deathtocapslock | Deathly Hallows Chapter 22 (Reply)

The Deathly Hallows

So, we had an infodump chapter with a bit of action at the end. What would naturally follow that? Harry obsessing about something irrelevant!

Well, it isn’t irrelevant to the story JKR is telling. It’s just irrelevant to the story people want to read. We spent an entire book doing nothing much more than setting up the Horcrux quest with a very clear roadmap. Find the three remaining Horcruxes (Locket, Cup, and “Mystery” object), destroy them, kill the snake, and then finish off Voldemort.

Okay, turns out that’s not a lot to fill out a book, but I’m sure we all assumed that there’d be plenty of scenes filled with exciting book-buying trips to Diagon Alley, depressing Opening Day speeches by the new Headmaster, Quidditch games, and so forth.

No, that wasn’t in The Plan. What was in the Plan was this major distraction of a new quest. Things to posses rather than things to destroy. Power over death rather than the death of power.

The Last Temptation of Harry Potter.

That was JKR’s Plan. So, what was Dumbledore’s plan? He must have had one, because he gave Hermione that book, which was what put the Trio onto the quest.

Looking at the King’s Cross chapter, Dumbledore (or Harry’s figment of Dumbledore, whichever you prefer) tells Harry that he wanted to slow them down by having Hermione figure stuff out in her glacially researched manner. Because, if Harry had been presented with the facts, he would have seized the Hallows without thinking about it.

Here’s the problem with that: As has been established (and restated again in the KC chapter), hardly anyone knows about the Hallows Quest. So, why would Harry have ever heard about it to begin with? Was he likely to spend time hanging out with Xenophilius Lovegood? And would Lovegood be blabbing about the Quest in casual conversation? And if he did, would Harry be likely to listen to the man who believed in Snorkacks, Wrackspurts, and Nargles spouting off about some other imaginary doodahs?

No.

So, the only way for Harry to even care about the Quest was for Dumbledore to set up one of his rat mazes for the Trio to run through. Which he did.

Which, when you consider that at the time he set up the Quest, Dumbledore possessed two of the Hallows and Harry possessed the third, it hardly qualifies as a Quest, right?

Here is your Quest, young man. Go over to that desk and open the drawer. Take out the wand that is there.

And what shall I do with that wand, oh Wise One?

Nothing. That’s it. You’re done.

And if Dumbledore intended Harry to have all three objects, thus becoming the Master of Death, why, in the name of all things Hallowed, did Dumbledore not make provision for the wand?

Perhaps he did. Dumbledore rather elaborately set things up so that Snape would have the most claim to the wand. Either the power would die with Dumbledore (as Harry tells Voldemort), or Snape would become the master. If the power died with Dumbledore, then it would be useless to Harry as a wand or a Hallow. If Snape had mastery over the wand, then Harry would have to defeat Snape before defeating Voldemort. And we all know how that went.

So, did Dumbledore ever intend Harry to have the Elder Wand? If he did, he made it impossible for Harry to do so without “defeating” Severus Snape. Which means that he was setting up yet another obstacle for Harry. And this wasn’t even counting the fact that whipping Snape’s hide was counter-productive to the task that Snape had of telling Harry that he was supposed to let Voldemort kill him.

(Side rant: It was all setting up Snape to be killed. Killed with blood on his hands and a torn soul. I don’t think there is any getting past that. If Dumbledore’s intention was to set up a distraction for Voldemort to seek his now powerless wand, Snape’s claim put a huge target on his back. If, instead, the plan was to allow Harry to eventually possess all three Hallows (once he’d thought it all through), then Snape would still be targeted. Irony of ironies! The world reviled Snape for killing Dumbledore, but it was Dumbledore who was murdering Snape.)

So, was Harry supposed to get that wand or not? If the plan was for nobody to have the Hallows, then there was no need to leave Hermione a book with mysterious symbols in it.

The only halfway decent motivation I can draw from all this is that Dumbledore wanted Harry to have the stone in order to comfort him as he walked to his death (and didn’t give a crap about the wand or Snape). But, in that case, there was no need to send Harry on the Quest in the first place. All Dumbledore needed to do was to include a little note with the stone saying, “Think about the ones you love and turn the stone three times.”

The ghosties would still have appeared and comforted Harry, who probably wouldn’t have been asking for explanations at the time.

Geez. I haven’t even started this stupid chapter yet.

So, the Trio lands in some random field and Hermione starts casting the protective wards. Ron praises Hermione for getting them out of that dangerous situation. Okay, I know Ron is sucking up to Hermione, but it hardly took brilliance to get them out of the house. All it took was an Apparation spell and they’ve been doing that for months now.

That’s the problem with being able to instantly transport, plotwise. It’s a lot easier to get out of a bad situation in Potterverse than it is to get into one. Getting into trouble takes weeks of planning. Getting out of it requires the ability to pirouette.

Hermione breathlessly explains that she showed herself and Harry so that the Death Eaters would know that Lovegood had told the truth and thus, hopefully, not kill him or Luna. It’s kind of a faint hope. Xenophilius is useless to the Death Eaters. Nobody cares about his paper, which is echoing the Daily Prophet now, and obviously, Harry Potter isn’t going to be visiting him again. So, why not kill him and be done with it?

Hermione then explains that she had Ron hide to protect his family. Apparently, the spattergroit plan is still working, and the Ministry/Death Eater Organization have no idea that the Weasleys have anything to do with Harry.

As for Hermione’s parents, they are protected by the magic of air travel. None of the Death Eaters have heard about those new-fangled airplane thingies, so they can’t possibly go kill her family. What do you mean wizards can travel by floo, portkey, or Apparition? La, la, la… I can’t hear you!

The Trio discuss Luna’s plight and decide that she must be in Azkaban. So, I guess the Ministry and the Death Eaters are one and the same. And still, nobody is bothering to rise up against the Ministry. And the only reason Voldemort isn’t Minister of Magic right now is that he’s too busy looking for a wand.

Hermione moans remorsefully about taking Harry on a fool’s chase. She decides that the quest is utter rubbish and suggests that Lovegood made it all up in order to keep Harry there until the Death Eaters arrived.

Ron thinks that he didn’t, since it’s hard to make stuff up when you’re under pressure. Of course, it’s hard for Ron to chew gum under pressure, so I don’t think we should take him as any sort of standard.

This devolves into an argument between the three of them as to whether the Hallows really exist or not. Hermione staunchly insists that they can’t possibly exist. In a world where there are ghosts, inferi, and invisible skeletal flying horses, why is it such a stretch to think that a stone that brings back the dead might be lying around somewhere?

But when Harry mentions the ghosts of his parents and Cedric, he sees real fear in Hermione’s face. Of course, this has been Hermione’s normal expression for months now. But Harry realizes he has scared her with his talk about dead people.

Hello. They have regularly spoken to dead people for over six years now. Their House has a mascot dead person. They attended his Deathday party in second year. Why the hell would talking about dead people scare Hermione?

So, Harry changes the subject to the Peverells and comes up with a revelation. Marvolo Gaunt had claimed to be descended from the Peverells, and to have a ring with their coat-of-arms on it. Harry starts connecting the few dots of information that he has and comes up with the conclusion that the ring Dumbledore destroyed contained the Resurrection Stone.

He shouts out that the markings on the stone were the Deathly Hallows sign, and Hermione properly points out that he said a minute ago that he hadn’t seen them properly. I have to applaud her rationality here, because Harry seems to be getting very carried away. On the other hand, he does turn out to be right.

Harry then takes out his cloak and examines it, deciding that it must be the real Invisibility Cloak and that, in his vast seven-year experience of wizarding objects, he had never seen anything remotely as cool. So, I guess the mighty Firebolt Broomstick that Goes from Zero to 50 in 8.2 Seconds, the Clock that Magically Knows Where Everyone Is and What They Are Doing, and the Map that Shows Everyone in Hogwarts and Insults People, as well as the Room that Magically Provides Exactly What You Need, the Hat that Tells You Who You Are, the Sword that Only Appears in Times of Crisis, and the Bowl That Allows You to Experience Memories, are all chopped liver.

You know, this might be the problem with the Deathly Hallows as a story device. Compared to the rest of the Wizarding World, they just aren’t that fabulous. I’d rather have a flying car, myself. Although, maybe something that gets better mileage than a Ford Anglia.

Getting back to Harry, he’s still pacing around the tent in a frenzy. Next revelation: Dumbledore wanted to borrow the cloak! Super-exciting! Harry is descended from the Peverells, too! (Which makes him and Voldemort relatives, but Harry never goes there.)

Harry takes his mother’s letter out of his pouch, dislodging the Snitch, which gives him yet another revelation. The Snitch is holding the stone! That’s why Dumbledore left it to him! Now he has two Hallows! Woo hoo!

Then Harry is plunged into despair again as he realizes that Voldemort must be chasing after the Elder Wand. Finally! We learn what the heck Voldemort has been after all these months. Which, as a reader, makes me feel all… indifferent. All the wand is is something that people kill you for. Like Voldemort even needs a reason to kill people. And like there aren’t a whole world full of wizards just itching to kill Voldemort.

Harry goes to gaze upon the symbolic darkness outside the tent while he ponders Voldemort’s quest for the wand. Wow. It got dark really fast, didn’t it? Was this the reason for the hours of walking two chapters ago, so that the Trio wouldn’t get to Lovegood’s home until late afternoon, and thus escape only shortly before dusk? Verrrry clever, JKR!

Getting back to Harry, he decides that Voldemort wouldn’t be likely to have read The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and thus, wouldn’t know about the Deathly Hallows. Moreover, he used a Hallow to make a Horcrux, so he was even less likely to know about them. So, he was just looking for the Elder Wand because it was famous for being a bad-ass wand and he needed something to get past Harry’s super speshul auto-wand.

He turns back to Ron and Hermione and, speaking with the voice of authority, declares he has one, maybe two, of the Hallows, while Voldemort is looking for the third, but with no idea of what he’s really getting.

Hermione tries to bring Harry back to earth by asking why Dumbledore wouldn’t just tell Harry. Harry correctly points out that Dumbledore prefers to set up stupid mazes, I mean, let Harry figure stuff out on his own. If I were Dumbledore, I think I would have noticed long ago that Harry is terrible at figuring stuff out on his own. But probably Dumbledore actually knew that, which is why he gave all the clues to Hermione instead of to Harry.

Unable to penetrate Hermione’s strong edifice of logic, Harry appeals to Ron. Which is dumb, because Ron has no reason to support Harry’s delusions and every reason to support Hermione. Which he does. Even if Hermione makes my skin crawl, I still love Ron for this. Especially since he couches it in terms of getting back to the A-story. The Horcruxes? Remember, Harry?

Can we just destroy the frigging Horcruxes before we start obsessing on finding the idiot Hallows, which you have two-thirds of already? Please?

So, Hermione takes the first watch, and Harry spends the night in his bunk, obsessing about the Hallows and having oral sex with the Snitch. I kid you not. That’s in the book.: Harry pressed his mouth again to the Snitch, kissing it, nearly swallowing it, but the cold metal did not yield. Insert joke about Ginny here…

In the morning, he guiltily remembers Luna being stuck in Azkaban, which leads to thinking about Dementors, which leads him to thinking about practicing his Patronus (but not actually doing that), which leads to him thinking about the Elder Wand.

Oh dear. We know where this is headed.

Three months pass. Harry obsesses about the Hallows. The landscape, in the good old English fashion, mirrors his inner feelings by constantly raining.

In the meantime, Ron and Hermione are wasting their time (Harry feels) by trying to figure out the location of the other Horcruxes and/or The Mystery of the Silver Doe. Ron, in particular, is stepping up into a leadership role. Count on Ron to step up when it’s completely useless. He pushes them to search even the most unlikely places like Upper Flagley (although, interestingly, not likely places, such as Albania), while Harry sits in the bathroom, trying to tune into Voldemort’s thoughts.

Incidentally, Ron is simultaneously trying to tune into the Potterwatch broadcast. This is complicated by the fact that the show has no set time or signal. The only way to listen is to randomly find the time, the signal, and a password that changes every time.

So, it’s sort of it’s own annoyingly difficult quest. Bringing the number of annoying quests in this story to three.

So, in March (around Easter time, we’ll find out next chapter), Ron finally stumbles onto a Potterwatch broadcast. I wonder if Potterwatch is a shout-out to Pottertalk, the Leaky Cauldron pod cast? Pottertalk would have been a good title for the show, if it hadn’t already been taken.

Potterwatch is hosted by Lee Jordan, which is a nice reincorporation of the character. I’ve always liked Lee Jordan, even if I find his name somewhat disturbing from a racial point of view. At the time the first books were written, the most famous black person in the world (aside from Nelson Mandela), was Michael Jordan, NBA superstar. Another very famous black person was Spike Lee. I could never read the name Lee Jordan without the suspicion that these were maybe the only two black people JKR had ever heard of.

It could have been worse, I suppose. She could have named Angelina Johnson “Whoopie Winfrey.”

Anyway, it’s fun to think that Lee parlayed his student experience into a sportscasting gig, and then used that experience to broadcast an underground radio show. This is the only subversive activity we ever see from the Resistance. It’s not much, but let’s enjoy it for what it is.

I’ll even forgive it for being called Potterwatch, like Harry is the only important part of the Resistance. And for Jordan having the stupid nickname of “River.”

His two guests on the broadcast are “Royal” and “Romulus.” There are probably a good half-dozen ten-year-olds reading the book who can’t figure out who they are long before they start talking.

“River” notes that Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell (and the goblin Gornuk) are dead and that their deaths were not published in the Daily Prophet, because they weren’t important enough. So, I wonder how Potterwatch learned about it? Also, isn’t it quite a coincidence that the news is getting out today, the very day that Ron finally manages to catch the show?

“River” mentions that Dean Thomas and another goblin were known to be traveling with Ted and Dirk, and that his family are anxious to hear about him if anyone knows his whereabouts or status. That would be his Muggle family. So, I doubt anyone would tell them anything, even if they knew. I mean, they’re Muggles. They aren’t supposed to know about wizards at all.

“River” reports that a Muggle family of five was killed in Gaddley. Unlike the dead wizards, these people do not warrant names. The official report says they were killed by a gas leak, but the Order of the Phoenix reports that they were killed with a killing curse. The Order also determined that the body of Bathilda Bagshot (found dead after several months) showed unmistakable signs of Dark Magic injuries.

How does the Order know this? Have they turned into CSI: Wizarding World? Is that their function now? To investigate all wizarding homicides? It’s not rocket science, folks. All the deaths have the same cause now. Death Eaters! Death by Death Eaters!

Go black out your windows or something. Do something useful.

“River” then introduces “Royal” for a report on the effect of the New Wizarding World Order on Muggles. “Royal” tells us that Muggles are under attack (although they don’t know it, which makes it all very useless as a political tactic), but that there are very inspirational stories of wizards protecting their Muggle neighbors. He doesn’t tell us any of these stories, of course, but suggests that wizards cast random protective spells on any Muggle dwelling in their vicinity.

If casting protective spells actually worked, then there wouldn’t be much of a threat from Death Eaters, would there? Even reading this the first time, this seemed as futile as the pamphlets Scrimgeour put out in HBP.

“Royal” does make the good point (and important point in this story) that any human life, even a Muggle life, is worth the same as any other, and is worth saving.

Not that they’re all worth the same as Harry’s, of course.

“River” then throws it to “Romulus” for his report “Pals of Potter.” Which seems redundant on a show called “Potterwatch.”

The big news from Lupin—I mean “Romulus” is that, in his opinion (which is worth exactly nothing at this point), Harry is still alive. This is good news, because if Harry were dead, then the wizarding world might as well just commit mass suicide, because the Resistance has nothing else going for it.

Harry is greatly relieved to hear Lupin speaking well of him. Perhaps that means that Lupin has forgiven him for his harsh words. Or maybe it means that Lupin doesn’t have any choice but to support the only symbol of hope in the wizarding world? No, no. Let’s just make it all about validating Harry’s feelings, shall we?

Lupin obliges with a personal message to Harry about trusting his instincts, which are “good and nearly always right.” The qualification is not about shouting hateful things at Lupin, of course. It’s probably about that one time when Harry messed up and got Sirius killed. That’s all. Even through the wireless, Harry can just hear Lupin’s tail being firmly tucked between his legs.

And Ron confirms that Lupin is back with Tonks, while Hermione gazes at Harry with eyes filled with sympathetic tears.

“Nearly always right,” she repeats, because she is often used to express the sentimental emotions that Harry is too manly to show. And not because she actually believes that Harry’s instincts are right about the Hallows.

Prompted for news of Harry’s supporters, Lupin reports that Xenophilius Lovegood has been imprisoned. I missed that on first reading. So, he didn’t get off completely despite Hermione’s cunning plan. Ron is happy that Lovegood is still alive.

So, I guess they’ve forgiven him for that trying to turn them in thing. At least Ron has. Hermione’s probably regretting that she didn’t carve the Deathly Hallows symbol into his forehead.

Lupin then reports that Hagrid narrowly escaped capture after hosting a “Support Harry Potter” party in his hut. I do remember this from the first read, because I found it a typically stupid move on Hagrid’s part. Lupin confirms my opinion by urging listeners to avoid such grandstanding.

Lee then introduces “Rodent,” who is immediately identified by the Trio as Fred. Fred objects to the name “Rodent,” and I don’t blame him, since there’s nothing obviously rat-like about either twin. However, his own choice, “Rapier,” is no better. If I had to choose a name for him, it would be “Rascal.” Or maybe “Rascal 1” and then George could be “Rascal 2.” And the Death Eaters would never see through those clever monikers.

So, Fred proceeds to dispel some rumored Voldemort sightings, while cracking jokes. I don’t find them that funny, but I’m not the intended audience, so I’m going to cut Fred a break here. His basic message is “don’t take any stupid risks,” which is sound advice if your Resistance strategy is to wait for a teenager to save your collective asses.

Anyway, this radio broadcast cheers up the Trio no end. Harry realizes that they are not alone and that other people are resisting Voldemort. Well, not exactly resisting, but, you know, talking smack while keeping their heads down.

Harry’s especially excited to hear that Voldemort is abroad, which means that he’s still looking for the Elder Wand. In his excitement, he says the name “Voldemort,” invoking the Taboo and breaking their protective spells.

As the Sneakoscope begins to spin, Ron clicks off the lights, and a voice outside the tent commands them to put down their wands and come out with their hands up. With that cliffhanger, the chapter ends.

Fan Service:
Lee Jordan returns to announce things!
Hagrid continues to act like a big idiot. I wonder if people at the “Support Harry Potter” parties put on glasses and lightning bolt tattoos. Maybe, since they are already characters in the books, they just dress up like themselves.

Fan Slappage:
Lupin continues his descent from kindly mentor to eager lapdog.

DVD Extras:
INT. DAY – MALFOY MANOR CELLAR

Luna and Ollivander languish in the nearly bare wooden cellar. There is a knock at the door.

DRACO (Off-screen)
Step away from the door! I’m coming in.

Luna glances at Ollivander, but neither of them move since they are already at the far end of the room.

The door opens and Draco enters with a tray in one hand and his wand in the other. He uses the wand to lock the door behind him, then sets it in a crack to illuminate the room as he puts the tray down in front of Luna.

LUNA
We aren’t even trying to escape, you know.

DRACO
I have to say it. (beat) I brought marmalade.

Luna fixes a plate of toast and marmalade for Ollivander, as he sits up painfully. Draco lingers awkwardly.

DRACO (cont’d)
Drabble will bring your trays from now on.

LUNA
Oh? Why is that?

DRACO
I have to go back to school.

LUNA
Oh! Can you say hello to my friends for me? It won’t take long. I only have two.

DRACO
I don’t think that would be a good idea. You’re not supposed to be here.

LUNA
(spreading marmalade on her toast)
That’s true. I ought to be in Azkaban, I suppose. It’s better here, even if we don’t get much light. At least there’s no Dementors.

Ollivander coughs weakly.

LUNA (con’t)
And I think Mr. Ollivander needs me. He’s not at all well. He could use some gurdy roots. I don’t suppose you have any in your garden?

DRACO
Afraid not. I’m not sure what I can do about the light.

LUNA
Oh well. I’m going to miss you, you know.

DRACO
Why?

LUNA
I don’t have many people to talk to.

Draco hesitates, then sits down on the floor.

DRACO
I’ll be back for Easter. That’s only three months.

LUNA
That’s true. Will you do something for me?

DRACO
If I can.

LUNA
Will you send a school owl to my father and tell him that I’m safe?

DRACO
But you’re not safe.

LUNA
Nobody is. Still, it could be worse. You did keep me out of Azkaban.

DRACO
I didn’t—

LUNA
And I know that you try to keep the little ones from getting into trouble, because of what happens to them when they do.

Draco glances at her with frightened eyes.

LUNA
It’s all right to be afraid. Everybody is afraid right now. (beat) It’s just that I don’t want my father to worry more than he has to.

Draco pulls a notebook and quill out from his robe.

DRACO
Why don’t you write him a note? I’ll send it to him.

LUNA
That’s a good idea!

She turns over the pages of the notebook, which are covered with random scrawls.

LUNA (cont’d)
What are these?

DRACO
Nothing. Just things that pop into my head.

LUNA
(nods)
Things pop into my head all the time. Mostly pictures. Sometimes music.

She scribbles some words down on a blank page. Then, she hands the book and quill back to Draco. He doesn’t take them.

DRACO
Draw him a picture. He’ll like that.

She smiles and bends over the notebook, starting an elaborate picture. Draco steals a piece of toast from her plate and chews on it as he waits for her to finish.

FADE OUT