deathtocapslock | Deathly Hallows Chapter 14 (Reply)

The Thief

Harry lands with the rest of the trio in a forest. Hermione later tells him that it’s the place where the Quidditch World Cup took place. So, where is the Robinson family, I wonder?

Never mind for now. The immediate problem is that Ron has comically, I mean tragically splinched himself. Don’t drink and Apparate, kids.

Thankfully, Ron has only splinched part of his upper arm, so it’s in a PG-rated place. The wound looks liked someone scooped away part of the arm. I am imagining an ice-cream-shaped piece of Ron’s flesh ending up somewhere inappropriate. Like maybe some little kid’s ice-cream cone.

Inappropriate! I know. This isn’t funny! It’s dramatic!

Naturally Hermione has prepared for life-threatening injuries by packing “Essence of Dittany” in her bag. I’ll bet she’s got a bezoar in there, too.

Harry reaches into her bag for the bottle of dittany and object after object begins “presenting itself to his touch,” making the bag sound like the newest version of Safari, or that cool iTunes interface which stacks your albums into a neat row of pictures.

Three drops of dittany close the wound and create new skin over the gaping hole. Hermione admits that that’s all she knows how to do. Well, as long as it stops someone from bleeding to death. Should come in handy if they ever come across anyone else who happens to be bleeding to death. Say, from a big bite on the neck.

Hermione admits, tearfully, that Yaxley grabbed her as they Apparated to 12 Grimauld Place, and, since he probably saw the door, then he’s in on the secret and can tell the Death Eaters any time about their hideout.

Hmm. So, the smart thing would have been to stay on the stoop, pull him into the house and either kill him or imprison him in one of the many rooms. Or obliviate him, which we know Hermione can do. But, I guess this is one of those times when Hermione isn’t a cool head in a crisis.

But Harry gallantly takes the blame by showing Hermione Moody’s eye and admitting that he was the one who screwed up the mission.

Harry worries about the Death Eaters showing up—like they did at the all-night café, but Ron is too weak to move, so they decide to set up camp in the tent Hermione thoughtfully packed in her bag.

Hermione casts a number of protective spells around the tent. Salvio Hexia: The closest I can translate this is to Healthy Hex (Salveo: To be healthy) or Safety Hex (Salvus: Safe, sound).

Protego Totalum: Total Protection. Repello Muggletum: Go away, Muggles! (So, Muggle is a Latin word?) and Muffliato: Soundproofing. Her last ward is Cave Inimicum: Beware of Enemy, which is probably some kind of alarm system.

By the way, Erecto is the spell that sets up the tent, which Hermione casts in the middle of the other spells, since Harry isn’t competent enough to do it himself. Sometime I wonder if Harry learned anything in six years of school.

I am slightly amused that Harry recognizes the tent and correctly identifies its owner as Perkins, that bloke from the Ministry. This is Harry, who can’t remember who that tall weedy kid he spent five years in classes with was.

Hermione nearly says the name Voldemort—which would have made this a much shorter book. Ron, however, saves them all through the power of superstition. Harry wants to argue about that, since Dumbledore said it was cowardly to use You-Know-Who, but Hermione sides with Ron because he’s so ill.

In the tent, Ron worries about the Cattermoles. This worrying over other people really turns Hermione on, as Harry notices. Grr. This is not unusual for Ron, folks! Ron shows empathy all the time, and I always believe that it’s genuine. In contrast, Hermione’s tears always seem based more on political ideology than actual empathy.

The locket is passed around and discussed, leading to the revelation that—surprise!—the Trio doesn’t know how to destroy the damn thing! This is yet another time that a Dark Arts expert would have come in handy.

Ron is the one who first realizes that the locket has a pulse—like a tiny, beating heart. Do all the Horcruxes have little beating hearts? Or do they contain the other organs? Perhaps the ring Horcrux contained Voldemort’s kidney? And the cup holds his bladder? Wouldn’t it be funny if it randomly pissed? If the diadem holds his brain, that would explain a lot of his actions…

Harry makes the executive decision to wear the locket, even though they know that it’s evil. They discussed the danger of wearing a Horcrux, and even speculated that it might make Umbridge more evil than ever. But either Harry thinks he can handle it or he just plain forgot.

There’s a spooky passage while Harry sits sentry at the tent entrance and thinks emo thoughts about the danger they are in and his eventual showdown with Voldemort. His scar starts to prickle and Harry thinks about Kreacher, left back in the house without knowing where they are or if they’ll ever be back. I think it’s curious that the mental connection actually prompts Harry to think about another being—it’s almost as if Voldemort were more empathetic than Harry, instead of being a sociopath.

I’m also wondering if the locket, being in close proximity to Harry’s Horcrux, might not intensify the connection and make it easier for Harry to eavesdrop on Voldemort’s thoughts. But that’s never stated in the text, and Harry’s had plenty of visions before this, so I don’t think so. Harry’s visions seem to be based most strongly on what will advance the plot, rather than anything else, as Voldemort doesn’t seem particularly emotional in this one.

The vision involves Voldemort torturing an upside-down Gregorovitch. You know, this “hanging man” motif is getting old for me. I’m not horrified by the image of a trussed-up Santa Claus slowly turning while Voldemort questions him about “it.” The picture in my mind is rather comic, as Voldemort is forced to pause every five seconds as Gregorovitch revolves away from him.

Voldemort Legilimenses Gregorovitch and Harry sees a memory of a young man with golden hair, perched on a window sill. The young man shoots a stunning spell at Gregorovitch and jumps (or flies) out the window. Apparently, the young man has stolen something from Gregorovitch, something Voldemort wants very much, but we still don’t know what it is.

Again, withholding this information from the reader is just silly. It makes the mystery all about what Voldemort wants—a mystery we cannot possibly solve because we need to hear the story of The Three Brothers and Their Idiot Requests That Death Fulfills For No Apparent Reason. There was no need to make this mysterious. It would have been more suspenseful and interesting for the reader if we had known Voldemort was searching for a super wand.

By the way, Gregorovitch, who must have suffered (or prospered) until Grindelwald’s reign of terror, has no idea who this young man is. That’s even worse than Harry not recognizing him. True, Harry saw a picture of the guy about five hours ago, but if someone is holding your country in thrall, then you would probably know what he looked like. It’s not like Grindelwald was a child when he stole the wand from Gregorovitch.

And it’s not like Grindelwald radically changed appearance and name, the way that Voldemort did.

Moreover, even if Gregorovtich didn’t recognize Grindelwald’s face from the moving photographs in the papers—surely he must have recognized the wand! I mean, random people recognize Bellatrix Lestrange’s wand. Gregorovitch was a wandmaker. A violin maker would recognize a Stradivarius by the sound. Surely a wandmaker would recognize the Elder Wand by sight, especially if he had owned it!

At this point, Harry wakes up screaming, annoying Hermione because he’s not practicing Occlumency. So, we get another scolding from Hermione and Harry is sent to bed like a naughty child.

Continuing the naughty child theme, he and Ron whisper to each other about the vision and what Voldemort might be up to. Harry lays out the mystery one more time for us: Voldemort is looking for something. We don’t know what it is, but it’s probably connected to Harry’s super wand mastery that keeps Voldemort from killing him. Whatever it is, a wild, laughing boy who looks familiar (because Harry saw him hugging Dumbledore about five hours ago) stole it.

Geez. Now we’re recapping the chapter within the chapter.

There is an interesting note though: Grindelwald reminds Harry of Fred and George. So, maybe he does have a clue about how destructive the twins could be. Had Fred not later been killed, perhaps they would have become the next Dark Lords. (Sort of like Bill Gates.) The wizarding world really dodged a bullet there, even if Fred did not.

Anyway, after doing his recapping duties, Harry falls asleep, exhausted. I know how he feels.

But at least he isn’t obsessing about Dumbledore.

Fan Service:
Snapists rejoice as Harry proves true Snape’s assessment of him as a lazy, mediocre wizard who relies on his more talented friends to do everything.
Steve Kloves rejoices as Hermione becomes even more super than he could ever have imagined.
Remember that moment when Ron failed his Apparation test by half an eyebrow? That totally foreshadowed Ron splinching himself!

Fan Slappage:
Remember how important it was that Harry learn Occlumency? Doesn’t seem to be that important after all.
The more we learn about Grindelwald, the less impressive he gets.

DVD Extras:

TITLE CARD: Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts….

INT: DAY -- Headmaster’s Office

Snape sits at the desk, perusing an enormous schedule spreadsheet (on parchment). There is a KNOCK at the door and PANSY PARKINSON sticks her head in.

PANSY
You wanted to see me, Headmaster Snape?

SNAPE
Yes. Have a seat.

Pansy sits expectantly in the chair opposite the desk.

SNAPE (CONT’D)
As you know, Miss Parkinson, there has been a change in the Ministry and here at Hogwarts.

PANSY
And about time, too, sir.

SNAPE
(waving aside the compliment)
I have been asked by…ah… interested parties to gather some information about the Boy Who Lived.

PANSY
Harry Potter? Is it true, then? That he threatens the D—that he is dangerous?

SNAPE
That is the general opinion. I thought perhaps you, with your excellent contacts in this school, might be able to tell me something about his movements last term.

PANSY
(thinking hard)
Well, he did the normal things. He did quit Quidditch halfway through the season, and he was always following Draco—Mr. Malfoy around. It was very annoying.

SNAPE
(playing with his wand)
Yes, yes. Anything else? Romantic attachments?

PANSY
Oh, yes! He spent nearly all last term plastered up against that stupid blood traitor Weasley.

SNAPE
Are you sure about that?

PANSY
You couldn’t miss it! It was the talk of the school! They were everywhere together. You couldn’t go to the lake or the library without seeing them. It was disgusting!

SNAPE
Thank you, Miss Parkinson. That was very helpful.

PANSY
You’re welcome. Shall I go now?

SNAPE
Just one more thing. (waving his wand) Obliviate!

Pansy’s eyes become unfocussed. Snape stands and moves close enough to murmur in her ear.

SNAPE (CONT’D)
You remember nothing about this three month snogfest between Harry Potter and Ginevra Weasley. As far as you are concerned, Harry Potter has no romantic attachments. In fact, you are convinced that he’s secretly gay.

He waves the wand a second time and Pansy snaps out of her trance.

PANSY
So, like I said, Potter’s too weird to have any girlfriends. I think he’s gay. Was that all you wanted, Headmaster?

SNAPE
Yes. You may go.

She leaves. Snape sits back at his desk and closes his eyes. The portrait of Albus Dumbledore smiles and twinkles from its place behind the desk.

DUMBLEDORE’S PORTRAIT
One down! Only two hundred and seventy-nine more to go!

Snape groans and rubs his temples.

SNAPE
The things I do for you, Albus.

FADE OUT