly, to me it sounds just like a catty remark about a hairstyle. I mean, I realize a comment about a non-white person's hairstyle *can* be racist or intended to be, but that's because of the specific associations in our world. ETA: Thank you, Blaise Zabini, for proving me right on this one.

*The Slytherins roar and scream "led by Malfoy." Does he just the loudest? Are they literally looking to him for when to roar and scream? Is he their head anti-cheerleader? It's a Quidditch team, don't they know how to psych people out on their own? Or is this a hint that if we get rid of Malfoy the Slytherins will wake as if from a dream and see how great the Gryffindors are?

*Anyway, they are shrill, aren't they: shrieking (twice in as many paragraphs) and screaming and roaring. Do they remind you of animals in a zoo yet? Good.

*ETA: Any day now we'll learn that some of the Slytherins were protesting the rudeness in this scene and cheering Harry on after going to get reinforcements to back them up.

* Harry is grateful for Fred and George not saying anything when Ron messes up. Harry, being very good at everything, doesn't realize this is far more damning. It's too serious for them to joke about.

*Malfoy's joke about Harry needing to go to the Infirmary is funny. Since Draco actually being funny is so rare, it must be pointed out. Must be a whole week for you--LOL!

*Harry's probably the only character who actually spends as much time being cared for by Pomfrey in canon as he does in fanon. Of course Harry doesn't hear Malfoy because he's in the zone--he's a natural athlete, doncha know. Plays like a pro.

*Harry, not expecting the Quaffle, effortlessly plays better than Ron, who is expecting it, and is then accused of not paying attention. Ouch.

*Oh my god, then he gives Katie a bloody nose. Ron may require years of therapy for Quidditch. Somebody should write a fanfic where Snape and Ron realize they kind of have something in common (only I'm betting Snape never got his moment to be the hero).

*Okay, why would anybody take a pill handed to them by anyone for a bloody nose, least of all the twins? It's a nosebleed. Stick a tissue to it until it stops, elevate your head.

*Catching the Snitch requires "enormous speed and skill." Enormous. Just thought you should know that, since Harry catches it every time. Seeker=the coolest player. Harry=the coolest Seeker.

*Angelina is not a very good coach. She hired Ron thinking he wasn't very good, and now she's yelling at him for not being very good. Is there anyone in this universe besides Lupin who's figured out that only a certain kind of person gets better at something when you yell at them that they suck?

*Of course, yelling at someone doesn't usually stop nosebleeds either, but she's doing that too.

*When the twins essentially confess they've given Katie something to cause a massive hemorrhage, it's completely unremarked upon. Um. Yeah.

*Why is Hermione waiting angrily for Harry and Ron when they get back to the common room? When they'd spent the morning flying on their own it was merely tedious, now that they were at actual Quidditch practice (Ron's first) it's just ridiculous.

*The Gryffindor habit of getting angry at people for things they haven't said comes in handy again. Ron stomps up to his room so Mom can ask big brother Harry how things really went.

*We always hear about Harry and Ron not doing their homework, but here they try and can't make any headway on it. Just thought we should remember this when Harry passes all his OWLS splendidly. ETA: Well, all the ones that are worth it!

*I wonder what Hermione has found to fill up her day, since she must have finished her homework before noon on Saturday, unless she found ways of dragging it out.

*Ron doesn't seem to be even able to get simple facts right in his essays, btw.

*Hermione "chats merrily" with Ginny. See, she does have a female friend! She's quite popular once she becomes family! What are they talking about, exactly? Probably running down all the ways other people are inferior.

*I love Percy! And I love the way he makes reference to the kind of "petty criminals" the Weasleys have been surrounding themselves with, when that's so accurate. I mean, big deal criminals like Lucius and such are bad news, but there's nothing better than a petty criminals who traffic in stolen goods or blackmail or kidnap but hate Voldemort. They're like Robin Hood.

*I also chuckle at Percy's concern that Ron might be afraid to break with Potter because he's unbalanced and possibly violent--well, yeah, kinda. Only not the way you may think, Percy.:-D

*Harry jokes that he swears he won't get violent if Ron wants to "sever ties," but hopefully Ron knows that if he actually did sever ties violence would probably eventually be a given. ETA: I think Ron disapparated right after that severing in DH, luckily.

*Hermione looks at Ron with an odd expression on her face when he rips up Percy's letter. She's all a flutter over his heroic reaction (no doubt this is the basis for their Great Underlying Love) so rewards him by looking over his essay.

*Though why she has to check their facts for them in reference books is beyond me--aren't they the same facts as in her essay?

*Actually, "looking over" is not exactly accurate. Hermione seems to in fact do a heavy re-write on Ron's essay.

*Harry's is "okay" because Harry is a better natural student than Ron is even when he's dealing with far more stress. Perhaps if Hermione and Ron get married she can re-do his office work for him too. It's very romantic.

*Sirius is the only one who knows how Harry feels: They are The Unjustly Accused: Coming to ABC This Fall! (The hook is they don't deserve to be unjustly accused, which makes all the difference.)

*Sirius says Harry's code letter was very good. Not exactly ready to crack the Enigma code, are we guys. What do the Death Eaters communicate in, Pig Latin?

*It's weird that Harry speaks to Sirius about his scar, as if Sirius is any kind of authority on why this one-of-a-kind type scar would hurt.

*Everyone is determined to see no connection between Harry feeling pain when Umbridge touches him when previously wouldn't this be something people tried to figure out and test? It's like they've just all read to the end of the book already and know this line of enquiry won't go anywhere.

*Hermione wants to know what Umbridge has against werewolves...because that couldn't be obvious.

*Umbridge also becomes attached to discriminatory laws. Of course, when you have a Ministry where people get to "draft" laws that seem to go through just the way they want them it's no wonder this sort of thing can happen. If Arthur can write loopholes into laws about Muggle artifacts surely Umbridge can write laws that wind up making it impossible for a segment of the population she doesn't like to find gainful employment. Is there any job at the Ministry that doesn't involve drafting laws to make things difficult for other people? Laws suck!

*Hermione is probably right that as an actual Black Sirius is the one person who does have a chance of winning Kreacher over. I know, Hermione being right--imagine that. ETA: Silly me--this is when I thought Kreacher was a worthwhile character who understood half of what he himself said. My bad. Kreacher doesn't need a Black, he just needs somebody to give him a cupcake or something. Err...but not Hermione for some reason. Kreacher's ability to understand his situation grows and shrinks according to the needs of the plot.

*Does it matter that all of Fudge's fears about Dumbledore are actually true? I mean, naturally Fudge's fears cause him to make the very thing he's trying to stop into reality, but still. I'm not sure how to interpret this, since it's rare that things in this series are ambiguous that way.

* "Listen, don't go asking too many questions about Hagrid."
"Because it will draw attention to his absence and Dumbledore doesn't want that?"
"No, it's just really annoying and tedious."

*Sirius "coolly" offers a really really weird criticism about Harry being less like James then he thought because risk doesn't make things more attractive to him. Gives you a hint of what it was probably really like being friends with Sirius--he sounds like the kind of kid who was always getting scary and forcing his friends to do things they didn't want to do to prove they were cool. This is so the guy who came up with a prank that might have gotten someone killed. Bet he terrorized Peter.

*ETA: Thanks to Voldie-vision Harry can now rest assured he is plenty like his dad since he also has a tendency to be sitting around with his hands down his pants when danger strikes.

*The important thing is, remember back when Hermione said Sirius confused Harry with James and people said she was crazy? Well she was right!

IITS
Why is everyone so sure Harry touching Umbridge had nothing to do with his scar hurting?

Idiot Picture
"Our biggest friend" is actually a super code for Hagrid.

Nut o’ Fun
Kind of silly, but I got kind of interested in that Moon of Io. Probably cause I’ve been reading DiR fic and Will’s so in love with the stars. (((Will)))

Final score: 2

You know there should totally be a Jabootu category for expositional characters like Hermione, like where one person saying something is true just makes it true, even though there’s no reason they should know this. Like with Harry’s scar and Podmore being framed. It works okay when it's Hercule Poirot whose instincts you're trusting, but I don't always accept it with Hermione, despite her being super smart and reading all the time. It reminds you too much that she's directing the plot.

Current Mood: mischievous
Current Music: Percy and Padfopt

Threaded | Flat

From:

go-back-chief.livejournal.com

Fanfic is obsessed with showering, canon has an aversion to it.

Heh, I think this is the part where fanfic "tries to correct" canon.

ETA: Any day now we'll learn that some of the Slytherins were protesting the rudeness in this scene and cheering Harry on after going to get reinforcements to back them up.

Hee! Of course, they can't be "good Slytherins" without rooting for Harry in Quidditch, too! :D

From:

kaskait.livejournal.com

*Gives you a hint of what it was probably really like being friends with Sirius--he sounds like the kind of kid who was always getting scary and forcing his friends to do things they didn't want to do to prove they were cool. This is so the guy who came up with a prank that might have gotten someone killed. Bet he terrorized Peter.

I still keep remembering the scene in which Sirius had no qualms about shaking Harry until his teeth rattled around his skull in POA. This is someone who only talks to you if you pass his personal meter of acceptance. Whatever meter an anti-social personality decides is cool, I guess. If you don't, then stay away or you'll be jinxed or involved in a potentially lethal plot. But he has a heart'o'gold, that Sirius does. A real gem.

From:

papier.livejournal.com

Gives you a hint of what it was probably really like being friends with Sirius--he sounds like the kind of kid who was always getting scary and forcing his friends to do things they didn't want to do to prove they were cool. This is so the guy who came up with a prank that might have gotten someone killed. Bet he terrorized Peter.

And perhaps an indication of why Lupin spoke so cheerfully about the incident himself while Sirius was alive.

It's a nosebleed. Stick a tissue to it until it stops, elevate your head.

Nooooooo. Tilt your head down. Pinch the end of the nose gently. Brownie Guides first aid manual, page something or other, 1998 edition.
(In other words, if something wants to leave the body, there's no point forcing it back in, it says)

From:

lachlanm.livejournal.com

*Sirius says Harry's code letter was very good. Not exactly ready to crack the Enigma code, are we guys. What do the Death Eaters communicate in, Pig Latin?

"Owbay otay eathday, Arryhay...itway ightmay evenway ebay ainlesspay...Iway ouldway otnay owknay...Iway avehay evernay iedday...."

*Everyone is determined to see no connection between Harry feeling pain when Umbridge touches him when previously wouldn't this be something people tried to figure out and test? It's like they've just all read to the end of the book already and know this line of enquiry won't go anywhere.

Actually, I think it's that they've reached the end of the next book, and know they have to be right this time so they can be stubbornly wrong the next time, thus proving Harry's superiority.

From:

demosthenes7891.livejournal.com

From:

demosthenes7891.livejournal.com

*Sirius says Harry's code letter was very good. Not exactly ready to crack the Enigma code, are we guys. What do the Death Eaters communicate in, Pig Latin?

No, the Death Eaters compose ridiculously flamboyant anagrams.

From:

merrymelody.livejournal.com

ETA: Well, all the ones that are worth it!

Like you need to pass exams when you can walk into any job you like! (Just kidding, I know that's not a case of 'It's who you know' - Harry's SUFFERED!)

ETA: Any day now we'll learn that some of the Slytherins were protesting the rudeness in this scene and cheering Harry on after going to get reinforcements to back them up.

LOL!

What are they talking about, exactly?

Hope chests, whether it's bad luck to make doilies before He officially asks you, trousseaus... (Clearly not baby names, judging by DH.)

It's weird that Harry speaks to Sirius about his scar, as if Sirius is any kind of authority on why this one-of-a-kind type scar would hurt.

Because they're so close! Can't you feel the closeness? In between their general adolescent pissiness and the love that flares up only when one backs up the other in whatever whim he has at that precise second, and the two or three times they've managed to hang out in three years; Harry's just like Harry's family!!

From:

aasaylva.livejournal.com

In fact, she'll spend the weekend telling them they should be doing their homework and keeping herself angry about it all weekend. Because that's what friends do.
No, it's what people do who know it will be up to them to do the work in the boys' place!
Spare the rod and spoil the Boy Who Lived, Hermione.
OMG yes! Can anybody please explain to me the mystery that is Hermione's character? I mean, she is a shrew and not at all afraid to speak her mind - in fact, she acts like a Molly Weasley with an IQ-booster, who, unlike Molly, nags Harry together with Ron. But then, she just accepts behaviour like that without batting an eyelash - out of compassion? That would mean some sort of feeling stronger than he is, wouldn't it? Then why,, on other occasions, is she "terrified" to disagree with him openly? Aren't these three completely different mindsets for her to have towards the boy who lived?

From:

aasaylva.livejournal.com

Oops, hit the return button too soon:
ETA: Any day now we'll learn that some of the Slytherins were protesting the rudeness in this scene and cheering Harry on after going to get reinforcements to back them up.
Which would be more evidence for them having been sorted too soon!

Ron doesn't seem to be even able to get simple facts right in his essays, btw.
That's something that's been bothering me all along - there never seems to be a task that requires actual THINKING. I mean - potions is described as mere cooking, following a recipe. Essays seem to consist of looking for information and copying it onto your scrolls... JKR is a teacher, for heaven's sake! Couldn't she have come up with something resembling magical theory or abstract concepts about it?

From: (Anonymous)

*When the twins essentially confess they've given Katie something to cause a massive hemorrhage, it's completely unremarked upon. Um. Yeah.

Not to mention, after Fred notices giving her the wrong pill they let her play for three more minutes, because letting her bleed to death is better than admitting they screwed up. WWW: Ass-Coverers 'R Us.

*Hermione looks at Ron with an odd expression on her face when he rips up Percy's letter. She's all a flutter over his heroic reaction (no doubt this is the basis for their Great Underlying Love) so rewards him by looking over his essay.

I remember my original assumption that underneath his righteous anger, poor Ron felt bad about having to reject his brother who's shown so much love and concern for him, and that Hermione recognized this and felt for him. Ahahaha, fancy crediting them with that much sensitivity or emotional complexity. Ron's all "Begone foul traitor!", no problem, and Hermione swoons with admiration.

*Harry's is "okay" because Harry is a better natural student than Ron is even when he's dealing with far more stress. Perhaps if Hermione and Ron get married she can re-do his office work for him too. It's very romantic.

LOL, bet that's canon by now. Personally, between a student who forgets which moon has volcanoes and one who thinks moons are covered in mice, I'd be more hopeful of the first one becoming a functional member of society.

*ETA: Thanks to Voldie-vision Harry can now rest assured he is plenty like his dad since he also has a tendency to be sitting around with his hands down his pants when danger strikes.

Why are some people still saying James was so great because he died defending his family? No doubt James would have gone down fighting if only Voldemort had let him fetch his wand, but in fact he died like a deer in the headlights.

As for which parent Harry takes after, I think after DH we can cut the Gordian knot by saying both. A touch of recklessness from James, a dash of bad temper from Lily, but the judgmental, full of himself, nothing's-ever-my-fault mentality is clearly common to both sides of the family.

-L

From:

starzangelus.livejournal.com

Yeah, I read these all the time and I *think* I'm worthy enough to comment. If not, just bash me over the head. :)

But then, Harry's friends are important by definition in ways hers are not.

Wait a damn minute! Are you telling me that OTHER people besides Harry have friends? JKR allowed this?? *confused*

I do like that Harry wanted to "accidentally on purpose" show her his cut hand to impress her. You know, like Malfoy liked showing off his hurt arm to Pansy.

Proof that H + D = LOVE FOREVER.

the list of things Slytherins have instead of friends: Cronies, bodyguards, goons, thugs, minions and hangers-on

Only the brave have true friends. The self-preservationists have stepping-stones... and pimp canes.

since Harry catches it [snitch] every time

This makes me wonder what exactly is the point of playing Quidditch then. Just give the ~~glory~~ Quidditch Cup to ~~Harry~~ Gryffindor already.

Hermione wants to know what Umbridge has against werewolves

Well, with Hagrid gone, Hermione has to make sure that dangerous animals be allowed near students.

From: (Anonymous)

Is he their head anti-cheerleader?

I love this. So very fitting for Slytherins in HP - they can't be "for" something, after all, just "against" something. And finally a proper occupation for Draco...

Harry, not expecting the Quaffle, effortlessly plays better than Ron, who is expecting it, and is then accused of not paying attention.

Not to mention that as (goal)keeper it is actually Ron's job to catch Quaffles, but only a warm-up exercise for Harry. Double ouch! As if we needed yet another example of Ron's general inferiority.

Catching the Snitch requires "enormous speed and skill." Enormous. Just thought you should know that, since Harry catches it every time. Seeker=the coolest player.

Surely you jest? Seeker is the only player. Harry routinely bags 2/3ds of the total score or more. Everybody else is just there to give the audience something to look at, while Seeker hunts for the snitch. That's why I hate the Quidditch storylines in these books so much. Until OoTP they do nothing except massaging Harry's ego and providing yet another chance to put him in physical danger. Yet suddenly we are supposed to think that Keeper's performance matters?

If Arthur can write loopholes into laws about Muggle artifacts surely Umbridge can write laws that wind up making it impossible for a segment of the population she doesn't like to find gainful employment.

Well, Umbridge comes ahead here, since Arthur's laws actually harm the segment of population he supposedly sympathises with most - Muggleborn!