HBP Chapter One
Mar. 17th, 2006 12:10 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sistermagpie.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
deathtocapslockSo...Half Blood Prince? I figured why not? I'm going to X-post this--anyone let me know if they have some reason they think that's a bad idea.
*I should start out by saying I really disliked this chapter the first time I read it. I remember not liking the writing in it, plus I've lost all patience with any "Muggle Minstrel Show" scenes. And I hope that term isn't really offensive, it just seemed to capture what I wanted to say.
*First paragraph and already the Minister sounds like an overgrown child, worried about his opponent saying everything is his fault. Is it impossible to be a politician and an adult in these books? Doesn't anyone who actually cares about society ever run for public office?
*If Voldemort can randomly collapse bridges and cause hurricanes, why doesn't he whip it out when he's facing Harry and his friends? Is the entire population of Muggles wearing red shirts?
*Two murders are blamed on the Prime Minister's government? Is the murder rate really really low in England? It's not like Floyd and Goober getting chopped up in Mayberry, RFD.
*I'm sure the hurricane in the West Country was not Unnamed Minister's fault--I'm also sure that Unnamed Minister responded a bit more professionally than Unnamed President of a Distant Country.
*Oh, and btw, there was no hurricane. It's lucky that the Muggles in HP seem to have no technology beyond broken telephone booths, TVs, underground trains and Playstations so they can't study any of these phenomena.
*ETA: Of course, if Muggles had regular technology they'd know that the Prime Minister could, you know, set up a camera and RECORD the visits of the various Magic people so it actually wouldn't have to all rest on his word. I'm going to have to assume that in fact all Muggles in Rowling's universe know about the magical world and are just indulging the childish wizards. In fact they've also developed a cure for Memory Charms long ago.
*So Muggles are all becoming more miserable, the pathetic victims of Dementor flatulence, yet wizards are totally fine and there's no mist there.
*You know, given the way wizards operate, particularly the politicians, I imagine a real Muggle Prime Minister might actually be able to dominate them quite easily. I guess that's why he has to be made into an idiot.
*The Prime Minister does not like being made to feel like an ignorant schoolboy--I do not like him being made to look like an ignorant schoolboy, so we're even.
*Another little dig at politicians--the P.M. is sitting in his office, gloating, after years of dreaming and scheming. That's really all it's about. That's totally why Arthur Weasley isn't Minister for Magic, uh huh. He's not a schemer.
*And despite a lifetime of dreaming and scheming, the fifth sight of a man in a green bowler hat who can step out of the wall turns his brains to mush. No thoughts of using that to his advantage. Did this dreaming and scheming ever rise above the level of tricking Mummy into giving him two desserts?
*Apparently SIRIUS is strictly a wizarding name. Who knew?
*The Prime Minister has trouble following stories with names like Hogwarts, Quidditch and Harry Potter in his head. I hate to think how he deals with complicated situations with far more difficult names in other countries.
*If you ask Fudge, Voldemort's not dangerous unless he's got support. I agree. Which is why I'm so scared now that he's got the help of the Kid Who Cries In Bathrooms and Auntie Crazy.
*Don't you think Snape would have had this Prime Minister up to speed and working together in five minutes? Snape for Minister for Magic!
*Apparently the Prime Minister has a persistent habit of wishing to appear well-informed on any subject that came up. It's a good thing the narrator tells me this; because I'd never have guessed with the "Bwah?" slack-jawed act he's been performing up until now. The man's seemingly freshly surprised every time he's told magic exists. I guess being persistent in this habit hasn't made him good at it.
*Three years on Prime Minister has apparently still not discovered that SIRIUS is not that uncommon a name.
*So Voldemort destroyed the bridge unless Fudge "stood aside" for him? Wouldn't he know by now he could kill as many Muggles as he wanted without wizards caring overmuch? It's like saying, "Let me run the government or the Gorillas in the Mist get it!"
*Um, are giants invisible? Wouldn't people have seen them ripping up the trees or tromping over the downs? Oh, I see, some of them did. Only the Muggle grapevine is slow enough that the Wizards have time to go around modifying memories before the news crews show up. Usually news crews and hurricanes go together. I guess these Muggles prefer the traditional method of spreading information--gossiping in toilets. It's a bit slower.
*Naturally, even with hurricanes and bridge disasters to deal with, the P.M. has been following the Amelia Bones "locked room mystery" in the papers. Wizards even die cooler than Muggles.
*Remember when we first heard the description of Rufus Scrimgeour and everyone thought he was going to be important? Fandom should remember the time it wasted on that whenever we get too obsessed about something.
*You know, I like Kingsley Shacklebolt but I still get really pissed off at the whole "best worker I've ever had" crap. Arthur Weasley, the guy who studies Muggles, can't even work a turnstile, but they can stick any wizard in an important government position and he's automatically better than the Muggles.
*Another point to the Prime Minister for not being able to articulate why Kingsley's skill does not make it okay that he's a mole.
*Chorley is acting like a duck due to a poorly performed Imperius. I think this may be more evidence that Draco did not actually Imperio Rosemerta. It seems far beyond his abilities.
*But for heavens sake, you're wizards! You can do magic! Surely you can sort out -- well -- anything! Yes, this is a man I'd feel good about as Prime Minister. Hagrid was totally right in his reasons for why Wizards can't live openly around Muggles. We're just so darn stupid!
*Yeah, like I said, I really hated this chapter even the first time. Good thing Spinner's End was next. Snape does wonders to clear the mind of teh stupid.
Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
AKA Muggle Prime Ministers' Credo: No, this dummy can't remember what he saw five minutes ago! OMG, MAGIC!!
Idiot World
Does this need further explanation?
Informed Attributes
Watch out for those scheming politicians! They might...um...bluster and bleat at you.
Misdirected Answering
I, for one, am SO GLAD JKR finally found a place to put this chapter into the books. Since day one I've been wondering if the Minister for Magic communicated with the Prime Minister via owl, firechat, floo powder or talking portrait. Finally I know, and we can move on to the actual story.
The Stealth Monster Rule
I didn't even see the giants sneak into England and stomp all over Swindon! And since they didn't leave any footprints, we can only suspect they were there!
Whooshing Powder
Poof! Chapter's over.
Final score: 6
*I should start out by saying I really disliked this chapter the first time I read it. I remember not liking the writing in it, plus I've lost all patience with any "Muggle Minstrel Show" scenes. And I hope that term isn't really offensive, it just seemed to capture what I wanted to say.
*First paragraph and already the Minister sounds like an overgrown child, worried about his opponent saying everything is his fault. Is it impossible to be a politician and an adult in these books? Doesn't anyone who actually cares about society ever run for public office?
*If Voldemort can randomly collapse bridges and cause hurricanes, why doesn't he whip it out when he's facing Harry and his friends? Is the entire population of Muggles wearing red shirts?
*Two murders are blamed on the Prime Minister's government? Is the murder rate really really low in England? It's not like Floyd and Goober getting chopped up in Mayberry, RFD.
*I'm sure the hurricane in the West Country was not Unnamed Minister's fault--I'm also sure that Unnamed Minister responded a bit more professionally than Unnamed President of a Distant Country.
*Oh, and btw, there was no hurricane. It's lucky that the Muggles in HP seem to have no technology beyond broken telephone booths, TVs, underground trains and Playstations so they can't study any of these phenomena.
*ETA: Of course, if Muggles had regular technology they'd know that the Prime Minister could, you know, set up a camera and RECORD the visits of the various Magic people so it actually wouldn't have to all rest on his word. I'm going to have to assume that in fact all Muggles in Rowling's universe know about the magical world and are just indulging the childish wizards. In fact they've also developed a cure for Memory Charms long ago.
*So Muggles are all becoming more miserable, the pathetic victims of Dementor flatulence, yet wizards are totally fine and there's no mist there.
*You know, given the way wizards operate, particularly the politicians, I imagine a real Muggle Prime Minister might actually be able to dominate them quite easily. I guess that's why he has to be made into an idiot.
*The Prime Minister does not like being made to feel like an ignorant schoolboy--I do not like him being made to look like an ignorant schoolboy, so we're even.
*Another little dig at politicians--the P.M. is sitting in his office, gloating, after years of dreaming and scheming. That's really all it's about. That's totally why Arthur Weasley isn't Minister for Magic, uh huh. He's not a schemer.
*And despite a lifetime of dreaming and scheming, the fifth sight of a man in a green bowler hat who can step out of the wall turns his brains to mush. No thoughts of using that to his advantage. Did this dreaming and scheming ever rise above the level of tricking Mummy into giving him two desserts?
*Apparently SIRIUS is strictly a wizarding name. Who knew?
*The Prime Minister has trouble following stories with names like Hogwarts, Quidditch and Harry Potter in his head. I hate to think how he deals with complicated situations with far more difficult names in other countries.
*If you ask Fudge, Voldemort's not dangerous unless he's got support. I agree. Which is why I'm so scared now that he's got the help of the Kid Who Cries In Bathrooms and Auntie Crazy.
*Don't you think Snape would have had this Prime Minister up to speed and working together in five minutes? Snape for Minister for Magic!
*Apparently the Prime Minister has a persistent habit of wishing to appear well-informed on any subject that came up. It's a good thing the narrator tells me this; because I'd never have guessed with the "Bwah?" slack-jawed act he's been performing up until now. The man's seemingly freshly surprised every time he's told magic exists. I guess being persistent in this habit hasn't made him good at it.
*Three years on Prime Minister has apparently still not discovered that SIRIUS is not that uncommon a name.
*So Voldemort destroyed the bridge unless Fudge "stood aside" for him? Wouldn't he know by now he could kill as many Muggles as he wanted without wizards caring overmuch? It's like saying, "Let me run the government or the Gorillas in the Mist get it!"
*Um, are giants invisible? Wouldn't people have seen them ripping up the trees or tromping over the downs? Oh, I see, some of them did. Only the Muggle grapevine is slow enough that the Wizards have time to go around modifying memories before the news crews show up. Usually news crews and hurricanes go together. I guess these Muggles prefer the traditional method of spreading information--gossiping in toilets. It's a bit slower.
*Naturally, even with hurricanes and bridge disasters to deal with, the P.M. has been following the Amelia Bones "locked room mystery" in the papers. Wizards even die cooler than Muggles.
*Remember when we first heard the description of Rufus Scrimgeour and everyone thought he was going to be important? Fandom should remember the time it wasted on that whenever we get too obsessed about something.
*You know, I like Kingsley Shacklebolt but I still get really pissed off at the whole "best worker I've ever had" crap. Arthur Weasley, the guy who studies Muggles, can't even work a turnstile, but they can stick any wizard in an important government position and he's automatically better than the Muggles.
*Another point to the Prime Minister for not being able to articulate why Kingsley's skill does not make it okay that he's a mole.
*Chorley is acting like a duck due to a poorly performed Imperius. I think this may be more evidence that Draco did not actually Imperio Rosemerta. It seems far beyond his abilities.
*But for heavens sake, you're wizards! You can do magic! Surely you can sort out -- well -- anything! Yes, this is a man I'd feel good about as Prime Minister. Hagrid was totally right in his reasons for why Wizards can't live openly around Muggles. We're just so darn stupid!
*Yeah, like I said, I really hated this chapter even the first time. Good thing Spinner's End was next. Snape does wonders to clear the mind of teh stupid.
Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
AKA Muggle Prime Ministers' Credo: No, this dummy can't remember what he saw five minutes ago! OMG, MAGIC!!
Idiot World
Does this need further explanation?
Informed Attributes
Watch out for those scheming politicians! They might...um...bluster and bleat at you.
Misdirected Answering
I, for one, am SO GLAD JKR finally found a place to put this chapter into the books. Since day one I've been wondering if the Minister for Magic communicated with the Prime Minister via owl, firechat, floo powder or talking portrait. Finally I know, and we can move on to the actual story.
The Stealth Monster Rule
I didn't even see the giants sneak into England and stomp all over Swindon! And since they didn't leave any footprints, we can only suspect they were there!
Whooshing Powder
Poof! Chapter's over.
Final score: 6
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