HBP Chapter Seven

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*Honestly, you’d think if Slughorn was such a master of networking he’d think to find a more attractive name for his club. Though I guess given Wizarding humor the name is probably a plus.

*I can understand why Harry’s slightly annoyed at Ron and Hermione getting bored at discussing the possible meaning of Malfoy’s behavior after only a few days. These are the people who discussed Harry’s encounter with Barty Crouch Senior an entire night only to come up with “Either Mr. Crouch attacked Viktor, or somebody attacked both of them when Viktor wasn’t looking.” After a few days I’d expect them to only have figured out, “Malfoy needs something fixed…”

*My guess is Hermione and Ron are disinterested because they firmly believe Malfoy is just a school antagonist for Harry to grow beyond. They’re just impatiently awaiting the arrival of Good Slytherin Theodore Nott.

*Ron tells us Malfoy’s got a shriveled up hand, the Hand of Glory, though I’m not sure where he would have seen it. I thank Ron for mentioning it, though, since last I saw of the Hand of Glory Malfoy specifically didn’t have it.

*ETA: This is such a weird little Flint--I truly think it is. I remember JKR did some interview where she, too, referred to the Hand as something that Malfoy already owned, as if we all saw him buy it. I think it's a pitfall off that essential Slytherin conflict. He has to be humiliated by not getting what he wants, but also be resented for getting everything he wants.

*Poor Harry’s had to go through the slow deductive process on his own, revealing to Ron that Borgin’s got another one of the object Malfoy wants in his store. He gets no points for this from Ron or Hermione, but I like to encourage Harry’s basic skills of comprehension when I can.

*I admit, I love it when Harry and Malfoy connect over the only thing they can connect over, that little kids can have great big plans for revenge. Stupid plans, but plans.

*On first reading I was all proud of myself for remembering that Harry’s version of the events at Madam Malkins was wrong, that Malfoy did not jerk his arm away when she went to roll up his sleeve, but jerked his arm away when she stuck him with a pin, which she already had. However, since this issue was never actually resolved, I could totally be wrong. It still doesn’t make much sense to me. It’s not like Malfoy wouldn’t know what to expect from a robe fitting when he went in there. Especially since it’s not like she’d be rolling his sleeve up to his elbow. She’s just putting a cuff on the wrist. And Malfoy pulls off the robe himself a second later which would flash even more arm skin.

*ETA: I still don't know what the answer is. I guess it's really supposed to be that he had a Dark Mark, but this remains stupid for all these reasons. And also because while I do like to give Harry props for figuring things out, this is more like Harry make a wild leap of logic based on nothing and having it turn out right.

*Anyway, the Dark Mark at least makes more sense than the damn werewolf bite theory.

*Harry shows how at home he feels at the Weasleys by acting like Molly’s very own slob of a teenaged son. She’s urged him to not leave his washing and packing until the last minute, by which I assume he shouldn’t bring *her* the washing at the last minute.

*ETA: Or else he shouldn't bring *Hermione* the washing at the last minute because she apparently looks after that too.

*ETA: Btw, how does one even do washing? The very fact that we're talking about "the last minute" kind of implies modern washing machines, doesn't it?

*Harry runs into Ginny in the hall and she’s her usual charming self, reminding him that as an honorary member of the I HATE FLEUR Club he’s got to call her Phlegm and say she smells like poo.

*My irritation at Ginny is immediately wiped away as Harry smiles at her that he’ll be careful not to slip in the Phlegm that is Fleur. Sure the response is completely nonsensical, but Harry has smiled it at her. How does one smile a statement? Perhaps Harry finally got bored with Quidditch and sent away for a Ventriloquism course. (MST3K reference: Ventriloquism is huge in England!) ETA: Given the other entertainment available in the WW ventriloquism really should be huge.

*Are we supposed to think badly of Fleur for talking about her upcoming wedding? Or assume that as mother-of-the-groom Molly would be bored by it? What, somehow more girly that conversations about love potions and how to catch a man?

*ETA: Funny that if Molly is bored with it she's having the wedding at her house. Traditionally the bride's family would take care of the wedding, particularly if they're French snobs, no? Also, given that there's a World War currently going on only in Great Britain, France would be an excellent place for a wedding.

*Two bridesmaids in pale gold sounds quite tasteful to me. Also in my experience red-heads appreciate it when people choose bridesmaids dresses that compliment their red hair. If she was really being a bitch she'd dress Ginny in clothes that didn't suit her. Damn that Fleur for her small acts of thoughtfulness!

*Though perhaps what’s wrong is Fleur isn’t getting on board with the Weasley’s notoriously tacky taste in clothes. Molly would have Ginny in puffy mutton sleeves with a big bow! Salmon Pink and maroon all the way for the red-heads!

*Oh, here’s where Fleur really shows herself to be evil, saying that Tonks has let herself go. The thing is, this line sounds completely out of character for Fleur based on what I’ve seen of her thus far. Not that she wouldn’t notice Tonks’ looks, but I think it would be more in character for her to offer her a makeover for the wedding.

*ETA: What's kind of funny is that everybody is noticing Tonks' looks but it's not like any of the characters we know are particularly concerned about the woman who's kind of obviously in a depression. Maybe Molly is. But then, Molly knows that all she really needs is her man.

*And there’s Ginny again tripping Ron. The way she’s waged this all-out war on Fleur where everyone has to join her or be punished is just so attractive. Ginny 1 would never have done anything like it. That’s why Ginny 1 had to be eliminated. Ginny 1 would probably have a nice relationship with Fleur and be looking forward to having a sister.

*There was no cheerful Hagrid waiting for them at the station. Count our blessings!

*The Aurors are dressed in Muggle suits. I guess because if you’re going to try to imitate efficiency it’s best to be as Muggle as you can.

*Harry reacts to his guards with irritation. I’m sure guarding the Boy Who Lived is considered a real plum assignment at Auror headquarters. “Babysitting the brat today, Earl? Sucks to be you.”

*Harry motions for Ron and Hermione to follow him without waiting to consult his grim-faced Auror. Got that? Because Harry is kind of a bad ass. He’ll show that person trying to protect him who’s boss—and Ron and Hermione as well!

*ETA: LOL! I just love thinking about what Harry will actually do when he finally wins his freedom next year. "Psst. Ron, Hermione! Let's go sit in a tent in the backyard!"

*Hermione is still apologetic over Harry’s not being a Prefect a year later. I’m surprised she hasn’t lobbied for Quidditch captains to get seats in the Prefects carriage. God knows she had time to start a new revolution during breaks from the daily mandatory Quidditch.

*ETA: And people think R/Hr is the more abusive to Hermione relationship? The girl is acting apologetic over being Prefect to Harry. Ron might not be greatly encouraging or supportive of Hermione's accomplishments but it's a given that she deserves to be accomplished over him.

*Mr. Weasley proves himself a genius for figuring out that when the kids disappeared they actually went somewhere else. He raised those lovable scamps, Fred and George! Not sure what he’s bragging about there.

*Harry points out that if Draco wants something fixed at Borgin’s, it’s probably dark and dangerous. Mr. Weasley says he doubts it because...the Ministry raided the Manor and took away everything dark and dangerous. Um, Arthur? Doesn’t Borgin specifically deal in the dark and dangerous? And are you really that confident in the Ministry’s powers to do, well, anything so difficult as search a manor? And why would the thing have to be at the Manor to begin with?

*Mr. Weasley scoffs at the idea Voldemort would have dealings with a sixteen year old. I mean, other than Voldemort’s 16-year-old arch-nemesis who’s currently under armed guard because the whole Wizarding World is depending on him.

*Mrs. Weasley jogs after the train, waving to Harry. OMG Harry/Molly OTP! It’s just like JKR’s parents!

*Ginny’s chatting to some friends. No, you don’t have to know who they are. The point is she’s very very popular. If these people are important enough Ginny will insult them all by name later.

*Ginny can’t find a compartment with Harry because she’s going to meet Dean. Harry, stunned after being hit in the head by the heavy anvil hint that he’s after Ginny now, forgets that as Dean’s friend he could in fact sit with him too. Ginny forgets this too, probably because she and Hermione discussed how that would be the best move in Operation Chosen Boyfriend.

*Ginny walks away, her long red hair dancing behind her. Ron’s got a weakness for Veelas, Harry’s easily hypnotized by hair. If you focus on it you don’t have to look at the girlie body bits. It might as well be Cedric Diggory with that hair. Mmmm. Cedric...heroic like a Greek god.

*Harry has forgotten that Ginny doesn’t normally hang around them at school. Unlike some readers, who long for the days.

*Harry blinks and realizes he’s surrounded by mesmerized girls. Geez, Ginny’s dancing hair really is powerful. She really ought to tie it up!

*Oh, I see the mesmerized girls are to tell us that lots of girls who aren’t good enough for Harry want him. Making him Ginny’s equal.

*Harry feels a certain fondness for the Quibbler, it having saved his arse and smote his enemies last year. At this point Harry doesn’t really have to explain why he feels a fondness for anything. We can pretty much assume it means that it did something for him recently.

*ETA: LOL! Remember when I thought blackmailing somebody could come back to haunt Hermione and make for an interesting story for her? What was I thinking?

*Neville says the kids staring into the compartment are even staring at Luna and himself, because they are with Harry. ::sigh:: Neville Longbottom. The Wizarding World’s Ralphie Wiggum.

*ETA: Honestly, Neville is the perfect friend for Harry. He would have been so much happier with him than with Ron. He's constantly being the most brave and also the most humble and deferential to Harry.

*Neville announces he was afraid his grandmother would be angry that his fighting against evil people brought attention to her family. Instead it turns out his risking his life makes him finally almost not an embarrassment to his dead father’s memory. No wonder Trevor tries to dive under the seat. He’s trying to get out of that family.

*Gran’s even bought Neville a new wand—as if there was a real risk she’d have sent him to school wandless for his shame. And it’s a Cherry and Unicorn hair, Ollivander’s Eternally Virgin Special!

*ETA: Not that Neville won't win himself a shiny het marriage. He lives above a pub, too. Because Neville is cool. Did you get that message boys and girls? If you see that Neville is cool despite being a bit of a puddinghead when he was 11 you're a Good Person, just like Harry!

*Luna announces she has no friends and Harry tells us this is the kind of “uncomfortable” thing Luna says. This year. Because she didn’t say stuff like that last year at all. She’s found an entirely new way of saying “Look at me.” Joy.

*Romilda Vane appears. In case you’re wondering if we should like her or not, she’s confident but has a prominent chin. No, you should not like her.

*Remember how last year Harry wished he were with cooler people when the older, cool girl he liked walked in? Well now he chooses to sit with the same people over the younger, obnoxious homely girl and her friends. What growth!

*"People expect you to have cooler friends than us," Luna says, displaying her tedious habit of seeking attention by making sure everyone knows how weird she is new-found knack for embarrassing honesty.

*Harry announces that since Neville and Luna risked their lives for him they are, in fact, good enough to sit with a cool guy like him. Really Harry? With the actual captain of the Quidditch team? The Chosen One? But they’ve never faced Voldemort!

*ETA: Seriously, I love the way Harry's being surrounded by people to tell him how cool he is as if he totally doesn't know.

*Neville chats about his grades while Harry wonders if Neville’s mother would have died to save him if he was threatened as a baby. When you’re the Chosen One you wonder things like this about people. I mean, remember how stubby Neville's legs were? Could even a mother love that?

*Luckily Voldemort chose Harry for “his own inscrutable reasons.” Not really inscrutable, Harry. You are the one who is his equal and Neville is not. Even as a baby, the superiority was there. Just ask Dumbledore.

*Neville notices Harry’s totally not listening to him. Not that he cares, because Neville always knows his place. See? Totally the best friend for Harry.

*Luna jumps in to bring the attention back to herself by mentioning wrackspurts. It’s like a battle of giants with Harry and Luna in a car. Who is more self-absorbed?

*Ron appears in the carriage and tattles on Malfoy. He’s sitting with the Slytherins! He’s not doing his Prefect duty! I expect Hermione has owled ahead to inform the headmaster.

*Apparently Malfoy happily abused his power as Prefect last year. Hey, just because Harry couldn’t recognize half the kids in his year doesn’t mean he can’t suddenly drop information about Malfoy’s Reign of Terror as a Prefect last year just because it was a total non-issue at the time. He terrorized everybody except Harry because he likes Harry, I guess.

*And no, the school would not do anything about a bad Prefect. It's all part of the school experience.

*Harry thinks this seems to suggest Malfoy’s got more important things to do than bullying younger students. As opposed to Hermione, who bullies younger students in response to more important things (like if she’s worried about OWLS, she’ll take it out on them).

*Harry shows even more brilliant deductive ability when he knows ahead of time that Neville’s invited to Slughorn’s place for being a Pureblood! Did Harry take smart pills? He’s making connections all over the place!

*Harry deals nobly with everyone staring, and gets the small reward of seeing Marietta Edgecomb is still suffering for having loyalties apart from him last year. Please please please let this storyline have some satisfying ending. Otherwise I’m going to be stuck just thinking these people suck. ETA: Oh well. Looks like I'm stuck.

*Ginny grimaces at Harry from behind Slughorn’s back, which pretty much sums up Ginny.

*In the seventy years that Slughorn’s been creating a vast social network he apparently has not managed to pick up any subtly whatsoever. Your famous uncle isn’t speaking to your father? You get no pie.

*Everyone’s there because they’re connected to someone influential. Except Ginny. Well, no, not except Ginny. Ginny is there because of her connection to the author who can’t miss a chance to remind us that anyone, if given a chance, would pick Ginny. For anything.

*Apparently Slughorn is reserving judgment on Neville to see if he has any of his parents’ flair. Which is odd because if there’s one thing Neville’s parents seem to lack it is flair.

*Blaise makes the mistake of snorting at Harry, which inspires a shrill rebuke from Ginny, Harry’s attack harpy.

*This naturally proves that Ginny clearly does belong with the snooty folk.

*Zabini merely looks contemptuous, which I would appreciate except that we’re soon to be told he’s just jellus.

*Harry spends a tedious journey in the car. One wonders why Ginny doesn’t just do her snot jinx so they can all leave. Isn’t that what the upper crust do when someone begins to bore them?

*Ginny explains that she got into the club because Zacharias Smith, whom one would think would be considered okay by now, asked her too many questions. If you look in your Mary Sue manual under “Bitchy Witch” and “Fiery temper” you’ll understand how this is supposed to reflect well on Ginny.

*By the way, if you’re keeping score that two more people in this chapter whom Ginny doesn’t like.

*ETA: And Zacharias deserves it too! He's obviously just waiting to push first-years out of the way as he runs to safety in a cowardly way.

*Harry says that a hex is a better reason to invite someone to lunch than that their parents are famous. I’m going to have to disagree. I’d pick lunch with a movie star’s sister over lunch with some girl with a temper and a mucus fixation any day.

*Thank goodness Harry decides to just do something stupid here to move the plot along. Thanks Harry. I was getting really bored and I can’t hex the book to make it stop.

*ETA: That's Harry's one act of agency, ever. Whenever a situation requires a really stupid gesture on somebody's part, Harry's just the guy to do it. Remember how he saves the next book by randomly saying Voldemort?

*Okay, so Harry has his invisible foot in the door and Blaise honestly can’t tell he’s there? Even when he opens the door himself? That invisibility cloak must have some powerful spells on it. Harry’s not exactly Jack Bauer with the sneaking skills.

*I’m surprised the Slytherin compartment doesn’t have a beaded curtain at the entrance. Surely the lighting is dim and pink and incense fills the air. Crabbe plays the sitar as Pansy feeds Draco grapes.

*I have to say this: of course Draco and Pansy are going out. Rowling’s got half a page to establish something about the relationships here. Do you really think she’s writing from the fanfic perspective where we’re supposed to wonder if Draco isn’t just Pansy’s gay friend or that they’re just friends who for some reason pet each other? That Draco’s playing hard to get?

*ETA: It's sad that I kind of cheer for them for not getting married. Even though I realize that the fact that Draco marries someone else probably just means he and Pansy are too evil for the Tru Love of High School Sweetheartness.

*Go Crabbe with the comic! I love Crabbe! And I love that Malfoy is friends with somebody who’s into comics! I’ll bet they’ve hung around in many stores while Crabbe picked out his monthly stash.

*ETA: Boo Crabbe! Comics are a sign of stupidity and therefore evil!

*Pansy announces Belby’s a prat. In case you’re thinking that’s the type of thing Ginny would say, and indeed will say throughout the book, you should note that she’s saying *Belby* is a prat. That’s the kid that Slughorn dissed and who didn’t get a pie. Which means Pansy’s a bully where Ginny is not.

*Draco proves himself the real Chosen One by honestly not seeing what’s so great about Ginny. Perhaps he just hasn’t seen her dancing hair yet.

*Blaise falls down in my estimation by using prejudice to cover up the obvious fact that he just wishes he could have Ginny for his girl!

*Harry, meanwhile, is disgusted at Pansy looking as if anyone would like to be in her place, with Malfoy in her lap. Stop looking like that, Pansy! Harry wouldn’t really like to be in your place at all! You’re just making him feel that way by...looking like that. He’s not projecting at all. You are. YOU ARE!!!

*Yay Draco for not caring about Slughorn! Sure he’s probably telling himself that Voldemort’s club is much cooler, but anything to get the idea into his head is a good start.

*Malfoy calls Slughorn a fat old has-been. Even though he’s never seen him. Is his fat the stuff of legend?

*ETA: Seriously, what's up with Draco here? Why is he doing this total imitation of a character who's growing up? He'll be back in short pants in the next book. It's cruel.

*What does “fully qualified” mean exactly? Surely Fred and George are fully qualified even though they’ve only got OWLS?

*Hee! I love Pansy gazing at Malfoy as if she’s never seen anything so awe-inspiring when he suggests he’s joined an insane terrorist group. Ron won’t be getting much of that in the future.

*Of course this just must mean Pansy’s badly treated or subservient. And probably she’ll be beaten and raped. It always ends in being beaten and raped. ETA: Or even worse, possibly not getting married. Cow.

*Goyle was probably thrilled when he found out he’d smacked the Chosen One upside the head without even knowing it.

*Harry isn’t afraid of Malfoy, but he doesn’t want to be found under his cloak by unfriendly Slytherins. I’ll bet not. If there’s one person who knows what that would be like it’s Harry Potter, having been on the other side any number of times.

*As I said once before, for all that Malfoy is a boob much of the time, he is, sadly, pretty much our most cunning Slytherin. This is his second actual cunning plan, the first being the one to get Harry expelled with the Midnight Duel. See how he manages to convince Harry he doesn’t know he’s there!

*I like that the narrator still manages to get a little dig in at Pansy. She’s holding out her hand as if *hoping* Draco will hold it. Not *expecting* he will hold it, which sounds much reasonable. If she were just hoping she’d be standing there trying to look inconspicuous with her hand in easy range. Girlfriends stick out their hand because the boy is usually does hold it.

*LOL. And it’s pretty funny the way Draco’s closing the blinds and Harry’s thinking, “Yes, I’ve totally got him!” I’m surprised Draco’s not whistling to himself as he does it.

*ETA: I've read this story too, btw. Draco's closing the blinds to have his last pre-Hogwarts wank about Harry, and Harry will get all turned on watching him.

*So can Harry see out from the Invisibility cloak? Usually covered by a cloak you’d have to peek out under it, but this one seems to work like a two-way mirror.

*Draco is so pleased he figured this out. This incident probably fuels him for most of the year. “I can do this. The Potter thing actually worked. My luck is changing…”

*I've read this story too. Draco's got all this S&M stuff in his trunk and now that he's got Harry in his power he's going to get all bondage on him and Harry's going to really like it and...oh wait, wrong story.

* Malfoy deals with Harry violently, yet in a controlled way. Excuse me. I mean he proves himself to be a psychotic lunatic who could never be anything but evil. How can they even let him in school?



Box Picture
Honestly, it feels like the last three chapters have been about re-introducing us to all these characters important only because we’ve seen them before.

Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
See how in this chapter Harry keeps telling people something’s up with Malfoy and no one believes him? That’ll be happening over and over from now on.

IITS
And that’s how Ginny got into the Slug Club. Wasn’t that a great story?

Idiot World
Another new teacher. Another incompetent adult.

Informed Attributes
And that’s how Ginny got into the Slug Club. Wasn’t that a great story?

Ken’s Second Rule of High Altitude Mortality
About time I got to use one of these! Yes, Harry is perfectly secure on the luggage rack, but when frozen by a hex that hits him from in front and below, topples forward while managing to turn in the air and land on his back.

Misdirected Answering
Looking back, how much of the exposition in this chapter leads anywhere? Better yet don’t look back. Never look back.

The Misleading Masculine Moniker Rule
Not a point, but significant by its absence. Doesn’t Ginny just cry out for this?

Selling Wood
I have heard that Ginny Weasley is very attractive. Is not that right Blaise? You are very attractive and yet you find her very attractive. You are hard to please, yet you find her very attractive. She must be very objectively attractive and that makes me jealous.

The Stealth Monster Rule
When you’re in an invisibility cloak you can be as gigantic, awkward or noisy as you want!

Final score: 9

H/D fic cliches (should have started that last chapter):
-The one where Malfoy suddenly isn't focused on Harry and Harry gets intrigued.
-The one where Harry sneaks into a room alone with his cloak to watch Malfoy with no one else watching him.
-The one where Malfoy gets Harry trussed up and in his power and trapped and stuff.
-The one where Harry's curiously infuriated by seeing somebody else turned on by Malfoy.