deathtocapslock | Deathly Hallows, chapter 11 (Reply)

The Bribe

* The Death Eaters seem to know where 12 Grimmauld Place is, even though they can't access the place. Which means that Snape must not have told Voldemort that Dumbledore was the Secret Keeper. This alone should have tipped at least Hermione off to the fact that Snape was on their side.

* Oh, come on, Hermione. It's not like Moody's curse could prevent Snape from revealing the information if he had wanted to.

* I wonder why the DEs haven't been standing outside 12 Grimmauld Place since OotP. Why now and not then?

* Hermione and Ron bickering is getting old. I don't see how their marriage can be anything but misery.

* Really, all one has to do to get past Moody's wards is say "it was not I who killed you, Albus". I've said this before, but I can't believe how pathetic this is.

* I wonder, if Snape was truly on Voldemort's side, would Voldemort have won? Because it seems to me that Snape is the only competent adult wizard there is. (Or maybe Voldemort should go to Señor Draco for advice. After all, he seems to be the only wizard whose evil plot worked.)

* Lupin looks exhausted. What, not shabby?

* Even now, when they are no longer teaching colleagues, Lupin calls Snape "Severus". Interrrrresting.

* It's impossible to track anyone who Apparates. One more reason, in addition to mmmfflmmmffflmmmph, for not to Apparate Harry out of 4 Privet Drive.

* Even Lupin doesn't know about Voldemort's name-hearing skill.

* So the Death Eaters only interrogated people who they knew were their enemies. Somehow it doesn't seem like Voldemort's style to leave his enemies alive.

* Even the Tonkses were attacked, even though they are protected by powerful enchantments that are able to stop Voldemort himself.

* Ah, so the Tonkses' house is still protected by the enchantments, but now that the DEs have taken over the Ministry, they no longer fear using illegal spells. That must make sense in some alternate universe, but certainly not in this.

* Lupin hesitates before showing the Daily Prophet to the Trio. Probably wise, considering Harry's power of CAPSLOCK.

* Harry heroically resists using his special power. I am thankful.

* I'm not surprised that the Daily Prophet article hasn't resulted in an uproar. If I were a law officer, and I had to investigate a murder where no one but the people who were present knew the murderer, I too would want to question the witnesses.

* The sudden new Ministry policy concerning the Muggle-born really should have tipped everyone with some kind of deductive power to the fact that Voldemort has taken over the Ministry. Or if not that, then at least that there's something deeply wrong with the Ministry.

* The new policy is kind of heavy handed. Yeah, yeah, we get it. The Death Eaters are powerful masters of dark and evil arts. Or Thatcherian Tories.

* Right, right, sorry. Couldn't help myself. I meant to say that the Death Eaters are like the Nazis. We get it.

* Nevertheless, I kind of like the new policy, or at least I would have liked it if it hadn't appeared out of thin air. The notion that the Muggle-born somehow steal magic could have been one of the prejudices that the Muggle-born face. It's something wizards, with their lack of logical skills, would believe. As it is now, though, it's just something pastede on.

* In an uncharacteristic moment, Ron displays a rudimentary knowledge of logical thinking. Too bad the wizards are not known for their logical skills (see PS/SS). Otherwise they'd see that stealing magic would be impossible.

* Why doesn't Lupin try to persuade Harry to tell him what the mission is?

* For that matter, why doesn't Harry ever ask himself why Dumbledore wanted only Harry, Hermione and Ron to know about Horcruxes? Because there's no earthly reason why a few trustworthy adults shouldn't know. I doubt they'd go off to make a few Horcruxes for themselves.

* How has Tonks managed to become pregnant? It's clear that Lupin didn't want it. Am I supposed to conclude that Tonks stopped taking her contraceptive potion without telling her husband? Because if that's the case, I don't wonder at all that Lupin is a bit miffed.

* How stupid is Tonks for getting pregnant in the middle of a war? Maybe she hopes that her child will be the second Boy-Who-Lived.

* Oh my god, here comes Harry's holier-than-thou act. Brace yourselves.

* Um, Lupin, lycanthropy is an acquired characteristic. Acquired characteristics aren't passed along to the next generation. Though I'm not surprised Lupin not knowing that. I'd imagine that wizards would have very little knowledge about genetics. Unlike us ignorant Muggles.

* I hate what Rowling did to Remus here. Where's the ever-calm Lupin of PoA and OotP? Somehow I don't see that person being badgered into a marriage against his will. Damn you, Rowling. Stop destroying characters I like.

* Okay, Harry, you have gone too far. If I were your mother, I'd send you to your room without dessert until you saw the error of your ways and apologised to Lupin.

* On the other hand, Lupin the Marauder really might have been feeling a little bit of a daredevil. Too bad this Lupin bears no resemblance to Marauder!Lupin.

* Hermione asks how Harry could have done what he did. The answer is: easily. Harry doesn't care about other people.

* Harry feels remorse! Colour me shocked.

* Oh lord, more about the Dumbledore story. It's getting old. And boring. Most of all boring.

* Harry wants to visit Godric's Hollow. The boy just can't keep his mind on his task. Which, by the way, he just refused to share with someone who'd probably have been a great help.

* It seems to me that defeating Voldemort isn't really Harry's priority. His priority is to do what Dumbledore told him to do and to find out the truth about Dumbledore. Hmm, he's really obsessed with Dumbledore, isn't he?

* Kreacher is all "yes, Master, sorry, Master". Nooooooo, don't ruin Kreacher! Damn you, JKR!

* Mundungus is right, Sirius never cared about all the valuable items in 12 Grimmauld Place. In fact, he did his best to rid the house of them. Why shouldn't Mundungus have taken them?

* Oh, I like avenging!Kreacher. "Perhaps just one more, Master Harry, for luck?" *dissolves in giggles*

Designated Hero:
Our hero is characterised by his great ability to ~~rage~~ love.

Foley Work:
Crack! Kreacher apparates.

IITS:
I wonder why the Death Eaters left their enemies alive. I declare IITS.

Idiot Picture:
People don't realise Voldemort has taken over the Ministry. (That was the second time I almost wrote "Dumbledore" instead of "Voldemort". A Freudian slip, I suppose.)

Idiot World:
Dumbledore told us not to tell anyone about our quest, so we don't. Never mind if it means the baddies will win.

McGuffin:
The Horcruxes. Which Harry forgets he should be chasing in his quest to find out the Truth about Bumblebore.

Misdirected Answering:
Dumbledore, Dumbledore, Dumbledore, Dumbledore.

Nut o' Fun:
Kreacher and the saucepan!

Spring-Loaded Cat:
Lupin and his masterful way of getting past Moody extra special wards.

Whooshing Powder:
Whoosh, Lupin is gone. The next time we see him he's an enthusiastic new father. *gags*

Final score: 10. Wow! This chapter really is something quite special. If by "special" one means "sporkable".